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Post by J.O.N ((Dragonwing)) on May 4, 2012 12:39:11 GMT -5
His picture failed though, so you should dock points for that.
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Allya
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My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
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Post by Allya on May 4, 2012 12:47:27 GMT -5
I can't get past the name Anwar. In my head I add Sadat every time.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 12:48:56 GMT -5
The picture for the topic doesn't look very sci-fi to me, aside from that one weird thing Taed pointed out earlier. So I've been writing Steampunk/fantasy instead. Hope I made the right choice.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 4, 2012 13:18:33 GMT -5
His picture failed though, so you should dock points for that. Did it? It worked for me. It's just a bigger version of the topic picture. |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 4, 2012 13:20:37 GMT -5
The picture for the topic doesn't look very sci-fi to me, aside from that one weird thing Taed pointed out earlier. So I've been writing Steampunk/fantasy instead. Hope I made the right choice. I can make anything sci-fi  |
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Post by J.O.N ((Dragonwing)) on May 4, 2012 13:21:07 GMT -5
His picture failed though, so you should dock points for that. Did it? It worked for me. It's just a bigger version of the topic picture. It came up with an error for me. Might just be something my end. |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on May 4, 2012 13:24:41 GMT -5
I got an [image] thingy - nothing more. I figured the picture would lend itself easily to anything sci-fi or dystopian or steampunk. Very broad.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2012 13:29:53 GMT -5
The picture for the topic doesn't look very sci-fi to me, aside from that one weird thing Taed pointed out earlier. So I've been writing Steampunk/fantasy instead. Hope I made the right choice. I can make anything sci-fi Which is a quality I admire about you. |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 4, 2012 13:31:59 GMT -5
I can make anything sci-fi Which is a quality I admire about you. I was so proud of myself for the copper sulfate pollination idea. Coming up with stuff like that is what I live for. And if you look close in the picture, the balloon actually is glowing blue-green on the inside. |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 4, 2012 13:39:32 GMT -5
By the way, I didn't mention it before, but I really liked your poem, Allya. Short, sweet, and rhythmic. That's exactly how I like poetry. I'm always blown away when someone can convey so much in such a compact space.
One thing I noticed when I read it out loud: I think the beat is off in lines 7 and 8. I think the flow improves if you add a few syllables. Maybe I'm just reading it differently though? I tried changing it a smidge:
When the Ides of Rosen sang their knell
When the sky was painted black
When silver wings from heaven fell
When the earth welcomed them back
When our blue waters turned to dust
When our green turned sallow brown
When all our plowshares went to rust
When all our towers came tumbling down
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Allya
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My Little Monster!
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Post by Allya on May 4, 2012 13:49:26 GMT -5
Hmm I'll look at it. there was a line I didn't like in there but I think it's different than the ones you pointed out. In drumming it out it looks like what I am doing is rushing "when the" as needed and the stretching it out as needed. Like in music sometimes it's two half notes and other times two quarters depending on the needs in that line. I never really studied meter notations for writing so I have no other way to convey that without actually reading it aloud to illustrate but it works when I read it that way. Maybe I should look up how to notate feet because, like my poem in the Allya thread about the carnival of souls it's all in how you read it. (Though I purposefully made that a bit off kilter because we're all a bit off kilter when we're stoned.) |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on May 4, 2012 13:55:24 GMT -5
Editing isn't against the rules, if you want to change it  So long as it's all edited before judging (late Tuesday/day Wednesday). |
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Allya
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My Little Monster!
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Post by Allya on May 4, 2012 13:56:55 GMT -5
Nah I'm gonna leave it unless I add rhythmic notations so that people can hear it the way I do.
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Allya
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My Little Monster!
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Post by Allya on May 4, 2012 14:14:21 GMT -5
Does this make any sense if
˘ = equals unstressed syllable
^ = stressed syllable
-- = long but not necessarily stressed syllable
˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When the Ides of Rosen sang their knell
˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When the sky was painted black
˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When silver wings from heaven fell
˘ ˘ ^ ^ ˘ ˘ ^
When the earth welcomed them back
-- ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When our blue waters turned to dust
˘ ˘ ^ -- ^ ˘ ^
When our green turned sallow brown
-- ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When our plowshares went to rust
˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
When our towers tumbled down
^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
Here we gathered, you and I
˘ ^ ˘ ^ ^ ˘
To build them up again
˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
We used our hands to shield our eyes
˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
To the blinding work of men
-- ^ ˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
Knowing in our heart of hearts
˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ˘ ^ ˘ ^
As we construct the frame once more
˘ ^ ˘ ^ -- ^ ˘ ˘ ^
That we are doomed before we start
^ ˘ ^ ˘ ^ ^ ˘
What will be has been before
I honestly want to know. (And now I feel like a poetry geek lol.)
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on May 4, 2012 14:17:12 GMT -5
I don't think the symbols lined up ... but if they did it would probably make sense.
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So long as it's all edited before judging (late Tuesday/day Wednesday).