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Post by James on Mar 31, 2015 13:14:23 GMT -5
I tried to open both documents before seeing who had won (why? because I like surprises? I have no idea) and then when seeing the level of editing throughout mine compared to Ink I panicked and went to check the result. I'm actually a little bummed out because I totally intended to really edit this story, properly clear up the prose and rewrite segments, but I simply ran out of time. I wanted to make you proud, Urban Fantasy Nerd, but time failed me. Great final, Ink. You wrote some great stories throughout the competition. I wouldn't worry too much, I don't really count those kinds of edits as a mark against. There was very little substantive content that I took any issue with, and even the line edits tapered off as the story went on, so you obviously stabilized. I think a decent-sized chunk of what I did edit was just stylistic differences anyway; if you removed all the places where I thought "within" should just be "in," or where I thought a statement should have "that" in front of it, there'd be a lot less. And after I got rid of all the 'upon's' as well. Still, thanks very much for the time put into reviewing. |
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Post by Injin on Mar 31, 2015 15:34:04 GMT -5
Congrats James. I'm glad that you were able to win.
And to Inkdrinker, you did wonderfully and I am glad to have written against you at least once in this competition, great job.
And to Taed, thank you for jumping in to judge. If you hadn't, I would've likely lost to you in the prelims and not gotten into the finals this year. Seriously though, thanks for stepping up.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Mar 31, 2015 15:42:25 GMT -5
Indeed, well done Taed (and Pete for his initial efforts).
Don't think I've ever had you review any of my work before, Taed, you tend to approach things from a different direction that other judges drawing my attention to items I'd otherwise have missed; I thank you for that.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Mar 31, 2015 16:03:56 GMT -5
I think, judging by your round four review, that you've got a pretty good idea of what I'm aiming for. I'll probably want to discuss a couple of things with you specifically when this is all over. There's some sciency questions I want to run by you, but I can't yet because it'll ruin the mystic atmosphere. So we're done now, spill it. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Mar 31, 2015 16:23:01 GMT -5
Alright...
Basically, as I explained to Ink when we switched worlds; my little creation has no actual magical fantastical properties. The only thing "fantastic" about it is that it's not earth. Aside from that, completely mundane world. What I wanted to do was create a mystical feel through folklore and superstition; tell the story from the perspective of people who believe in magic despite the actual lack thereof. Mauwale was difficult because it forced me to write about a character who doesn't share these beliefs and how he gets wrapped up in them.
Now, the sciency part.
The thing you asked about specifically was "The Veil" and why Mauwale would recognize it as such despite not being from that culture. The Veil is an actual cloud of dust (or multiple clouds of dust) in orbit around the planet. All people, the world over, can see it and each have their own beliefs. I gave it purple and orange properties because I thought it painted a cool picture; I'm imagining them as a sort of Northern Lights type phenomenon when illuminated by moonlight (the dust is too fine to be really noticeable in daylight.
The Veil and a good chunk of the folklore all trace back to a single celestial event way, way, way, way back in the past. So far back no one remembers it and it's been passed down orally for generations. Basically, it comes down to this: some manner of large celestial body collided with the moon. This was a massive impact, and showered all sorts of debris down upon the surface of the world. This rain of fire is known as the "Birth of Ka," it's where time and fate began for these people (despite the fact that their mythology recognizes a time before Ka). Even now, shooting stars are the most prominent manifestation of Ka and are fortuitous or ominous events, often foretelling major events and divining happenings elsewhere in the world. A shooting star is a declaration of fate; some thing has happened.
Of course, this Birth of Ka was a near extinction level event. Nearly wiped out the human race, caused massive flooding and huge environmental changes. This is all, also, attributed to the various ailia... I've written it all up. That said, my "sciency" question basically, what do you think -would- happen if a large celestial body were to impact our moon? Is this idea of a large scale near extinction level event even semi-realistic, or would we just be doomed, no ifs, ands, or buts?
I mean, it seems reasonable to me and I'd like for it to be reasonable, but it could just be more fantasy.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Mar 31, 2015 17:12:27 GMT -5
That's pretty cool. I always suspected that there wasn't anything more than superstition behind all of it, but I wasn't actually sure, and that's a very cool trick to pull off.
And yeah, impact ejecta would totally produce a dust cloud. That cloud would, however, eventually become a ring, due to conservation of angular momentum. Hypervelocity impact destroying a moon is one of the main theories of how Saturn's rings formed. I just don't know how long it would take that to happen.
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