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Post by James on Mar 15, 2015 21:53:48 GMT -5
*waits eagerly for Injin's story*
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Post by Injin on Mar 15, 2015 22:23:22 GMT -5
*waits eagerly for Injin's story* *Nervously asks one last question before he turns in his story in James' Universe in an hour or so* |
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Post by Injin on Mar 16, 2015 0:22:43 GMT -5
Over 4,000 words. God that was a lot for me.
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Post by James on Mar 16, 2015 3:23:12 GMT -5
Over 4,000 words. God that was a lot for me. Ha. It wasn't perfect, Injin, but it was fun and it's been great to see the improvements you've made over the last two years. I might give you a more in-depth review depending on how much I agree with Taed's. But not bad, not bad at all. Nice job. In fact, good job, everyone. Four pretty strong stories, and all on time. Nice. And now we wait for the Taed. |
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Post by James on Mar 17, 2015 16:31:15 GMT -5
Guys.
Taed is sitting here in the sub-board.
*whispers*
I think he's reading.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Mar 17, 2015 16:39:39 GMT -5
Nothing really turned my crank in this round. Everything was basically okay, but I'll admit to being a little bored. I'm hoping the higher stakes topic of the finale will remedy that.
Do we want to do a face-off for 3rd and 4th place, as well as the one for 1st and 2nd?
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Mar 17, 2015 16:40:06 GMT -5
Guys. Taed is sitting here in the sub-board. *whispers* I think he's reading. I always read in Word, so that I can annotate, biting, sarcastic comments in the margins. |
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Post by James on Mar 17, 2015 16:47:28 GMT -5
Ink has now beaten Taed, Pete and Zovo in the past year.
And now he comes for me.
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Post by James on Mar 17, 2015 16:51:00 GMT -5
Do we want to do a face-off for 3rd and 4th place, as well as the one for 1st and 2nd? Leave it to Zovo and Injin to decide? I think it would be pretty cool to have a third place play-off, but maybe they're burnt out. |
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Post by Injin on Mar 17, 2015 17:10:21 GMT -5
Nope, I'm frustrated with the review, but I am not surprised with it. Bluh. I have, in the past, had trouble explaining certain things, including physical actions, but I'm sure that its possible for something to puff and then drain slowly. Puff into the air fast, slowly drift to the ground. Thought that was kind of obvious, but I digress. Great job James, have fun in the last round.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Mar 17, 2015 17:28:16 GMT -5
It's really quite a minor concern, and I picked that specific example out at random, but if you'd like a clearer analysis, the exact quote was:
"a puff of honeyed dust seemed to lazily drain out of it"
In that case, the "puff" is the object. It is the thing that is draining, which is not a thing that puffs normally do. It's just not an entirely holistic image.
Now, is that the sort of--I won't even go so far as to call it a mistake--that gets you marked down on its own? No. But it is something to keep an eye on.
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Post by James on Mar 17, 2015 17:41:54 GMT -5
So... thunderdome?
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Mar 17, 2015 17:48:39 GMT -5
Thanks for the review Taed.
I've no excuses except for having rushed it and then was too lazy to edit.
For some reason I got it into my head that it was due last Friday (instead of Sunday) so I banged it out quick Thursday night. Then when I realized my error, I decided that it had already been posted for so long that reviewing and editing it would be a little uncouth.
I wanted to go for something a little more frantic, something fast and I think I left out some pretty crucial storytelling elements along the way. That said, if I was gonna get beat, I'm glad I was beaten on my own terms (in my own world). Ink wrote a really solid story and I knew the moment I read it that he'd done a much better job than I did.
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Inkdrinker
Scribe
Sepulcher: a stage enlived by ghosts.
Posts: 908
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Post by Inkdrinker on Mar 17, 2015 19:44:44 GMT -5
Thanks for the review, Taed, and James and Zovo for the kind words. I agree with a lot if what you said, to use drama lingo I didn't make strong or bold choices and it showed. Even if the final product was 'solid' I did not reach above or beyond as I probably should have. When do we get the goods on the grand finale? James, how do you wanna do this? A joust or pistols at dawn or what?
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Post by James on Mar 17, 2015 20:03:47 GMT -5
When do we get the goods on the grand finale? James, how do you wanna do this? A joust or pistols at dawn or what? A game of football managerial mind games? Ah, look, Inkdrinker, he's gone 6 matches undefeated. He's the favourite, you have to say. But this is a cup final, maybe, uhh, a little pressure and we might sneak a late goal, who knows? Oh, you need to read it in a French accent for the full effect. |
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