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Post by James on May 1, 2014 5:17:17 GMT -5
Well, it's time for a pilot script, or at least, the first attempt at a pilot script.
We really need to find a writing method that allows for a good finished product and wide community involvement. What I think we should do is have the forum try and brainstorm an initial outline for the pilot and then see how we can write it from there.
I think we should probably aim for 30 minutes but allow ourselves to go well over or under for the first attempt.
Anyway, we need a structure for the script. An introduction to the show, a news segment and various other segments. Start pitching ideas that can be used.
Structure:
Intro
News Segment
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
Sign-Off
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 15:00:35 GMT -5
I'm thinking for episode one we could set it on New Year's Day of the new millennium, 1000 years since the ship launched. That lets us get a little context out of the way right off the bat.
We could start with local news, formatted as a series of short one or two line updates, then segue into a historical retrospective piece. The piece would let us set the stage, and also give plenty of room for some of the anachronistic and inaccurate history jokes that we want to work in. If we like the historical piece could become a recurring segment, presented in honour of the new millennium. Fade out of that and throw to a commercial.
For the commercials I figure there are two main ways to go. Either we can cut to a self-contained script voiced by other actors, or we can have the host take a moment to talk about the show's sponsors himself. The latter is easier to edit/produce, but the former gives more room for community involvement, since we can assign commercials for groups or individuals to work on, without having to worry about the rest of the script.
The tone of the content in the commercials will require some worldbuilding decisions on what sort of economy exists on board. There's probably more room for humour if we have actual goods and services available for purchase, but the other way to go would be to have all the "commercials" come from Ship, and be the equivalent of public service announcements or event notices. They'd be distinct from regular news because they'd have more of a marketing focus: Ship wants people to be excited about the new museum exhibit on level R, and reminds everyone that this is their last chance to pet the wooly mammoths at the port side nature preserve before their genome is put back into storage. And if we do have the commercials come from crewmember-run businesses, I think we should at least consider the idea of alternate currencies. Off the top of my head, it could be fun to have people pay with social media instead of money. That drives home the idea that ship provides everything the people actually need, so everything else is just them struggling to find something to do, and Facebook Likes are their way of quantifying that.
After the commercial we come back in with more local news, then cut to a segment that highlights our mad science focus. Maybe an interview with a scientist about his new research, or even just an expose on some new technology or discovery.
After that I figure we either end the episode if our runtime is looking good, or try to fit in one more in-depth segment if we're a little short. Maybe something about a crew election, or a story about local schools, to drive home that there's a functioning civilian community on board, and this is not some temporary cruise?
In terms of work distribution, the news segments should be short enough that everyone who wants to can just write a big pile of them to submit, and then we pick through for the ones we want to put in. Short and sweet is the operative goal. For the longer pieces we might want to assign small groups to work on them, because if we try to write by committee it could take forever to get anything done.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 15:31:11 GMT -5
Oh, and we should have a sports segment for sure. and it should cover real and virtual sports with no distinction. So the zero-G tennis and the lastest major MMORPG raid are treated equally.
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Post by James on May 1, 2014 17:01:47 GMT -5
I'm thinking for episode one we could set it on New Year's Day of the new millennium, 1000 years since the ship launched. That lets us get a little context out of the way right off the bat. Yeah, I was thinking about how could introduce the show. Night Vale in their first episode just does it painfully obviously "a small desert town community..." I like the idea of showing it much more and that 1,000 years anniversary idea really fits. I like it. Again, I like this. I think with really brief local news updates, we can build up an atmosphere on the ship and really intrigue people about what's going on. And then with the longer bit (further down your post), is where we can start building in a narrative. I think people like the historical segment so that works there and the context makes it fit. I think we should give it a go at having a crack at the former. Furthermore, we could still potentially have separate commercials outside the script and then just have the host read them if we're struggling to work multiple actors into the show. But commercials could be our opening to test our capabilities for a wider cast. I think a mix of both makes sense. People would likely set up their own businesses on the ship whether they were necessary or not. But I also like the idea of public service announcements. I think we could probably run two or three commercials a show (based on size) and therefore have a ship commercial and a business commercial. I do think we can have some fun with alternate currencies. Maybe, the more unnecessary the business is, the more crazy the currency is. So a Social Media Consultant requites twenty likes for his services, a craftsman insists upon a fully cooked meal. So the subject of the Ship commercial, it'd actually be a really cool way of beginning to give the ship a personality. We could use the same actor, try for a slightly unnatural speech pattern and make it clear that this is actually the Ship talking. If we change this local news to sports news, I think it works. And I like the idea of both real sports and virtual being covered. And then definitely a mad science focus. It can be either an interview, or a segment on something new, or a news piece on some strange scientific event that everyone's talking about. I'd definitely throw in one more in-depth piece. I think it's here where we could build long-running plotlines. Maybe we start off with the campaigning for a crew election. A few shows later, we talk about the result. A few shows later, there's a coup. A few shows later, armed resistance on the ship. So on and so on and likewise for other storylines. Agreed. |
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Post by James on May 1, 2014 17:06:28 GMT -5
The Structure
Intro
Local News
Historical Segment
Commercial
Sport News
Mad Science
Commercial
In-Depth Segment
Sign-Off
How do people feel about that? We essentially use the commercials as almost music, to separate segments and allow a break from the host's voice.
Also, the host could even introduce the commercials as a host might introduce music (and bring in some of Zovo and Taed's very early jokes):
And now a short message from the Ship, and Charlie, I'd listen carefully. It may just get you off the hook with Rebecca about that whole sorry business concerning that clone.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 17:47:33 GMT -5
I think a mix of both makes sense. People would likely set up their own businesses on the ship whether they were necessary or not. But I also like the idea of public service announcements. I think we could probably run two or three commercials a show (based on size) and therefore have a ship commercial and a business commercial. I do think we can have some fun with alternate currencies. Maybe, the more unnecessary the business is, the more crazy the currency is. So a Social Media Consultant requites twenty likes for his services, a craftsman insists upon a fully cooked meal. I like the idea that the crew have this byzantine economy that they all understand but we never try to fully explain. There's a lot of room for jokes there. We should be careful with overusing that device, though. I think the ship's geography and economy can both remain pretty inscrutable, but we should try for at least a modicum of internal consistency in other aspects of ship life. So the subject of the Ship commercial, it'd actually be a really cool way of beginning to give the ship a personality. We could use the same actor, try for a slightly unnatural speech pattern and make it clear that this is actually the Ship talking. I personally think we should never hear Ship talk. I think it's way funnier if we don't humanize it; it makes the kind of backwards, purposeless life of the crew all the more pathetic if their overlord is faceless. The most I'd say we should do is to give Ship a lesser avatar as a PR rep. Functionally it's not much different, but the avatar would always refer to Ship as a separate entity, so we'd still know that the big boss isn't associating with a simple radio show. This is my picture of what the quick, interstitial news blurbs would look like. I think there's definitely room for intermediate length stories as well, somewhere between this and the long-form features/interviews/exposes. The ones I've written here mostly follow the same joke pacing, so we might need something a little different just to break up the beats. The number three transit line is back up and running after last week's unfortunate mishap. Officials remind everyone that frictionless superfluids belong in the lab, or in the bedroom, not on the train. Today is your last chance to see the wooly mammoths at the portside nature preserve before their genome is put back into storage. Plans to introduce the new Allosaurus population have been postponed due to unforeseen dietary issues. Our condolences to the test group's families. A new culinary sensation is taking the ship by storm! "Retro-nutrient dining" is described as a quaint and rustic return to the days of early spaceflight. Each protein supplement is served in authentic tube format, and now come in four distinctive flavours: corn, walnut, filet mignon, and blue. The Museum of Modern Past is set to open the doors on their new exhibit: The Lost City of Xotchcoatlo. Artefacts from this secessionist culture were unearthed by archaeologists on Q-Deck, exploring beyond the forbidden Bulkhead Seventy-Seven. Lead Researcher Baldrick Maxamillian describes the downfall of this legendary civilization as "it looks like everybody got bored and went home." Three adolescents are being treated for space blindness after being found drinking from the ethanol sluice of C-deck's secondary yeast culturing plant. They are expected to make a full recovery, but Food Board officials would like to remind us that the alcoholic runoff they drank is "literally poison that kills your brain." After last night's New Year's Eve party, let me just say, amen. - Can we have a running joke that every time we refer to a specific disease or injury, we call it "space [blank]?" Space polio, space chlamydia, space rickets, etc.
The Church of That One Cool Guy continue to protest outside the Ship's Temperance League, saying that the League's message of monogamy and restraint contradicts the divine word of the church's holy prophet, Chad Matheson. A Temperance League spokesperson pointed out that Mr. Matheson's death in an unfortunate kegstanding accident could have been easily avoided, and was dealt a citation for religious persecution. A computer error continues to award disproportionate quantities of nanotech manufacturing credits to the residents of Habitation Module 657, newly renamed "The Independent Confederacy of Goldsylvania." A jewel-encrusted mahogany and ermine battle Gundam positioned outside the bulkhead told our reporters "we just want to be treated like everyone else." The Transport Commission on Public Safety has had to confiscate 32,000 jetacks, stating "Guys, seriously, stop building jetpacks. One each is enough." - Alternate: "It continues to baffle us why citizens would require more than one jetpack per person."
Not to editorialize, but it will be a cold day in space hell when this reporter gives up his secondary jetpack. |
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Radin
Scribe
The Beacon of Light
Posts: 685
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Post by Radin on May 1, 2014 21:48:19 GMT -5
This is my picture of what the quick, interstitial news blurbs would look like. I think there's definitely room for intermediate length stories as well, somewhere between this and the long-form features/interviews/exposes. The ones I've written here mostly follow the same joke pacing, so we might need something a little different just to break up the beats. The number three transit line is back up and running after last week's unfortunate mishap. Officials remind everyone that frictionless superfluids belong in the lab, or in the bedroom, not on the train. Today is your last chance to see the wooly mammoths at the portside nature preserve before their genome is put back into storage. Plans to introduce the new Allosaurus population have been postponed due to unforeseen dietary issues. Our condolences to the test group's families. A new culinary sensation is taking the ship by storm! "Retro-nutrient dining" is described as a quaint and rustic return to the days of early spaceflight. Each protein supplement is served in authentic tube format, and now come in four distinctive flavours: corn, walnut, filet mignon, and blue. The Museum of Modern Past is set to open the doors on their new exhibit: The Lost City of Xotchcoatlo. Artefacts from this secessionist culture were unearthed by archaeologists on Q-Deck, exploring beyond the forbidden Bulkhead Seventy-Seven. Lead Researcher Baldrick Maxamillian describes the downfall of this legendary civilization as "it looks like everybody got bored and went home." Three adolescents are being treated for space blindness after being found drinking from the ethanol sluice of C-deck's secondary yeast culturing plant. They are expected to make a full recovery, but Food Board officials would like to remind us that the alcoholic runoff they drank is "literally poison that kills your brain." After last night's New Year's Eve party, let me just say, amen. - Can we have a running joke that every time we refer to a specific disease or injury, we call it "space [blank]?" Space polio, space chlamydia, space rickets, etc.
The Church of That One Cool Guy continue to protest outside the Ship's Temperance League, saying that the League's message of monogamy and restraint contradicts the divine word of the church's holy prophet, Chad Matheson. A Temperance League spokesperson pointed out that Mr. Matheson's death in an unfortunate kegstanding accident could have been easily avoided, and was dealt a citation for religious persecution. A computer error continues to award disproportionate quantities of nanotech manufacturing credits to the residents of Habitation Module 657, newly renamed "The Independent Confederacy of Goldsylvania." A jewel-encrusted mahogany and ermine battle Gundam positioned outside the bulkhead told our reporters "we just want to be treated like everyone else." The Transport Commission on Public Safety has had to confiscate 32,000 jetacks, stating "Guys, seriously, stop building jetpacks. One each is enough." - Alternate: "It continues to baffle us why citizens would require more than one jetpack per person."
Not to editorialize, but it will be a cold day in space hell when this reporter gives up his secondary jetpack. I think pretty much all of those are usable, haha. Maybe we could also every now and then have listeners aboard the ship call in to discuss something. I imagine it sort of being like the show ' Parks and Recreation' where nine times out of ten the people who speak in the public conferences are batshit insane. |
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Post by James on May 1, 2014 21:59:17 GMT -5
Complications arose today in the trial of Todd Leveson, who is charged with Grand Theft Relativity, when the prosecution called Mr Leveson as their chief witness. It is argued that a second Mr Leveson was created at the time of the defendant's crime and saw the act being committed. The trial is now adjourned as Todd Leveson's lawyers argue that the second Mr Leveson's testimony would breach their client's right to remain silent.
Inter-section rivalry is at an all-time high after the inhabitants of Section 9 raided the wheat fields of the Starboard Farms. Men, women and unfeeling, indestructible robots are being posted upon the borders of both regions. While I'm no Section 9'er, I'll tell you this. We're all on the same team, guys, just relax. We're on team [Ship's Name]. And [Ship's name] didn't take kindly to the last time war was fought. Lest we forget.
A brief weather update for the port-side. There is a bug in the atmospheric machine. Do not be alarmed at bouts of unscheduled thunderstorms, snowstorms, rainstorms, fogstorms, spacestorms, and of course, bugstorms. The problem is being fixed. Dress appropriately.
Finally, there is no sign of New Earth yet. Our children's children will be long dead before we arrive at our destination.
This is really fun.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 22:05:15 GMT -5
Finally, there is no sign of New Earth yet. Our children's children will be long dead before we arrive at our destination. I was trying to think of a good one to finish on. I don't know if I like yours or mine better: A new study confirms that, yes, we are still in space. |
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Post by James on May 1, 2014 22:09:40 GMT -5
Finally, there is no sign of New Earth yet. Our children's children will be long dead before we arrive at our destination. I was trying to think of a good one to finish on. I don't know if I like yours or mine better: A new study confirms that, yes, we are still in space. I think every news segment should finish with an update on their current position, so we can use both. And finally, yep, we're still here. In space. Alone. And to end with some exciting news, we're just over a third of the way to New Earth. Hasn't the journey just flown by? On a lighter note, at least this bout of Space Measles will not spread to New Earth, which is still thousands and thousands of years away. |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 22:21:17 GMT -5
If this doesn't make it into the final script, I will slit my wrists:
Six members of the Society for Recreating Planetary Geometry have suffered catastrophic shin contortions after trying to invert the curvature of their living habitat. Remember people: ground upward curving, praise is deserving. Ground bending down, now wear a frown.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on May 1, 2014 22:24:53 GMT -5
Couple of character ideas:
A weather forecaster who is totally aware of how pointless his job is since everything is climate controlled.
A "traffic robot" who reports on hallway and elevator traffic with intense disdain for humans.
A pair of field reporters from different ship sections who use their jobs as means of passing flirtatious notes to one another by slipping odd innuendo into their broadcasts. They've never met in person.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on May 1, 2014 22:27:14 GMT -5
Also, at some point in the broadcast the main character cracks open a fortune cookie our something and reads off a sort of horoscope. No one knows that these are actual ominous messages from the AI.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on May 1, 2014 22:32:09 GMT -5
A weather forecaster who is totally aware of how pointless his job is since everything is climate controlled. Oh man, I love that. "And now we go to Chet with the weather. What's it like out there, Chet? "Still a spaceship." "Thanks, Chet." |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on May 1, 2014 22:35:13 GMT -5
A weather forecaster who is totally aware of how pointless his job is since everything is climate controlled. Oh man, I love that. "And now we go to Chet with the weather. What's it like out there, Chet? "Still a spaceship." "Thanks, Chet." I'm imagining he could be paired against the joke about a weather malfunction and have him just lose his shit because he's so happy he has within to talk about. |
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