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Post by o ding on Jul 8, 2010 13:17:10 GMT -5
So - is this gonna be a recurrent thing?
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 8, 2010 13:18:01 GMT -5
I hope, I had a LOT of fun with this.
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Post by tamwyn on Jul 8, 2010 13:19:24 GMT -5
I need to work on my dialogue and lessening my adjective use. I'll beat you next time, Drall.
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 8, 2010 14:32:49 GMT -5
We'll see about that, Tam. We'll see.
Seriously, though, I have no idea how I made it that far. I did default the second round, but against you? My stories always seem much better in my head, they look awful on paper. Yours was much better written than mine.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jul 8, 2010 15:16:27 GMT -5
I need to work on my dialogue and lessening my adjective use. I'll beat you next time, Drall. You need to work on determining when your adjective use is appropriate. In some cases it's really good, in others it's just an obstruction to the story. BTW: the "Gaaaaaaah" a few posts ago was me rereading my entry for the Final Round and noticing all the errors. I really figured the grammar was gonna end it for me. I'm terrible at self-editting. |
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 8, 2010 15:23:45 GMT -5
I need to work on my dialogue and lessening my adjective use. I'll beat you next time, Drall. You need to work on determining when your adjective use is appropriate. In some cases it's really good, in others it's just an obstruction to the story. BTW: the "Gaaaaaaah" a few posts ago was me rereading my entry for the Final Round and noticing all the errors. I really figured the grammar was gonna end it for me. I'm terrible at self-editting. The grammar and the start of your story were the only negatives for me. It was really good, dude. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jul 8, 2010 15:29:35 GMT -5
You need to work on determining when your adjective use is appropriate. In some cases it's really good, in others it's just an obstruction to the story. BTW: the "Gaaaaaaah" a few posts ago was me rereading my entry for the Final Round and noticing all the errors. I really figured the grammar was gonna end it for me. I'm terrible at self-editting. The grammar and the start of your story were the only negatives for me. It was really good, dude. Yeah, I was wondering if I could get away with the flip to first person. That was a gamble. But all the stories I'd read (and recalled) to that point had been third person so I was hoping it would stand out as something different and unique. I really liked yours too, btw. My little brother is a disabled war veteran and has suffered from PTSD for some time now. He also lives in Oregon so he gets the "baby killer" bullshit alot. It really hit home for me on a personal level. |
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 8, 2010 15:31:30 GMT -5
It definitely was, so mission accomplished  EDIT: Yeah, I wanted to delve into the world of a veteran, to see what they go through probably every day. I can't say that my story was accurate, but I did my best. I believe all soldiers should be remembered for bearing the burdens that they do. And sorry to hear that  |
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Post by o ding on Jul 8, 2010 15:32:38 GMT -5
The grammar and the start of your story were the only negatives for me. It was really good, dude. Yeah, I was wondering if I could get away with the flip to first person. That was a gamble. But all the stories I'd read (and recalled) to that point had been third person so I was hoping it would stand out as something different and unique. I don't get why people are knocking it; seemed like it flowed well, to me. |
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 8, 2010 15:35:56 GMT -5
Yeah, I was wondering if I could get away with the flip to first person. That was a gamble. But all the stories I'd read (and recalled) to that point had been third person so I was hoping it would stand out as something different and unique. I don't get why people are knocking it; seemed like it flowed well, to me. Afterwards, it did. It just seemed weird for Ben to be thinking the things about Martin when he himself was very badly wounded and injured. I don't know, maybe that's normal, but to me it just didn't seem right. After we found out he was lying just nearby, though? Fantastic stuff. It was just the transition. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jul 8, 2010 15:35:59 GMT -5
Yeah, I was wondering if I could get away with the flip to first person. That was a gamble. But all the stories I'd read (and recalled) to that point had been third person so I was hoping it would stand out as something different and unique. I don't get why people are knocking it; seemed like it flowed well, to me. If you go over the beginning I was given with a fine-toothed comb; it doesn't -quite- fit. |
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Post by James on Jul 9, 2010 20:22:27 GMT -5
So - is this gonna be a recurrent thing? Yep, although not again for a while, probably. This month they'll probably be no competitions, except from one little thing you'll find out about later. Next month probably another assignment (might make a post about a slight change to it if there's support for it) and then we'll see from there. |
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The Drall
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Post by The Drall on Jul 10, 2010 13:13:43 GMT -5
So - is this gonna be a recurrent thing? Yep, although not again for a while, probably. This month they'll probably be no competitions, except from one little thing you'll find out about later. Next month probably another assignment (might make a post about a slight change to it if there's support for it) and then we'll see from there. How little is it? |
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