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Post by Kaez on Dec 23, 2010 20:36:59 GMT -5
I've always enjoyed your poetry and writing, Kaez. Keep up the outstanding work. :] Thanks, Wolf :] Yeah, that's not it. I've no idea either... though in my head there is definitely an image involved; as though I had seen it on -some- comic, or picture or something. Maybe it's just a lengthy deja vu? Ever had that, where you get that "I've done this before" feeling, but it persists for quite a while? Huh. Yeah, I know the feeling, but I've really got no idea. That XKCD is the only thing I can think of. |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 25, 2011 6:02:54 GMT -5
26.
eating organic vegetables
i think about
soothing landscapes
and eastern philosophies
i imagine a pure body
and a pure mind
and consider
the oneness of the world
thinking of compassion
of selflessness
a blissful existence
at peace with the universe
these are ideals
things i strive to be
and at times
imagine that i actually am
but dude
i cant like you even a little
the fuck are you doing
all up in my shit |
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Post by athelstan on Jan 25, 2011 17:04:54 GMT -5
26.
eating organic vegetables
i think about
soothing landscapes
and eastern philosophies
i imagine a pure body
and a pure mind
and consider
the oneness of the world
thinking of compassion
of selflessness
a blissful existence
at peace with the universe
these are ideals
things i strive to be
and at times
imagine that i actually am
but dude
i cant like you even a little
the fuck are you doing
all up in my shit Later, she goes to a sweat lodge retreat for women of color. |
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Post by Kaez on Feb 14, 2011 5:45:57 GMT -5
27.
i stay awake at night
to keep people away
birds sing at five AM
the sons of bitches
this coffee
is the exact right temperature
and this scotch
isnt even bitter
what kind of depressed life
is this supposed to be
write a fucking poem
why dont you |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Feb 18, 2011 0:49:51 GMT -5
sown*
pretty sure you meant that one
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Post by Kaez on Feb 18, 2011 0:58:05 GMT -5
sown* pretty sure you meant that oneI debated which one to use. Both work rather well in this context. Went with 'sewn'. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Feb 18, 2011 2:36:28 GMT -5
sown* pretty sure you meant that oneI debated which one to use. Both work rather well in this context. Went with 'sewn'. Naw, doesn't work. The pun stands out too much, it's distracting. |
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Post by James on Feb 18, 2011 2:50:20 GMT -5
Got to agree with Zovo here. It just appears like a mistake, not that it was intended.
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Post by Kaez on Feb 18, 2011 4:04:27 GMT -5
I debated which one to use. Both work rather well in this context. Went with 'sewn'. Naw, doesn't work. The pun stands out too much, it's distracting. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Feb 18, 2011 12:07:45 GMT -5
Naw, doesn't work. The pun stands out too much, it's distracting. SIGHHHHHHHHHHH. This is why I don't generally comment on poetry. |
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Post by athelstan on Feb 18, 2011 16:39:52 GMT -5
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Post by Kaez on Feb 28, 2011 17:05:04 GMT -5
29.
the big day is upon you
buckle down. buckle down.
buckle down.
let your finger meet the trigger
settle down. settle down.
settle down.
fight back days of pent-up nausea
keep it in. keep it in.
and try to hold the gun straight.
your mom is in the bleachers
try to hold the gun straight.
the moment is upon you
lock it down. lock it down.
lock it right the fuck down.
lost your patience in the vacuum
quiet thoughts. quiet thoughts.
booming quiet thoughts.
your breath slipped from your lips
and you repeated all the words
and your heart burst from your chest
and something deep inside you stirred
try to hold the gun straight.
break their fucking necks
and try to hold the gun straight.
wipe bloodsoaked bodies on the floor
and try to hold the gun straight.
atop a mountain of lesser corpses
try to hold the gun straight. |
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Post by Dylaria on Feb 28, 2011 19:19:29 GMT -5
I like yet dislike this one. The imagery works but the picture is very incomplete. I can feel a sickness in the subject but be it rage or whatever else eludes me and keeps me from having any real connection to the words.
*shrug*
Just my opinion but I've read stuff from you I rather prefer to this one.
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Post by Kaez on Feb 28, 2011 20:52:41 GMT -5
I like yet dislike this one. The imagery works but the picture is very incomplete. I can feel a sickness in the subject but be it rage or whatever else eludes me and keeps me from having any real connection to the words. *shrug* Just my opinion but I've read stuff from you I rather prefer to this one. I appreciate the input. I agree with you in a lot of ways about it. It's definitely different from my norm. |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Mar 1, 2011 6:32:54 GMT -5
As Amy said: the sickness is so very vivid but not so much the rage. Perhaps this was slightly intentional? I'm not sure. I did like the repetition and the breaking of the rhythm - it all gave for a very "off" feeling. The imagery, on the other hand, I did like! I liked that it was slightly incomplete ... as if the person holding the gun doesn't see the whole picture either.
Just my thoughts on it. There are others of yours that I liked more, yes, and this one is definitely in a different direction but certainly an interesting one. An avenue to explore :]
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