|
|
Post by Kaez on Nov 5, 2009 13:36:02 GMT -5
The six military pages are up (Uhl has never had one), though they're blank at the moment.
They push P:F officially onto the two page mark! :]
I'm also going to get to work on the civ 8/9 isle, which I've decided upon the style of. I've offered creative control of it to Mac -- someone who I think would handle it much better than I -- but he hasn't accepted yet, so that's still uncertain.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2009 23:01:03 GMT -5
Working on it, laddie.
Do you want like... a limit on something? Seriously, full creative control is nice, but it needs to fucking make sense.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Nov 11, 2009 23:05:43 GMT -5
Working on it, laddie. Do you want like... a limit on something? Seriously, full creative control is nice, but it needs to fucking make sense. Magic isn't particularly common in my universe and I'd like to keep it that way. And obviously the island isn't -that- big. I'm imagining it to be about the size of the Isle of Man (while the main continent is just about the size of GB). And I don't delve hugely into the supernatural kind of thing. So they can have all the religion they want, and worship some freaky ass monsters and lunatic leaders, but actual divinity should be limited. Other than that, I want you to have fun with it. Stifling the person who I'm trying to utilize for his passion for such a culture would be silly of me. |
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Jan 22, 2010 22:38:41 GMT -5
Complete revamp over the next week or two.
I'm talking, complete revamp. It's likely this entire world is going to be dumped in the trash and utterly redone.
*cracks knuckles* Not sure where to start...
|
|
The Drall
Junior Author
Legal Property of AWR
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
Posts: 3,796
|
Post by The Drall on Jan 22, 2010 23:02:22 GMT -5
KEEP DRANADA.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Jan 22, 2010 23:15:15 GMT -5
Organize a Keep Dranada campaign, a la Free Tibet, and that's a deal. |
|
Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
|
Post by Sensar on Jan 22, 2010 23:26:57 GMT -5
K.S.T.A.S.
The Kaez Sould Totally Add Sensaron Campaign! Hello, there, friends and neighbors. In light of recent events, the distinguished K.S.T.A.S. campaign has launched in our too establish Sensaron as a developed fantasy nation. We are currently squashing the other revamp movement of the old Dranada nation in this new fantasy world.
We here in the K.S.T.A.S. offices firmly believe Sensaron would be a valued addition to Kaez's new world. Why?
Because we have humongous egos.
Huge egos.
Sensaron is an kingdom based entirely in a series of mountain valleys. Infamous for the capital built high on and in the mountain, and the numerous fortresses that guard valley entrances. A major exporter of metals, granite, and marble, Sensaron's wealth is built on it's deep mines and farmed plateaus. Ruled under an "Enlightened Emperor", who descends from the original Sensar who established his rule, Sensaron is a powerful economic and defensive might who's goods reach across lands, but who's social customs very rarely go beyond the iron and stone gates that span the mountain passes.
We thank you for your time. And remember! We're better than you.
-K.S.T.A.S. chairman, **** ****** |
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Jan 22, 2010 23:29:20 GMT -5
However much I loved that, and believe me, I loved that, the name Sensaron sounds like some section of the brain and the name Sensar is -really- close to Sensei.
... I'd like it if you weren't called Sensar. Mainly because that's a really cool civilization basis you've described there that I'm very likely to steal...
|
|
The Drall
Junior Author
Legal Property of AWR
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
Posts: 3,796
|
Post by The Drall on Jan 22, 2010 23:29:42 GMT -5
*rides in on moose*
*hands Kaez fliar*
*dons pirate hat*
*gallops off into the distance*
|
|
Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
|
Post by Sensar on Jan 22, 2010 23:30:53 GMT -5
*Muttermuttermuttermutter* Let me put you on hold - Yes Ms. Bzz? It's the interview! Thanks Ms. Bzz, would you tell him to wait? Would you wire the coast? Would you call up the bank? And the telephones ring, and the stocks get sold, and the rest of us he keeps on hold - and he's gonna start producing, and he's now a corporation, right?
|
|
|
|
Post by James on Jan 22, 2010 23:56:13 GMT -5
Are you still keeping Rosia and Empire Name I will never learn how to spell?
... Cause you know... that will lead to huge changes for Wolves if you're scrapping the entire thing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Jan 23, 2010 1:29:08 GMT -5
Are you still keeping Rosia and Empire Name I will never learn how to spell? ... Cause you know... that will lead to huge changes for Wolves if you're scrapping the entire thing. Rosia and Kharnathia are still going to exist, and Kharnathia is going to be just to the north of Rosia: those are required for the story, of course. This revamp is going to let me build the world around the multiple stories I want to tell instead of the stories around the world. :] |
|
|
|
Post by theredbaron on Jan 23, 2010 13:26:25 GMT -5
I swear, I will read your story front to cover if you include a team of magic polar bear shock troopers.
[glow=red,2,300]<3[/glow]
Also, I assume you're working on the story now as opposed to the world's creation, correct?
|
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Jan 23, 2010 13:36:57 GMT -5
Just got some input back from a -professional- writer who Coorash knows on the first five chapters. So disappointing. The input included, and I shit you not: last paragraph, POV break. You're in Wilem's POV. He can't see himself and probably wouldn't think that about himself.... it's a third-limited story; not first-person, third-limited. the opulence of the desk and shiny weapons and the general's curt tone make him seem too material-oriented to be a good general.
your hero is moving rather bluntly. Rushing in with sword? He's the captain. Wouldn't he walk in with more finesse.
No loyalty there? To the men he commands?
These are the villagers they're sworn to protect. I don't believe Shen would have shot and hit (maybe shot intending to miss but then hit our hero)... essentially, the core of it was critique based on the concepts that: A)) Every character has to be exactly what she's looking for in the character. B)) One of the protagonist is "the hero". As though he's the generic, all-out good guy of the story. In fact, I don't think anybody who references a character as 'our hero' can possibly have any real, honest understanding of fantasy literature. They just can't. In general, omniscient, general who people are is lazy writing.... I don't know what to say about that one. Just... man. Some of it, the rest of it, was literary critique. This scene moved too fast, this scene moved too slow, etc. But what in the -hell- is the above? That's not critique, that's just dumb. Am I just offended and delusional here, or is that sincerely really, really idiotic critique of a story? I swear, I will read your story front to cover if you include a team of magic polar bear shock troopers. [glow=red,2,300]<3[/glow] Also, I assume you're working on the story now as opposed to the world's creation, correct? A)) ... I can't say that I plan to do that, sir. B)) Both, really. A fair share of both. |
|
|
|
Post by theredbaron on Jan 23, 2010 13:47:49 GMT -5
The POV break may be reasonable, depending how you're portraying the story. Perhaps you gave a lot of insight into his own thoughts beforehand, and strictly kept to Wilem's thoughts, but abruptly stopped at that one point, and focused in on someone else.
The rest really sounds like bull to me.
But...
<_<
>_>
*nonchlantly slides shiny coins into Kaez's pocket*
... it is likely you are to include those polar bears, right...?
|
|
