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Post by Dylaria on Dec 5, 2010 23:06:45 GMT -5
Near half a year later and I finally have something different. Not sure if this is really a poem of any measure but figured I'd put it here. Our Time
Divinity
Atrocity
Conspiracy
Humanity
Complicitcy
Debauchery
Revelry
Heresy
Insurgency
Victory
Serenity
Infinity
History |
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Post by Kaez on Dec 5, 2010 23:17:26 GMT -5
*stroke*
*heart attack*
*cerebral hemorrhage*
Welcome back. Love the poem. :]
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Lilam
Junior Author
SWAG
Posts: 2,785
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Post by Lilam on Dec 5, 2010 23:25:40 GMT -5
Good ta' see ya', Dyl! Diggin' the poem too! Short and sweet, but the words are very powerful and explicit. I like how it's thought provoking in its simplicity. Nice work. *huggles*  |
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Post by Dylaria on Dec 5, 2010 23:29:37 GMT -5
Thanks you two. I'm trying to experiment with a few things and this style is one of them. Can't promise they will all be good, some may be cringe worthy but I figure its worth learning what works.
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Post by Dylaria on Dec 6, 2010 0:30:26 GMT -5
This is really not a poem but my first attempt at something different. There is a poetic element but for a new purpose.
Have you ever wished for something more
To leave the mundane towards worlds unknown
Take my hand and I will bring you there
On eternal wings a flight of fantasy beyond reality
Run with me through eternity
I'll burn your mortal coil away
Your soul shall know the infinite expanse
I offer you the keys to the universe
Time and space need never keep you
For we will walk the span of dimensions unknown
Seeing the sights men claim the domain of gods
I'll make you what all can only dream to be
Run with me through eternity
I'll burn your mortal coil away
Your soul shall know the infinite expanse
I offer you the keys to the universe
Ask not my name
Trust in my words
And just believe in your childhood dreams
I shall never ask of you a price
Your company through the abyss is all I wish
We will explore this realm and far beyond
The first and the last to plumb the depths
Highest highs and lowest lows
We will see them all today and tomorrow
Yesterday need never be again
I'll make you free just come with me
Run with me through eternity
I'll burn your mortal coil away
You shall be eternal and free
I offer you the universe
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Post by athelstan on Dec 6, 2010 19:13:39 GMT -5
Oh my. This was just a wonderful thing to read. It doesn't feel like poetry so much as music to me: I can almost see Ouroboros serpents coiling through space, and the churning of the Taijitu. I feel like I can hear the speaker singing, their voice ringing through nebulae and the chasms of strange planets. "Cosmic vision" is something that always has deeply interested me, and I think this writing captures that perfectly. The words ring with an occasional internal rhyme that gives them flexibility and musical freedom, such as "Run with me through eternity" or "Time and space need never keep you". I feel as though the sound "ee" ( shown in those passages and in the repetition of "keys"), that piercing narrow vowel, is central to this poem, a sort of arrow through the shadows of the world, leading straight into the timeless.
The repetition of "I offer you the keys to the universe" gives this writing the strongest feeling of music, as well as a distinct extraverted side. This writing seems to me not observational, but communicative, in which some being has come down from the supernal and offers a hand to a mere mortal, to lift them up into places bright and places strange.
Just a lovely piece of writing. Thank you for sharing. :]
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Post by Dylaria on Dec 14, 2010 18:50:42 GMT -5
Not really sure about this one. Just kinda hashed it out over the past day or two. I know what it's about though and wonder if anyone else can guess.
Enclosed in a prison of mentality
Doors locked and windows barred
Naught but walls and shadows of memory
Solitude at it's finest
The room seems to shift
Thoughts open and close the world
Mind over matter or is it matter over mind
Simplicity at its most complex
Walls are closing in
Air is getting thick
Shadows become demons
And hell followed
Blood boils
Eyes haze
Voices scream
Burn! Kill!
The door opens
Freedom is in reach
Angels come in white
It will be alright
A pinch
Moment's pain
Walls expand
Sleepy
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Post by Dylaria on Dec 19, 2010 15:41:47 GMT -5
Pride:
I am the wind beneath your wings
Without a word I can carry you to the sky
From me you have valor, courage, power.
Whenever someone looks up to you it is because of me
I am the darkness in your soul
In an instant I can smash you into oblivion
For I can take your wisdom and intellect
When you are broken and bleeding remember me
I am intangible, nothing and no one
I am might, I am danger, I make legends
Minstrels love me and teach you to hate me
As not all legends are of a good nature
For you are merely a slave to my will
When you can stand up to me you are great
If you cannot, I will destroy you utterly
Then I will play again with another
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Post by theredbaron on Dec 19, 2010 21:10:47 GMT -5
Pride: I am the wind beneath your wings Without a word I can carry you to the sky From me you have valor, courage, power. Whenever someone looks up to you it is because of me I am the darkness in your soul In an instant I can smash you into oblivion For I can take your wisdom and intellect When you are broken and bleeding remember me I am intangible, nothing and no one I am might, I am danger, I make legends Minstrels love me and teach you to hate me As not all legends are of a good nature For you are merely a slave to my will When you can stand up to me you are great If you cannot, I will destroy you utterly Then I will play again with another This is, mm. . . I can't think of a proper word. "Deep" doesn't quite do it. It's mysterious, ominous, foreboding, threatening, dominating. That all probably doesn't make much sense, though. The title is a bit of a give-away to what the poem is referring to. I'm sure that's the point, but it might make the whole thing more intriguing if you left the title a little vague. That's just my two cents, though. I like it. It's very thought-provoking. . . |
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Post by Dylaria on Feb 28, 2011 19:08:54 GMT -5
I am remnant of what is past
A memory of what once was and will never be again
When you see me you remember
And wish for what you cannot have
I am a knife in the heart
Yet you can never pull me out
When you feel me the wound bleeds slow
For it is a wound that only you could cause
I am a mark of life and time
All know me yet none see me the same
I have a billion faces yet only one name
A name hidden in the dark recesses of your mind
You seek redemption to try to keep me away
Yet you fall to self fulfilling prophecy
I am inseparable from life, inescapable as death
My name is regret and I must haunt you to your grave
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Post by Dylaria on Feb 28, 2011 19:16:56 GMT -5
I am fire of the soul
Impossible to control and feared
You see me and your heart trembles
I am the harbinger of destruction
I wield the sword of misaligned justice
To view upon me is to see through a haze
I am simple yet never clear
A caustic static in the mind
You know of me often yet only shortly
For it is my nature to burn out even myself
Yet the toll is often terrible for my leaving
A price paid in blood, pain and tears
Together we walk the warpath
Nothing can stop us from our goals
But power comes with a price
For I am rage, and it is all the same what I ruin
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Mar 1, 2011 6:55:01 GMT -5
- Remnant
LOVED!
Just one little bitty that I thought was a little "weak" and that could perhaps use some looking at: "And wish for what you cannot have". I felt that this sentence was worded a little weirdly and could have been much more of an impact.
I definitely enjoyed reading this and the emotion it captured. A very bleak poem and one that should speak to everybody! (Oh, by the way, in the beginning it felt a lot like a riddle, heh. Just figured you'd like to know that! It popped into my head as I was reading!)
- Soulfire
Very much the same comments as before! I love how you took an emotion or a feeling and made it an alive and visceral thing.
Again with the riddle-feeling - which I'll admit I enjoyed! Everything you said about the feelings was very well done and the imagery it gave as well.
The last line seemed a little "odd" ... the wording again: "and it is all the same what I ruin". It didn't have the impact because of the way it was put. Perhaps a little investigation there as well?
Major kudos! Both enjoyable and well done. <3
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Post by Dylaria on Mar 1, 2011 17:59:18 GMT -5
- Remnant LOVED! Just one little bitty that I thought was a little "weak" and that could perhaps use some looking at: "And wish for what you cannot have". I felt that this sentence was worded a little weirdly and could have been much more of an impact. I definitely enjoyed reading this and the emotion it captured. A very bleak poem and one that should speak to everybody! (Oh, by the way, in the beginning it felt a lot like a riddle, heh. Just figured you'd like to know that! It popped into my head as I was reading!) - Soulfire Very much the same comments as before! I love how you took an emotion or a feeling and made it an alive and visceral thing. Again with the riddle-feeling - which I'll admit I enjoyed! Everything you said about the feelings was very well done and the imagery it gave as well. The last line seemed a little "odd" ... the wording again: "and it is all the same what I ruin". It didn't have the impact because of the way it was put. Perhaps a little investigation there as well? Major kudos! Both enjoyable and well done. <3 Looking back on it now after reading what you said about the first one, I agree. The wording could have been a little better, sometimes simply splitting one oversized line into two doesn't make the best impression. Something for me to watch for. On the second one, yeah, that last line kinda sucked. I really wasn't sure what to put there so I tried to put the idea up and admittedly didn't to it justice. It was a bit of a spur of the moment construction and it definitely shows there. Maybe I should slow it down a little if I really don't know what to put in. On a completely different note. If someone comments and I don't answer right away or at all don't take it as "I don't want feedback." Sometimes I'm just not sure how to respond to a response so in lieu of that, please accept a belated thank you for the time to read through my mind jumbles. |
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Post by Dylaria on Apr 19, 2011 0:07:48 GMT -5
Wandering through the years
Drifting though waking dreams
Life a mere shadow in my mind
Is this real?
Eyes always behind me
I cannot be with them
A cruel joke to be seen
Why must we be alone?
Taking a peek behind the veil
Only darkness is there to greet
Nothing beyond there either
Is there anywhere to go?
Walking this decaying path
Every step a little weaker
Time is not eternal
When I finally fall, will I care?
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Post by Dylaria on Apr 19, 2011 0:14:52 GMT -5
Look
A mind
Is it thinking
Squish it and see
Listen
A heart
Hear it beat
Rip it to shreds
Feel
An emotion
Hopes and dreams
Enjoy as they fail
Taste
A life
It's nothing special
Such a frail thing
Smell
A body
Let it wither
It will rot anyway
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