Allya
Senior Scribe
My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
|
Post by Allya on Sept 30, 2013 22:47:20 GMT -5
So I could finally at least see the url. I went there by manually typing (it would not let me highlight and copy.) When I opened the link in a new tab and then refreshed the page here, I could see the picture.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 1, 2013 2:03:17 GMT -5
So I could finally at least see the url. I went there by manually typing (it would not let me highlight and copy.) When I opened the link in a new tab and then refreshed the page here, I could see the picture. Glad it wasn't just me then! I was having problems with pictures elsewhere. If you quote the text you can copy the URL from there.
|
|
|
Post by James on Oct 1, 2013 2:16:54 GMT -5
Can we all see it now?
Yes? No? Yes?
Good.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 1, 2013 12:38:16 GMT -5
It is now showing for me but then my Firefox has been a bit screwy lately.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 3, 2013 7:44:51 GMT -5
Prod, Mr Z! Prod! Don't want to start writing the next one before seeing the review so I can use the comments.
|
|
|
Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Oct 3, 2013 11:22:33 GMT -5
Prod, Mr Z! Prod! Don't want to start writing the next one before seeing the review so I can use the comments. Aw, shucks, I was gonna post reviews on the off weeks so that everyone had a chance to read and Like without my bias involved. But I see your point. You'll get reviews today, I've already written them, just haven't posted them.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 3, 2013 11:30:25 GMT -5
Meh. Think Allya's won anyway :] She has more likes and I was merely stretching fingers.
|
|
Allya
Senior Scribe
My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
|
Post by Allya on Oct 3, 2013 11:34:39 GMT -5
Eh? Where do you see how many likes you have? Also, I had a couple mistakes in there so I'm not holding my breath.
|
|
|
Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Oct 3, 2013 12:30:37 GMT -5
Eh? Where do you see how many likes you have? Also, I had a couple mistakes in there so I'm not holding my breath. Usually says at the top of the post who liked it. Doesn't show up on my mobile though.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 4, 2013 3:48:06 GMT -5
Thanks, Z! That was a really great review. I did kinda use the picture as a springboard and not as the main object. I was a bit worried that it might have been a bit drawn out towards the end. Glad you caught on to the background stuff without me shouting it.
|
|
Allya
Senior Scribe
My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
|
Post by Allya on Oct 4, 2013 6:44:24 GMT -5
Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you saw where the picture came into it. My hubby scared me because I asked him and he didn't understand; it made me worry that I hadn't conveyed it clearly enough. Also it's funny what you said about the lottery. I actually cut that down a lot but I wanted to make sure I conveyed some of the issues that would come up with that system. It wasn't filler. In fact when I got to the end I had to rush it because I ran out of space. I still had to go back and cut about 20 words throughout just to cram it all in. I'm starting to think that it doesn't matter the limit, I will fill it up and feel like it's not enough.
Reffy I really liked yours a lot! I'm glad Z explained dandelion clock though. That had me super confused too.
|
|
|
Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Oct 4, 2013 7:25:56 GMT -5
I totally didn't realise about the dandelion clock thing! Didn't even think about it :] Just thought you guys would know.
|
|
|
Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Oct 4, 2013 11:30:33 GMT -5
I totally didn't realise about the dandelion clock thing! Didn't even think about it :] Just thought you guys would know. I had to google it.
|
|
|
Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Oct 4, 2013 13:13:33 GMT -5
Also it's funny what you said about the lottery. I actually cut that down a lot but I wanted to make sure I conveyed some of the issues that would come up with that system. It wasn't filler. Right, yes, I think I explained it wrong. I don't mean that you used it as an artificial means of extending the composition because, like I said, the ending felt really dense so it was clear that there was more you wanted and were struggling against the word limit. What I meant was that the lottery section was just a really malleable section of story. Like having an accordion bellows in the middle of the story, allowing you to easily expand or contract the story with minimal impact. I think you would have benefited more from contracting it a little bit further and using the extra space to polish up your ending.
|
|
Allya
Senior Scribe
My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
|
Post by Allya on Oct 4, 2013 13:41:57 GMT -5
Totally agree. I think if I had time to revise I would have done that. I'm honestly surprised there aren't more errors because I threw this together really quick while getting ready for dinner with the in-laws and in between diaper changes, lost socks, etc.
My life is so glamorous.
The other thing that was funny about that part was that initially I was just going to do like one or two sentences to say "this is happening" but I'm trying to force myself to "show" what's happening more instead of "telling." I'm mainly focusing so hard on that aspect right now because while working on my novel I'm trying not to do things like "xxx is really fucked up" and instead do things like describe the actions of xxx and let the reader surmise that he's really fucked up. It's taking some getting used to as far as balance but I'm learning.
That's why stuff like this helps even if I don't have time. I get to focus on something small and work on an aspect of my writing that I'm trying to improve overall.
I think sometimes AWR members forget how helpful they are to each other. Just the act of pointing out something in another person's work (like if James says something about Injin's story, etc) makes me think about that writing point more and work to improve it.
Same with reading other people's stories. Sometimes a really good word falls out of use and then someone uses it in a story or uses it in an unexpected way and brings that word back to the front of my mind. It's like finding a rogue strawberry plant in your garden. You planted strawberries a few seasons ago but not this year. All of sudden one pops up and you're reminded how much you like strawberries.
|
|