War

[Fruscainte]

(Written in Iambic Pentameter. My first poem, advice would be awesome)

Sounds of battle roar round' cities and towns
Prepared for all of their future showdowns
Men to gather to say all their good-byes
Children and wives let out pleas and shrill cries

Men in armor line up ready to die
Weapons ready, hardly batting an eye
Young one in the back thinks he is sheltered
To think such things before a fight? Absurd

Shields slam, swords clash, today fighting to rage
Cries of fallen soldiers prove the presage
The ones upfront to take the most spearhead
Lives are taken till' the last man is dead

Archers shoot safe up their, upon their hill
Arrows flying across the sky to kill
Although some are given a dreadful death
They kill until they breath that last, deep breath

The lone fighter killing for his country
Slicing, dicing, causing certain misery
"You sir, surely will die" a man once said
He would reply, "Someones blood must be shed"

Bodies and fire are all that to remain
To live with that vision is the true pain
Today lives were taken by the thousands
All those who lose their lives to be legends

Why we always have to make fights, unknown
War though, always leave us dieing alone

[Orombur]

((I like it Frus. It clearly details the fights and your (possible) feelings on the topic of War. However, there seemed to be a few typos and spots that just didn't seem to make sense to me.

Archers shoot safe up their, upon their hill

This is one of the spots that didn't seem to make much sense. The first time you used 'their' there was nothing that stuck out as being shown as the archers. Perhaps you meant 'there', for location.

They kill until they breath that last, deep breath

The 'breath' that is underlined should be 'breathe'.

Bodies and fire are all that to remain

Again, another spot that just doesn't make sense to me. The wording just makes seem weird. I'm guessing you mean "are all that do remain."

War though, always leave us dieing alone

'leave' should probably be 'leaves'.

Other than these, it as an over-all enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!))

[Fruscainte]

Ah yes, thank you. In my defense I wrote it in a bit of a rush, but thank you very much. How is the length? A few people have been telling me that it seems a tad short, I'm trying to find out a good set amount of stanza's for poems. Nothing too long and not to short. I guess it just depends on what I'm writing, but just making sure.

[Orombur]

The length of a poem is whatever length you want it to be. There is no such thing as too long or too short with poems.

[James]

Nov 2, 2008 12:55:32 GMT -5 Orombur said:

The length of a poem is whatever length you want it to be. There is no such thing as too long or too short with poems.

For instance the famous: Ode to a Pet

Wet
Pet