Demonicus

Orombur Senior Scribe Especially Mushu. Posts: 2,417	Demonicus Oct 17, 2008 21:14:39 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Orombur on Oct 17, 2008 21:14:39 GMT -5 ((It's a bit strange, but from seeing your writing on the WoW forums, that's what I've come to expect from you Schro. Overall, I liked it. It was a good read.))

JMDavis ((Silver)) Senior Wordsmith THIEF!, Shaker of Hards I'll feel that in the morning... Posts: 17,698	Demonicus Oct 19, 2008 17:26:35 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by JMDavis ((Silver)) on Oct 19, 2008 17:26:35 GMT -5 I'm worried about what they're going to play.
	Demons run, when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true loves lies, night will fall and dark will rise, when a good man goes to war. Stories of Mavarra - Updated Aug 29

JMDavis ((Silver)) Senior Wordsmith THIEF!, Shaker of Hards I'll feel that in the morning... Posts: 17,698	Demonicus Oct 20, 2008 18:16:58 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by JMDavis ((Silver)) on Oct 20, 2008 18:16:58 GMT -5 It's definately interesting, kinda creepy and a little twisted at the same time, which I kinda expect after reading Super Gruesome Fun Time. Definately want to read more.
	Demons run, when a good man goes to war. Night will fall and drown the sun, when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies and true loves lies, night will fall and dark will rise, when a good man goes to war. Stories of Mavarra - Updated Aug 29

Lilam
Junior Author

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Posts: 2,785

Demonicus Oct 23, 2008 19:26:08 GMT -5

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Post by Lilam on Oct 23, 2008 19:26:08 GMT -5

((Yay 4 Doom flavored waffulz!

Interesting read. Nice dabble of humor. A goodly amount of violence. And, of course, some good, ol' fashion smex thrown in for taste. Not to mention, I really, really, REALLY wanna' glomp the hell outta' Zeal.

I dunno, maybe the fact that I find his predicament to be slightly humorous and the fact that horns + elf ears + tail automatically = ZOMGCUTENESS contributes to the desire to assault him with huggles.

Anywho, I don't particularly like stories written using present tense, but I suppose that's more of a personal preference than a critique. However, I will say that I'm having a hard time getting a feel for Zeal and Kame's individual personalities.

I get that Zeal is an incubus, he likes causing trouble/mischief (I suppose he should, considering it's like, his job?), he has a wry sense of humor and he's 'arrogant' (though I have yet to really see some good examples of said arrogance).

I get that Kame is powerful (at least compared to Zeal), has a dark sense of humor, can be cruel and has no qualms with dishing out violence or death.

But that's all I know (well, so far). I dunno, maybe it's just me but it's hard to connect and relate to characters I don't know much about (personality-wise). I'm still reading, so I assume/hope that this will change within the next few updates.

Oh, by the way... how the hell was Kame 'in the clouds'? He can fly? I'm confizzled! And with so much brain matter and skull fragments having arbitrarily been plastered about the house... now that Jason's dead, WHOSE GONNA' CLEAN THAT SHIT UP??? Is Zeal gonna' be reduced to doing common, household chores in a french maids costume??!! I must know!

*eagerly awaits next installment, holding a 'Zeal catching' net*

~*Lil*~))

Last Edit: Oct 23, 2008 19:54:38 GMT -5 by Lilam

"I'm pretty good at inventing phrases–you know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you'd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they're about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesn't seem enough. It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too... Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properly–they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced."

Lilam
Junior Author

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Posts: 2,785

Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 16:03:42 GMT -5

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Post by Lilam on Oct 25, 2008 16:03:42 GMT -5

((Does Zeal kinda' look like this?:

www.freewebs.com/enigma007/19.jpg

i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff200/kuroikunoichi/chrono%20crusade/FA18__Chrno_Crusade_by_mazjojo1.jpg

That's kinda' how the descriptions made me picture him... >_>))

"I'm pretty good at inventing phrases–you know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you'd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they're about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesn't seem enough. It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too... Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properly–they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced."

Lilam
Junior Author

SWAG

Posts: 2,785

Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 16:59:08 GMT -5

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Post by Lilam on Oct 25, 2008 16:59:08 GMT -5

Oct 25, 2008 16:49:36 GMT -5 o ding said:

((
For those of you who are observant, yes, that is the same dud who's face is in my avatar.))

((I was just about to ask that. =P

Yep, I can see him as being Zeal. Nowz I can make Zeal plushies to go with my Sekot plushie collection!

*glomps Zeal plushie*

))

"I'm pretty good at inventing phrases–you know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you'd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they're about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesn't seem enough. It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too... Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properly–they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced."

o ding Wordsmith Posts: 14,807	Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 17:02:05 GMT -5 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by o ding on Oct 25, 2008 17:02:05 GMT -5 ((Oh, and I'm going through chapter 5 right now to make it past-tense. Fo joo, Lil-ly ;D))

NNChambers ((Daj))
Senior Scribe

Posts: 2,271

Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 17:26:15 GMT -5

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Post by NNChambers ((Daj)) on Oct 25, 2008 17:26:15 GMT -5

((Great story. I'm not sure why my stupid imagination put together an idea of you bringing in that girl from those dreams as a character. Just her idea of 'play' would be making up torture techniques and testing them on Zeal. Fun for the whole family.

Of course, I can be retarded sometimes and my ideas are usually quite terrible.
I did notice something though... if Zeal was the first demon to be dominated, how would that warlock know that Incubi are the second easiest demon to control behind half-breeds? Was he just making that up?))

Lilam
Junior Author

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Posts: 2,785

Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 18:51:01 GMT -5

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Post by Lilam on Oct 25, 2008 18:51:01 GMT -5

Oct 25, 2008 18:32:51 GMT -5 o ding said:

“And now, Zeal, you are mi-“ he got cut off by himself, running into a trail of mumbles as he spotted the incubus walking into the room. “…What the hell are you wearing?”

The demon blinks and looks down at himself. The particular item of clothing he had chosen seemed dark and evil enough when he had picked it…

“What’s wrong with it? It’s black, white, gothic, stringy-“ Kame interrupted him, covering his face with his palm. “Zeal, that’s a housemaid’s dress.”

The two just stared at each other for a long while, the silence only making the sorcerer more nervous.

“…I still think it looks cool…”

((I lol'd. Then I imagined Zeal in a maid's outfit. And then I drooled a bit. This story is like dark chocolate: bitter yet kinda' sweet but damn delicious all the same. I'm ready for the next helping of Zeal à la Mode! *wipes drool off chin* Get to cookin'! Er, I mean, writin'! /kick in the pants))

Last Edit: Oct 25, 2008 18:53:16 GMT -5 by Lilam

"I'm pretty good at inventing phrases–you know, the sort of words that suddenly make you jump, almost as though you'd sat on a pin, they seem so new and exciting even though they're about something hypnopædically obvious. But that doesn't seem enough. It's not enough for the phrases to be good; what you make with them ought to be good too... Words can be like X-rays, if you use them properly–they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced."

NNChambers ((Daj))
Senior Scribe

Posts: 2,271

Demonicus Oct 25, 2008 20:07:45 GMT -5

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Post by NNChambers ((Daj)) on Oct 25, 2008 20:07:45 GMT -5

((Eh... I do believe that is what I was thinking of. I posted that the day after I read it all so my memory must have mucked it up. On the same subject though, who wrote the book that the warlock is getting all these rituals from anyways?

Some demon that liked to enslave other demons?))