Post by Walder on Jun 20, 2017 16:39:13 GMT -5
(( A piece I wrote based off a daydream. I plan on writing more short stories, to improve my craft quicker. I'm only posting this as more of a milestone marker, I'm aware it's not great. ))
“Hello. Glad you could make time for me. I understand you are one of your specie’s foremost leaders.”
“I am the leader of a powerful nation, yes. It is called the United States of America. You can call me President. Who do I owe the honor to?”
“My official title is, what I hope translates well, Lieutenant Head of the Interspecies Communication Department for the Galactic Community. As for your job, it is already in the dictionary of my translator. This is a very expensive auto-translation suite, mind. It wasn’t easy to get the Human-English module. It had been acquired and studied for only several decades by some enterprising deep-space explorers.”
“Yes. Sorry, but this has all been a lot to take in. The fact that we’re not alone in the galaxy, well, that’s something we’d always figured. But it would have been nice if we could have let the people of Earth get used to this slowly. But your embassy, or I don’t know the term, came down so suddenly. Now the whole planet’s in shock. The economy’s frozen.”
“Studies have shown that getting the initial first contact phase over-with quickly, results in a lower loss of stability planet-wide. A slow introduction introduces paranoia into the populace, as government information inevitably leaks out. The economy will begin to function normally again in several decades. But, yes, the embassy. I’m here to discuss just that. I saw you at the ceremony. They gave you all the official information. Galactic community, meant to promote communication and peace among suspicious alien races, stop exploitation of primitive yet intelligent life, all that. I’m here to give you the unofficial information.”
“The way you phrase it, that doesn’t sound like a good thing.”
“Perceptive. You’re not going to like to hear this, but I feel it’s important for you to understand. There is a test, by which we judge a civilization ready to join the galactic community. There are several categories, the most important of which is technological development. Your people have been reviewed five times, an above-average number. You failed the first three checks on the technology category alone. The fourth time, however, you passed the technological category, yet did not pass in the next one: species development.
You see, occasionally a species will be low in technological development, but otherwise so intelligent and advanced as a species, or in possession of desirable qualities, that they are uplifted. Humanity, however, is absolutely nothing special. Physically, you are weak. Although you can adapt to different environments within your biome, your biome requires a very specific amount of conditions to provide you with life. You are not physically imposing, and have difficulty surviving strenuous conditions or abuse, even in the short term. Your DNA is riddled with viruses and flaws, to the point where most of your species requires regular medical assistance. Your DNA is so flawed, in fact, that past the point of your species youth, you require medical intervention just to remain in regular physical condition.
Your species makes up for this with a somewhat fast reproduction cycle, but you are outdone in that regard by several other galactic species, and are not likely to be preferred for jobs in which that is an asset.”
“After seeing aliens, I didn’t believe humanity was anything special, but we make up for it with our ingenuity, and ability to work together.”
“That leads me to my next point. Your crystalline and fluid thinking capabilities are average, at best. Your bodies only contain enough stem cells to make learning worthwhile at a very young age. Beyond childhood, your learning speed deteriorates to the point where I am baffled that you even bother attempting to learn, for how long it takes. By the time you deem your young ready to learn concepts of actual importance, they have already gotten over the peak of their learning capabilities.
Now, once you have information, you seem to do alright with it. Like any species, you can produce some great minds. But they will be fighting an uphill battle against more nimble, malleable minds, and will likely only be relevant until they have parted with all the information they have discovered, before they reach a point where their galactic peers have already caught up to and past by their speed of discovery.
So, your logical capabilities are acceptable, but unfortunately, your species grew up too fast. Your thoughts and behaviors are riddled with, what you might call ‘caveman-behaviors’. A need for dominance, overpowering desires for base things such as food, sex, and a propensity to ‘cute’ things, all of which cloud your judgement. Whereas many galactic species have evolved to gain far more pleasure from abstract concepts, you still pine for cerebral pleasures, and cry in tragedy when your young die.”
“Wait, do you mean to tell me that other species wouldn’t care if one of their young were killed?”
“They would. Not in the way you humans do, however. You care in a very selfish, instinctual way. Your brain imprints you with the desire to protect your young, which is why you find pleasure in looking at the young of another species, even animals. You feel an attraction toward protecting and cherishing those among you that evolution have proven to most need it.”
“I’m sorry, but –“
“Please, allow me to continue. These physical limitations can all be overcome with proper biomodification, and are thus not ‘dealbreakers’. What was a dealbreaker, however, is your aggression. After everything that had happened to your planet, after globalization allowed you all to come in contact with and communicate with anyone on your planet, at any time, the only thing stopping you from going to war were a desire to protect corporate profits from decreasing, and the threat of mutual annihilation from increasingly powerful weaponry. When those things were absent, conflict always occurred.
I mean, really, it baffles me how you humans can hate each other with such vitriol over such minor differences. Conflict amongst beings within a species is perfectly natural, but almost all species grow out of it rather quickly. Your species, however, is so territorial and primitive in its thinking, that even someone living next door to you can be the subject of suspicion. Your propensity to conflict has stunted your specie’s growth for generations, and it continues to do so.
The Galactic Community firmly believed, after reviewing humanity, that if given access to faster-than-light travel technology, you would immediately abuse it for the purposes of violence. Not just against other alien species, whom you were deemed to very likely be suspicious of, but on each other. I apologize for my frankness, but my anger gets the best of me: in this regard, humanity is truly pathetic.”
“Now hold on there, I admit that we lived in a more peaceful world, but I don’t necessarily agree that a lack of conflict and tolerance of others are requirements for an advanced species.”
“You’re absolutely right. . . in your case. Humans are so selfish and prideful, that violence is often the only means to which you can achieve peace, paradoxical and flawed as that is. You’ll find that alien species are much more inclined to work toward common and mutually beneficial goals, rather than create conflict over petty reasons such as being slighted in a social scenario.”
“Well alright then, if humanity is so awful, how did we pass your test this time?”
“In my opinion? The stupidest criteria we have just tipped you over the edge. Your art.”
“Our art?”
“Yes. The works of your visual, auditory, written, preformative, and multimedia suggest that your specie’s collective philosophical conscious is up to the most modern standards of the Galactic Community. Don’t get excited, that just means you’re on the same level as everyone else. But it suggests that as a species, despite your other failings, you are open and ready to introduced into the Galactic Community, and culturally advance yourselves as a species from interaction with others species.”
“That-that’s it? You like our artwork?”
“Not just your artwork. I found the works of the ones called Albert Camus and Sartre to be fascinating, in that they were self-aware of how miserable a species humanity was, and is. Your ‘video games’ also deserve credit for their awareness of how to prey on primitive human instincts, to get players addicted, and give resources to purchase things that are ultimately meaningless. I hear you’re even making strides in virtual reality. I imagine your uncomplicated minds make it easy to map neural pathways.”
“I’ll take all that as a compliment, I suppose.”
“As you should, it pains me to say nice things to yet another species that doesn’t deserve Galactic recognition. But, all that aside, welcome. I have a busy schedule, and must depart. I believe it is custom for humans to shake hands to end meetings such as this?”
“That it is. Thank you for telling us all this. And not to prove you right, on that part about humans being suspicious, but why tell me all this? Why should I trust you?”
“Why shouldn’t you? We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other. The Xrandugax are inquiring about mining rights in your solar system. They were pushing hard against your integration into the Galactic Community. We’ll have to work together in the upcoming negotiations against them.”
“Hey, now! I thought aliens didn’t like conflict with each other?”
“Have you met a Xrandugax? Fuck those guys.”
“Hello. Glad you could make time for me. I understand you are one of your specie’s foremost leaders.”
“I am the leader of a powerful nation, yes. It is called the United States of America. You can call me President. Who do I owe the honor to?”
“My official title is, what I hope translates well, Lieutenant Head of the Interspecies Communication Department for the Galactic Community. As for your job, it is already in the dictionary of my translator. This is a very expensive auto-translation suite, mind. It wasn’t easy to get the Human-English module. It had been acquired and studied for only several decades by some enterprising deep-space explorers.”
“Yes. Sorry, but this has all been a lot to take in. The fact that we’re not alone in the galaxy, well, that’s something we’d always figured. But it would have been nice if we could have let the people of Earth get used to this slowly. But your embassy, or I don’t know the term, came down so suddenly. Now the whole planet’s in shock. The economy’s frozen.”
“Studies have shown that getting the initial first contact phase over-with quickly, results in a lower loss of stability planet-wide. A slow introduction introduces paranoia into the populace, as government information inevitably leaks out. The economy will begin to function normally again in several decades. But, yes, the embassy. I’m here to discuss just that. I saw you at the ceremony. They gave you all the official information. Galactic community, meant to promote communication and peace among suspicious alien races, stop exploitation of primitive yet intelligent life, all that. I’m here to give you the unofficial information.”
“The way you phrase it, that doesn’t sound like a good thing.”
“Perceptive. You’re not going to like to hear this, but I feel it’s important for you to understand. There is a test, by which we judge a civilization ready to join the galactic community. There are several categories, the most important of which is technological development. Your people have been reviewed five times, an above-average number. You failed the first three checks on the technology category alone. The fourth time, however, you passed the technological category, yet did not pass in the next one: species development.
You see, occasionally a species will be low in technological development, but otherwise so intelligent and advanced as a species, or in possession of desirable qualities, that they are uplifted. Humanity, however, is absolutely nothing special. Physically, you are weak. Although you can adapt to different environments within your biome, your biome requires a very specific amount of conditions to provide you with life. You are not physically imposing, and have difficulty surviving strenuous conditions or abuse, even in the short term. Your DNA is riddled with viruses and flaws, to the point where most of your species requires regular medical assistance. Your DNA is so flawed, in fact, that past the point of your species youth, you require medical intervention just to remain in regular physical condition.
Your species makes up for this with a somewhat fast reproduction cycle, but you are outdone in that regard by several other galactic species, and are not likely to be preferred for jobs in which that is an asset.”
“After seeing aliens, I didn’t believe humanity was anything special, but we make up for it with our ingenuity, and ability to work together.”
“That leads me to my next point. Your crystalline and fluid thinking capabilities are average, at best. Your bodies only contain enough stem cells to make learning worthwhile at a very young age. Beyond childhood, your learning speed deteriorates to the point where I am baffled that you even bother attempting to learn, for how long it takes. By the time you deem your young ready to learn concepts of actual importance, they have already gotten over the peak of their learning capabilities.
Now, once you have information, you seem to do alright with it. Like any species, you can produce some great minds. But they will be fighting an uphill battle against more nimble, malleable minds, and will likely only be relevant until they have parted with all the information they have discovered, before they reach a point where their galactic peers have already caught up to and past by their speed of discovery.
So, your logical capabilities are acceptable, but unfortunately, your species grew up too fast. Your thoughts and behaviors are riddled with, what you might call ‘caveman-behaviors’. A need for dominance, overpowering desires for base things such as food, sex, and a propensity to ‘cute’ things, all of which cloud your judgement. Whereas many galactic species have evolved to gain far more pleasure from abstract concepts, you still pine for cerebral pleasures, and cry in tragedy when your young die.”
“Wait, do you mean to tell me that other species wouldn’t care if one of their young were killed?”
“They would. Not in the way you humans do, however. You care in a very selfish, instinctual way. Your brain imprints you with the desire to protect your young, which is why you find pleasure in looking at the young of another species, even animals. You feel an attraction toward protecting and cherishing those among you that evolution have proven to most need it.”
“I’m sorry, but –“
“Please, allow me to continue. These physical limitations can all be overcome with proper biomodification, and are thus not ‘dealbreakers’. What was a dealbreaker, however, is your aggression. After everything that had happened to your planet, after globalization allowed you all to come in contact with and communicate with anyone on your planet, at any time, the only thing stopping you from going to war were a desire to protect corporate profits from decreasing, and the threat of mutual annihilation from increasingly powerful weaponry. When those things were absent, conflict always occurred.
I mean, really, it baffles me how you humans can hate each other with such vitriol over such minor differences. Conflict amongst beings within a species is perfectly natural, but almost all species grow out of it rather quickly. Your species, however, is so territorial and primitive in its thinking, that even someone living next door to you can be the subject of suspicion. Your propensity to conflict has stunted your specie’s growth for generations, and it continues to do so.
The Galactic Community firmly believed, after reviewing humanity, that if given access to faster-than-light travel technology, you would immediately abuse it for the purposes of violence. Not just against other alien species, whom you were deemed to very likely be suspicious of, but on each other. I apologize for my frankness, but my anger gets the best of me: in this regard, humanity is truly pathetic.”
“Now hold on there, I admit that we lived in a more peaceful world, but I don’t necessarily agree that a lack of conflict and tolerance of others are requirements for an advanced species.”
“You’re absolutely right. . . in your case. Humans are so selfish and prideful, that violence is often the only means to which you can achieve peace, paradoxical and flawed as that is. You’ll find that alien species are much more inclined to work toward common and mutually beneficial goals, rather than create conflict over petty reasons such as being slighted in a social scenario.”
“Well alright then, if humanity is so awful, how did we pass your test this time?”
“In my opinion? The stupidest criteria we have just tipped you over the edge. Your art.”
“Our art?”
“Yes. The works of your visual, auditory, written, preformative, and multimedia suggest that your specie’s collective philosophical conscious is up to the most modern standards of the Galactic Community. Don’t get excited, that just means you’re on the same level as everyone else. But it suggests that as a species, despite your other failings, you are open and ready to introduced into the Galactic Community, and culturally advance yourselves as a species from interaction with others species.”
“That-that’s it? You like our artwork?”
“Not just your artwork. I found the works of the ones called Albert Camus and Sartre to be fascinating, in that they were self-aware of how miserable a species humanity was, and is. Your ‘video games’ also deserve credit for their awareness of how to prey on primitive human instincts, to get players addicted, and give resources to purchase things that are ultimately meaningless. I hear you’re even making strides in virtual reality. I imagine your uncomplicated minds make it easy to map neural pathways.”
“I’ll take all that as a compliment, I suppose.”
“As you should, it pains me to say nice things to yet another species that doesn’t deserve Galactic recognition. But, all that aside, welcome. I have a busy schedule, and must depart. I believe it is custom for humans to shake hands to end meetings such as this?”
“That it is. Thank you for telling us all this. And not to prove you right, on that part about humans being suspicious, but why tell me all this? Why should I trust you?”
“Why shouldn’t you? We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other. The Xrandugax are inquiring about mining rights in your solar system. They were pushing hard against your integration into the Galactic Community. We’ll have to work together in the upcoming negotiations against them.”
“Hey, now! I thought aliens didn’t like conflict with each other?”
“Have you met a Xrandugax? Fuck those guys.”
hello