Round 7 - Adam vs Sensar

[Kaez]

For the final round, write an entry based on any prompt used in the previous six rounds to which you were not assigned. Please indicate which prompt you're writing for at the beginning of your entry.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Write a story dialogue only. Your topic is Food.

GMO

“Hey, Tom. How’s it swingin’?”

“Mike.”

“Hard to believe it’s only Wednesday, am I right? But hey, hump day. All downhill from here.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So what’s for lunch? Is that sushi?”

“Yep.”

“Looks way better than my sandwich. That from that new place down the street?”

“Yeah.”

“Nice. What is that? Fatty tuna?”

“No.”

“You sure? Because it looks a lot like fatty tuna.”

“No, it’s not fatty tu—Oh, or you can just take a piece.”

“Whoa! This is not fatty tuna. What is this? It’s delicious.”

“Take a guess.”

“Oh man… I dunno. It’s like… Mmmm, it’s like tuna, but it’s got a steakiness to it. Like, it’s… it’s a little bit heavier than tuna, but it just melts in your… This isn’t some kind of whale or something is it?”

“It’s ningyo.”

“It’s what? That’s a fish, right?”

“Mostly. It’s Japanese for ‘mermaid.’”

“Oh… Oh!”

“Ha!”

“Oh, God! Get it out of my mouth.”

“Dude! Don’t waste it. That shit’s expen—You owe me like three bucks for that bite.”

“I’m gonna puke, where’s the trash?”

“That’s what you get for stealing someone else’s lunch.”

“You could have told me… You basically just made me a cannibal.”

“No, I di—It’s from the fish part.”

“You could have told me!”

“When?”

“… It has a face, man.”

“Everything has a face.”

“You know what I mean. It has a person face.”

“Eh, sort of, I guess. Up close it isn’t as person-like as they say.”

“You saw it?”

“Yeah, they had her all laid out on a board, carving her up. She had these weird little teeth, and webbed fingers; that was weird. Basically no nose at all. Just these slits…”

“Stop saying ‘her.’ It’s disgusting.”

“…I kind of expected a blowhole, like a dolphin. And her eyes, like, when she blinked, they were more big and fishy than—“

“Wait, she blinked? She was still alive?!”

“Well, yeah… Fresher the better I guess. She looked pretty out of it though, doubt she felt any of it.”

“That’s so messed up. You’re eating a person. You made me eat a person.”

“What are you talking about, ‘a person?’ It’s not even a real animal. It’s not like they found it caught in a tuna net after sailing over Atlantis. They grow the damned things in a lab. For. This. Purpose.”

“Still gross.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not even… Here…”

“No, don’t look it up. I’m fine. I don’t want to know.”

“Seriously, Mike, look at my phone. They’re made with genes from... Looks like a couple different fish and… What’s a macaque?”

“It’s a monkey.”

“There ya go! Not even made from human genes. So you can relax now, drama queen. You’re not a cannibal.”

“It’s still messed up.”

“So, are you saying you don’t want another piece?”

“Yeah. No, thanks. I’m good. I’ll just go back to my unicorn on rye.”

“Ugh, really? You know that’s basically horse, right?”

[Sensar]

For this round, you must write a fantasy story in less than 750 words.

And You, the Chosen, Will Carry the Flame

The lift touched the bottom with a splash. The air down here was stiflingly humid. From above, Diana heard the shouts and calls echoing down to her.

Diana pulled at her wrapping. The golden silk was a luxury just an hour ago, but now she felt it suffocating her, restricting her movement; the lace gathered itself around her neck and stole her breath.

She thought of those above. No doubt they were laughing, how radiant the sacrifice looked, a goddess in gold at the bottom of the well. Diana wanted to scream.

Mustering herself, she stood, straining against the quickly dampening fabric. No doubt the seamstresses would be horrified if they saw how quickly their yearlong work was ruined. Or, at least, that it didn’t make it to its intended destination as radiant as they had hoped.

One foot, then the other. Her heels clicked and splashed against the stone below. She wobbled, unsteady. One hand left the railing, then the other. Immediately, the lift shot upwards, knocking her off balance. Hands and knees thudded against the ground with a thud. Pain lanced through her; she barely managed to stifle her cry, though her eyes welled.

Breathing deep, Diana drew herself upwards and looked around. Before her was the tunnel.

Even if Diana had not known the scriptures, she would have feared the opening. The heat of this place radiated from it, the edges of the mouth steamed slightly as water from within its depths escaped in the form of vapor to cool here and slide below again.

Distant cheers still echoed down. The sacrifice had not yet entered. She glinted in the sun. And so, one foot, one tear, followed the other, she descended.

The slope was surprisingly gentle, so that even in the unsteady gait of ceremonial garb, she was able to maintain her balance. She attempted to steady herself on the wall, but could not bear to hold her hand there for too long. It would start to burn.

The sun quickly faded, and darkness grew absolute. And with it, heat. She could feel it beating at her, her lips cracking and eyes blinking madly with tears. She felt the water vapor from below escaping back up the tunnel.

She had reached the end of her will and was about to turn back herself when she heard It.

There was a low, deep, rasping sound, though that hardly could do It justice. Boulders of iron slowly ground against each other for what seemed like hours. The snore echoed so deep in her bones she nearly fell again before it stopped. Her ears drums throbbed wildly in protest.

As she stood, Diana looked around and saw; she must have reached a turn in the tunnel, for she saw the deep glow of her goal. She slowly peered forward.

The shape of the Thing was hard to determine in the gloom. It’s veins glowed a tarnished ruby, lacing its thick, sodden, pale flesh, giving It shape, form. It’s belly was a crimson cauldron that fed the arcing blood-gilt. Two bright flecks rested off to the side, eyes twirling restlessly under translucent lids. There was no water or smell, in this room. All the senses told Diana one thing: heat. Her lips split and blood trickled down her chin, surprisingly cool.

She stumbled back, trying to breath, and her heels clicked. The Thing, which so rarely heard sounds other than the hiss of water and of breath, stirred. The eyes, pinpricks on any other creature of less magnitude, flared and caught the sight of dull gold.

Diana’s eyes were burning so badly with tears that she had to close them. But her ears, desperate to aid her, warned her. The scraping of moving meat against stone roared at her. She tossed herself to the ground, and her hair began to smoke. She blinked her eyes open through tears. She could not so much see the talon as see its shape glint in red, casually piercing the place her head had been, expecting no resistance.

She crawled wildly away, all thoughts forgotten, but her garb snagged her, and the ground burned. The Thing yawned, and a gale knocked her onto her side.

Diana’s thoughts swirled with Rodric, of mother and father. Of the priest, and of the governor, of all those cowardly men and women celebrating, toasting, dancing around the well tonight.

Diana screamed in rage but the heat took her voice.

And the Thing took her.

[James]

(I’m really rushed for time but we don’t want the competition to stall, so these are briefer than I’d like. I really do apologise.)

Adam
Ha. Haha. I really enjoyed this one.

The question that is begging to be asked, though, is if I would have enjoyed it quite so much without the earlier mermaid sushi story by Sam. I think a lot of entertainment from this comes from the inside joke. I don’t know how it would read to anyone else.

Not for the first time, I want to praise your dialogue writing skill, though. You just have a real knack for dialogue and it came through clearly here. It was a breeze to read and even though the content of the conversation was ridiculous, it all felt real enough as a piece of dialogue.

So, well-written and fun. I wish I had more to say, but I don't really.

Sensar
It’s really odd that this story felt both really long for 750 words and also quite short. I got to the end and felt you had crammed a lot in, but thinking about, not a lot actually happens. She basically walks a few steps through a tunnel.

I think this comes from the fact that you did a decent job at hinting at a wider world: the sacrifice, the seamstresses who took a year to make the wrapping, the scriptures. They are all really nice pieces of detail. On top of that, there are some excellent descriptions littered throughout.

I liked this one. I think you did a good job at setting up some scope in 750 words and also giving us a really distinct image as the centrepiece of the story.

Good work, but keep an eye out for your it’s and its. It’s been a bit of a running problem in your stories.



This is actually pretty tough to judge (and I think Pete and I made a rod for our own back by letting you choose your own prompts). Adam’s story was probably the best dialogue story of the competition. I also think Sensar’s story would have won the fantasy prompt in the flash fiction round. So how do I decide who’s meant to win? I’m going to go with Sensar because his story felt a little more substantive and fleshed out whereas Adam’s story felt like a fun little inside joke (even if the dialogue was excellent).