Match #14

[James]

TOPIC: Spy-fi
RESTRICTION: The hero must be a double agent

Deadline: Tuesday, 2nd June

We've have had a fantasy genre round and a horror genre round, and now it's time for the sci-fi round. Write us a spy-fi story where the hero is a double agent.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Adam lived a boring life. He had a boring apartment with a lonely bed, and each day barring weekends, he would get up at six hours past midnight to have a shower and brush his teeth. Half an hour later, he would eat a bland breakfast of toast and coffee before getting into his old beaten Astra. He would then endure a two hour commute through the sanity reducing traffic that clogged Sydney’s streets, every morning. After the gruelling ride, he would find himself at the same old job he had worked at for the past decade of his life. Like a six story grey tombstone, it marked the location that the dreams of his youth died. Today however was far different from any other.

The locks on his car were failing. Standing at the car door mindlessly jabbing his remote key lock at the car, he finally gave up and locked it manually. He didn’t even bother checking to see if they had closed properly, as far as Adam cared it would be a brief respite from the mind numbing humdrum of his day if his car got stolen. Instead he checked his tie was tied correctly and that he hadn’t done up the buttons on his shirt incorrectly. People expected a lot of things from him today. His firm had just secured a very prestigious client and his part in the deal meant that quite a few eyes were watching him.

Striding through the underground parking lot, he was busy trying to bring his unruly brown hair into line and he completely missed the figure in black walk out from behind a pillar. Adam came to a staggering stop when he heard someone give a loud cough in front of him. His head snapped up and his eyes focused on the person. Dressed in a black woollen coat like Adam, the figure in black seemed to stand in the shadows just right to hide their face. Adam couldn’t imagine how long it took them to get into that position.

“The fuck you want?” Adam said, with all the verbal grace and wit he could muster at nine in the morning. The figure, clearly a man, laughed.

“Charming, Adam, do you want a million dollars?”

Adam stood staring at the man in black for a moment, his mind slowly trying to understand what he had just been asked.

“Don’t give me this bullshit; it’s far too early to be buying fucking timeshares.”

Playing games with the man seemed like a bad idea, but Adam was always grumpy in the morning and he wasn’t going to take any crap. He decided to test the man. Brushing past him, he began to make his way towards the elevator. There was a rustle behind him and he suddenly found himself held with a cold blade at his throat, the man’s mouth was at his right ear. Adam could literally taste the nicotine on his breath. He decided that maybe it was best to humour the guy. After all, the knife made a very strong case for whatever they wanted.

“You marketers have really upped their game” Adam choked, struggling to keep his throat as far from the blade as possible. His assailant gave a barking laugh.

“Cocky, good; but hear me out,” Adam just grunted non-committedly, “You live a rather pathetic life, right? I know you do so don’t bother trying to deny it. You must be thinking about what a million dollars could get you.”

“Jail?” Adam’s dry quip gained him another laugh from his audience.

“The money doesn’t do it for you? I doubt it, but what about this. If you don’t get me what I want, I’ll just dispose of you. I know where you live; I know how the lock on your door doesn’t latch quite right or how your landlord hasn’t bothered to fix the security cameras at your flats.” The man had let his voice drop from a jovial and friendly tone to one that made the hairs on Adams neck sit up and sweat begin to pour from his palms.

“It’s simple; you get a couple of files from your bosses’ desk, bring them down here and give them to me. You know which ones they are; they are the financial files on the Commonwealth Bank. After that, I promise you’ll get your money.”

Adam nodded his head as much as he could without slicing his own throat. In response, the knife was removed and Adam collapsed to the ground gasping for air. His shirt and pants felt drenched in his sweat. At least he hoped it was just sweat with his pants. Struggling to his feet he furtively glanced around for the man but he could see nothing in the dark of the parking lot. Almost tripping over his own feet, he made his way to the elevator and desperately pressed the button for his floor. Sliding down the wall of the lift, he sat with his legs sprawled out as he rode it up to his office. Sudden realisation hit him that maybe he had gotten himself involved with something far above his ability.

Stumbling from the elevator, Adam barely noticed his workmates greeting him. He just nodded his head or mumbled a short reply as he staggered his way to his cubicle. Dropping down in his seat, he stared at the wall and let his chair slowly rotate around. Around him the building went about its typical morning duties with the sounds of people tapping away at computers or chatting amongst themselves. It all blended together and became background noise to Adams internal thoughts. The man he had met knew where he lived and every security concern of his shitty apartment, which was good. Adam continued to fret though, how much more did the man know about him.

The hours passed as Adam sat at his desk, his hand playing with a pen as he eyed the private office of his boss. If he wanted to get the documents, he would need to wait until the office was clear. Until then, his mind drifted to when he was younger and how he grew up wanting to be a spy like James Bond or something out of a comic book. He had long forgotten about those dreams until he found himself being forced into playing them out. But those memories were filled with excitement and adventure, not the gut wrenching fear that he felt now. They also had awesome gadgets like laser watches.

The opening of a door caused Adam to surface from his thoughts and he watched as his boss rushed out of his office. It was lunchtime and as he glanced around the office space he noticed he was one of the few left still at their cubicle. He swallowed a lump in his throat and stood up on unsteady legs. Still playing with his pen, he made his way towards the private room. Tunnel vision set in and he had trouble paying attention to his surroundings. If he could just get the files and get out, he could get his money and never have to think about today again.

“Hey Adam!”

He almost lurched into the wall of another cubicle as he spun around to see who had shouted out to him. It was Ryan, his neighbour across from his desk.

“Uh, hey” Adam replied, feeling relief pour through him.

“Not going to lunch? I was going to get sushi.”

“Yeah, yeah, uhm, I’ll be down in a few minutes, I need to get something from the printer” Adam mumbled, Ryan seemed to give a knowing nod before he patted him on the back and sauntered off to lunch. He mentally slapped himself. He had to calm down or he was going to fuck it all up.

Once again he took off for his bosses’ office, this time he made sure to keep his ears and eyes open. Gripping the handle, he pushed the door open and entered the private room. The workspace was just like his boss, well organised and rather spartan. Cabinets ran along the walls on both sides and a large desk sat at the back of the room, other than a few paintings and a pot plant, there wasn’t many decorations. Adam knew where the files he needed were, he had handed them to his boss just yesterday. It made him wonder how his “handler” must have known he had worked on them.

They sat on the desk, inside a manila folder. As far as he knew, they were mostly old financial reports for the bank. It was possible that whoever wanted them may be trying to blackmail the bank. He had spotted some irregularities in the reports when he audited them, but his boss told him that they were above his pay grade to worry about. Getting caught up in a major conspiracy against a major bank was not something Adam wanted to be doing today and already he had remind himself of the money on the line. Picking up the folder, he had an urge to flip through them, but he didn’t have time. Turning back towards the door his heart leapt into his throat as it swung open and the secretary walked in.

The woman, Carol, gave a small shout of surprise when she looked up and saw Adam standing beside the desk. He quickly stashed the files into his coat. Her eyes almost immediately narrowed in suspicion. Adam’s mind raced in an attempt to think of a way out.

“What are doing in here?” She asked, her voice dripping with disapproval.

“I, I mean, the boss wanted me to redo some reports I did for him!” Adam exclaimed; it was the first excuse he could think of.

“Really, and what reports were those?”

Adam’s eyes almost popped as he desperately tried to think of a report name.

“The, the, uh, Centilink reports!”

“The Centilink reports? Weren’t those down a month ago? Are you saying that Mr. Donavon only got you to look back over those today?” The suspicion could almost be felt in the air.

“Yes! I mean no, I forgot, yes. I forgot that I had to look over them and the boss reminded me. Lucky I didn’t get fired, ha, ha, haa.”

As he stammered and spluttered his excuses, Adam was slowly edging towards the door. Carol almost stepped in front of it to stop him, but he quickly barged past her.

“Sorry, I got to go, promised Ryan I’d meet him for lunch. It’s sushi!”

Almost sprinting through the door, Adam had to use every ounce of willpower to stop him breaking out in a run from the office. That was too close, he thought frantically. Carol had to know something was up; all he could do now was to get to the parking lot and hand over the files. In his coat, where he had them pressed against his chest, the documents felt like a burning lead weight. Once he got to the elevator he could ride it down in peace. As if on cue, the doors to the elevator opened with a ping. There was still a hallway between it and him, and he watched as two men in security uniforms stepped out.

For the second time that day, his eyes almost bugged out of his skull. Carol must have called security on him. I had no idea how they had gotten to his floor so fast, but he couldn’t let them catch him. There was a shout from one of the men and they started to make their way towards him. He almost couldn’t breathe as they strode right past him, ignoring him completely. He had no idea why, maybe Carol hadn’t given them a description of him. He pushed his luck and turned to watch them enter his work space. One of them walked off towards his cubicle while the other one took a position near the hallway entrance.

A shout from Carol broke the tension. She was pointing at him and directing her shouts to the security men. She was telling them he had stolen something. His head whipped around looking for an escape. For the first time all day he got lucky. Next to him was one of the service staircases. He almost sprinted through the door, the sound of running feet on the carpet behind him. Finding himself at the top of the stairs, he wasted no time almost throwing himself down them. There was a loud bang and one of the security men came through the door right behind him. They began a race for the bottom.

The high pitched squeak of the rubber soles of their shoes on the steps filled the stairwell as they raced down flights of stairs. Adam barely gripped the hand railing as he leaped down two or even three sets of stairs each stride. His pace was unstainable however, and after the third flight, he mis-stepped and came crashing down. He rolled down several more times, his arms protecting his head. Finally coming to a stop on the next flight, he let out a moan as he felt his back and shoulders already start bruising. Sitting up against the wall he watched as the guard jogged down to him, his hands were already holding a gun at the ready.

“I give up! I’m sorry, I give up!” Adam coughed raising his hands in defeat. He looked as if he had no more energy to continue. As he sat up against the wall he stared at the weapon and his brain tried to tell him something through the fog of pain. Finally it clicked.

“Hang on, you guys aren’t allowed guns!”

The guard smiled in response.

“Yeah, it is rather inconvenient.”

There was no planning or even long term thinking. Going against every instinct, or rather every instinct of a boring accountant, Adam rose up to his feet and launched himself at the man. If it wasn’t for the sudden rush of adrenaline, Adam would have most likely just collapsed immediately. Instead he caught the gunmen by surprise and as Adam barrelled into him, the gun went off, the shot going wide and the bullet ricocheted off the wall. The ear piercing ring was quickly accompanied by the tangy smell of gunpowder. Grabbing his assailants hands Adam pushed him back against the railing and began slamming them against the iron bar. The man’s hands let go of the gun and it tumbled down the stairwell.

The gunman gave a yell of frustration and shoulder slammed Adam aside. A quick right swing followed and Adam’s vision went blurry and he felt as if he had a sudden hangover. He didn’t even register the pain as he dropped to the ground in front of his opponent. The world slowly began to shift back in to focus, just in time to see the gunman, who was straddling him, pull out a knife and plunge it towards his chest. His arms almost moved on their own accord and he grabbed the handle just inches from his heart. The assailant gave a grunt and leaned down on to the knife. It began to inch closer and not even Adam’s adrenaline pumped blood could stop it. His right hand desperately searched his coat pocket and pulled out his pen; with a roar he jammed it in to the eye of his assailant.

A scream echoed through the stairwell and Adam was able push the man off him. He grabbed the man’s head and began slamming it into the concrete floor. They barely had time to struggle before their head was left smashed in and leaking blood. Gasping for breath, Adam rose back to his feet and stared at the body before him. He didn’t even get to contemplate what he had just done. There was yelling above him and he looked up to see the second “guard” glaring at him and his fallen partner. Gun drawn, he fired a shot that once more destroyed the hearing of anyone in the enclosed space. The bullet missed and it was all Adam needed to lurch back into a flight down the stairs, once again under hot pursuit.

This time Adam was able to reach the bottom of the stairs without falling and he stumbled out into the car park. It was as dark as that morning and he searched the open space with distress. He couldn’t see the man he had met earlier or anyone at all. He began to limp away to find somewhere to hide when there was a shout from behind. Turning he saw the second gunmen standing behind him, his gun centred and ready to fire. It was very unlikely he would miss this time.

“It’s over, any last words?” the gunmen’s voice was calm and focused.
“Who the fuck are you people?” Adam almost cried. He was tired, scared and he was pretty sure he killed someone. The man just smiled. From the shadows behind him, a figure detached itself and began to stalk up towards the gunman.

The gunman shrugged “not something you need to know, and frankly, there is no point telling you.”

“And dead man can tell no tales” the figure in black whispered as he drew his knife across the gunman’s throat. The gunman gave a long desperate gurgle from his mouth as blood poured from the cut. He was dead before he hit the ground. The figure in black stepped over the corpse and approached Adam who was left standing in shock.

“I presume you have the documents?”

Adam nodded faintly before pulling the files from under his coat. They were crumpled from the fight and his fall, but they were still in one piece. Opening the folder, the man in black flicked through and grunted in satisfaction.

“Well done Adam, very well done!” As he spoke a car turned on its headlights drove up beside them.

“May I offer you a ride? I believe the police will be here very shortly and I doubt you want to be here when that happens.”

Adam once again simply nodded in agreement, his mind blank and his body working on autopilot after the shock. They both got into the car, a black limousine similar to those driven by ambassadors and politicians. The partition wall was up and he couldn’t see the driver, he could see out the tinted windows however and as they pulled out of the underground parking, he watched as several police cars came screaming down the road. They merged into the traffic and were lost to the view of the police. There was a pop and Adam jumped, turning to look at the man in black, he saw him pouring some kind of wine into two glasses. Handing one to Adam he raised his for a toast.

“To good business!” He said cheerfully clinking his glass against Adams. Adam immediately downed his entirely.

“Do I get my money?” Adam whispered.

“Of course! It is waiting for you in a locker at the train station on Pitt and Elizabeth street, here is the key for it” the man said cheerfully, handing over the key and tag with the locker number.

“Who the hell are you, and who were those people?” once again, all Adam could manage was a soft exhausted voice.

“Ah, yes, I must congratulate you on that; I had not expected such… opposition. You handled it admirably!” he stopped to think for a second before nodding to himself. “In fact, take this card, call the number on it when you get time to rest, we could do with someone like you.”
The car pulled over and Adam looked out the window. It was some garbage filled alleyway between two rundown buildings.

“Well, this is your stop.”

Adam turned to look at the man in black and he opened the door at his insistence. Stepping out on to the street, the man in black smiled raised his glass before reaching over and closing the door. Left standing as the car drove off into the traffic; Adam looked down at the key and business card and began to laugh. The laughter turned to crying and after a few minutes he was left emotionless. It was at that point that his beaten up old Astra pulled up in front of him. Out of it stepped Ryan with two cartons of sushi and a huge grin.

“Adam! Fancy meeting you here!” Ryan’s voice dripped with humour.

Adam looked up at him annoyed.

“You didn’t say I would need to kill someone” he growled as Ryan approached him.

“Yes, those two were rather a surprise; it seems there are a few more players in this game. Don’t worry; my agency will deal with that mess. So, did you find out who our mystery man is?”

Adam shook his head. Ryan had been assigned with watching the man in black after the man came up on his agencies radar a few months earlier. After he had found out that the group he was part of was going to make a play for some sensitive documents at an accounts firm, he “hired” Adam to help him out.

“No, but he wants to recruit me…” He said, showing the business card. “He also gave me a key to a million dollars.”

“Excellent! I must say, it was lucky I got to you before he did” Ryan laughed as he said it. “Don’t look so down, think about all the money you’re going to make from all this. Tell you what, why don’t we go get that cash prize, it can be your down payment from me.”

Adam shook his head, thinking once more how much shit he had gotten himself into. Although he couldn’t shake the allure of all the money, it latched to him like beer to an alcoholic. Besides, he always wanted to be James bond.

“Sushi?” Ryan asked, handing Adam one of the cartons.

[James]

Team Zovo

It would be remiss of me as a judge to not mention the fact that you got the topic wrong. Spy-fi involves an element of science fiction that, as far as I'm aware, was missing in your story. So it's quite lucky that your competitor was a no-show, because that would be a hard flaw to overlook when judging who was the winner.

I'll briefly touch upon the actual writing. Besides from the odd mistake, it was good enough. It felt a tad pedestrian, though. Even the action scenes felt very slow. There's a bit where you describe the guard trying to stab Adam and it was said so matter of factly that it just didn't feel real. Shift up your sentences. Emphasise certain points. An action scene shouldn't read at the same pace of Adam driving to work (Pete calls me out for similar things, all the time). On the positive side of things, I enjoyed the dry humour that ran throughout the piece. Good work.

My main issue, though, was to do with the story. If you think about it, for just a moment, the whole thing sorts of fall down. This was partly because you gave us such a personal 3rd person narrative that when the plot twist came at the end, it felt very forced. We didn't get all of Adam's thoughts because you deliberately omitted them in your narrative. And I'm not a fan of that. Further, Adam didn't seem to know he had been hired earlier, either. He knew this was going to happen for a while now and yet, holy fuck, he spends the entire time panicking.

Did Ryan know what documents the man was after? If so, why didn't Adam get a copy of them when he -worked- on the file? Why did he have to incompetently steal them from his boss. And if Ryan didn't know what documents the man was after, why didn't he ask Adam that straight away?

These spies are terrible at their job. Terrible.

Basically, the story just needed some thought behind it. Make sure that the plot makes sense.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

To be fair... It's really difficult to write a plot twist when it's one of the requirements. The plot twist felt forced, I think, because it -was- forced.

Topic: Spy-Fi
Requirements: Spoil the ending.

Just my opinion.

Thanks for the reviews though, I'm sure the authors appreciate the feedback.

[Matteo ((Taed))]

Team Zovo:

Those spies were not good at their jobs.

Your voice for this had a sort of dry, irreverent wit that could have been great, but it never really got a chance to shine. I would have loved to see some gadgets, some colourful characters, just generally some more of what you expect when you think of spy pulp. I'm not saying that you had to give us moon bases and earthquake machines, but there are ways to write even a bank office so that it's larger than life.

You could have played up the whole office drone, cube farm thing, you could have played up the evil corporate bosses, you could have given the guards some dimensionality (maybe make them surprisingly erudite, or make them super image conscious, like they buy designer handguns or something). If you dropped your protagonist as a dry everyman into that, his snark would have been a lot punchier, and you'd open up a lot more chances to be funny.