Round 6 - Shakespeare in Autumn (Dragon v Jor)

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Write a Shakespearian Sonnet about: Autumn

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakespearian_sonnets#Structure

[Deleted]

The world is in the throes of death, I know.
Yes, heat and balm were but a false display.
Now comes the fall of leaves; the cold 'fore snow.
Summer's candle wax has all but melt away.

Once more, my friends, the sheeps' wool shall be shorn.
The frozen flesh of animals laid by.
'Neath the darkness of Sito's mournful scorn,
We eat and drink and love and live and die.

And yet, lovers may play where the leaves trod.
Their crisp corpses can make children from Men.
Perhaps the dead leaves be a gift from God.
A gift not seen by Man's shortness of ken.

Do not weap for Autumn's last whisper'd breath.
There be no Life before there first is Death.

[J.O.N ((Dragonwing))]

Warmth ends at Autumn’s first breath, bringing fear,
Heralding of long dark nights and deathly chills.
Beneath a sleeping sun we clutch those we hold dear,
As the first frost claws at the window sill.

Yet gazing at gold leaves falling from trees,
Enraptured by the dancing colours the dead bring.
This only makes us forget the coming freeze.
Until then, Autumn gives us one last fling.

Flying and crying with all our true sweet ones.
Through the wooded vales and open glades.
A relief to watch our daughters and sons.
The short moment we dearly pray will never fade.

Summer ends and we take refuge from death,
As Winter creeps in at Autumns last breath.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Ok, I'm not gonna lie; I've been putting this off because I wasn't really sure how to review these. So I'll keep it short.

Jor:

I really enjoyed yours, your word choice and some of the punctuation made it feel old-timey which is what I'd expect from a Shakespeareian Sonnet. I had some trouble with the candle metaphor I think mainly because I don't associate burning candles with summer. But other than that, really solid with a good flow and strong message.

Dragon:

You certainly embraced the imagery of Autumn and had me remembering a time where I lived in a place with more than two seasons. There were a couple of clumsy rhymes in there which were all the more noticeable because of how easily they could have been avoided. Chills/Sill and Glades/Fade. Both of those could have been remedied by simply removing the "s" from the first word which, incidentally, would have also imbued the piece with some of that old-timey feel I mentioned in Jor's review.

Though I liked your submission, Dragon, and I find it somewhat amusing that you both chose the same rhyme for the last two lines, I'm going to give this round to Jordoom.