Entry First and Only
I watched the sun race. I watched the forests breathe in spring and sigh out autumn. I watched the flicker of rains and snows.
Men had built and barked at my roots since the great shaggy beasts had vanished and the ice had left my crown. I had felt the stamping of their little armies and smelt the fumes of their little forges for half that time. Soon they were all going to die.
I felt it churning in the deep, the swell and pressure. I burned from within. I groaned, but my voice was too long for mannish ears to hear. Soon they were all going to die, and I grieved for them already. A dozen times before I had screamed release across the land and sealed it all in ash, yet never had I mourned it.
I shall tell you of my love for men for it began early. In the beginning there was just me, the sun, a few distant plants, and the stars. It was quiet but mostly it was boring and dull. I slept for a lot of this time, dormant, unmoved, and alone.
I only woke once I felt things moving over my skin, the tip-tip-tapping of animals of all varieties. There was intelligence there and it was joyous to watch after the long slumber. The animals developed, grew, and created clever new ways of finding food, using tools, and building homes but it was the humans that always stole my attention. At first they were just primates, sharing food, picking lice from scruff, but they evolved quickly. Soon they started to build mud huts, and make weapons to kill food with, and learnt the secrets of fire. I did my part, became the scene for their play, which I enjoyed to watch and provided their food. After a time their houses were always the most complex and their technology moved in leaps, bounds, stunts and stops.
Days flitted by like grains of sand dancing across the dry and barren parts of my skin. Before I knew it they'd drastically changed my appearance, the surface, and bent it to their will. Towers of houses shot up, almost erupted from me, and naked land became few and far between. New lakes and rivers were formed, while seas were ignored and built upon using drilled platforms, but I didn't mind, although at times it did hurt. I was their protector. I was their home and it felt good. It was a whole new golden age. No other planet held life; not like I could, in a gentle cradle.
The humans didn't stop though. They became needy and jealous of each other as space became tight. More and more buildings rose and they ate the other animals; things that would once be considered their predators, they could now kill with a click of a button. They outgrew me. As their needs zipped beyond my ability to provide the wars started. I never understood it, just as they never understood me or heeded my warnings, but they would blow up parts of their homes and lands. It was coveted for food production, or better location, or simply just because.
The violence got too much for me to bear as I watched everything I loved being torn down. It was demolished efficiently with their technology. I was hurt as it became painful to watch. Each new explosion ripped open great swathing scars across my skin. It was then that I tried to warn them, shouted about the pain they caused me and each other. I ached to tell them of the suffering they caused, pleaded with them, but my words would never be understood. Instead the ground they stood on would just shake and move and grumble … and in turn do as much damage, possibly even more than they could ever do.
I still love them but more than anything I want to return to the golden age. There would still be a few to watch, to enjoy, to nurture but they were rare and usually not the humans calling the shots. Those that were in charge were keen to get away from me. I couldn't support them any more and they knew it. They used larger bullets to go to other planets; first the moon, then Mars, then further beyond. I watched each go and those that exploded never managing to leave my carefully constructed cradle.
It was only recently that I discovered their fate. I guess I always thought that they'd destroy each other but this was different. This was something new and it came from me, deep and central. In trying to warn them, I had unleashed something that could never be stopped and I dreaded its coming. The heat bulged in me and pushed at my skin, as if licking the inside of my surface in a tantalizing motion; it was pregnant with threat as it popped in locations over my skin. Pits ruptured upwards spewing my blood and land sunk without warning. Seas steamed and fled as tears. Land changed as people, animals, forests, and houses were burnt away. Nothing was safe from the monster. Nothing was safe from the damage I wrought but could not control.
I never knew fear. I didn't know I could feel it, although I had seen it in the humans. I would destroy that which I sought to protect. Even now my skin ruptures anew and creases widen and swallow whole cities. All I can do is watch. It's probably a matter of days now; it will feel like seconds to me. One final bang ... and the whole world will go dark. Maybe they should have tried to leave on their bullets sooner.
I doubt anything will survive but I hope it does. I can't stop it. I don't want to be lonely again. I don't want to say goodbye.
