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Post by ARSmith ((Wolfeh)) on May 20, 2013 22:23:40 GMT -5
Roman End
From the realm of existence came the Roman, Who naught but sealed the fate of man And took from His horse the dainty spear That pierced and won the land.
No man, said they who opposed, Should ever hold reign over those with woes To the foes who filled them with fear, And in their stead steady their blows.
But what shortcoming would end Them, Who cut lead and bark and trunk and stem With cast iron blades as strong as their beer, With no true home to defend?
Rome, said They, who stood strong with will With eager gullets to sate their fill And yet now it was all too clear. Greed, they said, greed will be their bill.
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Jun 7, 2013 7:25:25 GMT -5
Weirdly it was must easier to read this out loud than it was to just read it. Which, by the way, it reads in the most amazing and theatrical way. Really, try it. Trust me.
On to the nitty-gritty. I think the repeater on the second paragraph didn't need to happen. I would consider replacing it. Also, Forth as the starting word is a bit odd looking. I'm not sure I like it?
Enjoyable though! Good short piece. Nice to see you doing poetry again. You've a knack for it and playing around with the old words as you have brought something really unique to it.
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Inkdrinker
Scribe
Sepulcher: a stage enlived by ghosts.
Posts: 908
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Post by Inkdrinker on Jun 7, 2013 18:42:31 GMT -5
Not any sort of review, but I really liked this. It flowed really well.
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