Norfolk Conference

[J.O.N ((Dragonwing))]

"I love you."

"No, you don't."

"Dammit, Katherine, yes I fucking do. I love you. I fucking love you, I've always fucking loved you, and I'm always going to fucking love you. I love you."

"No. Please don't say that. No, no, you..."

"Why won't you let me love you? Why won't you just let me? You don't answer my calls. You don't respond to my letters. You won't email me. Why won't you just let me fucking love you Katherine? Huh?"

She felt the cold gun barrel press against her skull and the warm urine drool down her thigh.

Entry One

"I love you."

"No, you don't."

"Dammit, Katherine, yes I fucking do. I love you. I fucking love you, I've always fucking loved you, and I'm always going to fucking love you. I love you."

"No. Please don't say that. No, no, you..."

"Why won't you let me love you? Why won't you just let me? You don't answer my calls. You don't respond to my letters. You won't email me. Why won't you just let me fucking love you Katherine? Huh?"

She felt the cold gun barrel press against her skull and the warm urine drool down her thigh.

"P-please!" she begged through bleary eyes. "Let me go!"

"No! I'll never let you go again!"

"HELP!!!" Katherine yelled as she clawed her nails into the wallpaper of her apartment. Her attacker swiftly silenced her screams by placing the barrel of his weapon into her mouth.

Katherine was wracked with fear as she tried not to chew on the pistol. She had her tongue pressed as hard to the bottom of her mouth as she could. Everything running through her mind at that moment told her even the slightest touch would make the gun go off and she would die. She was going to die.

Perhaps it was this deep and foreboding thought that kept her attention away from the rather large yellow object that was flying toward her apartment at mach speed until it had careened headfirst through her glass balcony doors.

Katherine and her attacker were both drawn rather suddenly by the loud crash of glass and wood. At that moment, for a brief instant, there wasn't a man threatening to kill a woman with a gun in her mouth, but two people staring at a somewhat overweight man in a yellow jumpsuit and a white cape laying on the apartment floor.

The oddly dressed individual let out a painful moan and slowly tried to pick himself up off the broken glass. He wore a blue mask on his face that only covered his eyes and didn't cover an inch of the huge mustache that graced his upper lip. A blue, sequined "M" was sewn onto the front of his jumpsuit.

"Ugh... I didn't think," the caped stranger groaned, "That zip-lines would go that fast... or that glass doors hurt that much. *Ow* Probably should have hit feet first."

The gunman and his victim shared befuddled glances.

The yellow man caught his breath finally and raised himself into a heroic pose. "Did I hear someone call for help?" he exploded in a tremendously cliche hero voice. It was somewhere near a Dudley Do Right impression.

Katherine didn't move for a few seconds as she stared at the strange masked man. She finally raised her hand weakly and said "Mwah." After all, it's rather hard to talk with a gun in your mouth.

"Ah! Well citizen!" The masked man bellowed. "There's no need to fear! Mediation Man is here!"

"What... the fuck are you?" the gunman finally piped up.

"I, sir, am a hero!"

"Oookaaay," the gunman lipped slowly. "Is that supposed to explain why you... ran head first through a glass door?"

"Actually, I zip-lined head first through a glass door. Something I wish not to repeat now that I've had a taste of it. But the reason I did so is simple: I am here to help."

Mediation Man outstretched his arms and began to walk forward. The gunman, who had been distracted by the absurdity of the situation, suddenly remembered why the hell he was here in the first place. He ripped the gun out of Katherine's mouth and wheeled her around to use as a human shield. He placed the weapon to her temple.

"Don't you move! I'll kill her! I swear!"

"Call the cops!" Katherine yelled at the would-be superhero now that she was no longer brushing her teeth with a .45.

"Now now. No need to worry the fine men and women at our police department over this. They have much bigger fish to fry." Mediation Man said calmly.

"W-what?!" Katherine stammered.

"You know, like prostitutes, drug dealers and bronies."

"What... was that last one?" the gunman asked with a concerned raised brow.

"Never mind about that. First, the most important part of any mediation is introductions. I am, of course, Mediation Man. You sir? What is your name?"

"Uh... Steve?"

"Steve... or Steven?"

"Just Steve."

"Excellent. Now young lady, what is your name?"

"CALL THE COPS YOU FUCK!!!"

Mediation Man placed his hand on his wide hips disapprovingly. "Ma'am, if we are to commence this mediation, I really must have you cooperation. Remember: Cooperation is the sidekick to Mediation."

Both Katherine and Steve were equal amounts confused and concerned by this brightly dressed man.

"K-Katherine." she answered awkwardly.

"Katherine. Steve and Katherine. Great! The introductions are now complete!" Mediation Man exclaimed as he pulled a nearby chair over to his position. He settled into the seat, his jumpsuit squeaking against the upholstery. "The next step is to hear the terms of this mediation. Katherine, I'll start with you. What is the conflict you're experiencing right now?"

"He's going to kill me!" she yelled, feeling the gun press tighter to her skull.

"Mmhmm" Mediation Man responded drolly, stroking his mustache in thought. "And Steven- I'm sorry - Steve, what is the conflict for you?"

"I'm... going to... kill her?" he responded, questioning what exactly needed to be explained about this situation.

"Oh good! We're in agreement then." Mediation Man said after completing a stroke of his mustache and holding the tips with his thumb and forefinger as if it might fall off. "Now tell me Steve; why would you want to even harm a hair on such a lovely woman as this?"

"He's a psycho! He's obsessed-" Katherine screamed only to have her head jerked suddenly to the side.

"Shut up! I'm just trying to- I just want us to be together!" Steve screamed back into her ear.

"Katherine please," Mediation Man spoke with soft tones. "It's Steve's question. Go on Steve."

"No! Fuck you man!" Steve bellowed as he pointed the gun at the hero. "We're leaving! Together! And you aren't stopping us!"

He began to slowly pull Catherine towards her apartment door.

"Not that I have the means in which to do so, I wouldn't dream of detaining either of you by force. However, don't you think you owe an explanation?"

"A what?!"

"Surely you know if you leave with her at gunpoint, you options are limited. Perhaps now is the best time to get off your chest what you mean to say?"

"I- I," Steve stammered. "I just want us to be together! She's the only thing that matters to me! I love her so much and she's just brushing me aside! I can't help myself!"

"You're crazy! You're just some gun-toting freak who thinks he's Clint Eastwood!" Katherine rasped as tears flowed down her face. She turned her attention back to the seated hero. "Please! Please just call the cops! I'm begging you!"

"Something happened that made you believe this? Am I right, Katherine?" Mediation Man said, oblivious that said "something" was happening -now- to her right in front of him.

"He pulled his gun on some guy!" Katherine cried.

"I did it to protect you!" Steve retorted indignantly.

"He didn't even do anything. He bumped into me and knocked me down. It was an accident, but Steve just whip his gun out and threatened this guy!"

"He hurt you!"

"Not bad enough to warrant killing him, you bastard!"

"Alright alright. I see," Mediation Man patted his hands calmingly. "Steve. Do you feel this was an appropriate response?"

"I... I don't know!" Steve blubbered.

"You don't know or you don't want to say?"

"I- I-... No. No it wasn't."

"But you still did it!" Katherine interrupted. "How can I be seen with someone as psychotic as you?!"

"Come now Katherine. Psychosis is a rather ambivalent prognosis to label someone with. Why, in the end, aren't we all just a little psychotic at times?" Mediation Man replied to the woman.

"That's bullshit! How can you compare other people to what he's done?!"

"Ma'am, I love to help people. It's why I dress like this every night to help people like you two. It's also," Mediation Man said with a jerk of his thumb toward the busted in balcony door, "why I ziplined through a panel of glass and wood just now. Wouldn't you consider such an act a bit psychotic?"

"Yes." Katherine curtly answered. "Yes I would."

"And I'm sure you've had episodes that might be considered insane as well?"

"I... No!"

"Clowns." Steve interjected.

Katherine's face went deathly pale and her eyes seemed to sink into her face.

"I'm sorry... Clowns?" Mediation Man asked.

"Yeah. She has a pathological fear of clowns."

"Well, that's not crazy. Many people suffer from coulrophobia."

"Many people don't try to bludgeon clowns to death with a rock."

Mediation Man was silent for a bit, analyzing this newly acquired data carefully. "Yes," he finally determined, "that is crazy."

"That's not fair!" Katherine wailed as she wriggled out of Steve's grasp and faced him. The fact that a gun had been involved in this entire episode had suddenly been flushed from her mind. "I'm not crazy! I've hardly anything remotely close to what you did!"

"You tried to club a guy at the park last week! He wasn't even in full clown garb! He was only wearing the wig!" Steve retorted, flinging his weapon around with his exaggerated hand gestures. "Not to mention he was handing out balloons to a group of kids. You were going to murder him in front of children!"

"I'M NOT CRAZY!!!"

"I had to hold you back the entire time!"

"I'M NOT CRAZY!!!"

"You were screaming "Kill the clown!". Not even in a coherent way either!"

Katherine pressed herself against the wall. She held her head with her hands and sobbed. It was a long and terrible sobbing. She gasped for air after every wail. She as if her body would burst at any moment and she held herself tightly to prevent from splitting open.

"There there." Mediation Man cooed as he gingerly got out of his chair and approached the crying woman. He placed his hand gently on her head.

"Katherine," Steve said as he crouched down in front of her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done any of this. You deserved better. But I want to take care of you! I want to be sure you never have to be afraid again."

"Steve... I... I'm sorry too. I was being so selfish and stubborn. I knew you were trying to protect me, but I was just so scared. I wasn't willing to understand." Katherine said between tears.

"Let me love you. Let me protect you the only way I can. I promise that you'll be alright. Everything will work out. I swear."

Katherine looked into Steve's eyes. She remembered the first time she ever saw those eyes. Deep blue with flecks of green in them. Sad, but meaningful. She could feel familiarity in those eyes. Like coming home at last.

"Okay. Okay Steve." she finally smiled. "I want to give you chance again. For my sake at least."

"Katherine... thank you. Thank you so much!"

Steve threw his gun away and reached for her hands. He held them and caressed them as if they might break from the slightest effort. Katherine leaned forward and placed her forehead against his.

"Oh Steve!" She muttered quietly to him, acknowledging his presence and his love for the very first time.

"This is beautiful thing. It really is." Mediation Man said warmly to the couple. "But... I do have just one last question to ask Katherine. I mean... if you feel like answering it."

"Of course. What is it?" She spoke with a happy lilt akin to laughter.

"That man? The one in the park?"

"Yes?"

Mediation Man began stroking his mustache again, more discerningly this time.

"You did kill him, didn't you?"
---------------------------------

Katherine opened her eyes, only to be greeted by a familiar face. Blue eyes, sad but meaningful, stared back at her. Her gaze danced down on his green orderly shirt with only a name tag on it that read "Steve".

"Ste-eve" she mouthed out the word as best as she could.

"That's right. I'm Steve." the man responded, but in the tone of someone talking to child. "That's very good."

Katherine felt the sharp prick in her arm as the needle broke through her skin. The muscles suddenly went numb and her arm felt cold from the lack of stimulus.

"The patient is sedated, Doctor." The man said as disappeared out of Katherine's vision.

She tried to turn her body to see, but found she couldn't move. The tight, thick leather belts restraining her wouldn't give an inch to even allow her to get comfortable. All she could do was turn her head to look.

"Excellent. That mediation went much better then I would have expected." A somewhat overweight man said. His yellow shirt was visible in the light of the door, as was the opposing blue tie he wore with his white lab coat.

"Yes it did." the orderly agreed as he approached the door way.

"However, I have to ask you to keep your sidearm holstered, Steve. I know these people are violent sociopaths, but we're here to treat them, not aggress their condition any further."

"Yes sir. I'm sorry I panicked. It'll never happen again."

Katherine's eyes began to drift closed. She was trying with all her might to keep them open. She didn't want to go back to the dreams. She spent so much time there already. They hurt more than anything these men of science ever did to her.

The orderly walked out of the room, leaving the doctor to gaze upon the tied down woman. He trudged up to her, his crisp clean black shoes clicking at every step. He smiled at her as the sedative finally kicked in fully and she lost consciousness.

"There's no need to fear."

[J.O.N ((Dragonwing))]

Entry Two

"I love you."

"No, you don't."

"Dammit, Katherine, yes I fucking do. I love you. I fucking love you, I've always fucking loved you, and I'm always going to fucking love you. I love you."

"No. Please don't say that. No, no, you..."

"Why won't you let me love you? Why won't you just let me? You don't answer my calls. You don't respond to my letters. You won't email me. Why won't you just let me fucking love you Katherine? Huh?"

She felt the cold gun barrel press against her skull and the warm urine drool down her thigh.

Katherine screamed. "Okay! O-Okay. I ..." She sobbed. "I ... believe you. And ... And I love you too, Tim."

Tim held the gun against her temple for another moment, his face etched with rage. The single bare bulb that lit the dingy basement cast ugly shadows down from above. Then, like a switch had been flicked, he dissolved into bubbling happiness, dropping to his knees and cradling her face in his hands.

"Really? Do you really mean it?"

"I ... yes." she replied. "I do. So much."

"Oh, Kare Bear, that makes me so happy!" he cried.

He leaned in and held her close in a hug, the gesture made awkward by her position tied to the chair, and the gun he still held in one hand.

"You'll see. Everything is going to be better now. We both just had to acknowledge our feelings, and now we can move forward. It's going to be perfect. I have some money saved, and we can get a little house outside of the city. I'll open a bakery in the village--well!" he laughed. "I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll learn to bake, and then I'll open a bakery, and you can stay home and raise the kids, and I'll bring home chocolate croissants for dessert every night--"

"Kids ..." Katherine half whispered to herself.

"Of course! A boy and a girl. Oh! We have to pick out names! Now, you already know what my favourites are, but which ones did you like?"

"I don't ... Which ones do you like?"

"Come on, silly! From the letters! I sent you a list of names to choose from. I like Wendy and Tim Jr., obviously, but I'm willing to compromise."

"Letters? I don't ... Tim, th-this is a mistake. What letters? Maybe someone else--"

The switch turned in the other direction and he was all spitting rage again, the gun barrel jamming into her forehead.

"What do you mean, what fucking letters?" he roared. "Are you fucking playing with me, Katherine? Is this a fucking game to you?"

"N-no! I'm sorry! I--"

"Shut the fuck up! I pour out my heart to you every single day, and you have the gall--the fucking gall!--to pretend you don't know what letters? Like you're playing hard to get now or something? Like I'm not even worth your fucking time?"

"T-Tim! I've only known you for a few months. We just work together! I'm s-sorry if you think something more--"

"Don't do that! Don't fucking do that! We're soul mates, Katherine. Soul. Mates. God wanted us to be together. We've known each other all our lives!"

A new voice cut in "Yeesh. Now, I've got nothing against romance, but that's some New Agey mumbo jumbo if I ever heard it."

Tim whirled around Katherine, putting her bound form between him and the mystery voice. His gun still pressed firmly into her skull.

A man stepped from the shadows at the edge of the circle of light. He was tallish, slimish, of indeterminate race and age; he wore faded jeans and a leather jacket, and carried a gun of his own in one hand. Prominent dimples and a slight upturn to his lips gave him a perennially mirthful expression. He stopped just within reach of the light and chuckled softly to himself.

"Then again, I guess I'm not really one to talk, right?"

Tim growled like a wild animal. "Who the fuck do you think you are? This is private!"

"Oh yeah, I can see that. Quite the little love nest you've built down here. You have any of those little hearts with the words on them lying around? I'm a sucker for those."

Katherine sobbed quietly. "Please ..." she gasped.

"Shut up!" Tim snarled at her, then turned his attention to the mystery man and repeated himself. 'Shut up! You think you can take her from me? Is that what you think? I won't share her. Our love is too important for that."

"Aaaand, here comes the crazy train. Right on time. Funny that none of the real trains can manage that."

"SHUT UP!" Tim shrieked, spittle flying, bursting blood vessels in his eyes with the force of his anger. "This is how it has to be now! You've ruined everything; you've ruined our pure love! And if I can't have her, nobody c--"

"Typical," the man muttered, then lapsed into a rolling string of foreign syllables. "تذكر الحرارة ولادتك

[/size]"

He made a sharp chopping gesture with his hand, and the handle of the gun in Tim's hand instantly glowed a bright cherry red. Katherine gasped at the sudden blast furnace heat that singed the back of her neck, and Tim screamed bloody murder, dropping the weapon to the floor with a clatter. Small strips of his seared flesh peeled away and clung to the metal, catching into little flames that danced and sizzled like strips of bacon.

"What did you do?" Tim cried, holding his wounded hand with the healthy one.

"Relax," the man said. "It's just a little burn. You can rub some aloe vera on it or something."

He calmly raised his own gun, and delivered a bullet straight to the center of Tim's forehead. Katherine screamed, and rocked on her chair.

"That one, though ... That one might take a little more work."

The man crossed the few paces that separated them and knelt before the still weeping Katherine. He flicked the safety on his gun and tucked it into his waistband, then held his hands wide and empty before starting work on the ropes that bound her.

"There, there. It's alright. It's over. Everything is going to be fine now. Breathe deep and slow; you'll be okay."

He continued to work at the surprisingly convoluted knots while Katherine remained silent, though clearly attempting to bring herself under some semblance of control. Finally she spoke, her voice still raw and moist with terror.

"You ... You killed him."

"Hyup," replied the man in a neutral tone. "Afraid it couldn't be helped. It's a shame, really."

Katherine craned her neck around. From her position she could just about see Tim's shoes, and part of his ankles.

"I don't think it's a shame," she spat.

"Hey, come on now, it wasn't his fault."

Katherine's head jerked forwards, her eyes flashing, panic replaced by anger.

"Look what he did to me! Look what he was going to do to me! You're going to give him a free pass on some kind of bullshit insanity plea?"

The man shook his head. "Woo. Firecracker. No darling, he doesn't get a free pass because he's insane."

"So what then? 'Boys will be boys?' What kind of asinine--"

"He gets a free pass because he had eight inches of phallo-symbolic mystical brain parasite lodged in his limbic system."

Katherine trailed off lamely. She didn't really have a comeback ready for that one. Finally she managed a simple "Um. What?" Prompting a grin from the man untying her.

"A mystical brain parasite. Like a tapeworm, only it's sitting on your crazy button. And it's wearing a wizard's hat, I guess. Here, look."

He left off struggling with the knots for a moment, and stepped over to Tim's body. He grabbed the just-visible ankles, and dragged the rest of the corpse in to where Katherine could see it. The ruined remain of his head slid into view, and Katherine gasped and squirmed against her bonds.

There was something extruding from the extra holes in Tim's head. It was a pale pink colour, and ended in a number of fleshy fronds, like some delicate fern. What's more, though Tim lay still and grey, the protrusion continued to twitch and shiver, its undulations giving it the appearance of a sea anemone swaying with the tide.

"What the fuck is that!?" Katherine cried, trying to move further away from the creature.

"Like I said. Magic brain parasite. Specifically what we in the biz call an incubus. And don't worry, it's on its way out. I gave its guts a good scrambling with the bullet. Still gross, though." He nudged Tim's body over to a comfortable distance, then settled back down with the knots.

"You see," he continued. "The brain is basically a big magical switchboard, even if most people aren't aware of it. Nasties like our friend there eat magic, so they set up shop and crank emotions up to eleven in order to make it cough up some extra juice. Most species work with terror and joy, but incubi prefer a love-hate cocktail that makes the host all kinds of nuts.

"When Tim took you, he was acting out an archetypal fantasy of some kind, since his cerebellum was too drowned in dopamine and norepinephrine to think rationally. He wasn't even really 'Tim' anymore; just a character in some subconscious B-movie. What the fuck is with these knots!? I mean, Jesus! Was this guy a Boy Scout or something? I take it back, Tim, I'm not sorry I shot you!"

There was silence for a moment, before Katherine finally spoke.

"Who ... are you?"

The man touched two fingers to his brow in a mock salute. "Alex Armagast, ma'am. At your service."

"And you're a ... wizard?"

Alex snorted. "Do I look like some kind of book worm? Nah, I'm all natural. My mom was human, but my dad was an old-school djinni from the Rashidun caliphate. It's where I get my magic and my love of falafel."

"You're a ... genie?"

"Only half. And I can tell that you aren't pronouncing the silent d. I can always tell. Aha!"

The ropes holding Katherine to the chair finally came loose and fell away. Alex helped her to her feet as the circulation returned, studiously ignoring the fact that she had soiled herself.

"Why are you telling me all this?" Katherine asked, when she could stand on her own. "Isn't there a big conspiracy to keep it all secret or something?"

"Not really, no. People can generally be relied upon to be skeptical on their own. They don't want to believe anything weird or complicated."

Katherine furrowed her brow. "Hey, that's not true! That makes us sound like morons."

"Okay, whatever," Alex replied. "But try asking any of my normal friends about how 'authentic' the Elvis impersonator at my last birthday was." He shook his head ruefully. "That guy ate all my peanut butter ..."

"So, what, I'm just supposed to go on with my life now? Knowing that the world is full of ... of genies and wizards and magic rape worms?"

Alex laughed. "Okay, first of all, I'm totally stealing 'rapeworm,' because that's hilarious. And second of all, no, you don't have to live with it. There may not be any big conspiracy, but you lot sure do sleep a lot better when you don't know about this crap. I know I would."

"What does that mean? You know, you're really not explaining this well at all--"

Katherine cut off as Alex leaned forward and held her head in her hands, murmuring another spell.

"النوم ونسيان مشاكلك"

There was a whisper of unseen power, and Katherine folded into blissful, forgetful sleep, sinking back down into the chair she had only so recently escaped. Alex made sure she wasn't going to slip off it, then retrieved Tim's gun and walked over to his corpse. The incubus had finally expired, and flopped like a discarded party favour across Tim's face. Alex spoke simply, "حريق," and it crumbled into glowing cinders.

He then placed Tim's weapon in his rapidly cooling hand, and closed the stiff fingers around its trigger. With the barrel of his own weapon, Alex touched first Tim's bloody forehead, then his gun, and then his forehead once more. There was a pulse of light, and although no change was visible, Alex knew that the bullet lodged in Tim's brain now matched the ballistics of his own gun, strongly suggesting a death by suicide to any coroner.

Alex came to his feet and muttered a spell that would wipe all trace of his having been in the room, down to fingerprints and hair follicles. He then located the state-mandated fire alarm that even such a disused basement as this had to possess, and pulled the white, T-shaped switch into the active position. An alarm was heard from somewhere above him, summoning the emergency services who would discover Tim and the unconscious Katherine.

Alex smiled. All tied up in a neat little bow. Still a shame that Tim had to die, but it's not like you could catch an incubus from eating uncooked chicken; he'd definitely been into something weird and gross. Alex turned to leave, then stopped and cursed, looking back at Katherine.

"Why the fuck did I even bother untying her? That doesn't make any sense.

"عقد صومها مع الحبل," he spoke, and the ropes sprang to life, snaking around Katherine's arms and legs until she was secured once more.

"And why didn't I just use magic to untie her in the first place?" he asked the room at large. "Goddam, I am stupid sometimes."

Alex turned and left the room, climbing a set of stairs and exiting discreetly through a side door. It had started raining since he'd come inside, and Alex winced sheepishly at the sight of employees from the offices above, evicted by the fire alarm, now standing aimlessly in the damp. They'd probably feel better about it when they discovered that the alternative was being tied to a chair and terrorized by an obsessive and suicidal co-worker, though.

Alex walked calmly away from the office, careful to draw no attention to himself as the sound of sirens began to approach from the distance. He pondered briefly on the matter of the incubus. It was the fourth infection he'd tracked down in recent weeks, and they'd all been sex-related. First the qarinah in his own neighbourhood, which had initially drawn his attention. Then the succubus in the library (subtly but crucially different in pathology from an incubus). Followed by the twofer at the docks; the husband and wife pub owners serving beer tainted with siren larva, forcing sailors to drown in their mugs. And finally Tim, the incubus with rejection issues.

All in all, it pointed to a very weird overall picture, and possibly a common source. Alex stroked his chin thoughtfully. Sex usually led to more sex. Maybe one of the city's slighty less than public brothels? Or even one of the seedier strip joints. Even if they weren't the actual source, they might have a connection to who or whatever actually was.

Alex grinned impishly. At the very least, it couldn't hurt to have a look at a few of them and find out.

[/blockquote]

[J.O.N ((Dragonwing))]

Review

Entry one:

This one's very odd. The humor's hit and miss. At times it made me smile, at times it seemed really off and dry. I think most of the negative aspects just came from it not coming off as very 'natural'. I didn't exactly buy what was going on.

The plot twist at the end was clever and all, but the mood of the story jumped around a bit too much. It starts off very dark -- got very lighthearted - then got very dark again, and the transition period between those... it just doesn't have much flow to it. Far from a bad story, but just pretty damn rough around the edges.

...

Spelling was okay. Nothing stood out. Grammar, though, had bits and pieces that made me wince. There were a lot of periods and commas misused in various places, so it was very distracting.
It was difficult to read, but only because I... don't know what... I mean, I could follow along, but... why? I guess I'll just say I could follow along and leave it at that.

This felt like a bunch of comedy you'd find in something like, I don't know, a crappier version of Venture Bros. You tried. They were all pretty unbelievable characters, and not in the good way.

Yeah, that was a story. I wouldn't call it a good one, or even entirely... I don't know. It's just a 'what is this why is he what is she who...". One second it's serious, the next it's comedy, the next it's surreal. Very surreal. Uh. Yeah. Don't know. And then the twist? What? That was... all very strange.

Maybe this just isn't built to my sense of humor, but I didn't enjoy it. I mean, nothing I've said is probably going to help you, since I just don't know what to say to this, but I don't want to leave your review out.

...

Some of your sentences seem a little backwards or grammatically uncomfortable. Example: "Something I wish not to repeat now that I've had a taste of it." (Also, a lot of missing commas.)
Inconsistency: you changed how you spelt K/Catherine's name.
You missed at least one word in a sentence which made it awkward to read.

Final thoughts. It was an interesting read but not one I completely enjoyed and was hooked too. I wanted to feel captured by the story but really I felt a bit "meh" and not attached. I feel you possibly tried too hard to be funny at the beginning. The ending wasn't predictable and I did find myself wondering how you were going to end it.

Entry Two:

I liked this story a lot, mostly for little things. The line about noticing she didn't pronounce the silent 'd', the personality of the protagonist, the sort of self-deprecating monologues... it just had a really clever feel to it. The sentences were chosen deliberately, the word choice was sharp and clean, the characters and dialogue were realistic, the introduction of fantasy elements didn't feel jarring -- it was explained to the reader as it should've been.

Just a well done story, even being as sort of basic and straightforward as it is. It does the -little things right-. This is a story I'd recommend people read to try to spot the subtle things it does right that they may often do wrong. Good work.

...

This one was much better done than its competitor. I found it interesting and easy to read through, though I was somewhat put off by the strange switch Tim went through (which was nicely explained later). It felt very irreverent, something the other entry tried to pull off and failed, but you managed it. The story managed to make me interested in what comes next, to explore more of this strange world you've created. Brain incubi and such are interesting subjects, so I do hope this is continued in the same fashion at some later date. Easy to read, little to no spelling errors and entertaining enough to keep me reading. Good job. There's nothing I can really add as critique, because of the way it's written. I'm more of a serious story reader, myself.

...

During the cover-up scene you had some repetition. It dragged a little and could have been a lot more interesting. You've given us an awesome character, perhaps give us some of what he is thinking or make the clean up a little more bloody or rough. It's showing and doing but not feeling or immersion. I think you also used the wrong tense for a few words but could be completely wrong about that so I've not let it influence my decision.

Final thoughts. I enjoyed it. It would be nice to see a continuation but it's not near perfect. You left out a lot of the things that would count towards immersion.

[Matteo ((Taed))]

I was entry two. Was entry one Kaez? It definitely could have been Kaez.

[Deleted]

Wasn't Kaez, I don't think. I have to wonder who made the beginning, though...