Agro v Zovo

[James]

Topic: Dark Fantasy - Third Person Limited - Past Tense
Deadline: 11:59pm - 29/01/2011

[James]

The Other War

[/center]

“Great,” Alec grumbled sarcastically as he turned the street corner, the air raid sirens screaming shrilly into the night. Already the lights of homes and shops were beginning to flicker into darkness, the owners desperately trying to hide their homes from Hitler’s Luftwaffe. “I was so hoping for a little less visibility.”

Behind him he could hear the huffing and laboured breathing of his two companions, struggling to keep up with his long strides. His coat flew out behind him, barely hanging onto his muscular form, his hat long since lost in the London’s breeze. His balding hair was too short to become knotted and ruffled in the wind with not a strand lashing against his weathered and wrinkled face.

“Slow down,” Emily yelled from behind, leather slapping against concrete as they turned down another street. The air raid sirens had done their job, the road completely vanishing in the suffocating blackness. Alec spat in anger as he cleared a fence to a boarded-up pub, just his luck that his quarry enjoyed hunting in the darkness.

“I could use a breather too,” Matthew wheezed, a portly man barely in vision as Alec threw a glance across his shoulder.

“Not unless you want people to die,” Alec said, sniffing at the wind, the foul smell of the beast upon the breeze. “It’s moving. Fast.”

Not checking to see if the others were still running, Alec cleared the garden wall of the pub with a leap, the moon momentarily appearing from behind the clouds. Rushing between the rubble of a previous bomb, adrenaline clearing the lead-like fatigue from his body, he caught sight of a shadow disappearing into the secret garden of the park. A decorated bamboo fence was torn like paper by the force of the beast’s movements.

Already he could hear the song of aircrafts within the sky, the first whistle of bombs falling to the ground. He cleared his thoughts of the inevitable flames though, his concerns focused on the enemy that the army and air force couldn’t handle on their own. It didn’t make sense for the Lukos to disappear into a deserted park; it should have been prowling the darkness, searching for stray pray.

“Where is it,” Emily spluttered, pulling to a halt beside him, Matthews several steps behind them.

“There,” Alec answered, pointing at the garden in front of them, thick exotic vines attempting to climb free from the walled enclosure, barely visible in the night.

“Why?” Emily said, echoing Alec’s own questions.

“Let’s find out,” he said, rushing forward once more into the garden, the sound of swearing mingling with the footsteps of his companions.

The concrete path disappeared into dirt, plants towering up on either side of him as he entered the garden. Eyes flickering in every direction, thorn bushes stretched forward with great limbs, threatening to reach out and wrap their branches around his throat. An oak tree clambered high into the sky, staring coldly down at him, the hairs along his arms and back reaching up towards the clouds. Peaking out from the darkness was a splash of colour, more sinister in the inky blackness of night, the beautiful red of a rose appearing more like a splash of blood against the leaves.

The guttural moan began to slip between the branches, the leaves quivering from the force of the sound, petals almost seeking to turn away from the noise. Ripping his sleeve upon some unseen object, Alec tore into the garden, foot stamping upon plant and insect alike. Rustling sounds encircled him, the wind and plants allied in attempts of trickery, as he dropped his coat to the floor, entangled in the fingers of a searching vine.

“Alec! Where are you?” Matthew called from the other side of the garden, his voice fearful.

Alec never got a chance to respond, the Lukos bounding out of the darkness with a snarl. The beast was upon him before he could turn; fur, claws and fangs colliding with his own body as the two tumbled to the ground. Dirt exploded upwards, the force of the blow upon the ground immense as Alec put a boot squarely into the chest of the Lukos, sending it over his head and into the tangle of plants behind him. Letting out a swiftly picked expletive at discovering his gun was no longer tucked within his belt, Alec scrambled to turn his eyes onto the beast.

The Lukos had pulled itself free of the bush within an instant, snapping at the branches that had vainly attempted to keep him captive. The beast was upon all fours, taller than any human when upright, fangs glistening in the moonlight. Fur bristled along its entire body, powerful legs ending with thick, sharp claws. Two small ears were perked uprights, twitching at such a speed Alec barely registered the movement, and a pair of green eyes viciously met his gaze, a hint of the cruelty and primitive drive behind them.

Alec kept his own eyes locked upon the Lukos’, refusing to look away as it snarled and spat only inches away from him. If he looked away from the beast’s eyes, he was dead. When captured within a stare, a Lukos was entranced for reasons that Alec didn’t fully understand. Some said it was a curse or a piece of magic, others believed that it was the remains of humanity trying to take control of the soul once more. Alec didn’t particularly care for the answer as long as staring into the beast’s eyes kept him alive.

Foot tapping around the floor beneath him, Alec searched for his lost gun, the iron crafted bullets the leading method in killing the beast. As the adrenaline began to leave him, sweat beginning to form along his brow and his heart beating quicker, fear was eager to take its place. If he couldn’t find the gun he would have to rely on either the bottle of holy water in his left pocket, or the bag of salt and rosemary within his right. He had no idea if the two items would even give the Lukos a tickling sensation.

Matthew’s screams nearly caused him to look away from the beast’s eyes, the sound causing his eyes to glance to the left before he caught himself, redoubling his gaze upon the Lukos. If Matthew was screaming then it meant that another Lukos was within the gardens and in that moment he understood why the beast had ran away from the city. They knew they were being hunted and had set a trap for their hunters. They were smarter than he thought.

Hair stood on end all along his body once more as he considered the possibility of there being more than two. He could have stumbled upon a pack; one of them could be waiting in the shadows behind him, silently drawing closer. His stomach fell beneath him and he heard the cracking of a branch to his left, a rustle of leaves closely following. Despite himself he looked away for a moment, eyes searching to his left in the darkness, before the force from the lunge of the Lukos in front of him sent Alec battering into the ground.

His eyes found the specs of green at his last chance, the beast’s maw frozen just above his exposed throat. Body pinned beneath the weight of the Lukos’, its claw partly through the process of tearing through his shirt, Alec felt a sigh of relief involuntarily past between his lips. Then the skies began to darken, the moon disappearing once more beneath a thick cloud, and he found himself being plunged into darkness once more. The Lukos’ eyes were there, barely visible, growls vibrating along its body as Alec reached for his left pocket. His eyes were beginning to strain in the inky blackness, he had to act.

Taking the bottle of holy water, a thumb running along the comforting cool glass container, Alec moved the vial into the Lukos’ mouth. Pressing back the repulsive feeling that was riding up his throat as his hand entered the beast’s maw; he pushed the bottle against the back teeth of the Lukos. He had no idea if his plan was going to work and if it didn’t then he was going to die, painfully. It wasn’t the most comforting of thoughts as he did the one thing he needed to do to set his plan in motion. He blinked.

The stomach wrenching sound of shattering glass pervaded the air before his eyes could even open, the Lukos snapping down upon the vial within its mouth. For a moment nothing happened, and a fang nipped along his neck, drawing blood from beneath the skin and then everything burned. Eyes flying open, Alec saw the entire beast atop him on fire, the naked flames licking down the fur of the Lukos’ body. Scrambling from beneath the moaning beast, Alec pulled himself to his feet, already rushing away from the dying creature. Matthew and Emily were still in trouble.

It didn’t take long to find the duo, Alec following the path of destruction set by the second Lukos, plants and small trees scattered along the ground. Matthew was upon the ground, propping himself up on the back of his elbows, bleeding profusely from his leg. Emily, wielding just a stick, was dodging the swipes and lunges of the Lukos, the beast being stabbed and prodded by the pity excuse for a weapon. It was slower than its fellow creature, slightly unsure of its movements and strikes and Alec caught sight of two scarred, shallow holes where eyes should have sat.

“Matthew!” Alec roared, appearing in the tiny courtyard of the garden where Emily and the Lukos was battling. “I need holy water.”

The portly man gave a pained look of puzzlement before reaching into his clothing, pulling out another small vial of crystal clear water. Alec raced across the cobble stones, yanking the vial from Matthew’s hand and rushing towards the beast in front of Emily. It turned, possibly smelling the sweat upon Alec’s body or hearing the sound of his shoes slapping upon the ground below, and growled at the incoming attacker. Alec didn’t waste a moment, hurling the vial into the open mouth of the beast, the Lukos’ jaw clamping shut as it felt the vial hit the back of its throat. With a grim sense of satisfaction, Alec watched the beast catch alight and fall to the ground.

“Is that all of them?” Emily breathed, walking over to where her pistol had fallen to.

“Yeah, otherwise we wouldn’t still be alive,” Alec said, letting himself slip to the floor in exhaustion. He was getting old. “Father, after tonight, you can tell Churchill I want a pay rise. The supernatural is really being shaken awake with this war and its noises.”

“Don’t count on it, as far as the War Cabinet is concerned, you don’t exist,” Matthew said and Alec caught sight of the priest’s leg, the cut wasn’t too bad. “Anyway, we need to move.”

“Your leg will be fine for a while, Father,” Alec replied.

“It’s not my leg I’m worry about,” Matthew said, pulling himself upright. “But I assume we now have at least two burning creatures setting alight the rest of this garden. This means that in a few moments, this area is going to be the only lit area in the entire city of London. And I hear planes.”

“Great.”

[Meleta/Isoldaa]

Agro

3/5 Spelling & Punctuation
4/5 Ease of Reading
10/10 Use of Topic
13/15 Entertainment
13/15 Quality
Total: 43/50


What else can I say, but very nice, Agro. This was a great deal of fun to read, and I loved your use of the World War II setting in the English countryside,

SPOILER: Click to show

particularly when the flaming Lukos in the end were bound to attract the attention of the Luftwaffe. Clever, that! XD

There were a few mispellings/problems with punctuation and other technical issues, that knocked off a few points in Spelling & Grammar, and Ease of Read. But other than that, a great, solid story.

[Dylaria]

Agro:

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 5/5
Use of Topic - 10/10
Entertainment - 14/15
Quality - 14/15
Total - 47/50

Notes:

I don't have a whole lot to say or criticize about this one Agro. This was just very solid. A few spelling errors here and there but really that's all I can say beyond that this was just very well written. I liked the setting and the whole way it was done. Plus supernatural during the blitz is a nice change from Nazi occultism. I would really like to say more but I don't have much to mention at the moment. If you have a question please pm me so that I can try to give a more detailed bit on a certain part.

Great job, I wish Zovo had time to post cause this would have been a dynamite round.

[Mena]

Agro

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 5/5
Use of Topic - 10/10
Entertainment - 14/15
Quality - 13/15
Total - 46/50

[James]

Agro (136) beats Zovo (0)

Maybe.



[/center]