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Post by James on Jan 9, 2011 23:18:18 GMT -5
Topic: Space Opera
Deadline: 11:59pm - 14/01/2011 |
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Post by o ding on Jan 14, 2011 21:49:17 GMT -5
Doctor Alan Land.
His face was smeared with black grime. He wore a simple, wrinkled, dirty work shirt and pants of cloth. The sleeves of the former were rolled up to his elbows, while the latter ended somewhat short to reveal his socks in a gap before his work boots. He stood straight, tall, and well built, and even while the rest of him was deep in the thick, his spectacles would always gleam and his smile would always shine. His hair never lost its own blonde glean and style, cut short but not so short that it shouldn't have been ruffled out of its perfect mop.
A relic of an older time, much like the relics he now sought.
"Doctor," an assistant called out from behind him, dressed in a more modern worksuit that fit his frame in an all-too revealing way. "Are we nearly there? I'm afraid this torch will run out of light soon."
He grunted back, crouched in front of a wall that he was staring into contemplatively. "Don't you have the lightsticks with you?"
"Bess had those," the assistant responded hurriedly.
"So the giant worm is probably dissolving them about now. Wonderful - it should explode, giving us about..." he looked down at his watch, motioning for his assistant to give him some light. "Fifteen minutes until the pyramid collapses. Think the torch will last that long?"
"It took us a day just to get down here."
The doctor chuckled, knocking against the wall a few times with a fist. He paused. His assistant leaned forward, a worried look on his face. "Doctor?"
"This wall is definitely hollow. You had the thermonite, yes?"
The assistant gulped. "Bess had that, as well."
Smiling, the doctor stood. "Make it five minutes, then." He snatched the torch out of the assistant's hand and walked around the room for a few seconds, stopping to crouch down and pick up a warhammer that'd been lying by itself in a corner adorned with hieroglyphics - as was the rest of the mostly empty room.
The hollow wall, especially, was littered with all sorts of ruins, which the assistant was staring at, wide-eyed. He had the torch pushed back into his hands. "What does it say, doctor?"
"Leave now - or be cursed," he said, raising the warhammer over his shoulder. "Eternal pain awaits those who break the seal."
"What's the seal?" pondered the assistant, rubbing his chin in puzzlement.
"This, of course," the doctor responded curtly before bringing the cudgel back down into the flimsy bricks of the symbol-covered wall with a thunderous crash. He raised it back up and hit it again, and then again, making sure that the opening was wide enough to fit through. Sticking a leg through, he felt around - and when it touched ground, he continued, looking around in the darkness. "Come, now. We don't have long."
The assistant followed, and as he did, the next room filled with light. The fire grew intensely, nearly burning the man's hand. Everything around them lit, revealing a massive sarcophagus and all kinds of golden, shiny treasure strewn about in massive piles.
Speechless, the assistant simply stared up at the jewelry, gold bars, coins, and armaments that had gathered to twice his height, thoughtlessly navigating his way through the trails that laid in between them. The doctor still stood where he had stepped in, hands on his sides as he gazed up at the coffin's emblazoned figure.
"Odd," he said. "It shouldn't look so human."
The cavern started to rumble, some of the treasure sliding out of its place. Looking down at his watch, the doctor scowled. They were nearly out of time.
He approached the sarcophagus cautiously. It was truly massive - it ran the full length of the wall, which was at least a hundred feet. It showed the picture of a stern man, staring down at the room he was in unapprovingly. He wore simple clothes, if even, adorned with a rag and sandals. The doctor's eyes drifted downwards, searching for any sort of clue whatsoever. Then he saw it.
A keypad. A couple of buttons and a screen. Inside an ancient pyramid built millennia ago and unearthed only recently.
His fingers danced around on the thing, inputting code after code. ERROR, the thing displayed in his own language. Hurriedly, he glanced down at his watch - two minutes left. Universal codes - they're my only chance.
"One, zero, one, one, zero, one..." he mumbled away in binary, fingers tapping. His assistant continued to stare, dumbstruck, at the vault's beauties.
ERROR. ERROR. ERROR. ERROR. He slammed his fist against the thing's case, yelling. One minute and thirty seconds.
Cracks started to form along the room's ground. The assistant's eyes moved downwards, staring at them. Fleshy tentacles started to rise and his eyes went wide. "Doctor!"
"Not now! I almost have it..."
"Doctor! The worm!"
"The worm can wai- wait." He chuckled, hitting a few more buttons. ACCEPTED.
The assistant screamed as one of the tentacles wrapped around his foot, whipping him to the floor and slowly dragging him down into one of the cracks. His torch went down with him, and the light in the room dimmed until there was only darkness.
Smiling to himself, the doctor pulled out a lighter and lit a cigarette. He couldn't see an inch in front of himself, or even himself - all he could see was the tiny flickering of his stick. "Of course - only the UNi could pull off something like this. Transporting giant worms? Notoriously difficult."
The sarcophagus started to open. At first, only with a tiny crack, revealing an incredibly bright white light. It opened wider and wider, until the stuff shone through the entire room - and slowly, the doctor could see the form of the beast that had been tracking him for the entire day. It was huge, long, massive, a behemoth, giant. A giant worm. Tentacles writhed around it, pushing it forward slowly as they desperately flailed around, searching for any kind of surface to pull itself against. The light made its gaping, toothy maw squeal in agony.
Its skin had already started to bubble from the thermonite. "Thirty seconds."
He turned around, briskly walking through the opening the coffin-door had made. Tentacles shot after him, grabbing at the door and pulling the worm forward.
Inside was a room so brightly white that all sides of it seemed to be endless, yet nonexistent. Just pure white. Except in the middle of it - there, stood a gallant, all-black spaceship. It was a personal model, meant for two at the most. Curved like a disc but long like an eagle. Reminiscent of a dragon in its shape and anthromorphic associations. Capable of transport to and from just about anywhere imaginable - underwater, through an atmosphere, into deep space.
The doctor stepped forward, entering the same code he had on the other keypad into one on the ship's side. Its top slid back into the vehicle and steps descended on their own. He got in, and it reassembled, whirring into life.
Without him making a move, the ship started to lift. A hole formed in the ceiling for it to travel through. It rose, and continued to rise, and quickly. In seconds, the white tunnels ended and he was pushed out into the thick icecap of the planet he'd dug into, straight out of the top of the pyramid - which had expanded mechanically.
Thirty seconds had passed. The ground shook, and fire shot out of the hole he'd just emerged from - and a moment later, the entire structure collapsed on itself in a display of violence. Brick and flames shot out for hundreds of feet, the force of hundreds of condensed pounds of thermonite (multiplied by the explosive nature of giant worms) sending chunks of pyramid out in every direction.
They bounced off of the ship, it wobbling a bit but barely seeming to notice, continuing on its path. In a few more seconds, the skyline had turned into actual space. He hadn't noticed that he'd left the atmosphere - it simply moved that quickly.
Dr. Alan Land crossed his legs, waiting in the chair. "This is a bit troubling," he noted. "Nothing like this should have been there."
He looked around. The interior was completely flat, the only difference in level being the metal and the window pane. Other than that, it just curved around itself. Like he was sitting inside a big, incredibly quick moving ball made of silver and magic.
Putting out his cigarette, the doctor sighed. The ship took notice, a small black square forming itself in front of him in the nature of a shelf. It extended, again by itself, and stopped.
Inside was a scroll of paper. He took it out and unraveled it.
A rod extended under the shelf, which had now retreated, looking to be a kind of crude control. A control stick, so to speak. The stars stretched out endlessly in front of him.
The paper was a map.
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Post by Bloodeye the Bai Ze on Jan 14, 2011 23:23:49 GMT -5
Beep... beep... beep...
The tiny green light on the console flicked on and off in the darkened shades of the cockpit. The blinking light cast an eerie glow on the crowded interior, illuminating the various paraphernalia sitting or floating within.
A rack of trophies and medals sat on a stand off to the side, riveted right to the metal to keep the trinkets from hovering away. Painted images of barbed wire and saw blades were settled neatly on the windows, just visible in the flickering light. Posters of naked women, some of non-human species, adorned what little wall space there was, even covering a portion of the glass on the left side.
What appeared to be a lava lamp drifted helplessly in the air.
The sole occupant of the craft sat in his throne, his feet kicked up onto the control wheel. His weathered clothing and dirty burnt orange vest denoted his low class, or perhaps his low self-esteem.
Or it could be he just didn't care. More than likely it was the latter.
A knit cap was pulled down over the upper portion of his face as the only audible noise he was making was the loud sucking in of air through his nostrils as he slept. Jumps were a slow process, unlike what everyone is told as a kid. Getting to one system from another meant constant mitigation to navigation computers and adjustments had to be made on the fly literally. Otherwise, one might find themselves french kissing a moon or planet with the front end of a ship. Or, worse yet, fall out of jump right in the center of a star.
Best thing to do would be to kick back and relax. Might take a few hours before you got out of jump. Might take a few days.
And relaxing was exactly what this intrepid roamer of the stars was doing when the little green flashing light went to straight to red and everything that wasn't nailed down was sent flying forward. That included him, as he found his feet suddenly above his head and his butt wedged down near the cold plating of the floor.
He was quiet for a bit, taking in the fact that his spine was now being bent in half by the consistent forces between the seat of his chair and his control wheel.
"WHORE!!!" he finally exclaimed. He wriggled and twisted as hard as he could, and after a few harsh grunts, managed to free himself from his position.
"The hell?! What happened?!" He muttered to himself, an eye glaring at the red light gleaming at him. He itched his cap. "Shit always got to happen to me."
He flicked on the interior lights and shut off the sensors above him. The lava lamp came to life and began to bubble it's contents around.
"I came out of jump way too fast. Something must have gone wrong." he sighed.
This wasn't the first time this had happened and not just to him. He turned on his UPS ie. Universal Positioning System and patted the computer screen.
"Come on now baby. Tell Daddy where he is. Hopefully someplace that has a station... and a tittie bar... nearby."
Loading System Data...
"Come on... Come on..."
Loading System Data...
"You got it... just a little more...
Loading System Data...
"... HURRY THE HELL UP!!!"
System Data Not Found. Please Try Again Later...
He sat back down in his chair and pulled his cap over his face.
"Well fuck you too."
He sat there, wallowing in his own mix of anger and grief before pulling his cap back up.
Outside, the long ship hovered near a rather large gas giant. The space freighter was triangular in cross section, and like most freighters, was designed to the pilot's liking. This one had a rear section painted with all three sides displaying the same image.
The ornate design of an eight-headed snake. Something-something Orochi, not that he could remember what the painter had called it.
"Breaker 1-9. Breaker 1-9. Hey anybody out there? This is the Sneaky Snake. Any truckers out there wanna give a lost guy a hand? Anyone?"
He paused for an answer, but only got static over his long-range.
"Come back. This is the Sneaky Snake. Anyone out there?"
Still... static.
The Snake looked outside, hoping to find something that looked like civilization.
The planet was yellow in hue, very much similar, he thought, to the color of your urine after downing too many shots of Orion moonshine. Unfortunately, that was the only thing he found familiar about the planet.
Anything else was only vaguely visible off in the distance. Little bits of different colored light and stars.
"Great. I'm doomed." The Snake sighed as he lay back against his chair and kicked his feet up again.
The freighter moved slowly through the emptiness that was always space. It was a bit cliche to call space empty, since in truth it really wasn't, but there it was. Just a lot of empty. Vast and really boring.
However, there was something rather soothing about being stuck out in nothingness. Not that he wasn't at all in any danger. He only had a supply of food and water on the ship for a few days. The perils of space trucking. Pay was good, but get yourself stuck out in some uncharted system and you were officially boned. Could happen to anyone really. Still, even with the haunting thought of starving to death or succumbing to severe dehydration in his mind, he was at peace.
Or, more accurately, he just didn't give a damn.
It wasn't like he had a life of glamour, nor did he have a wife or kids to support. He was just a trucker. In it for the money, and by comparison it was chump change. That's what probably made it easier. Nothing to make him say "Fuck! I wanna live!".
He reached into the inside pocket of his vest and pulled out what appeared to be a handgun. It was a railgun, to be precise. The small compact variety that were useful for self defense... or blowing one's brains out. On the shiny silver side the word "Lorentz" was scripted in an engraving.
In the stillness of the cockpit, he calmly took the rail-pistol and put it to the side of his temple. He turned to his collection of nude posters and smiled.
"Well ladies... guess this is it. You all served me well these past few years, but the curtain finally dropped. I don't want any of you crying now, you hear?"
His speech was met with printed sultry stares.
"Good."
He took out a pack of cigarettes, placed one in his mouth and lit it. He took a long drag and released.
Not a bad way to go...
"-Krrrrt-... *static* Hello?..."
The pistol landed on the center console and the cigarette hit the seat, burning a hole into the leather.
"Hello?! Hello! This is the Sneaky Snake! I'm sitting out- OW! Fucker!"
He flicked the hot ember of his cigarette away from his crotch.
"-Grtrtrtrt-... *static* Hello?! He-*static*Anyone o-krrt- there?!"
"YES! Hey! Who is this?! You another freight pilot?"
"This *static* the Gerns*static* on a -weeewhooot- *static* stranded *static* in need of -grrt- repairs can't *static* please *static*"
"Stranded?! Fuck!" The Snake exclaimed.
It was one thing to have someone come save his ass out of the fryer, but now here he had a ship that was stranded somewhere out here that needed him to save them. And he didn't even know where the hell he was!
"*static* Please... The Dios-12 -grrrlt- big yellow planet *static* HELP!"
With that last blast of urgency, the radio went dead.
The Snake sat back in his seat for a bit, contemplating the situation.
It took him about 30 seconds.
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On the other side of the yellow sphere that was apparently Dios-12 (though no entry of said planet came through on his busted, piece of crap UPS) the Snake found the distressed ship.
At least he assumed it was a ship that was attached to the giant, monolithic structure that held tight to the edges of the gas planet's gravitation well. He craned his head over his control wheel to try to see the whole thing, but the sheer size of the massive beast of whatever-it-was couldn't be held in his vision for too long as he approached. It looked like an asteroid, but with accented structures that had to be made by someone. It kind of reminded him of elementary school, when the teachers would show pictures of those big churches back on Earth.
A cathedral? Was that what they were called?
This thing was most definitely a space cathedral. He halfway expected to see gargoyles glaring at him as the docking tube from his ship met the tube of the other ship. The two tubes locked together in vacuum coitus, the easy hiss of soundless air being pushed back as pressure was equalized.
Snake floated down the tube to the doorway. He hoped this ship was the one ship his buddy Audo found two years ago. An entire ship, broken down, filled to the brim with the Perseus-5 Wreckers Cheerleader Team. At least that's how the story went. Audo was, on the other hand, an ugly son of a bitch and even if it were true, didn't stand a prayer at getting any from girls of that caliber.
As the trucker hit the button to open the hatch he was in a semi-state of dreamland, the images of cheerleaders by the dozen greeting him as he waltzed... er... floated his way onto their ship.
It caught him quite off guard when a balding head collided with his liver with the force of a slightly hairy cannonball.
"The fuck!" he wheezed as the other man hit him full force, sending both hurtling into opposing walls.
"Quick! QUICK! We have to get out of here! We have to get OUT!" the man, dressed in a white coat, cried. His arms flailed helplessly in the zero-G environment. He looked like a three-year old swimming for the first time.
"God damn! What's wrong with you, you asstard!" Snake growled, pulling himself up along a rail. "You'd think you would be a little bit more appreciative to me helping you guys out, yeah?
The white coated man pushed forward and grabbed Snake by the vest. "You don't understand! The Old Ones! They failed! They tried to end it, but they ended themselves!"
"Doctor Mengas!" A young woman appeared in the hatchway, wearing the same white coat as the balding man. "That's quite enough. Our guest doesn't need to hear your babbling."
"But! But!-" The man faultered, but was silenced by a stern hand.
"No 'buts" The woman said, dropping her hand and turning what she assumed was their would-be rescuer. "We may have issues, aside from our ship being damaged, but it's nothing you can't handle right?"
"Uh... handle? Yeah I guess. Do you guys have a UPS I can borrow?" Snake said to the enigmatic woman.
All she did was grab the collar of her colleague and motion to return to her vessel.
As they entered the ship, Snake noticed the interior was pretty banged up. Sheer panels hung off the walls carelessly, as well as several large dents in the walls were evidence that something went down on this boat.
"Boy, and here I thought I'd seen some rough parties, but the damage here takes the cake. So... where's that UPS?"
"Our ship came under pressure from the vessel we're attached to due to a magnetic anomaly." The woman said bluntly.
"No! It was-" the white-clad man said, but was hushed once again by the woman.
"It was a magnetic anomaly. You're just a little strung out, Hector."
"I never saw a magnetic field do interior damage before. Is this a blood stain?" Snake said as he looked at a red blotch on the surface of the piloting console.
"No. I spilled juice on it. But... we have more problems than being stranded." the woman said with crossed arms.
"Great," Snake groaned. There had to be strings attached. "Look lady. I came to pick you guys up and get your UPS. Mine is busted. So if you want to get out of here, I suggest you just forget about your little chores and get on my ship."
"And perhaps that you should understand that I can fix my vessel given enough time. Your arrival was convenience," the woman spoke in a surprising calm and monotone voice that was starting to seem as though the only way she could talk. "You're the one who needs our UPS. So... you help us out, you get the UPS and we all get out of here together. Otherwise, have fun floating around in space without having any way of knowing where you're going. Maybe you'll be picked up... in a hundred years."
Snake sighed and scratched his cap irritably. "Fuck. You win. So... what do you want? Need some heavy lifting done or something?"
"Something like that. We're a research vessel. This ship we're studying was created by an alien race millions of years ago."
"Uh huh."
"It's a technological marvel! A ship this size, with all its systems intact after these millenia, is something amazing! Did you know that the life-support is completely based on air-based bacterium that turn carbon-dioxde into oxygen and-"
"Are they still around?"
"What?!" The woman blurted, surprised by the question.
"Are the aliens still around?" Snake questioned with a dull stare.
"Well... the civilization died out many thousands of years ago."
"Then whoopdee-damn-doo! I don't give a fuck! Let's skip the history lesson and get this over with, because the only thing I'm going to learn from these guys is how not to fucking die!"
The woman coughed into her balled hand, a bit angered that their rescuer was a dumbass.
"Well... the two of us weren't the only ones who came to this site. That same magnetic anomaly trapped the rest of our team in the lower sections of the ship."
"And how the fuck am I supposed to help you with that?!"
"Well...embarrassingly... Hector and I just need a little extra muscle. Someone to help move some debris."
"... That's it?"
"That... is it."
"The Old Ones are there! They will suck the marrow from our bones!" Hector interrupted, only to receive a pair of disgruntled sighs.
"Okay. So where's the rest of your team?"
"Level 36."
"And when we get on the ship... what level will we be on?"
"Level 0"
Snake pulled his cap over his face and drew a long breath through his nose.
"WHO THE FUCK STARTS COUNTING AT ZERO?!?!"
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Snake looked at his feet as he trudged down the corridor.
"So can you explain how there's gravity on this wreck again?"
The woman sighed. It had to have been the fifth time she'd explained it to the trucker.
"The ship produces it's own internal gravitational field. The decks themselves are interlaced into this field, making it so that no matter how the floor twists and turns, the gravity still keeps you anchored."
"Yeah, but we have gravity on stations by spinning them around. This isn't spinning."
"No. This is an actual gravitational field, not simulated gravity by inertia. This just shows how advanced these beings were to be able to harness the universe's most ambiguous force."
"Yeah yeah... advanced and dead."
The duo, with Hector in tow, made their way through the ship. Oddly enough, the female doctor was right about the decks. They did twist and angle sharply, but not matter how they were shaped, you were still on your feet.
"By the way," Snake said as they passed some very odd statues. "What was this ship for?"
"You aren't privy to that information." The woman glowered,
"The Old Ones made it for war!" Hector yelled out to no one in particular.
"It's a warship?" Snaked asked, now his attention peaked.
"Not a warship!" Hector answered in a wail.
"That's enough Hector. He doesn't need to know." the female doctor chided to he colleague.
"It's an anti-warship! The Old Ones made it to prevent war. But, it destroyed them!"
"Hector!"
"Woah! Wait a minute! You're telling me this thing killed off an entire race?!"
"No. Hector is just out of his mind right now. As soon as we get the others out, he'll start coming around. This Old One nonsense is just the product of an overactive imagination." the woman concluded as they came to a large room.
Across the room, a pile of junk lay in front of what looked like a doorway.
"This it?"
"Yes. We should get to work."
As Snake and the female scientist started to shove around the debris, Hector remained towards the back of the room. His inane ranting continued, irking the trucker ever more with each word about "Old Ones" and "marrow".
The debris was cleared away fairly easily. Too easily really. Snake didn't know whether it was because of Hector's ramblings or that the woman helping him out at this moment was being a bit too nonchalant, especially when she had friends trapped behind this door.
"Soooo.... How come you needed me to move this stuff? None this is too heavy." Snake asked, a sudden hesitance in his voice.
"Well... I suppose I should give you a more truthful explanation then I've been giving you." the woman said as she hoisted the last fallen beam away from the door.
The silence in the room became brutal for a moment, only to be supplanted by the viciousness of a man's scream.
Snake spun around only to find Hector's limp body dangling from the ceiling.
Except ceilings usually didn't have gaping jaws capable of holding a whole human head inside.
"You see... I didn't really need you at all," the woman said as she reached up and pulled the length of her hair away. She then touched a panel on the wall.
The doorway opened, revealing behind it a deep darkness. That darkness was then perforated by the instant flickering of multiple sets of pale-yellow eyes
Snake immediately drew his pistol free from his vest and pointed it straight at the grinning, bald-headed woman. Her smile was full of impossibly sharp teeth.
"We just needed your ship."
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Post by ARSmith ((Wolfeh)) on Jan 14, 2011 23:32:30 GMT -5
_: The Beginning :_ "Oh, I see! It was me who let Princess Celestra get caught! It was me who allowed the ship's high-tech security to get breached, because I'm the captain of this ship!" Two men stood, standing out like sore-thumbs in the midst of the control panel, erect and tense with fury; the larger of the duo seemed to be handling it quite well, however.
Their eyes were locked, the shorter of the two seeming to have been the one who had been venting his anger. His nostrils flared as he continued with his fit, red in the face.
"You're an asshole of a man, Captain! You're the only one who thinks that - just because she's your fiance - you can push the blame on someone else! That she won't mind if you do so! You think she'll let it slide by! I'll be damned if you--" In a jolt, he ducked, brown eyes flickering up as the metal ball flew past his dark, black hair. The shorter male scowled, the technicians turning their heads and falling to utter silence at the quarrel.
There the captain stood with his shoulders broadly straightened, hands returning behind his uniformed person to fold on his lower back into a perfect parade-rest. His lips were stiff, listlessly gazing down upon the servant with little interest for his words. He responded in a frighteningly calm voice, "You listen to me, you pawn. You let your chance slip with Celestra, and that is not my fault. But what is your fault is that she was captured because she wanted to see you before I took her to the planets for our honeymoon. It's your fault she still lov..." The captain's venomous mouth shut abruptly, eyes glancing distractedly to the right, clearing his throat."You are dismissed from the control room, Jameson. Begone with you, before I am forced to abuse my power." The man turned, eyes gazing out of the the dome-like window to the dim stars, swallowing back his pride to not say anything more - not in front of his men at least. He couldn't.
James stared at Captain Morgan's back, fists balled. His head dropped, eyes narrowing furiously at the metal floor, turning upon his heel to march out of the room. How could someone do this to him? I... I should have said yes, regardless of the baby... he thought as he marched, the memory fresh in his mind as though it had happened only yesterday.
The baby. Ah, yes. How tragic that night was. Their two year anniversary...
"Pass the champagne, would you?" Inquired James, dressed formally in a tuxedo. A beautiful woman, clad in a flowing red dress with matching red lips, smiled solemnly at her partner. How mesmerizing she looked that night. So mesmerizing.
She held out the bottle over a small table, delicate hands ghostly in contrast to the tinted container. Accepting it, the man gazed endearingly at the wee woman and alas broke the brief silence by speaking yet again."I love you." He said out of the blue. He loved her so much and felt the undeniable need to tell her, as he has a million times over.
It was those words, though, that brought something out that night - the absolute verisimilitude. He spotted it there on her face clear as day; the secret; the lie so eager to be announced.
"Cel...?"
"Hm? Oh. I... I love you too, dearest." The words were feint and distressed, as though she were thinking so deeply on one thing or another.
"Cel. I do know when you lying to me. What is it? Do you not like the champagne? I knew I should have bought the other stuff..." James sighed discontentedly, setting the bottle down.
"No, no! It's wonderful. I... James, it's just... I... I need to tell you something... Promise me you won't get angry...?" Her meek words hung in the air as he contemplated.
What could she possibly be wanting to tell him?
"Of course, dearest Celestra. I could never be mad at you." He attempted a smile, forced as it may be, and beckoned her as he leaned into his chair."Go on."
She couldn't possibly have done something so bad as to strike him dow--
"I'm pregnant."
"..." James was absolutely winded. How could he be mad?
"This is wonderful!" He responded, jumping up from his chair in his joy.He beamed, eyes projecting the joyous thoughts of being a father. An actual, real father!
But she didn't smile.
She didn't stand up.
She only stared with tears running freely down that face he so adored.
"What is it...?" He asked abruptly, arms limply at his sides. His head was reeling. Her expression... Her attitude... It could only mea--
"It's not yours..." She whispered, fighting off the sobs with all of her will. Still, though, fat tears escaped the confinement of her glands.
This was a hard slap of confirmation.
"Why... Why would you..." A stoic expression replaced the passionate excitement that once thrived in his eyes. She was lying to him this whole time. Those nights she was not with him in his chamber... The sheer thought of his rival with his lover revolted him.
"I wasn't thinking, James. Please, just... Hear me out...!" Celestra began to stand, a cry slipping from her throat. Her mascara was running, he noted, "Please. I want you to be with me. I can't keep secrets from you. I love you so much. So very much. I didn't mean for this to happen. I know it's his because he didn't wear a condom. James, please. Look at me."
"Look at you...? That shall be the day! I don't want to look at you. You aren't Celestra. You lied to me." It was replaced - everything was replaced - by a seething rage that befit his character. He looked up at her only to glare, receiving a soft whine of disapproval and fear from the female.
"Who?" He demanded, almost shouting. When she didn't answer him right away, his voice rose, quaking with a fury ten times as hot as the sun itself, "Who?!"
Celestra delicately snapped, feeling her heart shatter into a billion pieces. She fell into her seat and sobbed, the name almost inaudibly slipping forth from her quivering, weeping lips."Morgan."
"Morgan?! You're disgusting!" The words were harsh, pointedly stabbing a hole into his lover's heart. She gazed up at him with those offended and miserable eyes.
"Please, James. Stay with me, I want you to be the father. Not him! I stopped loving him long ago! I love you, not him!" She rose swiftly, arm outstretched to place her palm over his balled fist."Plea--"
"No." With that single word, the anger seeped away into oblivion. He stepped back from her devious, treacherous touch."No." He repeated, thoughts jumbled and distorted. He shook his head and turned, walking quickly from the scene.
"James!"
The bottle of champagne wobbled, tipping over in his wake.
Celestra made no attempt to stop the contents from spilling onto the seat where Jameson once sat She sobbed.
The doors shut automatically behind the exhausted man, where he fell onto his back upon his bed soon afterward. There was no comfort or warmth beneath the sheets without her, anymore. There never was in all his years of living on this damned ship. He only found solace in this thought, much as he did when he thought of why she was marrying Morgan.
Because he said no.
Shutting his eyes - knowing full well he would not be able to rest easy until she was safe in his arms - James began to think how they were going to handle the situation. The princess and soon-to-be queen of the planets was being ransomed.
To what end, he thought, sighing heavily. He knew what they wanted.
Not money or food or a planet or slaves. No. They wanted the war machine, the prize possession of one of the planet's called Earth. It was created in 4004, designed by the best of the best. The war machine is a ship titled "The Obliterator", and rightly so. It destroyed the planets' enemies in its desperate time of need in 4034, creating a massive plasma beam that pierced into the hard stone of the assailant's home planet and overheating the core, creating a massive implosion.
The planet was, well, obliterated.
Camouflaged somewhere and run by only the finest, the invisible machine protects its chain of planets: Earth, Gargon, Mars, Jimini, and Geotempest, all of which wield amazing prowess in the galaxy.
But Cel was worth it; worth the destruction and the danger. He knew this, as did all of the inhabitants of the planets. Their queen (currently living on Earth) was favored by her loyal followers - everyone knew how proud she was of her talented, beautiful daughter. Without her...
Stop... James opened his eyes, folding his hands over his chest, brow furrowing.
I will save her. I will go to Mor myself and rescue her.
He had to save her; for his sanity, for himself.
For her.
James sat up, listening to his heart for several minutes. Several long, drawn-out minutes. He contemplated, strategized, evened out his options. If they lost Obliterator, they were surely doomed, and why would they give the princess over to them, anyways if they obtain a weapon of mass destruction?
He had to. For everyone. _: The Beginning :_ |
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Post by Meleta/Isoldaa on Jan 17, 2011 4:57:29 GMT -5
Wolfeh
4/5 Grammar & Spelling
3/5 Ease of Read
8/10 Topic
11/15 Entertainment
11/15 Quality
Total: 37/50
A good story, Wolfeh. You definitely had the old "soap opera"-y (yes, I know it's not a word, just work with me XD) aspect of this genre down, but the more large-scale aspects of this really didn't come in until the very, very end. That, unfortunately, made them seem simply "tacked on" for the sake of turning this emotional tableau into something "outer-space-related."
Schro
4/5 Grammar & Spelling
4/5 Ease of Read
9/10 Use of Topic
12/15 Entertainment
13/15 Quality
Total: 42/50
Dr. Land - all I could think of, at first? Here is an Indiana Jones, with absolutely no empathy, no warmth or humor, no redeeming qualities at all beyond amazing intelligence, and an ability to absorb even the bizarre and terrifying without batting an eye.
The beginning was a great set up, learning as the reader did of the fate of "Bess," which was apparently only as important as the loss of the equipment she carried? And then of course, "red shirt" assistant Number Two? ><
This was definitely a "big" story too. I would've liked to have seen something a bit more... wrapped up in the end? Still, good work, Schro.
Bloodeye
4/5 Spelling & Grammar
3/5 Ease of Read
7/10 Use of Topic
11/15 Entertainment
11/15 Quality
Total: 36/50
I read this one, and reread it. The beginning? I really did like the beginning, the "space trucker" Snake's introduction. Partway through, though, I found his motivations a bit confusing - did he want to live? Or not want to live?
The main "plot" behind Hector and the woman, the Old Ones and the circumstances - I was also left a bit confused there as well, trying to follow the storyline? Actually, I have to admit by the end, I really didn't understand what, exactly, the backstory was - though obviously, Snake was in a world of hurt.
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Post by Dylaria on Jan 17, 2011 17:20:45 GMT -5
Schro:
Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 8/10
Entertainment - 11/15
Quality - 13/15
Total - 40/50
Notes:
I'm not completely sold on this one to be quite honest. A lot of it reminded me of scenes in various movies and/or books. For example, there were several parts that reminded me or things such as Congo (the whole ruin bit with the killer animal), Mission to Mars (the white room and spaceship), the tomb under an ice shelf (Alien vs Predator) and a couple others.
As for grammar and ease of read, there were a few small things that detracted a bit. The example I'm about to give was probably the largest ease of read thing for me.
"The worm can wai- wait."
I'm just not sure about this one, I had to re-read it a few times before coming to what I think you were trying to do. I just felt interrupting a word to say what looks to be the same exact word was a little odd. Beyond that though there wasn't anything worth really pointing out.
While this did fit the topic reasonably well, I did have a couple things about it. For a space opera the fact that most of it happened in a single tomb under an ice shelf was a little bit of a let down. Not saying you should make the story traverse the universe but all the bits I'd seen in other places made it feel familiar and less enjoyable. Maybe that's just me. Still, I wouldn't dare say it was a bad story or the like. It was sound and worked well enough, I just never quite felt it.
Bloodeye:
Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 9/10
Entertainment - 11/15
Quality - 13/15
Total - 41/50
Notes:
This was an interesting read for the most part Bloodeye. The spelling/grammar stuff had only the tiny little occasional stuff that isn't worth droning on about. The ease of read gets a point off because there were a couple susupensions of disbelief I couldn't quite make. It also felt kinda short in the idea that not a whole lot happened. From floor zero to thrity-six we get a few snippets of converstaion but there wasn't a lot going on.
My main issue is the suspensions of disbelief. I just couldn't quite accept that anyone would see an insane doctor, blood on the walls, unusual damage patterns, another scientist that simply didn't give a damn and not demand a good explenation. The fact that he pretty much just went along with everything threw me a lot. I mean how many red flags does someone need? That just bothered me a lot and sapped some enjoyment out of the piece.
The other bit that I didn't overly care for was the ending. You leave off on what I wouldn't even call a cliffhanger. I didn't feel any closure of anything. Everything was still just me wondering "what the hell was that all about?" I felt that too many questions were raised without any answers at all and it bothered me a little. I wanted -something- to go on beyond just an omenous scourge upon the stars moment I guess.
Wolfeh
Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 3/5
Use of Topic - 7/10
Entertainment - 11/15
Quality - 12/15
Total - 37/50
Notes:
I have to be honest, this felt more along the lines of a soap opera than a space opera. I also had a huge issue in the beginning figuring out who was saying what. Even after a re-read I couldn't figure it out so I just kinda guessed. It cleared up after that but the first bit was tangled enough that I felt 2 points off was needed.
The whole memory of the confrontation was by far the high point of the story. I got what you were going for and I think you pulled it off well. The only downside being that the whole Obliterator thing seemed a bit out of place. Why would these people even know where the equivalnent of a U.S. Navy strategic missle submarine be, let alone how to capture it and give it away? I get that the princess was on board but I would even still doubt that all the bridge staff would be trusted with such sensitive intel. Enough digging into that though.
The ending was the low point. It felt cliche and tacked on as if to say "oh and there is a larger plot! Keep reading and we will get to it somehow, promise." It didn't leave me on the best of notes there. On a side note, having the title at the bottom wasn't really needed. Nothing big to say about it, just a little redundant.
In all, a good attempt but I don't feel that it was quite put together right besdies the middle.
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Mena
Scribe
Posts: 667
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Post by Mena on Jan 17, 2011 21:18:07 GMT -5
Wolfeh
4/5 Grammar & Spelling
3/5 Ease of Read
7/10 Topic
11/15 Entertainment
11/15 Quality
Total: 36/50
It felt too much like a bad romance novel to me rather than a space opera. The best part was the pregnancy scene but overall I feel that it fell short of being a really good story.
Schro
4/5 Grammar & Spelling
5/5 Ease of Read
9/10 Use of Topic
14/15 Entertainment
13/15 Quality
Total: 45/50
A solid read although I would have liked more for the ending, it seemed to fall a little flat to me. Dr Land was well written and his cold demeanor came through perfectly. Great job.
Bloodeye
4/5 Spelling & Grammar
4/5 Ease of Read
8/10 Use of Topic
13/15 Entertainment
13/15 Quality
Total: 42/50
Entertaining enough, although I would have liked to read more and find out if Snake dies or not. The part where the woman "pulls the length of her hair way" had me a little confused when I read -bald headed woman-. In my minds eyes I was picturing her pulling her hair back, away from her face. Good job overall.
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Post by James on Jan 17, 2011 21:20:18 GMT -5
Schro (127) beats Bloodeye (119) & Wolfeh (110) |
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