As the world turns

[Goergelikescookies]

PROLOGUE...

Ademendis.

City of the future.

A paradise made by man kind for man kind.

It had stood for nearly a decade and was still standing now.
But all things come to an end, good or bad.

Now, it was the turn of Ademendis, mans paradise.

It was time for the true secrets of this technological eden, where all could be granted, with the slightest of efforts, to be released upon the sheep trapped in its paddocks, watched always by the sheperds above.

The paradise was to be revealed for the horrific prison it truly was, and torn down.

Already, it was collapsing and all around people were feeling the effects.

((Its short, cause it was late last night, I was tired and feeling a little ill, from too much cordial earlier))

[Goergelikescookies]

CHAPTER 1

Mortin had spent only half his life in Ademendis, that would have been roughly forty years, before the secret of life extension was discovered, now it was sixty years. He was old and frail, with long grey hair and beard. He had wrinkly, mottled ruddy skin, slim, long arms and legs. His fingers were long and mischeivous, his mossy green eyes, sparkled with intelligence and wisdom.

He smiled, as he strode swiftly through the corridor's of the building. People stopped and stared at him from the doorways, a few trying to ask him questions or speak to him, a man his age was a rare sight in Pyrifex Tower. Only young people worked here, or visited. Mortin simply ignored the stares and walked too fast to hear the questions and comments.

He was right near the tower's top, otherwise known as Pyrifex Peak, or the Vultures Roost, in the Slums outside the city. The Slums were filled with those who had been thrown from the city for breaking rules or daring to speak out against James Pyrifex and the ruling council.

An enormous, oak pannellled door, trimmed with gold and silver dominated the end of the hallway, he was currently walking along. A gold nameplate sat in the door's center, with Pyrifex's name in silver letters, a young man dressed in a tuxedo suit, stood to the door's side. As Mortin approached he stepped forward, and spoke "May I ask, what you're doing here"? Mortin responded curtly "Tell Pyrifex, Mortin is here to see him"

The man nodded and pulled the door open, vanishing into the room beyond. Mortin sat down in a chair next to the door, and waited.

The room was vast and extravagantly decorated, with large persian rug's on the varnished wood floor, chairs and tables were positioned in convenient locations around the room. Paintings and portraits clustered on the walls, one wall however, had no decoration, it was instead dominated by an enormous display of television screens, connected to camera's all over the city.

The man strode swiftly towards a brilliant yew desk down the other end, behind which sat James Pyrifex, in a revolving, padded chair. He was nowhere near as young as the workers in his tower, but nowhere near Mortin's age. His hair was black and covered his head, no facial hair to be seen, his eye's a dark, murky brown. His build, arms and leg length were average, his fingers short, but thin."Yes, Ruther"? he said in a quiet, soft voice. "Someone is at the door, they said to say Mortin is here to see you" Ruther's voice was harsh and gravelly. "Send him in"

Ruther turned and striding up to the door yanked it open. "He says to sne you in" said Ruther to Mortin, pulling the door open wide, and stepping aside to let the old man through. Mortin walked swiftly into the room, Pyrifex speaking as he entered "You can leave us, Ruther" He (Ruther) nodded and left and stepped out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Mortin, Good to see you" said Pyrifex in a happy, excited tone. "Can it, James, I only came here to see what you know of whats been happening to your city and its citizens lately" Pyrifex lent back "My city, you mean our city" he stood and pointed at the window "Their city, but I do not know much about the recent events, I really don't know why whats happening is happening, or how"

"Well than, I have no more business with you" Mortin turned and made for the door, he pulled it open and paused to speak "And no matter what you say, its still your city, James" He stepped through, and strode off down the corridor to the lifts, letting the door swing shut behind him.

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"You think he knows"? the voice echoed from the open doorway, behind Pyrifex. "If he does, its doubtful he'll tell anyone, he's a bit of a hermit nowadays" said Pyrifex. The first speaker laughed from the balcony on which she stood "It might be worth taking care of him, anyway" Pyrifex stood and turned to face the door "No, I will only get rid of him, if he becomes a threat, which as I said before its doubtful he will"

"Nevertheless-" Pyrifex cut her off "NO, You hear me, I do not want uneccesary blood on my hands" He stepped closer to the door "And thats the end of it"

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Mortin strode across the square, stopping half way to turn and stare up at the monolithic building that was the tower. Balconies jutted out everywhere, but most were abandoned, in fact, all but one were. It was at the tower's peak, the place that he had just left, a single figure stood on it. Specific feature and even gender were unable to make out at this distance.

He glared angrily at the structure and turned around heading off into the maze of the city. As he walked, he thought, no matter what Pyrifex said, he knew that he did know what was going on, he'd known him for a long time, too long, and he knew when the man was lying. Pyrifex hadn't lied often as a child, it started as he grew older, and didn't stop, it grew into a habit, a bad one.

[Goergelikescookies]

((So, opinions? There will be about five or so posts of about that length for each character, of which there will likely be about five or so, plus the epilogue, which will be about the same legnth as the Prologue))

[Kaez]

Good stuff. Grammatically could definitely use some touchups (( Commas, notably )) and some sentences either seem too short or too long with commas where there should have been periods.

Otherwise, I enjoyed reading it. 7/10.

-- Constructive Criticism Cat Says, "Let me tell you what you did wrong..." --

[Goergelikescookies]

Grammar, is one thing I'm still struggling with, but I'm only 13, in time i'll get better at it.

Sentence length, is another thing I have difficulty with, figuring whether a sentence should be a single sentence or fused with another to make one, or even halved to make two.

[Goergelikescookies]

He continued through the streets of the city, children racing past playing with fantastical toys, men and women striding about in luxurious clothes, compared to them Mortin looked rather drab in his soft, comfortable silk suit. He prefered his usual clothes of a simple tunic, with shirt and pants to the suit, but he'd have been booted from the tower immediately if he'd worn that.

Rage, depression and much more had been irradicated with the introduction of emotitrons, small machines that monitored and controlled your emotions, reducing stress and anxiety. Pain was gone with the creation of nano medi's small, mechanical things that entered your blood stream, sealing wounds and fixing broken legs, releasing a constant sedative to lessen the effects of pain.

Many more discoveries had made the lives of Ademendis's population much, much easier. They however, did not know of how and why these things were created and if Pyrifex had his way, they never would. His way was not be though, as the city fell and people died, the walls and people that hid the secrets fell or died too, slowly revealing the secrets. Yet, Pyrifex had made sure that the public wouldn't know and all the while Mortin tried his best to make sure they would.

His crusade began back at the Laboratory, where he with several other scientists and technicians, began the research that led to these discoveries. Afterwards, the other scientists and technicians were slaughtered mercilessly, their limbs chopped off, their torso's rent in two. Mortin was saved only because of his relation to Pyrifex, who had refused to let him die.

Mortin, enraged and confused, silently and carefully began gathering information, about the research and the fruits of his labor. What he found out was disturbing, human tests subjects, murder's and assaninations, escaped monsters and other things equally frightening. It seemed man's paradise and its benefactor weren't as "holy" as they appeared.

After that Mortin spent much of his life determined to discover and reveal the dark secrets that the Pyrifex family had hidden for centuries. Mortin turned, heading into a twisting, winding alley, that went left, then right, left, left, right, left, right, right, right, left and out into a small, crowded square. People were every where, sitting on benchs, standing in small crowds, blocking building doorways and clustered around the fountain.

Mortin fought his way through the swarms of people making for a small, but luxurious house on the west side of the square. As he approached a man stepped out from the shadows of the doorway, he was short and fat. Milky white eyes stared out from a round, pudgy face, with a thick covering of straw blonde hair. He was blind and although it could have been cured, he chose to remain blind, it was how he was born so he saw no reason to change it.

"Mortin" he said. "Samuel" came the reply, a smile creasing Mortin's face. "How'd you know it was me"? Samuel smiled "I may be blind, but I can still smell and hear" He paused for breath "I've known you long enough to recognize you from your breathing patterns, scent and footsteps" Mortin nodded, knowing full well Samuel couldn't see him "It might be better if we headed inside"? "Sure, old friend" the blind man, turned and marched back towards the house, Mortin following.

Samuel stepped through the doorway and into his home, with Mortin right behind him. They strode down a softly lit hallway that had door's leading off to various rooms, bed, bath and more. At the end of the corridor was his living room with the kitchen and dining room adjoining. He stopped at the door and stepped aside to let Mortin in first, then followed. "Tea, coffee"? he asked, making for the kitchen. Mortin sat down, then replied "Coffee, please, white, one sugar" Samuel nodded, turning to a small white contraption nearby.

It was about as large as his head, with several dials, buttons and levers on it. A small nozzle emerged from one end of the square, blockish machine, Samuel pulled various levers, turned various dials and pushed various buttons. The machine began to hum, getting louder and louder, a cup of coffee and one of tea appeared quite spontaneously on the side of the nozzle, and the machine quieted down. Samuel grabbed both and walked over to Mortin placing both hot, steaming beverages on the table.

"So, does he know anything"? Samuel asked, inquisitively sipping at his tea. "He says he doesn't but he's lying" Mortin rubbed his eyes with his hand. "How can you be sure about that"? said Samuel. "Samuel, I know the bloody man"! He flung his hands in the air "I've know him long enough to recognize his habits, good or bad" Samuel nodded, sipping from his tea again, and then proceeding to talk "I never said he wasn't lying, but rather, I'm suggesting that he was pretending to lie, to trick you"

Mortin laughed "The man may have made this city,Sam, but he didn't make the technology that sustains it" He stopped laughing his face serious. "I did, me and my colleagues did, and now they're dead and the only reason I'm here now, is because I knew the man" He took a great big gulp of coffee. "He didn't make the technology, I know that Mort, but he is still a sneaky, twisted little bastard, and we still have no idea what he wants"

He sipped at his tea, waiting expectantly for Mortin to respond. Taking a great gulp of coffee again, Mortin shook his head, "What I'm saying is that he didn't make the technology, so he probably wouldn't understand it, which is why he couldn't be pretending, I was the first test subject" Samuel finsihed off his tea, offring a hand for Mortin's coffee mug. Mortin gulped the rest down, and handed the empty, porcelain mug to Samuel.

"If he isn't pretending, then he knows, which confirms your theory, that he is involved somehow" He threw the mugs into a hollow metal canister on the bench, there was a soft whirring noise, followed by a louder whistle and then silence. "He is, jus have to find out how" Samuel smiled "Well, If you ever find any more out feel free to return" "I will" Mortin stood and strode out of the room, and out fo the house.

[Goergelikescookies]

It was darker out now, the sun fading behind the buildings of the city, casting strange shadows over the square. The crowd had dispersed and he strode quickly back across the square, through the alley and across the central square, glancing up at Pyrifex Tower as he passed. No one stood on the balcony at the top anymore, in fact there was hardly anyone around at all.

He turned left and heading down the street, twisting right into a luxurious maze like garden, with enormous labryinths of hedges, endless winding passages through hanging terraces and a short but confusing mass of brightly lit and tastefully decorated tunnels beneath. He walked very slowly through the maze of hedges, watching his step, paying close attention to the footfalls of the few other people in the hedges.

He soon left the wonderful garden and its bright lights and vast array of colors, heading down a narrow street to a slightly rusted but otherwise perfect staircase, that led to a raised walkway above. He paused to catch his breath, then climbed up and made his way across, counting the numbers on the doors as he did.

When he reached twelve he stopped and grabbing the bar over the small gap, lent in and opened the door, then slowly clambered in. The house was small, and although less luxurious then Samuel's still quite luxurious. It had a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and living room, with a hallway connecting them, and an entry leading into the living room from the door.

It was down that entry that Mortin now walked, stepping out from the dimly lit hall into the luminous glow of the living room. A TV sat in the corner to the left with a leather couch and chair facing it and a small, clean, oak coffeee table sat in front. He passed through the room and down the hall, along the soft persian carpet that covered its floor and out into the kitchen.

A decent size maple table sat just off to the left of the doorway, behind it benchs enclosed the rest of the kitchen and various appliances lay scattered on top. Mortin grabbed a small sqaure device, similiar to a coffee machine and pressed a few buttons and turned a dial or two.

Two thick long sausages slid out onto the tray at the bottom, freshly cooked, and he grabbed them eating them as he moved to the bathroom and pressed a button next to the bath tub. Hot water gushed out and he pushed another dial, the water beginning to foam as he finished the sausages and left for his bedroom.

The bed room was small, with a long, wide bed, covered in soft linen sheets and a plush feather quilt. A small bedside table stood next to it and a table and desk sat near the window, the only one in the house, on the other side of the room was a wall length closet.

He reached inside that very closet now to remove his flannalette pajama's (He liked simplicity, not the complexity that was common in this time). Pajama's in hand he returned to find the bath full and foaming, he undressed throwing his dirty clothes in the laundry chute and lay his pajama's on the changing rack.

He depressed a smaalraised portion of porcelain and waited as one wall of the bath slid away, leaving only intangible glass, a relatively new substance that could be made to allow specific matter through, but block other matter. He stepped through the glass, and depressed the lump of porcelain again, watching as the portion of the bath's wall rose back into place.

He dropped his head onto the waterproof cushion at the head of the bath and relaxed slipping off into an unintentional slumber, as the bath's warm, foaming water enveloped him.

[Goergelikescookies]

No opinions? Feedback, criticism?