Match D

[James]

The Beginning

[/center]

On the surface, the lake was calm and still. Two hours before, a great storm had wreaked havoc upon it and the surrounding landscape, but now, the lake had settled down. One could still feel the passing of the gale in the air, however, Nataliya noted. Mother Nature could do Her best to cover up the traces of the thunderstorm, but only Time could fully erase the memory.

Yes, the surface of the lake was calm, much like the forest surrounding it. Underneath the surface, however, things were much, much livelier.

[James]

Entry One

On the surface, the lake was calm and still. Two hours before, a great storm had wreaked havoc upon it and the surrounding landscape, but now, the lake had settled down. One could still feel the passing of the gale in the air, however, Nataliya noted. Mother Nature could do Her best to cover up the traces of the thunderstorm, but only Time could fully erase the memory.


Yes, the surface of the lake was calm, much like the forest surrounding it. Underneath the surface, however, things were much, much livelier.

Silvery shapes swam gracefully and smoothly through the brilliantly shining lake, the sun gracing the pure water with added splendor. Nataliya moved closer, squatting as best she could in the environ-suit that encased her frail form, pulling out a tube from her tool-ridden belt. The suit was annoying to wear, to say the least, she thought as she fiddled with the rubber stopper on the test tube. She had taken the first opportunity she could to take off the helmet that encased her head; a chance that hadn’t come until the freakish rain had passed. The wind on her face from a foreign world, twisting the locks of her rusty sunshine-colored hair in a graceful ballet, was a reward unto itself.

When she had been a kid, she’d always dreamed of exploring planets and wandering the galaxy to look for new life or experience the marvels of another planet’s atmosphere being inhaled into her lungs. The vids had always made it seem heroic and mystical, as if her fantasies were made reality. Her parents had tried to disabuse her of the notion, but a small fragment of belief flickered like a single candle inside her mind. She wanted to make a mark in the galaxy.

And now she was here, on an actual uncharted planet, breathing it’s sweeter than normal air as she kneeled in soft, orange dirt. She finally popped the top off of the test tube, a smile breaking on her face as she lowered it into the water, almost able to feel the coolness through her glove. A single mote of silver gently floated in the test tube as she brought it up to her face. She twirled it around, biting her lip in concentration as she looked at it. Alien life! Small, unintelligent, but life nonetheless. She re-stoppered the tiny, hardened glass tube and shoved it into her belt, standing up and stretching as the sun cascaded down onto her. The heat felt good and she lounged in it, her eyes opening up as she heard a footstep behind her.

“Hey. What’d you find?” a soft, masculine voice said from where the footstep had come from. Nataliya turned around to see her best friend, Mike, standing with his hands on his hips as he stared right back at her with a glint of excitement in his eye. His cheek length black hair was plastered against his head, no doubt from the rain she had avoided.

“Aliens,” she said, pulling out the tube and gently shaking it in front of her as she held it at arm’s length, a playful tone in her voice. Mike just rolled his eyes and dropped his arms to his sides, moving closer to stare at the silvery disk that inhabited the tube.

“Hmm, some alien you have there,” Mike said, squinting in the sunlight. He leaned back, yawning and stretching, a similar action to what she had done earlier. As she looked down to put the tube back into her tool belt, she gazed up again at Mike to see him still yawning. Chalking it down to the man’s laziness, Nataliya turned around to stare back at the lake. The light glittered off of it as she looked at it from a standing angle, obscuring the tiny shapes she’d seen in it before.

“There’s more in there. This one’s probably an infant,” she replied, shaking her head and causing her hair to sashay across her face. One of the strands stuck to her lip, so she blew it away in annoyance as she turned around and looked back to Mike. “You any good at fishing, Mikey?”

“I caught a goldfish in one of those carnivals as a kid,” he said, picking up her helmet and staring into its reflection before tossing it to her. “You ready to go yet? We’ve been here a couple of hours and we’ve only seen fish, let’s move to another site. Besides, Nick’s getting antsy. You know how he is.”

Nataliya nodded, sighing slightly as she put the helmet under her arm, its bulky frame uncomfortable to hold in any other position. Nick was their armed ‘escort’ when they roamed on the fringes of known space, sent with them as insurance by the institute in case they ever did find life – hostile life, anyway. Thus far, their exploits had taken them to barren worlds that might once have contained life or planets like this, where nothing but small fish lived. No wonder the marine was getting antsy – he’d joined them to fight aliens from outer space, not watch scientists play with test tubes and talk about microorganisms under a stone.

“Yeah, I think I’m done. Just need to analyze this last batch of samples and we can move on,” Nataliya said, walking past Mike back to the small shuttle a mile away. Nick was standing against one of the trees on the edge of the clearing that encircled the lake, his armor still moist from the rainstorm that had suddenly passed through. The man’s faceplate was down, though his slightly soggy hair stood as mute testament that the rain had taken him by surprise. Luckily for Nataliya, her helmet had been on when the rain came, saving her from the same fate being applied to her hair. Long, wet strands of annoying is what these locks turn into, she thought as Nick looked up through his faceplate at her.

“Done?” he asked, his gravelly voice monotone as he followed her into the forest. The marine didn’t talk much and when he did it was usually only in the single word sentences. Nataliya didn’t think she’d ever heard him laugh once during the three months they’d spent out on the Hawking Verge.

“Yep, Princess Natty’s done playing with her fishy subjects,” Mike said, yawning as he passed the two of them, surprising her. The man could move light on his feet for a scientist. Nick just grunted, following them, his steps heavy with the weight of the combat variant suit’s boots. For her part, Nataliya kicked a rock at her colleague, feigning annoyance at being called a princess. Mike just kept moving, bored and unconcerned as he trudged through the forest, his helmet under his arm the same way she had hers. Light gracefully lit the man’s suit in subtle patterns, mimicking the shapes between the small leaves that grew from the trees that surrounded them.

The sense of wonder at experiencing a new world came back to her as her eyes moved from the man in front of her to the relaxing, green scenery. Even though she’d visited many, varied worlds in the last few months, it always seemed like there was something new to see. The leaves of the trees were in shapes she’d never seen before, some seeming almost randomly put together and others in sharp, geometrical shapes like squares or triangles. The ecology of the world was amazing, even if nothing bigger than rodents or fish inhabited the planet. Sounds of chittering, so much like the squirrels on Earth, echoed through her mind as the three moved. So distracting were the sounds that it took her more than a few minutes to notice the heavy footfalls of their guardian no longer following them.

Nataliya looked back, staring into the green miasma of leaves and bushes disrupted by beams of light dancing between foliage. No sign of the recognizable red trimming of Nick’s armor was visible – the marine leaving them out of his sight was incredibly unusual. Irrational thoughts of Nick having fell or injuring himself somehow whipped through her mind before being quashed fiercely. The man was in combat grade armor – even if he fell from a two story drop, he’d still survive the landing.

“Boo,” Mike’s voice whispered in her ear, his breath hot on her neck. She started badly, quickly turning around and socking the man in the face with her fist. The first thing that ran across her mind was how much it hurt when her fingers hit bone. The second, however, was a want to do it again; her face aflame as Mike held a hand up to his face and laughed, wincing as he did so.

“Asshole,” Nataliya muttered when Mike had stopped giggling, turning back around to look for Nick again. “Nick’s gone. We should go back and look for him before he gets lost or something.” There was no chance that the marine would get lost – a GPS was part of the standard military armor, but it gave her the chance to move away from Mike and his stupid antics.

“Aw, he’s probably just taking a piss somewhere, Nat,” Mike replied, his feet making the leaves crunch under his weight. “Let’s just go to the ship and wait for him. I’m exhausted.”

“Whatever, you go back. I’m going to find Nick,” Nataliya replied, shaking her head with frustration, causing her hair to sway slightly and ending with another strand stuck to her lips. Blowing it out of the way in annoyance at more than just the strand of hair, she waltzed back the way she came. A sigh, followed by footsteps in her direction as Mike pursued sounded in her ears – Nataliya knew the man wouldn’t leave her all out here on her own, no matter how peaceful the surroundings were. Men were so easy to manipulate.

The woods around them remained almost enchantingly relaxing, familiar sounds gracing their ears as they retraced their steps. Nataliya found herself frowning, her head staring down at her feet so she could avoid some of the strange blue roots that had a habit of poking out of the ground to snare small animals. Something was off and she couldn’t put her finger on it. A thought occurred to her, quickly put to rest as she tuned out the forest sounds to listen for footsteps; Mike was still following her, yawning every so often. Well, that wasn’t what was bothering me, Nataliya thought, frowning again, trying to puzzle out what exactly the problem was as they walked.

Before she knew it, they were back at the lake, the sight surprising her slightly; it didn’t seem like enough time had passed to arrive there. Plus, they still hadn’t found Nick, which was troubling on its own – maybe Mike was right about his earlier prediction. The marine was probably frantic as he searched for them. Nataliya knew the most logical place to find them would be the ship, and almost turned around to say as much to Mike when, out of the corner of her eye, she spied something red floating in the water.

“What’s that?” she whispered, dread filling her body as they drew closer to the lake’s edge. Mike’s footsteps quickened as he raced to the edge of the lake, passing her up with big strides, a calm, determined look on his face. Without even thinking, the man jumped into the water and paddled himself to the red object. Nataliya finally reached the edge of the water, a feeling of utter terror washing through her as she neared it. She finally made sense of what had been bothering her earlier – a faint, whispering sound in the back of her head. It had sounded so soothing and comforting back in the forest, trying to relax her into a bleary weariness. Now, so close to the lake’s surface, the whispering grew louder, more insistent.

Insidious emotions of greed and envy tinged the ‘voice’, an almost wheedling quality to the sound. It took all her concentration just to sink to her knees instead of jumping into the lake as Mike had. Mike! She looked up, horror briefly pushing back the whispering as she stared at the water, the light from the sun no longer dancing across the surface at this angle. She could see everything, as if the water were as clear as the air she breathed – the bemused expression on Nick’s face as he floated in the water, not even breathing or moving. Nataliya knew he was dead.

Mike’s face, however, was a picture of horrific realization as he tried to swim away from the body, to escape the foul liquid that even now was churning around him, flashes of silver converging on him. Nataliya screamed at him to hurry and then sunk into sobs as he was pulled down into the water, the voice in her head an intensely painful volume. The idea of falling into the water and quieting the whispering blistered through her mind at a frightening speed, her body moving forward to do so before she caught herself. Screaming with effort, anger and sadness warring in her heart as her friend’s face grew still, she flung herself away from the lake, almost tripping over her feet as she ran away as fast as she could, toward her ship. She had to escape, to leave, to warn- what? Her mind blanked as she ran, her thoughts replaying the sentence over and over in her head as she tried to remember what she had to do.

Minutes passed, the pain of her out of shape muscles gaining a foothold as she ran as fast as she could. Leaves whipped past her face, scratching them in some places, roots torn as her feet ripped through them. She paid no attention to any of it, her mind still echoing with the unfinished sentence. What did she need to do?

Weary legs carried her body up the ramp, her breathing ragged. What was it? She collapsed into the pilot’s seat, exhausted, adrenaline still pumping through her system. What did she need to remember? Small, dainty hands flicked switches and pressed buttons, but she only numbly felt it, her body just reacting to muscle memory. It was on the tip of her tongue. The door shut, her ears sensing the sound but her mind not processing it. Escape, leave, and what?

Gee forces pressed her into her seat as the craft rocketed through the atmosphere, shaking as it ripped through the air as impressive speeds. Blue changed to navy, changed to black. Stars – they were twinkling, so beautiful and majestic, almost glitteringly silver. The whispering went away. She was safe.

Drip.

She was going to be okay. She remembered what she had to do. She had to warn others not to come to the world, put a marker on it, telling them to avoid it.

Drip.

As her hand passed in front of her face to mark the planet as a danger on her console, a solitary piece of liquid hung suspended on her finger. She stared at it, losing herself in its radiance. It was so mesmerizing. She brought it to her eye, watching it grow with amazement, completely forgetting her previous urgency. As it grew, it engulfed her finger, spreading to her hand and covering the rest of her digits. She felt something in the back of her mind, like a whispered cry of torment, a flash of memory about a flask with a single silver mote in it, but she shook it away. The voice couldn’t trick her anymore. She was safe.

A flash of silver swam across her eyes, bubbles from the oxygen in her lungs releasing to rise to the surface. It was blue all around her, motes of silver dancing around joyously. A warm, encompassing embrace surrounded her, and she sighed the last of her breath out of her lungs, giving in to it. There was no need to worry anymore, she thought, her inner voice sounding comforting and soft. Nataliya had made her mark, just like she’d always wanted.

[James]

Entry Two

[/center]

The Gladiator hath fled!

[/center]

[James]

Entry One's Reviews

Your story was... interesting. It was easy to read, the pace was nice and the plot engaging. I didn't feel much for the characters though, they seemed more like needed but small elements in the story. The grammar was superb, I didn't find a mistake in the whole piece. I liked the ending where the reader and the main character touched viewpoints, not noticing that she was drowning instead of escaping. That was a nice touch. Overall, it was enjoyable but I think it could've been better. It seemed like the whole story was a dream, which worked perfectly for the end but could have been fleshed out more in the body.

***

The beginning of this entry pulled the reader right inside this strange world. Your characters were detailed wonderfully, with their own odd, very real quirks and idiosyncrasies the reader could experience from the start.

There were portions, though, where the authenticity started to slip a bit. A punch in the face - even a light one from a weak woman - would hurt like hell (especially if she hit his nose). The banter felt a bit forced, between Nataliya and Mike.

And though by the end of the story I understood the reasoning behind what was written, there might have been a bit too many mentions of "yawning" throughout. The section too, where the author mentioned, "Insidious emotions of greed and envy... " left me a bit confused, as to where, exactly, that came from?

I would have also liked to read what, exactly, the "voices" were saying before she got to the ship - though that portion was beautifully tied up by the last few paragraphs, in a powerful closing.

***

An interesting story that I found a little bland. The plot was pretty good, but I don't think you executed it as nicely as how you conceived it. I didn't really feel anything the whole story. It was all a little “meh”. If you had maybe fleshed it out a bit more, I think it would have been an amazing story, though. Like I said, nothing wrong with the plot, it just wasn't as interesting as it could have been.

[tamwyn]

Mine. Not too proud of this one :/