Match Seven

[James]

The Beginning

In the end it didn’t matter. She had two choices; run, or hide. Her heart beat a mile-a-minute in her chest, the sound of it pounded through her ears blocked out everything around her. She stood frozen for several minutes until she could pick up the sounds around her and make sense of what had happened. As she’d been walking she’d heard noises from behind her; heavy footfalls and muttered words as whoever it was stumbled on something in the darkened streets.

[James]

Entry One

In the end it didn’t matter. She had two choices; run, or hide. Her heart beat a mile-a-minute in her chest, the sound of it pounded through her ears blocked out everything around her. She stood frozen for several minutes until she could pick up the sounds around her and make sense of what had happened. As she’d been walking she’d heard noises from behind her; heavy footfalls and muttered words as whoever it was stumbled on something in the darkened streets.

The brick and steel buildings rose up on either side of her, rain-slicked and dark, as impassable as the walls of a midnight canyon. Black thunderheads roiled overhead, a rumbling promise the storm hadn’t quite finished having its way with the city below. The fog rose thick off the sidewalks, curling in steaming tendrils under the yellow glow of the occasional unbroken street lamp.

Run or hide?

The dampness had long since soaked through the back of her thin shirt as she leaned against the cold metal of the dumpster. Pale eyes peered quickly about the corner toward the scant luminescence of the abandoned street.

Nothing. Nothing she could spot, at least. But Lilith knew that didn’t mean a damn thing - and she sure as hell didn’t want to get trapped in this alleyway…

Run or hide? There was supposed to be a third choice somewhere in there though, wasn’t there? What was that old turn of the phrase, for moments just like this? “Fight or flight?” Yes, that was it – but right now, “fight” wasn’t even on the list of options. Those bastards weren’t stupid. Oh, they were many, many things: patient, cunning, infuriatingly relentless – but no, damn it all to hell, not stupid.

And they never – not ever – traveled alone.

Speed. Speed was all that could save her now. Lil kicked off her platform heels into a dark corner, wincing at the overloud splash as they clattered into an unseen puddle. She pulled in one deep breath, steadying herself - and then another. Now. Now… NOW! She was on her feet in a flash, sprinting from the alley to the first pool of feeble light – and then the next. Stay in the light Lil – stay seen, however you can. Light’s your friend tonight, light’s all you got…

The sound of bare feet slapping on the wet pavement echoed far too loudly in the empty streets. All the windows for the length of the block were dark, unseeing eyes that promised no help, no sanctuary. Lil’s breaths came raggedly now, fear and exertion cutting a painful swathe through her chest as her legs pounded beneath her.

But that didn’t mean, she couldn’t hear the scrabbling sound behind her – yards away still, but coming up on her fast… So damned fast. Though every instinct in the world told her it was a stupid move, worthless, self-defeating – Lil glanced over her shoulder.

Shining yellow eyes met her gaze from the shadows around the lamp posts – sheer muscle propelling unyielding death. She wailed softly, panic adding speed to her flight as she dashed to the next spot of light. One more block… one more… then to the festival. Crowds. People. They’d never dare – never show themselves there!

The unmistakable sound of claws on pavement behind her drew closer – but then, so too did the murmuring roar just ahead, so tantalizingly close. People, lights and music – and more importantly, witnesses. Lots and lots of witnesses, and she was home free…

Every breath seared her lungs – but there, just ahead - no more than a hundred yards now! The police barricades, with their yellow and orange reflective tape almost glowed up ahead. She could make out the movement of hundreds, thousands of party-goers, undeterred by the weather, determined not to let the rain ruin a night that was still young and full of promise.

Fifty yards perhaps, and- Lil could have cried with relief at the sight. Walking toward her, away from the festival, was a young girl – couldn’t have been more than sixteen? Seventeen? Pretty enough though, long brown hair pulled back in a pony tail, her purse slung over one shoulder - maybe she’d decided to call it an early evening? Decided to avoid the traffic and walk home? Not that any of it mattered to Lil in the least. This was her ticket to safety, to freedom – she’d done it!

With one last, desperate burst of speed, Lil ran to her. Clutching the girl’s arm, uncaring what a sight she must seem, she glanced over her shoulder once more. An empty street – and nothing more. Oh thank you… thank you thank you thank you


“I’m … I’m so sorry,” Lil finally stammered, pulling in long gulps of breath between what words she could get out, “Please… Help me… Wants to hurt me… He’s going to hurt… hurt me… Cell phone? Please, please, can I… use your phone… make a... a call... “

The girl’s dark brown eyes widened in surprise, as she instinctively started to back away. Slowly her gaze traveled up and down the frightened, bedraggled woman desperately clinging to her, lingering on her dirty bare feet, the… oh God – was that blood spattered across the front of her low cut shirt?

Very carefully, as cautiously as one might move near a frightened animal, the girl put a comforting arm around Lil’s shoulders, pulling her close as she led her back down the empty street. “Oh! Oh you poor thing! It’s all right,” she whispered softly, “Here, everything’s going to be all right now – my place, it’s just down the block.”

“You’re… you’re too nice… Just… Just a cell phone… please… “ Lil sniffled softly, leaning against the younger woman’s strong shoulder.

“Hush now… You won’t be needing that.”

Lil froze in her tracks, her gaze traveling up to the girl’s downcast face. Laughing eyes glinted a golden yellow – but this was no reflection of the street lamps’ feeble light. Oh no, this light, this terrible golden light shone from within, turning those deep brown eyes a deep amber. Perfectly white, perfectly straight teeth lengthened, sharpened, transforming a once beautiful smile into a gloating fanged grimace.

Lil screamed, breaking from the girl’s embrace as she started to run again. Light, stay in the li-

Yellow eyes peered at her from the dark just ahead. Greedy eyes. Hungry - almost laughing. And most certainly waiting.

I’m being herded, Lil realized – but far too late. She sprinted up the foyer stairs of the nearest building, throwing herself through the front double doors and into the darkened hallway. She nearly slipped on the marble tile beneath her, only just catching herself on the edge of a counter and somehow regaining her footing. A stairwell lay just ahead. Up. It was the only direction she could go now…

Lil took the stairs two, three at a time as they spiraled on and on, clinging to the banister on the first landing to keep her momentum forward, and not slam into a wall. And just below, she heard the sound of the building’s front door open – and then claws on marble, two sets most likely…

GogogogogogoGO! Tears fell down her cheeks as she bolted up and up, a second landing, a third – and still the stairway rose ahead of her. Lil couldn’t hear anything behind her at all – but the carpeted stairs muffled even her own footsteps as she all but flew upwards.

Fifth story, sixth – and what the hell!? A door! Lil slammed her shoulder painfully into the door ahead of her. The roof – she must’ve made it to the roof! Could she be so lucky-

She almost laughed with relief when the handle opened easily. Lil stumbled out onto the cement roof, into a warm breeze, the dark sky over head never looking so beautiful as it did to her that very second.

She turned to slam the door shut, to find a way to blockade it, barricade it-

Lil screamed as the door handle was ripped from her hands. She fell backward, painfully, onto her elbows, trying to get her feet beneath her once more – and failing. She managed to scramble away a few feet from the snarling beast that loomed over her.

It resembled nothing so much as a monstrously large wolf, its’ red and brown pelt rippling fluidly over thick muscle, the grinning maw filled with dagger-like teeth. Shining yellow eyes narrowed as it advanced on her, a low growl rising from the barrel chest.

“Please,” she whispered, sobbed, “Please… Have mercy. I know… I know you can hear me. Understand me… “ Dark, tear-filled eyes met that yellow gaze desperately, pleading now as a claw the size of a man’s fist scraped into the cement next to her leg.

“I don’t… I don’t know why I… I never meant anything… Never meant - Help me, please… I know you can. Help me - don’t hurt me… I’m… I’m begging you… “ Her voice dropped to a low, throaty whisper, her gaze never leaving that of the beast as it peered down at her, something very akin to curiosity in its eyes. “Please, it doesn’t have to be… this way… “

The growling stopped, the giant muzzle dropping slowly toward Lil’s trembling, outstretched hand. A soft whoofing noise filled the air about them, as the wet black nose pulled in the scent of-

She let loose a scream of rage, a millennia old war cry as her lips curled back over her teeth, the fingers of her outstretched hands transforming into dagger-length talons. One vicious swipe cleanly opened the beast’s neck and shoulder to the bone. It fell back with an agonized howl, staggering and falling over on its side. The beast whimpered pitifully as its yellow gaze lingered still on the woman- No, not a woman… Demon… Such a… Such a fool…

Lilith grinned widely as she knelt beside the beast’s panting body. She raised her arm over her head, ready to plunge those talons once again into its flesh – but this time, into its chest, straight into its goddamned heart –

A giant bolt of snarling gray fur shot through the open door, leaping at Lilith as she bent over the fallen beast. Claws and feet, fur and skin tumbled end over end across the cement roof. Furious screams and snarls rose to a deafening crescendo as each fought for advantage, for purchase – for life itself.

The gray beast yelped as the demon’s talons buried themselves into her exposed gut – a half-second before finding that perfect opening. Her fangs sank deeply into the demon’s neck, the foul taste of the creature’s hell-tainted blood spilling nauseatingly over her tongue. With a single powerful yank, she ripped Lilith’s throat out cleanly, nearly decapitating her with a single shake of her head.

The gray backed away slowly, spitting the foul flesh from her mouth, shaking her head in disgust at the unclean taste. And yet, those silver eyes never left the thrashing body of the demon as it died. The seconds seemed interminable before she could cease her vigil, before the unmistakable scent of death – true death – filled her nostrils, and the damned thing was finally still.

Something very like a sigh of relief escaped her – before a convulsion ran the length of her body, throwing her to the ground with a soft cry. It was followed in quick succession by another, and still another - as the fur that covered her form disappeared into pale skin. The beast’s limbs contorted and twisted about to the wet sound of popping bone and cartilage. Her muzzle flattened as the razor-sharp fangs disappearing into her gums - until all that was left was a young girl’s frightened face, her cheeks already wet with tears. Wide brown eyes turned toward the fallen beast as she scrambled quickly to him.

“Elliot? Elliot!?” she shouted, falling to her knees beside the naked young man, where once a red-brown beast had lain. He had been cut open from the base of his neck to his collar bone. His own blood thickly painted most of his torso, his neck. Oh God, it even plastered his pale blonde hair to his head, like a horrid black cap. So much blood – God, please help… Please help – don’t let him die! So much blood – there’s just so much…

Carefully she laid her hands over his shoulder, knowing she should apply pressure – or something like that? Wasn’t that what you were supposed to do? Pressure, to stop the bleeding? Her hands moved quickly over the terrible gash - but she had absolutely nothing but her own flesh to stop the seemingly endless flow.

The sound of running footsteps carried from the stairwell. She sniffed the air, fresh tears of relief streaming down her face when the blessedly familiar scent reached her. “Dad!” she half-shouted, half-sobbed. “Dad! We’re up here! Elliot’s hurt – real bad! Hurry!”

The footsteps redoubled as two men emerged onto the rooftop. “Sarah? Are you- Oh no – what happened!?” The taller of the two ran to his daughter’s side, pulling off his jacket and draping it around her bare shoulders.

“Let me through,” said a shorter, ebony-haired man, walking purposely toward Elliot’s unmoving form, dropping to one knee beside him. Knowing hands rifled quickly through a leather bag, pulling forth ointments, sterile bandages, sutures – all laid out carefully as he inspected the hideous wound.

For several long minutes, only the sound of Sarah’s muffled sobs carried in the night air, her face buried in her father’s shoulder. Finally, her father could take the waiting no more. “Robert? Please,” he whispered, “Elliot? Will he be- ?”

Robert glanced up quickly, giving his friend a quick nod before returning to his bloody work. “He’ll be all right, Jason – luckiest son of a gun I’ve ever met, though. Somehow the demon missed the carotid, the jugular, his esophagus, trachea – all of it. By a millimeter or two, mind you. But,” he added with a shrug, “that’ll do.”

Jason exhaled loudly – a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding.

“But he’ll have a heck of a scar to remind him not to be so blasted stupid next time,” Robert continued as he began pulling the curved needle through the cleanly sliced edges of the young man’s flesh. “That was a Lilith, wasn’t it, Sarah?”

The girl raised her head, nodding softly even as she began to wipe furiously at the tears on her cheeks.

“Demon’s a demon – boy’s got to learn that,” he said with a grim sigh, “Shame he had to learn it the hard way, though – first hunt, no less. But at least, he’s not dead – and guarantee, he’s never gonna forget. No mercy for the merciless – it’ll just get you killed. Or the ones you love.”

Jason said nothing. He simply wrapped his arm a bit tighter around Sarah, resting his cheek on the top of his daughter’s head.

“What about the man she was with?” the girl asked suddenly, the thought flashing quickly through her mind as she looked up to her father.

“No Sarah. I’m afraid there was nothing we could do for the john,” Robert replied gruffly. He snipped the end of the suturing thread with unnaturally long canines that disappeared almost instantly back into his gum line. “Not by the time we got to him, anyway. Those Liliths – only good thing to be said for ‘em? He probably never knew what hit him.”

Jason nodded before he got to his feet, pulling his daughter up with him. “Let’s get you dressed, fixed up a bit, Sarah,” he said, taking the edge of one of his jacket’s sleeves and beginning to wipe away the blood that coated her mouth and chin. “The clean-up crew will be here in a minute or two – And Elliot will be just fine, sweetheart. You’ll see.”

Tenderly he kissed her forehead, easing away the small line of worry he found there. The smile on Jason’s face lingered somewhere between a father’s pride, and immense relief that his daughter was safe and whole. “You did good, baby girl,” he whispered softly into her hair, “You did good.”

[James]

Entry Two

In the end it didn't matter. She had two choices; run, or hide. Her heart beat a mile-a-minute in her chest, the sound of it pounded through her ears blocked out everything around her. She stood frozen for several minutes until she could pick up the sounds around her and make sense of what had happened. As she'd been walking she'd heard noises from behind her; heavy footfalls and muttered words as whoever it was stumbled on something in the darkened streets.

Now was her chance. Not taking it meant a fate worse than death. With the dim night sky cloaking her form, she fled, making no more sound than a humming bird's wings. Every movement had to be carefully planned and deftly carried out, for even the slightest sound would bring her pursuers down upon her like hyenas to a carcass.

Step.

Breathe.

Step.

Only the buzzing sound of the breathing city surrounding her pierced the shabby side street, a white noise that could also be used for cover. She hadn't heard her pursuer since that initial muttering and a very scary, very real thought occurred to her. Could it have been a trick, luring her towards what she thought was an escape but really a trap? They were certainly known for such behavior and smart enough to carry it out.

Calming her fear with a steady breath, she willed her body to take another step. After all, if this was a trap, she'd already been caught and was futilely scratching for a way out. The cage rose high on either side her with only one way out. Forward.

Still no sound.

Now was time to take a chance. Though her decision could have been terror manifest into reckless action, she tried anyway. Ears perked for any sound of movement behind and gaze fixed on the exit ahead, she sprinted. Immediately the pursuer picked up on this and started running at her with that distinctly heavy stride. Worse yet, the sound was closer than she had realized.

Panic griped her throat and drove her harder and faster, digging foot to cement with desperate urgency. She was so close to the street now she could make out the shadows of figures passing by; shadows of a countless number of enemies. With the street sound now blurring her pursuer's location, she could only press on and hope that in the next few frightful seconds, she wouldn't feel a hand pulling her back.

With a final push, she plunged into the light and into a new form of cover. Anonymity. It was irony in the deepest sense of the word. To escape her pursuer, she immersed herself in a legion of enemies. She had to wear a new face now, a free caring one that was just as fallacious and grotesque as those around her.

The shells of human beings nodded to her as she passed, sometimes giving a friendly "Hello," to which she nodded in response and tried not to shiver at the hellish metallic distortion in their voices. Pulling her long jacket tight around her, she hugged herself and pressed forward through the crowd. A quick glance behind her revealed her pursuer's form: A scowling young woman, teenager probably, wearing heavy black boots and speaking rapidly into the sleeve of her leather jacket.

Facing forward again, she pressed on. Though she'd eluded capture yet again, it wasn't over just yet. Not by a long shot. It was time to leave the area before help arrived. Through the twists and turns of the city, following no direct course of action, she navigated the streets. It wasn't until hours later that she found herself safely back in her apartment, the meager essentials she'd gone out for clutched in her palm.

She leaned her back against the wall of the apartment and slid to the floor, quivering in fear and sobs. It wasn't much of a life, but it was a free one. 'Too close,' she scolded herself 'Far too close.'

[James]

Entry One's Reviews

“But that didn’t mean, she couldn’t hear the scrabbling sound behind her – yards away still, but coming up on her fast… So damned fast.”

Didn’t mean what? Unless the part after the comma is what you meant. Otherwise, it doesn’t make sense, so take out the comma if that was your intention.


“Slowly her gaze traveled up and down the frightened, bedraggled woman desperately clinging to her, lingering on her dirty bare feet, the… oh God – was that blood spattered across the front of her low cut shirt?”

Now, I don’t mind switching perspectives, but some people might think it’s a little awkward, so…I’d advise against it, but that’s just me.

Okay, I know I said switching perspectives was fine, but that totally just confused me. What the hell just happened? Then, I understood, but still, I don’t think you should make it hard for the reader to understand what’s going on. Still, good story, nice descriptions, weird as hell, but it was interesting to read, if a little confusing

***

Very nice, I must say. This piece was quite well written. I was entertained, the flow was pretty good, there was maybe only one grammar mistake, as far as I could tell...what you did very well was make us realize how scared Lilith must have been...that is until we realized she was an evil demon. She seemed terrified, genuinely terrified, which made it all the more surprising when it turned out that she was an evil demon. I'm still not sure if I liked that twist or not. I'm on the fence about it. On one hand, it was truly a surprising twist and I suppose it was nicely written, but on the other, I'm wondering if it was needed. You would have had an amazing story without the twist, maybe even a better one. But hey, it didn't take away from the story at all, so I guess it wasn't a bad thing, was it?

The ending was alright, I understood what was happening, these werewolf dudes were demon hunters, and apparently demon species have names like Lilith, John, Kevin, and Bob. So yes, very good!

***

Hrm. It's... definitely very well written, but I'm not entirely sold on the story. It's good, but it gets confusing, then less confusing, then just weird, and the ending is... not bad, but... eh. I dunno'. Definitely well written, though. No arguing that. Excellent descriptions.

***

I liked this one. I really a strong sense of fear from Lillith, the determination to run and the fear of pursuit were palpable; and the mystery of what was chasing her was fun. Running from some guys, no big deal. . . wait, did I just read "claws?"

I had a couple of beefs here. First, your character's thoughts didn't always match their motivations. Most notably when Lillith first encountered Sarah outside the festival. You briefly switch over to Sarah's point of view and her thoughts exclaim. . . "oh God - was that blood spattered across the front of her low cut shirt?"

Honestly, why is this shocking to Sarah? She is trying to kill Lillith, blood should have been expected, or even welcomed. I understand the desire to keep your twist a secret; but there is a fine line between decieving your readers through misdirection or obscured details, and lying to them.

The first can result in an unexpected twist ending; the second only results in confusion.

My other beef was the switching or protagonists half way through. We are led to believe that Lillith is our main character, and then she's killed and the point of view switches to life through the eyes of her killers for another page or so.

I guess there's no real crime in that, it just didn't strike me quite right.

***

The description at the beginning did a really good job of pulling me in. The pace was also good. The slower moment as she rested and wondered what to do, then back to the running and faster bits. The piece also had a resounding realness to it. The kicking off with the shoes, the thoughts, and the look over the shoulder, really add to the story.

The dialogue was perfect! Not an easy thing to get right either. Awesome twist too! Just when she thought she was safe … and you just keep it going! (Why didn’t she just go to the festival and find another person? Also, how was it a warm breeze when moments ago you noted it damp?)

The fight was shocking! Really good. You had me hooked blow for blow. It was not expected at all. I did not expect Lilith to be a demon! I would be happy if you continued this into a longer story or novel. Only thing I noted that was wrong was a little punctuation!

[James]

Entry Two's Reviews

Another really great story. This is a tough match because I loved them both. I wish you’d given us the reason why she was running though! I think knowing a little more about the girl would make this piece. We didn’t really know much about her … and the descriptions of humans and their “shells” just made me want to know more (which is a compliment in disguise!)

The description was pretty good. I got a definite sense of her emotions and what she was seeing as she ran. I didn’t quite understand how she was already in the trap but that was another thing that could have been built on.

***

It's really unfortunate that it was so short, because otherwise, I really liked it. It was well written, it had an interesting plot... no real complaints. But it just didn't offer much. In the end, I walked away liking it, but disappointed that that was all there was, too.

***

Nothing grammatically incorrect as far as I could see. Moderately enjoyed it, but it was too short to form an opinion of anything. Didn’t really affect me either way with emotion. Meh.

***

Interesting. You didn't really give us much to go with, but interesting, nonetheless. Obviously, with so short a story, you did the best you could regarding information. Unfortunately, because of this, I felt absolutely nothing for the girl. By the end of the story, I didn't know much about what was happening, and I didn't really feel like learning more. If you're going to be writing something as short as that, you need to at least hook your audience, or they won't be that interested in reading more, if you present it.

Grammatically speaking? Flawless, I think. I didn't notice any mistakes, and the flow went well. So good on you, there.

***

More. . . why did you stop?
There is a story here, a good one. It could have been so interesting, but you stopped. Had you gone back and filled in some details, made a few things more clear, this could have been really enjoyable.

As it stands, I only got the vaguest notion of what was going on somewhere around the last sentence; and then rereading confirms that there really wasn't anything preceeding it to provide hints.

A girl stealing food (or something) in some manner of totalitarian city/society, right? Am I right?

[AEShenhav (Ali)]

Entry Two is mine.

I was very disappointed in myself for this one because I know my story started out so well. But then the deadline was approaching, I did some procrastinating and before I knew it I was writing the last part with a half hour to go. And I was late even at that.

Ah well, excuses excuses. My competitor did a great job (while being on time) and deserved to take me down. I tip my hat to you!

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

More. . . why did you stop?
There is a story here, a good one. It could have been so interesting, but you stopped. Had you gone back and filled in some details, made a few things more clear, this could have been really enjoyable.

As it stands, I only got the vaguest notion of what was going on somewhere around the last sentence; and then rereading confirms that there really wasn't anything preceeding it to provide hints.

A girl stealing food (or something) in some manner of totalitarian city/society, right? Am I right?

[The Drall]

If you had elaborated on what was going on, you probably would have won. But yeah, the deadline does that to you

[AEShenhav (Ali)]

Zovo: Actually I was going for more of an 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' kind of thing, though your idea might have been very interesting. Though I enjoy being vague (a lot!), I think you're right about me needing to drop more hints.

Drall:Yeah, I certainly was going to elaborate but I choked myself on time. But I hadn't planned on explaining everything completely, to let the reader's imagination go nuts. There was going to be a kind of reveal at the end, though even now I'm not completely sure what it was going to be.

I appreciate your comments guys! Thank you!

[Meleta/Isoldaa]

Thanks, Ali - and you did a great job yourself! Time constraints in this competition were a bear for most everyone, I think. ><

[The Drall]

Aha! At least I knew this one was yours, Mel! I got one right!