Match Three

[James]

The Beginning

The sun smiled warmly upon the beautiful forest, and the beasts who lived within the woods greeted the new day with excitement. Birds sang, their melodious tunes filling the air with music while lumbering bears stalked the streams and rivers, looking for a nice meal. For the animals of the forest, today was a good day.

For David, today was another struggle for survival.

He had already gone an entire day and a half without food and only a few small sips of water when he thought he could risk it, and he didn't know how much more he could take. He hadn't slept at all last night, and he felt sleep creeping up on him as he fought to stay awake. He couldn't even risk a short nap, or his pursuers would find him. With that thought he mind, he continued on, fighting back the hunger and the exhaustion. Better to suffer now than be caught by them.

[James]

Entry One

The sun smiled warmly upon the beautiful forest, and the beasts who lived within the woods greeted the new day with excitement. Birds sang, their melodious tunes filling the air with music while lumbering bears stalked the streams and rivers, looking for a nice meal. For the animals of the forest, today was a good day.

For David, today was another struggle for survival.

He had already gone an entire day and a half without food and only a few small sips of water when he thought he could risk it, and he didn't know how much more he could take. He hadn't slept at all last night, and he felt sleep creeping up on him as he fought to stay awake. He couldn't even risk a short nap, or his pursuers would find him. With that thought in mind, he continued on, fighting back the hunger and the exhaustion. Better to suffer now than be caught by them.

As he stumbled on he tried to listen for sounds of pursuit. The Guard were good, he had to give them that. He barely heard so much as a snapping branch or the rustling of leaves underfoot even though, from what he’d seen when they’d turned up at his house, they were all fairly well built men; all roughly six foot tall and stocky, with broad shoulders and enough muscles to give Hercules a run for his money. For such big guys, they maneuvered the forest with complete ease and with all the noise of a wolf on the hunt. David, on the other hand, felt like he made enough noise to wake the dead.

Despite growing up with a forest right off his back doorstep, he’d never ventured in more than a hundred yards or so and usually only to gather some wood for the fire. The trees at the edge of the forest were small and well spaced out, with only a little bit of growth covering the forest floor. However, the deeper in he ventured, the denser the whole place became. The trees where he was now were tall and closer together with lots of low hanging branches and a lot of under growth. Not only that, but the forest was alive with life.

It seemed strangely unfitting. A lively forest filled with sweet melodies and a warm autumn sun shining through the tree tops whilst he was being chased by the Guard. It felt like it should be more… dark. More sinister. Maybe cloud cover or a rain storm, and the entire place completely void of all but the most bleakest of life forms. It seemed hard to believe that he could be in danger in such a comforting environment.


There was a river somewhere ahead of him, slightly to the left. He picked up speed and headed towards it. He wasn’t sure how he knew, there were no sounds of running water or anything to give it away, he just…knew. David felt himself losing focus and he tried to understand what it was that guided him towards water. It wasn’t the first him it had happened in the last few days. Just last night he’d decided to change direction on a whim and found himself at a small creek with a steady stream of running water. Before that, he’d chosen to take the more difficult of two paths and it had led him to a plant with abnormally large leaves that held a lot of morning dew from the previous night. Both times he hadn’t had long to stop, but this time he hoped he could maybe spare a few minutes when he reached the riverside.

He hoped that there would be something eatable near the river, maybe a wild berry bush or perhaps there would even be some fish in the river. But maybe that was just wishful thinking. He needed food and he knew it, but the chances of finding any that easily were slim. In all the time he’d been in the forest already he’d seen plenty of white berries and many a rotting carcass of things recently passed, but neither were of any use to him. He hadn’t been able to stop for more than a few minutes of time; hardly enough to gather a sip of water never mind start a fire to cook a meal. And poisonous berries wouldn’t do him any good at all. Everything was beginning to feel like a burden on his shoulders and it was dragging him down. It was almost impossible to know where the Guard were because they were so quiet in their approach; he’d tried to take a break last night and they’d nearly caught him. It was only a muttered oath as one of them lost their footing on one of the fallen tree roots that had given them away and given David the head start he needed to avoid their grasp for another day.

After following the trail he was taking for several more minutes, he pushed his way through some rather stubborn bushes and emerged on the river bank. He let out a sigh of relief as he looked around. There wasn’t much on this side, mainly just piles of fallen branches, and dams in the river that suggested beavers. That wasn’t what caught his eye though; it was what he saw on the opposite bank that had him practically drooling at the mouth. Berries. Lots of berries.

He closed his eyes and sent up a silent thank you to whoever may be looking down on him right now. The greatest challenge he faced was getting across to the other side without the water knocking his feet out from under him. But… the water seemed slower than it was before. Or maybe that was just his imagination. Whatever it was, he wasn’t complaining.

He tested some of the fallen tree branches off to the side before picking the two that seemed sturdy enough. Moving slowly into the water, he used the branches to guide him, prodding the ground before him and securing it in place before taking a step. Memories of childhood play filled his mind. That time when he’d been dared to walk across the deepest part of the river and none of them knew that it dropped off suddenly in the middle… Not a nice memory for someone who couldn’t swim. He wasn’t taking any chances here even though he didn’t think it would go any deeper than maybe his knees.

Something moved in the water below him and he stopped, watching. Again, something flashed below. Every few seconds he caught a glimpse of something moving past. He transferred both sticks to the same hand and leaned over, hand poised just above the water. Something flashed and David lunged, fingers closing around something slippery but he managed to keep his grip. A fish! He stared in awe at the tiny little thing for a few minutes. The thing stopped moving.

Whoever was up there really must be watching over him today. Not only had he found running water, but also eatable berries and fish. Now, David didn’t know much about fish, but he had a vague feeling that these were minnow; fish that could be eaten whole. Just like he knew little about forest fruits but something within him told him that the ones of the bank opposite were fine to eat whereas the white one’s he’d passed were poisonous. It was something else David just couldn’t understand.

He stood for a few minutes, wondering what to do next. He slid the little fish into the pocket of his trousers and positioned himself again to catch the next one. For several minutes he stood there catching fish after fish until his pockets bulged with them. When he couldn’t possibly hold anymore he resumed his walk to the bank.

He laid his handy walking sticks on the ground and wandered over to the bushes. Berries of blue and black intermingled before him, some aggregated ones peeked through from the bushes behind. David smiled a genuine smile. Finally, something was going right.

Pulling off one of the bigger leafs he could find, he began to collect berries until he had a plate – or rather a leaf – full of them. He pulled off a few more leaves and leaded back to where he’d laid the branches. With his makeshift plate on the ground before him covered in berries, he began to empty the fish from his pockets onto it. He stopped with one pocket emptied. It would probably make sense to keep some for later, and he’d go back for more berries for the other pocket when he was done, too.

As he ate, loving the taste of food hitting his stomach even if it wasn’t the nicest to taste, he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

His father had told him many times over the years that this forest would eventually come out on the edge of the King’s Palace lands; a four day journey. That was where David was going. He had no choice. To anyone else his logic probably seemed flawed. Why go to the very place that the Guard were going to take him to anyway? Simple; he needed to get Johanna out. He owed her that much. She’d risked everything when she’d come to his house to warn him of the impending arrival of the Guard. She just didn’t expect the guard’s to recognize her from earlier that day. And now, the one’s that didn’t follow him into the woods were taking her to King. She’d be arrested on the grounds of treason. David didn’t understand that either.

What had she meant when she said that the King wanted him for his ‘collection’? From what he’d heard in the rumors around town the King’s collection was a group of people who showed ‘supernatural abilities.’ So why were they after him? He was nothing special. He was David. Just David. He didn’t come with any special powers or anything. If anything happened around him it was just pure luck; like the other day when he was in the garden and made that comment to his father and that other man about wishing that the wind would die down, and it had. Lucky coincidences that made a good laugh and something to joke about. He didn’t have powers at all.

So the Guard had Johanna, and on horseback it would take them three days to arrive back at the palace, which meant he’d need to break in, to break her out. Four days… A four day walk his father had said, but he’d run most of yesterday, so maybe he could make this journey in three days? God, he hoped so… He hated the thought of Johanna locked in some dark cell in the palace with no way out and no one to help her. It was his fault she was there in the first place…


When he finished eating he cleared up his mess and collected some berries to fill his other pocket. One of the broken branches he left behind the bushes, the other he took with him. He guzzled down mouthful after mouthful of water and splashed some over his face to wake himself up a bit. All he needed was sleep, but he still didn’t dare let his guard down for fear that he would be caught. He had absolutely no idea where the Guard were right now, but he was sure that they were still hot on his trail. After his break, they’d be catching up to him.

That thought spurred him on. For a while he followed the river, trying to put some distance between himself and the place where he’d stopped. After walking for several hours without stopping he slowed, and debated crossing back to the other side again.

“I widnae dae tha’ if I were ye, laddie.” David jumped at the sound of the voice behind him. A figure emerged from the bushes and he couldn’t help but blink, stunned at the sight. The man was remarkably well dress; or as well dressed as someone wearing what looked like purple robes could be. The man was old, over sixty David guessed, with long white hair and a white beard. A pair of the brightest blue eyes he’d ever seen watched him from underneath thick brows.

David just stared transfixed. He’d never seen anyone like this man before. He couldn’t understand what someone, dressed the way he was, would be doing this far in the forest.

“I sed, I widnae dae tha’, lad. I widnae cross back. Ye followers are ower thare. Headin’ yir way.” The man walked over to David and extended a hand. “Thar name’s Randalf, aye. How boot ye, ey?”

David shook Randalf’s hand, taking a few seconds to try and figure out exactly what it was that he’d said. The thick brogue made him difficult to understand. “I’m David.”

“David, aye?” Randalf smiled, revealing two rows of teeth, the majority of them missing. “Wey, I be pleased tae meet ye, David. Nou, ah’d suggest ye follow meh from ‘ere, lad. Thae Guard are canny close on ye tail nou.”

Tightening his grip on David’s hand he guided him away from the river bank and back into the trees. David knew he probably should have said no to Randalf, but the somewhat eccentric old guy seemed to want to help him. Something told David to just follow him for now.

Away from the river Randalf stopped and turned to him. “Ye know what ye are, lad?”

David just looked confused. With a line like that David expected it to be some kind of insult, like ‘you’re trouble, that’s what you are’, but the way Randalf said it… It didn’t seem like that kind of line. David just shook his head.

“Wey let meh gee ye a hint then, and ye can figure it oot on ye own.” He grinned as he turned and continued walking. David followed, a million questions buzzing around his brain but he voiced none of them. They walked in silence for several minutes before Randalf spoke again. “Thare are fower bruthars in thon world tha’ were awl born thegither. The first runs an’ niver wearies. The second eats an’ is niver full. The third drinks an’ is always thirsty. The fowth sings a song tha’ is niver good.”

David stopped. A riddle? He’d never been good at riddles, and he didn’t understand what that had to do with ‘what he was.’ Randalf gave a hearty chuckle. “Ye jus’ keep thinkin’ on it, laddie. Ye jus’ keep thinkin’. Nou, I cannae gan nea further wi ye. Ye on ye own from ‘ere.” He grabbed David’s hand and shook it. “Ye jus’ remember what ah’ve told ye, and ye dinnae cross back ower tha’ watta nae matter what happens, aye? Ye stay on this side nae matter what ye see. Ye safe ower this side. Giud luck, lad. Guid luck.”

With that, the old man turned on his heels and headed back the way he’d came, whistling a merry tune. David watched him go until he was out of sight. Randalf had led him away from the river but he seemed to be heading in the same direction as he was before. He was still walking parallel with the river, and he didn’t need simple logic to tell him that. He really didn’t get how he knew these things.



The rest of the day passed uneventfully, giving David plenty of time to mull over the riddle Randalf had given him. Even after hours of pondering every possible answer he could think of he was no closer to finding an answer than when he first started. And, he still didn’t understand what the answer to this riddle would have to do with him. There would be a logic to it somewhere, he just didn’t know it yet.

By dark, rain was beginning to fall heavily. Now, David was thinking the opposite to what he had been that morning. Earlier, he’d thought there should be a darker atmosphere whilst he was being chased; now he felt there should be a lighter atmosphere since he seemed to be safe for now. But he couldn’t win both ways, could he?

When David came across a sheltered alcove he didn’t think twice about scrambling inside away from the rain. He half emptied his pockets and refilled his growling stomach. Sighing contentedly, he let his eyes close, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.



Morning dawned bright and early, the sun having returned and chased away the previous night’s rain. The birds were back and singing and David could see a small squirrel padding around lazily outside the entrance to his small hidey-hole. He smiled to himself and stretched, feeling his neck and back crack and finding pleasure in the way his muscles pulled. Pushing into an upright position, he made his way out and into the morning sun.

“So you’re out of my den now, huh? That’s nice of you.”

David looked up sharply to see a woman sitting on a tree branch above him. He bit back a groan and rubbed his hands across his eyes. It was too early for this. What was it with these random people jumping out at him when he least expected them? He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair, and looked back up at the woman. “Who are you?”

She smiled and swung herself out of the tree where she’d perched. “The name’s Mallory.” She extended a hand which David took. “Same question back at-cha.”

“I’m David.” He dropped her hand and looked at her. She was very pretty and looked a few years older than him; about mid-thirties, with ivory-colored skin and chestnut brown hair. It was only the gypsy-looking attire that took away from her appearance. At least she looked more normal than Randalf.

“David, huh? Nice name. So what you doing in these parts? You don’t look like you’re out on a nice leisurely stroll to me.”

“The King’s Guard is after me for this ‘collection’ of his.” He quickly continued on when she opened her mouth to speak. “And no, I don’t know why they’re after me.”

Mallory paused and looked at him. “You don’t know why they’re after you?” She raised an eyebrow. “That’s odd… You mean you don’t know what you are?”

David glared at her. “I know exactly what I am. I’m me. I’m human. I don’t have any ‘superpowers’ of any kind. They’ve obviously made a mistake and taken me for somebody else. End of story.” He didn’t know why he snapped at her, it was just everyone was being so secretive, making it sound like they knew something about him that he didn’t.

Mallory rolled her eyes. “Just human, huh? Just like I’m ‘just human’ I bet. You’re no more normal that I am, David.”

He closed his eyes, wishing she’d just explain herself already. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She laughed. “I’d give you a hint but I don’t think you need it.”

“A hint?” Now where had he heard that before?

“Sure. Wanna hear it?” When he nodded she continued. “There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good.”

David frowned. “You’re the second person who’s told me that, and I’m still no closer to understanding it than I was the last time I heard it.”

Her head fell back and she laughed. “I take it you’ve met Randalf on your travels then, huh? Well, you just need to put some real thought into it, Kiddo. You’ll figure it out.”

“I spent heaven knows how many hours trying to figure it out yesterday. You can’t accuse me of not trying.”

She smirked. “I’m not saying you’re not trying. What I’m saying, is that you need to put more thought into it. Don’t look for the obvious, look beyond. Open your mind to the unimaginable and look inside of yourself, too.”

Brushing some imaginary dust off her clothes she moved past him to the alcove he’d just left. “Oh, and while you’re out there? Don’t cross the river. Just follow it straight on.” She disappeared into the alcove and disappeared. David closed his eyes and battled with the frustration that was building inside him.

He started walking again, determined to put more space between him and Mallory. As he neared the edge of the small clearing he’d stopped in a cool wind blew the vines away from the path. He stopped, watching. At a soft laugh behind him he turned back to see Mallory sitting at the edge of the alcove. She waved at him, fighting against a smile. The wind howled through the trees, making the trees moan in protest. Turning away, he hurried past the vines. As soon as he passed the wind died down, the sorrowful sound dying with it.

David sped up, eager to get away. He could still hear her laugh following him as he left. A breeze, softer now, ruffled the treetops. Steady trails of water dripped down around him. Ignoring them, he hurried passed. He was sure he’d find somewhere to drink later.

A branch snapped and fell from one of the trees, crashing down a few feet in front of him and blocking his path. Another fell on top of it. Where the two met, sparks flashed, red-gold flames leaping up out of nowhere. David froze, transfixed by the fire. It wasn’t right. It just wasn’t right. Flames like these shouldn’t start from something like two branches falling.

The flames spread quickly consuming all in their path. In a matter of seconds the flames had surrounded him in a ring of orange, thick smoke filling his lungs and leaving him gasping for a breath of cool air. Wind. Where was the wind when he needed it?

He closed his eyes as the panic threatened to take over. Something cold tickled at the back of his neck. He gasped at the contact, his lungs filling with… fresh air? His eyes flew open. Around him the smoke appeared to be held back by some sort of invisible barrier. He cautiously reached out one hand. It disappeared into the smoke. As he stepped forward, the ring of air around him moved with him. David kept moving forward.

He reached the spot where the branches had first fallen and held his breath, reaching out his hand towards the flames. They fell backwards, almost as if they were avoiding his touch. All around him the fire fell back, flames burning out and leaving nothing but charred black in its wake. In the same amount of time it took for the fire to take hold, it vanished; the smoke swirled upwards on an updraft of wind.

Wrapping his arms around himself, David sunk down to the ground, shivering, though not from the cold. He knelt there completely unmoving, not caring how much time passed. What had just happened? How had it happened? Deep breaths, he told himself. Deep, calming breaths. He kept his eyes trained on the charred ground below him.

The whole area was void of life. There was nothing left. Trees were blackened, their trunks turned to charcoal in less than a few minutes, and leaves turned to nothing but a fine, black dust. Even on the ground where the fire hadn’t made contact there was nothing more than blackened grass and wasteland. And the worst of it, was the silence that seemed to ooze from the very ground. There was just… nothing. Nothing at all.


As the shivers began to subside David became more aware of what was going on around him. The smell of burnt wood was replaced by a new scent. Life. His eyebrows pulled together as he watched the ground before him. Green shoots sprung up from all around him, life on fast-forward as the forest seemed to revive itself, bringing itself back from the nothing that it had just become. Only mere minutes passed, but before he knew it the forest looked exactly like it did beforehand. He stared wide eyed at the scene around him. Impossible…

David stumbled to his feet and gazed around mesmerized. He was completely in awe at what had just happened. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes. It was just… amazing. It shouldn’t be possible, and yet, it had just happened. Was he crazy?

“You’re not crazy, love. It really happened.” This time, David didn’t even blink, just looked towards the direction of the voice. An old woman stood there in black slacks and what looked like a handmade woolen sweater. Grey hair hung loose down her back.

“How is this possible? Who did this?” David looked back at the area of trees. He had a feeling that this woman was also going to start reciting riddles to him, but right now he didn’t care.

The old lady gave a soft laugh. “You don’t need told again, David. You just need to understand it. As for what happened here? Mallory began it; you finished it. Does that help you understand the riddle?”

He paid no notice to her speaking what he was thinking, his mind focused elsewhere. “How does this help..?”

“What happened here? What do you remember?” She placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped, not noticing that she’d moved.

“The wind in the trees… and the water falling… then the fire started… and something held the smoke back… then the fire stopped and… and everything grew back…” It sounded crazy even to his own ears, and yet, it made sense. The wind… the water… then the fire… and then the earth… it made sense in a weird kind of way.

He walked forwards away from the woman, his mind spinning. “There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good.” He reached out a hand and caught a drip of water that fell from somewhere above. “Water… runs and never wearies. Fire… eats and is never full.” He stared at the drops that landed on his hand, tilting it so they ran down and splashed off the forest floor. “Earth drinks and is always thirsty. And the wind sings a song that is never good.”

He turned to face the woman who stood there smiling at him. She nodded. “Yes.”

“They said it would tell be who I was – what I was… You said I did this. That I stopped the fire. That I… controlled the elements? That’s why I could find the water, and knew which berries to pick. It’s why the wind eased last week; why everything that’s happened, happened. They weren’t just lucky coincidences at all… they were me.” He paused, “and that’s why the Guard are after me…”

The woman nodded, smiling. She extended a hand towards him. “Give me your hand, David. Let me show you something.”

He reached forward and placed his hand in her, not expecting what came next. He felt a jolt behind his navel as his vision clouded. Before he had a chance to panic his vision returned, but the forest and the woman were gone. In their place stood a clearing, a group of people gathered around a fire laughing. Behind them a two people stumbled from the trees. A woman, fell to her knees, hands grasping around her swollen stomach. The man with her shouted something toward the group of people. Some of them scrambled to their feet while the others stared, not comprehending what was going on around them. Time passed by in a blur in the vision; the woman being carried over to the fire, the man with her alternating between pacing nervously and muttering words of comfort into his wife’s ear. The rest of the group gathered around, the only woman kneeling before the pregnant lady. As time passed, the woman’s heart grew fainter and the man became frantic. With a few final heaves, the baby was born. With her newborn laid across her chest she smiled, then her eyes drifted closed and her head fell to one side. Dead. Beside her the fire died down to nothing and the wind rose, moaning a sorrowful song; mourning the dead of a new mother. Mourning the death of nature’s child. With tears in his eyes the man bundled up his precious newborn and stood. When he spoke his voice was scarcely heard over the wind. From his vantage point David watched the man’s lips as he spoke. “David: Son of an Elementalist.” The others in the clearing gasped and drew back from the pair, their faces strife with disbelief.

As the vision cleared David found himself staring into the face of the old woman again. “Now you listen to me, David. You mother was a powerful woman – a powerful Elemental. And so are you.” She glanced into the trees behind him. “If you wish to save your Johanna then you’re going to need to harness your abilities and use them to their full potential. You are nearing the end of your journey, my boy. Practice as you go, and you will succeed. You cannot save your lady without the full help of your powers.” She laid one hand on his forehead and closed her eyes. She breathed in deeply and smiled. “Listen to the words of old Faye. Your way ahead is clear. You will succeed so long as you do not cross the river.”

David blinked. “What is wrong with crossing the river?”

“That my boy, you do not want to know.”

[James]

Entry Two

The sun smiled warmly upon the beautiful forest, and the beasts who lived within the woods greeted the new day with excitement. Birds sang, their melodious tunes filling the air with music while lumbering bears stalked the streams and rivers, looking for a nice meal. For the animals of the forest, today was a good day.


For David, today was another struggle for survival.


He had already gone an entire day and a half without food and only a few small sips of water when he thought he could risk it, and he didn't know how much more he could take. He hadn't slept at all last night, and he felt sleep creeping up on him as he fought to nap, or his pursuers would find him. With that thought he mind, he continued on, fighting back the hunger and the exhaustion. Better to suffer now than be caught by them.

He nervously looked over his shoulder at the trees he had passed, feeling stares filled with malicious intent on his back. David’s eyes darted from bark to leaf as he tried to discover the location of the assassins the nobles had sent after him. Panting with the effort of continuing his rubbery legs across the uneven forest floor, David gave up relying on his eyesight to spot the threats that were so close behind him.

A massive tree came into his vision on the left, rot having eaten into the trunk enough to give him a temporary hiding place. He collapsed inside, feeling the wood give a little as he leaned back against it – uncomfortable, but bearable. A minute passed as he tried to control his heaving diaphragm, looking inside himself to concentrate on his surroundings, to pick even a glimmer of intent from his hunters. A cold, slithering feeling washed across his back, but he ignored it, remaining completely still. A flash of silver glistened across his mind, followed by a glimpse of his hiding spot from only a few meters away.

He snapped out of his trance, a chill running through him as he remembered the significance of silver. Only the top assassins of the guild had the maezu, power of the mind, required to use every facet of the ancient powers – silver marking them as masters. In fact, only the nobles were more powerful than the assassins, their maezu far exceeding an assassin’s amount, albeit barely. Fortunately, David was of noble heritage.

Unfortunately, even a noble would have trouble against multiple assassins of the silver caliber, he thought as he rolled out of his hiding place into the foreboding forest, leaving the cold, slithering feeling behind him. The tree he had been hiding in exploded in a wave of extremely sharp splinters, ripping through small trees around it and scouring the bark of the larger ones. Using what power he had left in his tired body, he diverted the stream of splintery death around him, the sharp wooden spines ripping through his clothes as they sailed by, yet not damaging his skin. David grimaced, knowing the signs of exhaustion were already creeping up on him. He’d have to force a confrontation to have any chance at surviving the chase.

Sensing a threat to his left, David dodged behind a tree, feeling something sharp hitting the bark with a heavy ‘thump’. He reached into his belt and grabbed a maezu-infused throwing dagger, similar in function to the ones the assassins used regularly. The only difference between them was the maezu inherent in a noble caused the dagger to spin at a rapid speed, sending slivers of power shooting out into the surroundings for a few seconds. David threw it into the air in the direction the arrow, that had been meant for his head, had come from, running in the opposite direction and jumping to catch a low hanging branch. His momentum swung him up into the tree, where he landed somewhat unsteadily on his boot clad feet, his white tabard falling down as he unhooked it from his lightly armored body – it would only get in the way.

A high pitched whistle rang out through the forest, followed by a mental cry as on the of the assassins fell, pierced by the dagger David had thrown. He smiled at the ‘sound’; the cry of a mind silenced was horrible, to be sure, but the fact that it was one of those who wished him an early grave gave him confidence that he might make it through the rest of the day.

David closed his eyes, focusing on piercing the veil of misdirection all men and women in the Assassin’s Guild tried to create. A flash of silver danced to his left, quickly followed by a small feeling of confusion as the killer tried unsuccessfully to locate his prey. The man was so intent on trying to find him that he was forsaking the one defense against a noble’s power – a mistake David would take every advantage of.

Furrowing his eyebrows in concentration, he worked to create a small illusion of himself below the tree he was perched in, carefully weaving the maezu to cloak the illusion in a mediocre misdirection veil. The illusion had to be cloaked just enough to give it the appearance that he was too weary to keep up a solid defense against prying eyes.

With the job done, and a flash of intensity from somewhere to his left, David blew out a heavy breath, sweating with the effort of holding the illusion together. Gritting his teeth, he worked quickly to set the trap for his indolent opponent, reaching into his belt for a small, wooden crossbow. Even though the tiny bolt thrower would be ineffective normally, combined with a small dash of explosive powder it could launch a cross bolt with force enough to rip through a full-size tree. Unfortunately, it could only be used once, as the explosion on the end of the wooden frame would foul any chance at accuracy in the future.

A small movement to his left alerted him that his plan was in a very real danger of collapsing around him. Thinking quickly, he turned to the source of the movement and aimed his weapon at the small figure, pulling the trigger on the mechanism and throwing the slug directly at the assassin. Not even looking to see if it hit, David jumped down from the tree, throwing the crossbow away as he did so, and started running directly away from where the figure had come from. As he dodged left and right to avoid low hanging branches and the roots that snaked out of the ground, an arrow whistled by his left ear, causing him to flinch instinctively to the right.

Stars danced across his vision as the slight movement forced his forehead to come into contact with branch, impacting the wood hard enough to stun himself - blood burning his eyes as the crimson liquid flowed out of the cut the impact made. A footfall to his left on the leaf-strewn ground and the steely rasp of a sword coming out of a scabbard caused his insides to grow cold – they had him. Growling with bitter fury at having everything end this way, David cart wheeled to the right, just in time to avoid a sword swing that had been intended for his neck. He reached into his belt as he stood back up on his feet, quickly throwing his last dagger. The air screamed as the dagger tore through it, spewing out sharp spines of silver maezu as it spun in an arc toward the sword-wielding assassin.

A ray of hope shone out in David’s breast as his would-be killer failed to block one of the spines, its knife-like shape rocketing through the man’s left kidney. A black splotch appeared on the man’s forest-colored garb where the maezu had punctured his body, the man looking down at the spot with a surprised look in his eyes – the only feature that wasn’t shielded. David ran, knowing the wound was fatal – the maezu would make sure the body decayed rapidly, causing extreme pain until it hit the brain, ripping it apart from the inside. A moment later, the cry of another silenced mind echoed in David’s head, followed by a dull buzzing in his head, like a thousand bees had decided to make his brain their new home.

There was a clearing ahead and, against better instinct, he ran straight toward it, forgetting that clearings offered little camouflage for his veil of misdirection to use. Exhaustion clouded his mind as he raced across the green field, carefully avoiding pits and trenches as he did so. It was becoming increasingly difficult to concentrate – the sounds of the forest were dulling to almost nothing, he could hardly even smell anything around the burning sensation of breathing air through his nose. His reflexes were becoming slower, his legs ceasing to obey his commands and his arms felt as though he were carrying heavy weights on them; he tripped into one of the trenches that littered the field of wild flowers and wispy grass. The pain that came from the fall seemed almost distant, as if it were happening to someone else.

“Tired, David?” a sultry feminine ‘voice’ said slowly, the sound echoing through his mind, laced with power. His eyelids felt heavy, as if they were weighed down by a thousand stones – the buzzing in his mind returned with a vengeance, driving him mad with the simple, torturing ‘noise’. “You should be. Taking down two of my top agents with those daggers was extremely impressive. Normally, the same attack would never work twice. A testament to your power.”

The grass around David squished as the woman walked around to the front of his prone form. David growled, trying to raise his himself up and only succeeding halfway, his eyes opening as he let loose a little bit of maezu to counteract the assassin’s attack.

“Unfortunately,” the mental voice continued, sounding almost hurt and pouty, “you also hurt me, as well. How could you, David?”

When he looked up at her, he noticed the blood that coated the left side of her chest, just above her breast – so she had been the small figure he’d shot the cross bolt at before. It gave him an idea, one that would no doubt end in his death; still, there was no way he could see that he’d survive this specific confrontation. The outfit she wore left little to the imagination even as it covered her entire body –the form fitting, forest colored leather all but glowed with maezu – an heirloom, then, and one only given to the current leader of the Assassin’s Guild. His eyes roamed from the wound to her face, taking in the glittering eyes and locks of silver hair descending from her head in a stream of beauty. The look of a cold hearted killer, disinterested yet confident, danced across her features as she kneeled down, a sword in her hand.

“I looked up to you once, you know,” the voice whispered in his mind, as cold as the spectre of death’s hand on his heart. “Before you grew weak. Before you grew a heart.” Her voice grew bitter as she said the last, anger heating up her pale, white face before being washed away by a look of calm calculation.

“So here we are. The last of the mighty Maezuras family, squirming in the dirt like a worm before a bird of prey,” she continued, stroking his face with a soft gloved hand. She stood up, dusting off her chest and readying the sword she carried. “Goodbye, David. Give my regards to your lovely wife for me, would you? I grew fond of her screams before the end.”

David roared with anger at the mention of his wife, his eyes closing as tears sprang to the corners of them, running down his face – he knew his fate would be to die here, but there was something he had to do before he did. He spoke one word, concentrating with every bit of power he had left in his body right before the sword came down.

David experienced a sudden warmth quickly followed by his last look at the world he loved and failed to protect – the female assassin’s face distorted to an expression of extreme pain as a veritable fountain of blood exploded from her back, right where the bolt from earlier had made an exit wound. The woman wouldn’t last long without a noble’s aid – not even an army of assassin’s could staunch a wound as grave as that. Then, he felt the cold rush as his spirit left his body and traveled across the icy peaks that had been his destination.

“Live well, my son,” the spirit whispered, soul crushing regret mixed with love as he left the world, all anger at the female assassin gone. The next generation would have to take the reins and steer the world away from the cliff it was rushing headlong toward. David had done all he could.

[James]

Entry One's Reviews

(Eatable :: Edible … just sounds more adult. Also, repetitive wording early on.)

Nice description of the area. A good bit of back-story. Clued the reader in nicely as to what was happening and how he was surviving off the wilds. A little information on why they were after him would have been nice early on.

The childhood memory bit was good, despite it being scary for him. I’m wishing you had built a little on that moment. Something that the reader can really connect to.

The bit with the fish felt very: this happened, and then that happened. I want to know if he is scared, lonely, distraught …etc. Even a little happiness/relief at having caught the fish would be nice.

The accent was excellent. Not over-done or under-done and consistent. Brave thing to do (I just hope everybody understands it!)

I loved the meaning of the riddle. Why not cross the river? Was there some kind of extra meaning behind that? The story was a nice one. Interesting. A lot came to light in the last paragraph. It pushed a lot of information into the character, which is not favored.

***

There are innumerable instances in this story where commas should be added. That being said, my eyes detected no flaws in spelling. Spot on, chief.


Quote:
She disappeared into the alcove and disappeared.


First off, you’ll want to avoid using the same word twice in a sentence.

Now, the story was quite good. You handle the initial hook, the middle, beginning, and end very well, as the flow is handled just about as well as it could have been. No problems whatsoever there.

My first of three complaints with this story is when David is meeting with the girl living in the tree. She isn’t really elaborated on, and her behavior/appearance seems rushed. No information is given as to why she is living in a tree or how she ended up in this forest.

This brings to why the people are in the forest. Unless my drowsy eyes missed something, that wasn’t elaborated on very much. It would be appreciated if you at least gave a small description as to who these people are and why they were there. This isn’t a novel or anything like that, you’ll have to assume that your readers will not care for information to be withheld from them in the name of suspense or mystery.

Finally, the mannerisms in Randalf’s speech are ridiculous. I spent a good long while trying to figure out what some of the first things he said were, with plenty more dialogue to go. The mannerism doesn’t add to the story, wasn’t nessecary, and could have been easily displayed with a much lighter form of that, or simply saying

Randalf seemed to speak in a guttural-sounding Common.

Works, does it not?

***

Great big epic story for sure!

On the technical side, there were several run-on sentences throughout the piece, as well as sentence fragments. Some word choices were jarring as well (“eatable,” versus “edible?” “Leaves,” not “leafs?”)

As for the story itself? It was definitely grand in scale – but it seemed like a piece you were trying to shorten artificially, to fit into the allotted word count. Many characters were introduced, but none of them was explored in depth. And by the time the ending came around? I have to admit, I still had no idea why your main character was being chased by “the Guard.”

And so, if this is an idea you’d like to explore later, expand on? I’d be interested in seeing it – there were some interesting thoughts there. But for this piece, it was all simply a bit too “on the surface.”

***

It was an interesting idea that wasn't too nicely executed. It was the most obvious thing in the world that the guy had power over the four elements. I am actually amazed he didn't figure it out.

How he figured it out was...I don't know, I didn't like it. As soon as he crossed the river, the Guard just didn't seem to be after him anymore. I felt you could have used them for that particular plot point. Have him need to use his powers to fight them, or something. Could they not cross the river? Was that why recrossing was so bad, because they were all over there and an invisible wall told them they couldn't cross? They seemed scary at first, but after awhile they didn't even seem a part of the story.

You made a few noticeable mistakes, but not enough for it to break the flow, so that's alright. Again, a nice idea, but it could use some polishing.

***

"Oh my gawd, get to it already." That was my brain at about 2,000 words in. You had main character running through the woods, meeting excentric wanderers. Two of the three of which did exactly the same thing (taunt him with an obscure riddle) and disappeared.

Why not just one? One eccentric wanderer who helps David acknowledge his true potential and maybe he even gets around to saving Johanna. Cause you taunted me with that plotline early on and then abandoned it.

Just way too much plot, not nearly enough resolution. Too many word not tying up nough loose ends. Consider your maximum story length before writing out massive plotlines which aren't going to fit in that framework.

Oh, and don't cross the river; you don't want to know why. . . what kind of ending is that?

***

I really enjoyed this. Well written, interesting concept (even if I guessed the riddle early on), though it ends sort of... abruptly. Plus, he ate raw fish and that wasn't explained and it annoyed me right to the end. At least did he have a knife or something? It's never explained! >.> Still. Good stuff, ending and fish aside.

[James]

Entry Two's Reviews

I liked this piece, quite a bit. I liked the references to the maezu; you used it to create an atmosphere of interesting unique fantasy without drowning the reader in deep explanation of epic plotlines on the horizon.

You kept the bounds of the story reined in and controlled, focusing completely on this character and how they were going to survive this situation using the unique powers at their disposal.

Be careful with your word choice and conceptual consistency; ". . . nobles were more powerful than the assassins, their maezu far exceeding and assassins, albeit barely." Are they way more powerful? Or just a little more powerful? It's pretty unclear and I had to read it a couple of times before moving on and sort of just discounting it.

My biggest complaint was the introduction of additional plot elements in the final passages of the story. It completely negated everything I had loved about the story to that point.

We suddenly learn about some old feudal grudge, David's wife, his anger at the situation (which til now had simply been a drive to live), and some mystical spirit that talks to him in death.

The opposite of the other entry, you provided resolution for a number of plots which weren't even present in the text you provided.

Don't do that.

***

There was one sentence that just didn’t read quite right very early on. The wording was a little off or it missed punctuation. Couple of mega-long sentences which threw me a little.

I loved the descriptive moments. I also loved the explanation behind the flash of silver. That really pulled me in a little and gave a lot of suspense to the story. The action that followed it was good too. It flowed pretty well. Good vocabulary range.

There were a lot of moments when I felt I was actually with David! Which I loved. It was immersive enough to really get attached. Especially the paragraph where he slowed down – excellent descriptions! Grim death too for the kidney-punctured assassin! The ending was painful to read. I really wanted him to get away! I’m glad he took the bitch down with him.

***

Um, was good. That’s all I can, really. I mean, it was all right, but… it didn’t seem to handle the suspense all that well. It certainly tried, what with the assassin and all, it’s just… it didn’t keep me too interested. And in a matter of personal opinion, I would have preferred David died instead of getting away scott-free because the assassin had a crush on him or something.

That’s all I got.

***

Felt pretty rushed. The universe you've got here has a lot of potential, but the explanations for things in such a short period didn't really work well for immersion. If it were as long as the first piece, it might have been as good.

***

I genuinely enjoyed this piece – even if I had to read a few parts over again, trying to understand

SPOILER: Click to show

Spoiler:
the relationship between maezu, the nobles and the “common” assassin.

But it was a really neat idea for a fantasy world, and worked well, even in the word limits imposed in this competition.

You had me, too – a really good chase/story right until the very end.

SPOILER: Click to show

I was completely lost when, from out of the blue, there was the introduction of a wife (whose memory never once entered David’s thoughts before this?) That, and the mention of a son – honestly, I had to read those two paragraphs over and over and over until it finally dawned on me, that it was David’s “spirit,” saying farewell to his child. Seems rather obvious now, but with neither memory nor flashback of either wife or child before the last few paragraphs? I was lost…

***

That was a very entertaining read. No spelling mistakes as far as I could tell, no grammar mistakes, and the story was very well written. Aside from the beginning, where you were pretty much explaining everything, which broke the pace of the story, I found it flowed together nicely.

You left enough open to interpretation without making it confusing. The ending was pretty good as well. All in all, you didn't waste my time and you made me want to read more. A lot more, in fact. Write a story on this, please. I would read it, if only to find out what the connection was between maezu and the Maezuras family. I must know more!

[tamwyn]

Entry Two is mine. Reffy got me wrong

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Jul 8, 2010 12:57:45 GMT -5 @tamwyn said:

Entry Two is mine. Reffy got me wrong

The Maezu was YOU! Holy moly! Dude ... I rated you amongst the "really, really good writers." Seriously, loved this story.

[The Drall]

As did I. Great use of my beginning

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Oh, that makes things easy then. . . I was going to talk to whomever wrote the Maezu story about A World Removed, I really liked the ideas in that one.

[tamwyn]

Jul 8, 2010 13:04:32 GMT -5 Jenny (Reffy) said:

Jul 8, 2010 12:57:45 GMT -5 @tamwyn said:

Entry Two is mine. Reffy got me wrong

The Maezu was YOU! Holy moly! Dude ... I rated you amongst the "really, really good writers." Seriously, loved this story.

Thanks...I think.

ASGetty ((Zovo)): I'm back, so PM away.