Feeds for the backs

[Lilam]

Hi, welcome to our forum! It's always good to have fresh meat around.

Anywho! Here is our Introduction Thread if you still wish to introduce yourself:

awritersrecluse.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=rb&action=display&thread=17

And to answer your question, most of us here separate paragraphs by leaving a blank line between the two paragraphs. It makes the text a lot easier on the eyes.

[Slater]

Ah. I thought of doing that, but didn't want my "wall'o'text" to be any longer then it had to be lol.


Also, I just realized, after reading it over again, I made ALOT of mistakes lol. Missing letters, extra words, blah blah blah. Anyone one else that happens to notice it, that's what I mean by missing it or never realizing it to being with. lol

[Lilam]

Nuclear war was now nothing more the a fictional thought.

That "the" should be a "then".

Mexico, a country once deemed as being “third world” by others before the war, had profited form much need industry during the war, making it the 3rd richest nation in the world, had devised a program to create orbiting space colonies around earth orbit.

"Form" should be "from". Also, using the word orbit twice makes that sentence a little clunky. You could probably get rid of that first "orbiting" and the sentence would still read fine.

This warning was at first was heeded, but the war soon made it's way to Mars, and thus, the most destructive portion of the war began.

There is a repeated word in this sentence and it would probably read better if written differently like, "This warning was heeded at first".

The EC First Used the power of their NSCA units, which utilized a new system of control that was unheard of. Instead of using a system designed to pick up on brainwaves, each NSCA users had what was referred to as a “Synaptic Plug”(Hence were the term NSCA began) surgically implanted onto their backs in groups of 3, and one in the skull.

"User" instead of "users".

Upon studying the unit and body, they went on to apply the same technology to their newest waves, thinking this would in turn allow them to turn the tide of the war.

"Turn" was used twice and disrupts the flow of the sentence. "In turn" could probably be taken out or at least replaced with something else.

Otherwise, everything looks pretty good. There are a lot of instances where you capitalized words that didn't need to be capitalized so I would just be careful with that. Proper nouns and the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized and there are plenty of references online to help with other capitalization concerns. Grammar and syntax seems on the mark. You're off to a great start and I look forward to reading more from you! ;D

[Slater]

Yeah, I've fixed those little bits. Like i said, I don't notice these things, or completely miss them when reading through my self. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I know exactly what i mean, and I'm going through it in my head while reading it. IDK, maybe one of these days I'll actually be able to catch these screw ups myself, lol.

[Lilam]

Yeah, that's how it is for everyone buddy, lol. You're not alone in missing mistakes in your own writing. That's why God made editors. But seriously, it just takes time and a little patience. The best thing you can do is wait a few hours, a day or even a week to go back and edit your work. The longer the better. You'll be amazed at the mistakes you find after a bit of time has passed! More than likely you won't catch everything but it'll make a big difference, I assure you.

Sometimes relying on others for grammar/syntax/spelling mistakes either won't be as thorough or will give you the same results as if you had done it yourself, so it's best to also be able to somewhat rely on your inner editor as well. After all, you just want others you ask to edit to find those annoying hard to miss things, not the easy stuff you can easily do yourself. Otherwise, they may end up focusing on the superficial errors and not focus on the whole picture, ya' know?

Anyway, enough of my rambling! Just take your time while writing and editing and you'll do fine!

[Slater]

i do need to slow down when i read. i blaze through things when reading.

[Matteo ((Taed))]

It helps when you wait a little bit before proofreading. Then the implicit meaning you were going for fades from your memory a bit, so you don't auto-correct any mistakes as you're reading. Makes for a more honest review of your own work, I find.

[Slater]

I'm going to have to try that.

BTW, I went ahead and replaced what i had posted before with an updated version.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Aug 21, 2011 22:54:00 GMT -5 Slater said:

I'm going to have to try that.

BTW, I went ahead and replaced what i had posted before with an updated version.

K, so, I haven't read this yet but, is this just a sort of summary of the world your story is based in. . . or is this an actual piece of the story?

'Cause if it's the former, I'm not proofreading your brainstorm for you.

[Slater]

Aug 22, 2011 15:21:24 GMT -5 ASGetty ((Zovo)) said:

K, so, I haven't read this yet but, is this just a sort of summary of the world your story is based in. . . or is this an actual piece of the story?

'Cause if it's the former, I'm not proofreading your brainstorm for you.

Its all back story, so its the basis of the story yes. I had to write that first to lay the ground network so as the reader wouldn't get lost. There is also another back story that will encompass the end of this to the beginning of the story in much better detail then this.

By all means, feel free to prof read if you like. I've gone over it multiple times but I feel like I've missed some errors.

[Slater]

After taking the advice you guys so graciously gave me, I'm reworking this segment. There are a few parts of it that don't really seem to make much sense to me(and I'm sure some others lol). So I'm going to rework those parts to make them either coincide with actual physics so they aren't as far fetched, or for those that can not be replaced by actual physics, I'll rework them to sound more realistic.