I could use help on this one

[Allya]

So my husband is a Dead Head. We went to a Further show in December and at that venue there was no room for Shakedown Street - aka the parking lot scene that normally follows every show. It's like a Dead Head craft fair that also sells drugs and alcohol. They tried setting up shakedown in a seven level parking garage but the cops shutdown shakedown. Nonetheless the phrase 'seven levels of shakedown' stuck and my husband asked me to write a Dead-type song for him about it. So below is my first attempt. The song attempts to follow all the experiences you have at shakedown as you head to the show in seven versus. It is heavily laden with famous Dead lyric references.

I still don't quite like the finished product. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

Seven Levels of Shakedown

Chill in the air and I’m chill in my soul
Parked on seventh and ready to roll
Not sellin tonight just takin it in
Recharging on love let the fun begin

Jewelry, trinkets, and pins look nice
They can be yours if you meet the price
Show the world your Grateful side
The one pushed down in the nine to five

Seven levels of shakedown
Take the darkness from my eyes
See what’s shakin on shakedown
The place where my heart lies

Lookin for OC or maybe a dose
Two dollars a shot or five for the noz
You’re my kind if you got the nugs
Feelin the high and sharing the love

Taste the rainbow in swirling glass
Just don’t take too much too fast
Lost in the way it spirals the light
Kaleido your eyes if you look at it right

Seven levels of shakedown
To take the darkness from my eyes
See what’s shakin on shakedown
Blue sun and yellow skies

Tours’R’us but what’s your story?
When did you first feel the glory?
When did the sound seep into your head?
Move through your soul and start to spread?

I hope the mountain is burning tonight
Crazy Fingers is always tight
Well, well, well you can never tell
But Terrapin would put me under the spell

Seven levels of shakedown
To take the darkness from my eyes
See what’s shakin on shakedown
It could be an illusion, but I might as well try

Lookin for a miracle, I just need one
To show another what it’s like in the sun
Past the gate I’m finally home
Dancin with the Dead you’re never alone

Seven levels of shakedown
Gone are broken eyes
See what’s shakin on shakedown
Leave that trouble behind

Seven levels of shakedown
Let the bells of heaven ring
Let’s get it shakin on shakedown
Get me through the days between

[Matteo ((Taed))]

Apr 15, 2011 8:03:06 GMT -5 Allya said:

So my husband is a Dead Head.

He .... launches the Russian nuclear arsenal if he detects radiation? That must make microwaving fun.

[Allya]

I feel dumb 'cause I don't get the reference at all

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Apr 15, 2011 11:38:37 GMT -5 Allya said:

I feel dumb 'cause I don't get the reference at all

I would love to help you, if I were more familiar with the music of the Grateful Dead I'm sure that would help. I'll give some stuff a listen, get in that goove and give it another read.

My initial, reflex, reaction is to mention that "jewelry and trinkets" is a clunky line to sing. Doesn't really have any flow to it. Least not to me.

Oh, and drop the "To" in "To take the darkness from my eyes."

[Allya]

Thanks that was very helpful. That was one of two lines I was really having trouble with. Ill think in it some more.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

when it comes to songs, I really dislike extra small syllables. "To" "a" "but" "just" they seem like extra words that don't actually express anything.

[Allya]

I'm not a big fan of the Dead's songs but tolerate them for my husband's sake. Really my only problem with them is they are soooo long and improvisational. I like a catchy tune.

However, their lyricist Robert Hunter is a hell of a poet.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Apr 15, 2011 16:34:35 GMT -5 Allya said:

I'm not a big fan of the Dead's songs but tolerate them for my husband's sake. Really my only problem with them is they are soooo long and improvisational. I like a catchy tune.

However, their lyricist Robert Hunter is a hell of a poet.

You've probably heard this before, but if you're looking to get a Dead Head feel for music without actually listening to the Grateful Dead... try a couple of Phish tracks.

[Allya]

Nah I've got completely different tastes. I'm more of a Cake, George Winston, and Cat Stevens person.

[Kaez]

Apr 15, 2011 16:51:59 GMT -5 Allya said:

Nah I've got completely different tastes. I'm more of a Cake, George Winston, and Cat Stevens person.

I don't think Zovo was saying to listen for the sake of enjoying it. But for basically "getting the feel" of the Dead without listening to the Dead, Phish is a pretty good band for it. Much shorter and catchier songs, same general audio aesthetic/vibe.

Also, Cake, George Winston, and Cat Stevens are such very, very different artists. That was a weird thing to say. XD

[Allya]

Apr 15, 2011 20:45:28 GMT -5 Kaez said:

Apr 15, 2011 16:51:59 GMT -5 Allya said:

Nah I've got completely different tastes. I'm more of a Cake, George Winston, and Cat Stevens person.

I don't think Zovo was saying to listen for the sake of enjoying it. But for basically "getting the feel" of the Dead without listening to the Dead, Phish is a pretty good band for it. Much shorter and catchier songs, same general audio aesthetic/vibe.

Also, Cake, George Winston, and Cat Stevens are such very, very different artists. That was a weird thing to say. XD

Actually they are not as different as you might think. George Winston has been described as a folk-piano player. He can paint a picture without a single word and it's amazing. Cat Stevens (another folk artist) has very simple melody lines but has amazing lyrics. Cake has a fun beat and often great trumpet but the best part about their music is their quirky and often sarcastic lyrics. (I'm a freaking executive but I love short skirt / long jacket.)