Post by James on Feb 19, 2011 19:33:45 GMT -5
((Oh hey... I'm a Commodore.
Definitely a decent enough start and I was somewhat pulled into it by the end of it. The writing was strong, especially towards the end, where it flowed nicely and reading became a breeze. I felt that the first or two had a bit of a cumbersome feel to it, as if you were eager to prove that you know big words and literary devices. But after that, it calmed down and flowed nicely.
The dialogue felt realistic enough and I liked the idea of calling the character Miss No. Perhaps the description of March's spaceship could have been handled better, towards the end it was getting a little repetitive: 'The enemy has this cool thing but don't worry, it won't beat my ship.'
On the actual story, I'm not sure it matches up with the writing. It felt a bit cliched. Lovable rogue who owns a ship with a bit of kick who rescues a capable princess. You understand why that sounds a little familiar. Also I'm left slightly confused at how Britain has seemingly become a leading member of the space race... we suck at it. But that might be explained later.
So, I think the writing was very good, but I think the story itself could be a little refined to remove some of the cliche elements. There's a good premise, you just need to try and stamp your own creativity on it more.))
Definitely a decent enough start and I was somewhat pulled into it by the end of it. The writing was strong, especially towards the end, where it flowed nicely and reading became a breeze. I felt that the first or two had a bit of a cumbersome feel to it, as if you were eager to prove that you know big words and literary devices. But after that, it calmed down and flowed nicely.
The dialogue felt realistic enough and I liked the idea of calling the character Miss No. Perhaps the description of March's spaceship could have been handled better, towards the end it was getting a little repetitive: 'The enemy has this cool thing but don't worry, it won't beat my ship.'
On the actual story, I'm not sure it matches up with the writing. It felt a bit cliched. Lovable rogue who owns a ship with a bit of kick who rescues a capable princess. You understand why that sounds a little familiar. Also I'm left slightly confused at how Britain has seemingly become a leading member of the space race... we suck at it. But that might be explained later.
So, I think the writing was very good, but I think the story itself could be a little refined to remove some of the cliche elements. There's a good premise, you just need to try and stamp your own creativity on it more.))
