NotAlice vs. Ali

[James]

Topic: Detective/Crime
Deadline: 9th January

Good luck!

[NotAlice]

[Mature warning? It gets a bit... detailed(?) maybe... *shrugs*]


Siren

“A Sirens Song Ends In Death”


Cole hated his job sometimes.

Most of the time he loved it, but on this particular day in the middle of this particular case, he couldn’t have hated it more. There had been a time in his life where he’d spend his spring evenings sitting outside his house, coffee in one hand and binoculars in the other as he watched the wildlife in the woods out the back. The sight of a squirrel dashing up a tree trunk or a young chaffinch taking its first flight was enough send his spirits soaring and make his night feel complete. He would sit outside till the sun went down and the first stars of the night made their appearances before he would retreat to the warmth and comfort of his living room fire.

Of course, that was then and this was now. All the small things he loved doing had gone out the window after he’d been promoted to Assistant Director at the SIU two years ago. Now his nights were spent pouring over case files and organising evidence, placing together theories and planning the next step of their investigations. The last few years had really made him appreciate all the work his old boss had put in.

His current case was a particularly troublesome one and it was going no where. Every time they had something it fell through. Suspects. A dead end. Evidence. A dead end. Witnesses. A dead end. Nothing was going right. And today was no different.

It was Saturday, a week since the last killings and two weeks from the ones before that, and the ones before that, and the ones before that. They had three crazy bitches who struck every Saturday night, taking down one victim each and leaving before the bodies were discovered. They’d been seen so many times, their faces coming up again and again in all the CCTV footage they’d seen but not one person could put a name to their faces. The same three young women had been recorded with each of the victims the night they were murdered - A young and brazen blonde, a brunette haired beauty, and an ebony haired enchantress.

Over the last month twelve men had been found dead at various nightclubs and casinos, all wealthy and good looking. The only thing that the killers left behind were small cuttings of precious gem stones, each of the three leaving a different one. They helped Cole and his team figure out who killed each victim when the CCTV tapes were hazy. The gem cuttings they kept finding on and around the bodies were sapphires from the brunette, rubies from the blonde, and emeralds from the ebony. The gems types caught on as names for them, and Cole’s team now used them when referring to each of the women. They’d started calling them the ‘Sirena’, a Greek name meaning seductress because of the way the men had been seduced before they were killed.

Cole ran his hands through his dark hair before dragging them down his face, and slumping down in his chair. He watched as two members of his team went through the case file, pulling out photo’s and lab documents and laying them out on the large table in the middle of the room, searching for anything which could give them a lead on who these women were. Cole knew his team well enough to know how much this case was beginning to take its strain on them. Agent Wood kept pinching the top of his nose every few minutes, a habit of his that showed that he was getting stressed and feeling pessimistic. Agent Ashcroft was biting down on his lip like he always did when things weren’t going right, a nervous habit of his.

The office door opened and Agent Connor walked in, dropping a file on Cole’s desk as he passed. Cole raised an eyebrow at him and picked up the file. In side of it was a written report on a meeting with a Mr B.R. Turner, a friend of one of last weekend’s victims.

“He didn’t give us much to go on. Blonde hair and a cute outfit is all he remembered.” Connor paused and continued. “I don’t know if any of you’ve seen, but there are posters up all around town advertising the ‘Moulin Rouge’ night at X10SIV tonight. The themed nights there are always a big hit. The rich come from miles around for these events. I think it’ll be the perfect hunting ground for these girls.”

Cole took this in, resting his chin on his fists and his elbows on his desk. This could work to their advantage. These women seemed to prey on the rich, and there’d be more in the club tonight that they’d find in the casino all week. He thought about it for a few minutes.

“You remember that case where you were going to go in undercover but then a few days before hand we caught the guy by surprise?” Three heads nodded. “You’re going to use those cover identities tonight. Do you remember the names you were given?”

“Quinn,” Wood pulled three files out from the filing cabinet behind him.

“Aaron,”

“Cade,” Conner caught the file that Wood threw across to him.

“Re-familiarise yourselves with those files. I’ll call down to the A.U. department and see if they can find something for the three of you to wear that fits this Moulin Rouge theme.

When you’re out there you’ll each have one of the three Sirena to focus on. I’ll call Scott too and see if he can get the State troupers out there to bring these girls in.”

Connor looked up from the file, “What do we do when we find them?”

Cole thought about it for a minute, “If they try to take you to a back room tell them you have a better idea and either leave via the front or back doors. I’ll make sure there are men all around. Whatever happens do not let them take you into the back.”

“And if they won’t go outside?”

“Then make them.” Cole look each member of his team directly in the eye, piercing blue eyes making contact with green, brown and grey ones across the room. The message passed silently between them – This ends. Tonight.


The rest of the day passed quickly and soon they were all standing next to one of the SIU hire cars a few blocks over from X10SIV. Cole gave his men a final pep talk and before they knew it they were heading over to the club entrance, leaving a worried looking Cole behind them.

The name on the front of the building had been turned off and replaced with a large neon sign saying ‘MOULIN ROUGE’, with a matching pair of yellow and red windmill shaped signs on either side as they’d tried to imitate the feeling of the original. The bouncer on the door nodded to them as they passed and allowed them in. Inside they nodded to each other and split up, slipping into their alternate roles easily.

Agent Ashcroft, now known as Aaron, was the first to find his target. He saw her standing by a bowl of punch, slipping it seductively as she eyes up a blonde haired man dancing, who Ashcroft recognised to be the youngest son of the head of the police department. She wore a pink velvet corset dress that looked like an expensive circus girl style costume in cerise pink. Pale fishnet tights and a white gloves completed the look, along with the circus style baton and hat. Long blonde hair was spiralled down her back, shimmering in the lights as she moved.

Aaron looped around behind her, placing a hand on her waist and whispering a soft hello into her ear. She turned quickly and smiled, letting her gaze run down the length of him and back up. She looked at him through smoky grey eyes that were shaded under luxurious dark lashed. She was cute, with a young face and flawless skin, with everything just the right shape and size. The first name that jumped to mind was Gemma Ward, and at closer inspection, he thought she really did look similar to her.

“Would you like to dance?” His voice was low and was so low it almost seemed to come out a growl. She ran her teeth over her bottom lip as she gave him another look over. Looking back up at him she smiled seductively, running her fingers lightly down his bare arm from his elbow as she entwined her fingers through his. She grinned and walked backwards, pulling him into the dancing crowd.

When she stopped she placed her hands on his shoulders and he placed his on her waist. She stood on her tiptoes and leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I’m Phoebe,”

“Aaron.” He let his eyes run down her body. He couldn’t help it. She was gorgeous. “Why haven’t I seen you around here before now?”

She smiled up at him, a twinkle in her eye as her hands slipped down his shoulders and trailed down his chest. “I’m just visiting for a little while.”

“Well perhaps I might just be able to convince you to stay a little longer.”

“Perhaps maybe you will.”


Agent Woods, now known as Quinn was the next to sight the woman he was there for. The girl they knew as Sapphire. She wore a deep blue couture dress made up of a corset top, a flowing skirt stitched with small black flowers to give it shape, and an elegant bolero that came to just past her elbows. She was even more beautiful in person than she was on the photos they had collected in the case file. Her hair was a deep chocolate brown colour that complemented her outfit perfectly and hung in tight curls past her shoulders.

Quinn decided on a more forward approach, choosing to cut through the crowd and walk straight across to her. He kept his eyes on her as he wove his way towards her. She looked up as he neared her, standing straighter and looking him over curiously. He looked in her eyes, and saw the curiosity that sparked in her blue eyes, and he found himself being drawn into them, losing himself in their beauty.

“Can I help you?” She asked, her voice slow and melodious. He snapped out of his trance.


“May I have this dance?” He held out an arm, giving her a slow, lopsided smile that had captured the hearts of so many women in his past.

Her eyes dropped, giving him another look over before she looked up at him from under long, dark lashes. She smiled softly at him before taking his offered arm. They walked into the dancing crowd with their eyes glued to each others just as a slow song started. He smiled at her and held one of her hands and resting the other on her waist. She placed her free hand on his shoulder and stepped close towards him as they started moving to the slow melody of the song.

“Do you have a name?” She asked as she let her eyes be torn away from his to watch her fingers run lightly down his shoulder and bicep.

“Quinn.” He let his hands drop lower, knowing that now was the time to be cautious. He needed to let this night play out but with caution. This woman was a killer and he needed to remember that but it was so hard to when as he watched her, looking so frail.

She smiled. “Quinn… I like that name.”

“May I ask for yours?” He dipped his head closer to her level and let his hair fall forwards over his eyes, looking out at her with a playful smile looking like it was trying to breakout across his face.

“Lily,” She matched his playful look and Quinn had to repress a groan. Why did this have to be a job? Why did she have to be a killer? He wished he was just out on a normal night and dancing with her, just a normal woman. Life was a bitch.


Agent Connor was the last to find the woman he was there for. He’d been standing at the side of the room with a drink in one hand as he scanned the room. He could see Ashcroft dancing wildly with the blonde looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

Both of them had huge grins plastered on their faces. He’d watched as Wood found the brunette too. The two of them never broke eye contact as they started to dance. Connor couldn’t hep but wish that they weren’t here to catch three killers. Wood had a look of longing in his eyes that Connor could see from where he was standing. He’d known Wood for many years now and wished for his sake that he’d find a girl to care for one of these days. He just hoped it wasn’t the one standing in front of him right now that he fell for.

After the accident that killed his girlfriend three years ago Wood had kept to himself, not willing to get close to anybody.

He’d watched the others for almost twenty minutes before he caught side of black hair across the room. He tried to look over the heads of the crowd as he began to quickly weave his way in that direction. As he neared he saw her sitting with a dark haired man in a booth. She sat with her legs crossed and leaning towards him. She ran an elegant finger down his chest and whispered something to him. He kissed the back of her hand before standing at heading in the direction of the bar.

She wore a red- bordeaux ‘Satine’ corset dress, making her look a lot like the woman in the film. Her dark hair was mostly pinned up with some left loosely down her back.

Connor had stopped next to a pillar at the side of the room not far from where she sat. He leant against it with his arms crossed and watched her carefully. As her eyes travelled the room the passed over him and stopped. They roamed up and down his body and a slow smile spread across her face. She looked quickly behind her before standing up and heading his way. He watched as she made her way over, her hips swaying enticingly.

She stopped just in front of him and they stood silently for a few minutes just looking at one another, slow smirks tugging at their mouths. Connor was the first to break the silence.

“Your date is on his way back,” He cocked his head to the other side, watching her reaction. She just rolled her eyes.

“Jerk.” She looked out over the dancing crowd before looking at him and winking, “Follow me.”

She led him into the heart of the dancing crowd. The DJ was set up in the corner of the room and the music he played filled the air with sensual and erotic melodies designed to seduce the senses. The room was thick with the rich aroma of lust that threatened to make Connor forget his orders and let this enchanting seductress have her way with him. She turned to face him, raising her arms above her head and starting to dance and sway to the beat. He rested his hands on her hips and moved with her.

“What’s your name?” He managed to whisper next to her ear.

“They call me Dru,” She whispered back.

“Call me Cade.” Surely there was nothing wrong with him having a bit of fun before he lured her outside. Both of the others had.


Across the room Lily pulled Quinn through the crowd towards the two doors at the back of the room. He sighed. He’d been enjoying tonight. It had been easy forget about everything else and just imagine it was your typical Saturday night. But reality was about to come back. His wonderful night was coming to an end.

She tried to guide him towards the door that led into the back rooms but Quinn spun her around to face him just as she went to reach for the door handle.

“I have a better idea,” He winked slowly at her and she smiled and bit down on the side of her lip, letting him pull her towards the other door. He opened it slowly, flinching as the bitter cold air rushed in at him. He quickly pulled them outside and closed the door behind them. He took a deep breath. This was it.

He walked along the back alley with his arm around her waist. She kept asking cheekily where they were going, turning to face him and walking backwards after he told her ‘somewhere’ for the third time. He guided her around the corner.

“Tell me,” She dragged her teeth across her bottom lip and grinned up at him.

“Police! Turn around and put your hands where we can see them!” She jumped around at the sound of the voice. Three police cars blocked off the end of the alley with half a dozen officers standing with their guns aimed their way. Her eyes flitted across the scene in front of her and she turned sharply. Her eyes widened when she saw Quinn standing behind her with his face impassive. She took an instinctive step backwards.

“Special Investigations Unit, Agent Kellen Wood. You’re under arrest for the murder of four men over the past month.” He spoke loudly as he held up his badge to show her. Her mouth formed a silent ‘oh’ and her shoulders dropped. She closed her eyes and looked down. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered as two of the police officers came up behind her and cuffed her.

She met his gaze one last time as she was led towards the cars. He looked away, choosing to go and talk to Cole before he did something stupid. He’d genuinely liked her.

“Good job in there.” Wood just nodded as Cole put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

“Nothing. She was just nice, you know? Kind of hard to believe she’s a killer…” He trailed off.

Cole just nodded. He knew how Wood always kept to himself since his girlfriend was killed a few years back, and it sucked that the one woman he’d found who he could possibly like turned out be a killer. Life just wasn’t fair. They stood there and watched as the police trudged around and got back in position. “Did you see the others when you were in there?”

“I think I caught a glimpse of Gabriel with the Emerald but I didn’t see Ryan.”

Cole nodded slowly and hoped that Ashcroft had found Phoebe. “What’s her name?” He nodded towards the police car.

“Lily.” Wood opened the door of the SIU car and sat down, leaving his feet firmly on the road. Cole just nodded again and left him to his thoughts, hoping the rest of his team were okay.


Aaron groaned as Phoebe bit down on his lip lightly and dragged her teeth across it. She grinned at his reaction and repeated it several more times. They’d moved off the dance floor and found an empty booth at the side of the room. She was currently sitting straddling him, and they were kissing passionately. He wished he could get to know this feisty little nymph a little better before he took her outside. He’d much rather have not had to hand her over, but he’d loose his job if he purposely let her get away. Damn, life was such a bitch.

“I have an idea,” She whispered. He could feel her warm breath against his lips. She kissed him once more before standing up and pulling him up with her. She grinned, a playful and wild look in her eye before grabbing his had and pulling him through the crowd. He knew now would be the time to suggest going outsides but he just couldn’t force himself to do it. Instead he stopped her before she reached the two doors at the back of the room and pushed her gently into the wall. He stood close to her with his hands placed firmly on either side of her head, caging her.

Her grin was teasing as she ran her fingers down the broad planes of his chest and toyed with the button on his trousers. Her other hand wrapped around the back of his neck so she could pull him down towards her and kiss him. He was painfully aware of how his erection was pressed against the inside of his trousers. How could he walk outside looking like this? Surely they would never notice if he just…

She pushed him away from her and quickly edged along to the doors that led into the back rooms. She kept her eyes on his until she vanished around the door. He growled deep in his throat and followed her through. Fuck the rules.

He saw her standing not far in twiddling with the latches on her corset. As he neared her she popped the first one open. He reached her and kept walking, forcing her to move back with him. He only stopped once her back hit the wall. Her hands slid up around his neck and he brought his hands up, popping open the next latch. As he unlatched the last one her corset fell open and he replaced it with his hands. He circled her breasts with deliberate slowness, circling gradually inwards. She gasped and arched her back, pressing into his hands. He stopped just before he got to the aching, sensitive centre and trailed his finger tips slowly down her stomach. She sighed at the missing contact but used the time to unbutton his shirt and running her hands up his stomach to his shoulders. He kissed her again, knowing he shouldn’t be doing it.

He pulled away from her mouth and trailed kisses down her neck while her hands undid with the button on his trousers and slid them down. They pooled around his ankles.

“I think we should go into another of the rooms.” She gasped, “More private-”

She hadn’t even finished her sentence before he picked her up, kicking one foot out of the legs of his trousers, and carrying her into one of the smaller rooms. She wrapped her legs around his waist when he backed her up against an old table that was in the dark room. He pulled back slowly and looked at her, running his fingers lightly down her cheek as he searched her eyes. She smiled at him and flipped her curls back over her shoulder. It was then that something shiny caught his eye behind her.

He looked closely at it. It was a mirror and he could see himself in it, but Phoebe most certainly didn’t look like herself at all.

“What the fuck!?”


Cade pulled Dru along quickly as they headed towards the front door. She’d suggested they ‘find somewhere a little more private’ and he’d quickly convinced her to follow him outside. She’d gone willingly which surprised Cade a lot.

“So where do you plan to take me?” She asked, linking her arm through his as they stepped out into the icy night air. It was still cold even though it was April.
“Just wait and see,” He saw police cars spread out across street and he couldn’t help but
raise his eyebrows. Why so many? There were only three women. Granted they were dangerous killers but from what he’d seen of Dru tonight, it wouldn’t take so many police to take them down.

“What’s with all the police?” She asked quietly.

“I don’t know. Just keep walking past them.” He walked them over in Cole’s direction, talking to Dru as he went.

“Police!” And so it all happened again.


Aaron stepped backwards away from Phoebe with his eyes glued to the mirror behind her. She turned to face it and her eyes went wide.

“What the fuck is going on?” He asked. In the mirror he’d didn’t see the beautiful young blonde that he saw in front of him. Instead he saw large wings that appeared to protrude from her back and her chest looked to be covered in thick white plumage.

“I… I can explain…”

“Yeah, you better start explaining.” He pulled out his badge. “SUI.”

Her eyes widened and she ran a hand through her hair. “We’re Siren… me and my sisters, that is.”

“Siren?” The Sirena were Siren? What a coincidence.

“We…yes.” She paused trying to think of how to word what she needed to say. “We need to kill to survive. One a week is enough. There are some that’ll kill daily, but we’re not like that. We are descendants of Ligeia, one whom Odysseus wrote of. We don’t stay in one place for too long, not wanting to cause too much death and destruction. I…”

She bit her lip as she thought, “Sapphira is the one who makes us move around so much. Esmeralda is the one who finds the best places to hunt at…”

“Sapphira? Esmeralda?” Where those the sisters she spoke of? If so that would explain the sapphires and the emeralds. So Phoebe’s name must be something to do with rubies, he thought.

“My sisters. Sapphira is the oldest, then Esmeralda, then me. Rubianna.” She turned and looked in the mirror behind her. “We left the island where we came from a few years back. They were so prejudiced about everything… we’d never used our birth names, always the ones I told you. They didn’t like that.”

“What were your birth names?” He asked softly.

“Sapphira’s was Adara, meaning ‘beautiful one’, Esmeralda’s was Adria, for ‘dark one.’ Mine is Aditi, for ‘free and unbound’. It’s almost like they knew how we’d turn out before we were even born.” She smiled grimly. “You must understand, we do what we need to to survive…”

Aaron moved up behind her and put his arms on her waist again. It was strange looking in the mirror and seeing feathers. “I understand, but I don’t think it’s me you need to convince.”

She turned around. “What do you mean?”

“There are police surrounding the building to arrest you and your sisters. My boss is out there. You’ll need to talk to him about this. He’d the one who might be able to help you. I’ll take you to him.”

She nodded and reattached the front of her corset. Aaron followed her lead and quickly pulled his pants back up and fastened his shirt. He held out his hand and she took it. They walked out of the back rooms and through the still dancing crowd to the front entrance. He could see her biting down hard on her lip and he squeezed her hand. She looked up at him and gave him a brief smile.

He led her straight across to where Cole still stood.

“Police!” Came a shout from their right. “You’re -”

“Give it a rest already. Cole, we need to talk to you.” Every one looked gob smacked as Agent Ashcroft stopped in front of his boss. Even Cole himself looked a bit perplexed.

“Assistant Director Cole Debrizaki,” he introduced himself to Rubianna. “Please, take a seat. You look a little cold.”

Rubianna smiled and sat down in the back seat of the SIU car much the same way that Woods had earlier. With a quick glance at Ashcroft she retold her story to Cole, who told the police to bring the other two over. Together, the three of them told Cole and his team everything, even more than just what Rubianna had told Ashcroft.

“Well this changes a lot…” Cole leant on the side of the car and thought hard.

“We can leave…” Esmeralda spoke up.

“No, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I think I’d feel better knowing what you three are up to. Sorry, but you’ve still killed.” He looked at his team and remembered the looks on Wood and Connor’s faces after the one’s they’d brought out had been cuffed and bundled in the back of the police cars. “Why must you hunt humans? Can’t you hunt animals? And why have you only gone after the rich?”

The three looked at each other before Esmeralda answered. “We can survive on them I guess. Humans… well, it just makes it more fun.”

“I need to think about this some more before I come to any permanent decisions, but for now I’m going to leave my team in charge of you. I’d like you to stick with them as much as possible and tell them where you’re going. Think of it as… probation or something.”

Cole watched all six of their reactions. Ashcroft and Rubianna looked at each other, still holding hands. They smiled. Connor looked across to Esmeralda who looked back at him, smiles tugging at their lips. It was Wood’s reaction however that made Cole realise he’d made the right decision. He looked up sharply and his eyes shot to Sapphira. In them Cole could see a spark go off deep within him as emotions danced to life. He had a feeling, that this was just what Wood needed.

Cole loved his job sometimes. Especially when it all turned out for the better like this one had. They’d caught their killers, his team were happy, this case was closed. This was all going to work out. He’d go to work tomorrow and they’d sort out the finer details and they’d figure out a way for the girls to survive with out killing humans. Everything would be fine.

Yes. Cole definitely loved his job sometimes.

[AEShenhav (Ali)]

The Platinum Case

The city inhaled a shuttered, withering breath. It was like the glow of a dying star; beautiful, but just a shadow of it's former self. The nighttime gleam of windows, the smooth concrete and even seedy glow of the sex clubs added an industrial beauty to it all. It's life blood, the millions who coursed through it's follicle-like streets carried the bittersweet infection to every corner, to every organ.

Harding sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Goddamn he needed more sleep. He looked down at the soft tinkling of the whiskey glass in his dark hand. It sounded just above the lively hum of the infected city and the amber liquor inside smelled strong. With a last glance over the indigo city scape, he turned, drained the glass in a single gulp and looked down at his slipshod desk. He smiled as the familiar inky words and blanched photographs that the past two weeks had produced. It was strange really, that first Monday started out so well.

First a morning haircut and shave at Gino's to trim the fat from the top of his tight curly head and chin followed by morning coffee with the beat cops at the diner. Even the day's work was slow, and slow was how the detective liked it. No work meant no lazy, selfish person turned criminal. Even the end of the day greeted him with a pleasurable sight. A woman unlike any other strode into the precinct like a gale force wind. Blond, azure eyed and cherry red stained lips in an equally impressive red dress that was only partly covered by her soft tan coat. Goddamn. All heads had turned to her when she walked in and she just ignored them like this was a natural occurrence. Of coarse she did. It was a natural occurrence.

The tired smile slipped from Harding's face as he now looked into those blue eyes, bleached out from the picture. Even here she looked amazing, like a starlet at the height of her career. Harding knew better and it filled him with a sobering somber mood. He refilled his glass.

"Determined to have died between the hours of 0100 and 0500 on Tuesday morning, Ruby's body was found in a bathtub where she was tied up and left to bleed out in the water. Very little evidence was found at the scene, but we've..."

Harding's own words in the report brought back the memories like a flood of stills moving fleetingly behind his dusky chestnut eyes. They had found her when the landlady from the apartment had discovered a suddenly cascading water leak pouring into the rooms below for three floors. Harding had been called as soon as someone had mentioned that he was handling her case from the day before. Goddamn he wish he could have done something. The image of Ruby haloed in a bathtub of her own blood would stain his soul as long as he lived. Her resplendently absent eyes staring, pleading at him for help. And he was going to.

The search for the killer hadn't yielded much in the way of suspects. Whoever had done it was a professional, leaving the murder weapon and the body easy to find. He even made it look like a suicide but didn't bother to write a note. Cocky bastard. Not that it would have fooled Harding if a note had been left.

Ruby had specifically asked for him on that easygoing Monday before last, much to the annoyance of the other jealous detectives. Harding had hid his amusement behind a friendly smile as he asked her to join him in his office so she could explain her situation to him.

"They're going to kill me," she said flatly, in an abnormally husky voice for a woman. It didn't take from her classic beauty in the least; on the contrary, her voice sounded as if she were a purring cat. Still what she said brought out the cop in him and he asked who was trying to kill her.

"I..." she began again in that amazingly feminine baritone. "I can't tell you detective." She hung her head low and looked at her feet.

"If you can't tell me, how can I help you miss...?" He had asked, trailing off as if to ask what to call her.

"Miss Skye, Ruby Skye. I don't know what I expected by coming to you. I just know that if I don't do something, I'm going to be killed. Please help me detective Harding."

And he had, to the best of his ability at the time. Goddamn it all, if he would have known, he'd have cashed in a few favors and stationed a patrol outside her door. The only thing she would tell him was that she was in danger and...

"... the Coco club." She said. "That's all I can say. Please, just investigate the Coco club. There's something very wrong there." Something about that statement bothered him, like telling him that was what got her killed the next morning.

And he had investigated the club, a full investigation. After Ruby's murder, he called in those favors he could have used to save her and got a warrant as well as three of the best detectives on the force to go with him. They turned that place upside down to no avail. It was like trying to catch the wind, you know it's there but you can't see it nor grasp it.

A rage suddenly overtook him and Harding slammed his hand on the desk with a vigorous pound. Draining his whiskey glass for the second time tonight, he suppressed the urge to throw it at the window and refilled it instead. It was when his head was down that he felt the cold steel press against that back of his neck. He froze.

It seemed like an eternity standing there with the gun to his skin, his silent friend uttering not a word. Finally, Harding spoke three words. "Who are you?"

It was almost as if he could feel the man smiling behind him, a sinister smile that cracked his face apart. "Detective Ax Harding," he said, the words coming out sounded as it they were made of rusty steel rubbing against glass. "What a pain you have been."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Harding growled angrily. "We haven't even made a dent in this case. You being here is the best lead yet."

"Yes, but you have the pieces and we can't take the chance that your simple mind would put the puzzle together. Goodbye detective."

Survival instincts took over, the kind that takes training to master and use. Harding felt the hammer on the gun pull back and he spun. Molten flame erupted on the side of his neck as the frigid steel turned to cutting fire. He yelled in pain and felt his hands lose around the arm of the assailant, pulling the gun upward. Another shot tolled and plaster snowed down around the two men locked in combat.

After a solid ten seconds, the assassin gave up on his gun and let go. Stunned, Harding looked at the gun in his hand for a half second before it was kicked out of it and is throat punched. Staggering over the chair near his desk, he fell to his back still gasping. The man descended upon him but Harding had put both his feet to the man's chest and thrust outward. The astonished look on the man's face vanished to fear as he was pushed though the large window behind Harding's desk. The scream echoed for a long time as the man fell twelve stories to the unforgiving pavement.

Panting and holding his sore and bleeding neck for a long time, Harding was finally able to sit up just as a slew of armed uniformed officers came rushing into the large room. He waved both hands as they turned on the lights showing he was a friendly.

"Holy mackerel Harding, are you okay?" asked one of the officers, a young rookie he only know as Slick.

"I'm fine but I need to go. Something I've got to do," Harding responded hoarsely. He pushed past Slick and the other astonished officers on his way out of the office. Something bothered him about the face of the man he had just threw out the window and he needed to look at the man. He rushed down the stairs only, stopping to rummage through a medical kit so he could put a bandage on his neck where the bullet grazed. Goddamn it hurt.

Outside the officers were already blocking the pavement off where the man fell. Harding flashed his badge and ducked under the police tape to get a better look at the attacker. He knew that if he hadn't been lucky, the man would have easily killed him. Now looking into his face the initial recognition still lingered but was slow to bring total fruition. 'Where do I know him from?' he asked himself again and again. With a heaving sigh, Harding turned away, the man's face burned into his mind.

"Officer," he called to one of the policemen. "I need a car brought around. I have someplace to go." The man looked at him curiously but realized that Harding wasn't going to elaborate and left quickly. He waited for the officer to bring the car out for him with his hands deep in his coat pockets. That was when it clicked.

"Oh my god..." he whispered, dark eyes still transfixed on the dead man behind the police tape. The sound of screeching breaks brought Harding's attention back to reality. He thanked the officer and took the keys, his head still swimming in a fog of realization. As he drove, he started piecing it all together. Funny how the man that was sent to kill him before piecing the truth together turned out to be the last piece of the puzzle that he wasn't supposed to put together. Harding laughed loudly as he drove. Whether it was the exhaustion of the triumph of knowledge, he didn't know, but he still found it all very humorous.

Twenty minutes later, Harding was pulling up to the Coco Club. The big "CCC" at the front lit the night with it's neon blush and big band music could be heard even from the outside. He parked the car outside the club and tossed the keys to the valet kid before walking briskly up to the doorman at the front of a very long line. The big man was just about to put his hands on Harding's shoulders without a word when he flicked his badge in the man's face.

"Official police business, I need to talk to your boss coolie," he said with authority. The big man rolled his eyes and unshackled the rope barring him from the entrance. Harding could barely hear the dismayed shouts of those in line while he talked though the club with determination. Making a beeline for the VIP rooms, he flashed his badge a second time to the big men there as well. The door was opened a minute after one of the men by a beautiful scarlet haired woman who scrutinized Harding as if he were dead fish stinking up her vanity room.

"Your boss. Now." Was all he said, holding his badge like a lantern and cocking his head. She rolled her pale green eyes and turned, giving leeway for him to follow but not asking it. He gave a snort to the bouncers and walked into the corridor. He watched the woman leading him and appraised her. Gorgeous, fantastic form, didn't hold a candle to Ruby though. He smiled at the thought of the blond.

A moment later they were greeted by a door that the redhead left open as she entered. Harding walked into the lushly decorated room colored in mostly various shades of red. His guide took a seat next to a man whom she put her arm around, intertwining it with another red haired woman on the man's other side. Harding knew the man well and knew that he liked red. A lot.

"Detective Harding!" the man exclaimed with a huge smile that avoided his eyes. He looked at Hardings neck and added with a slight nod. "That looks bad, you should get it looked at."

"I'm fine, Maurice," Harding spoke with every syllable dipped in ice.

"Glad to hear it! So, what do I owe this pleasure?" Maurice asked in feign questioning.

"I'm here for information. You know what I mean." Harding scratched at his bandage. It was starting to itch through the pain but he also wanted to make a point.

Maurice snorted. "I have no clue what your talking about." But the girls on either side of him slowly slid their hands between the couch cushions and Harding knew they were now both grasping gun metal. Harding's own hand slid inside his coat.

"I think you do Maurice, and I'm willing to bet my life and yours to find out." By emphasizing 'yours,' he was saying 'If I die, you're coming to hell with me.'

Maurice stared at him for a long second. Too long. Harding thought he saw 'Miss Left' flinch in anticipation. Finally the club owner spoke without look to either side. "Ladies, would you please leave. Mr. Harding and I would like a private chat." The girls at both sides rose in unison reluctantly, throwing Harding scathing looks as they passed him on their way to the door. He removed his hand from his gun after the door closed behind him and the tension in the room relaxed, but only a little. "A show of good faith and trust, detective Harding," Maurice said, referring to his sexual playthings/bodyguards leaving the room. "I'm assuming that your questions revolve around the murder of one Ruby Skye?"

Harding only nodded.

"Ruby was my best hooker," Maurice said plainly as if this were a statement about his grandmother's pie. Harding was hard pressed to hide his astonishment but remained silent. Ruby was a prostitute? was all his mind could ask. Maurice continued. "Well, she was more than that. She was a dance, an entertainer and a cash cow, though she could hardly be compared to bovine." He winked. "She of coarse wasn't my type." He gestured around to the red room. "But it's still a shame. A very pretty girl she was. She'll be missed."

The rage inside Harding grew hotter and redder than the room around but he controlled it. "She was more than just a money machine," he said quietly. "She was a human being."

"Of coarse, of coarse." The way Maurice picked at a loose thread in the couch and his nonchalant attitude towards the death of the most beautiful woman in the world brought Harding's anger up a few more notches, but he continued. "What about Salzidino?" He asked. "The man you sent to kill me?" He gestured to his bandage. "He was one of you're bartenders. I saw him flinging drinks the day we came to investigate your club."

Maurice sighed as if the memory of that day bothered him the way a fire ant bothers the skin. "Yes, yes he was," he admitted. "But I didn't send him to kill you. No, Anthony Salzidino is a hitman who can be hired by anybody. Honestly Harding, I'm surprised you're still here. You boys have been trying to get him for years without realizing who he was. I think you called him 'The Hyena?' Ah well, you got him now. Well done." He clapped mockingly.

"If you didn't send him, then who did?"

"That's for me to know and you to never find out."

Harding tilted his head quizzically. "What?"

Maurice only smiled and looked at something slightly over his left shoulder and nodded. "Ladies?" Was all he said.

BLAM!

Harding had no time to turn before a staggering pain struck the back of his head. He fell to the ground as he twisted, only to catch the glimpse of long crimson hair between flashes of blackness. Then he saw nothing. How the hell... so quiet? he asked himself as obscurity began to overtake him. Harding could still hear and he tried to make out the man's words before the world around eclipsed into silence.

"Send ...ord ...Senator... ...ilsby... ...secret ...dies ...this fool..."

Oh Ruby, I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm so sorry...

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

NotAlice

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 8/10
Entertainment - 14/15
Quality - 13/15

TOTAL - 42/50


Thoughts: Certainly the most entertaining piece I've read thus far. I liked your characters, I liked how not only did each of the detectives have distinct personalities, but so did your killers, and that you managed to convey this in so short a piece. I think your use of "adult" material was gutsy but appropriate and I commend you for it.

Nearing the end it got a little too "summing it up" for me, but I think that's a personal preference; I like to figure things out for myself. I also think that the Sirens got off a bit easy, but it made for a nice ending. . . for everyone but the 12 dead people.

Other than that, I would just say "Don't trust the spell checker." I caught a number of spelling errors which were distracting because most of them were homonyms to the words which you wanted in their place, or were simply mispelling which a spell chacker wouldn't catch.

Ultimately, well done. It's was a fun read and an enjoyable experience.


Ali

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 9/10
Entertainment - 12/15
Quality - 13/15

TOTAL - 42/50

Thoughts: Loved the names Ruby Skye, Ax Harding, Slick, a big boss name Maurice (who in my head spoke with a Russian accent); good classic stuff. I had a little trouble reading it right at the beginning, as you jumped between flashbacks and the present with little to help distinguish between the two, but once I got a handlke on it, I had a good time. I really liked your use of description, it told you what was going on without being too literal: "Another shot tolled and plaster snowed down around the two men locked in combat." I liked that.

Gotta say, the ending felt like a bit fo a tease though. Though I have a tendency to do the same thing with my short stories, hinting at a larger story which the reaer may never know. Very much enjoyed this piece.

[Kaez]

NotAlice
Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 5/5
Use of Topic - 8/10
Entertainment - 8/15
Quality - 13/15

38/50

A few spelling and grammar mistakes throughout -- but relative to the length, not enough to really concern me. It read extremely fluidly, was a very good and interesting use of the topic, and the quality of the writing was impressive. That really does sum it all up (except entertainment). It was just consistently good.

But... the entertainment is the issue. Take off the last handful of paragraphs, and I loved it. I was loving every second of the story. I figured the "What the fuck?" might have been some sort of hint that they were actually men, or something. Which was going to be cool. The whole Siren thing just ruined it for me. It all came out in one rambling explanation, which was then followed by an even worse neat little summarizing bit. It just... bleehhh. I was really so enjoying it until that. I didn't like the ending at all, by any means. But I can't ignore the fact that I seriously enjoyed it up until then.



Ali
Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 8/10
Entertainment - 10/15
Quality - 14/15

39/50

Normally I would just say, "a few grammatical mistakes", but I actually want to specifically touch on two of them because they're very common and you used them multiple times.

1) It's. That means "it is". If you're talking possessively, like, "Its handle was black", there's no apostrophe. Kind of odd, considering most possessives do have apostrophes, but not here.

2) Coarse. That means rough, hard, granular. "Of course" is the phrase, 'course' meaning a route or pace.

Anyway, moving on, the ease of read was dead on besides a little bit of flash backing that got me sidetracked for only a few seconds, but was generally well handled. A very good use of the topic, I think, and a quite enjoyable story -- though it felt a bit short. I couldn't say I cared terribly about the detective or the situation at hand, and like Zovo said, it felt like it was part of a larger story: one that would have made it work a lot better, I think.

And I do believe that as of yet (only the Taed-Orom competition not yet judged), you're the only person to get a 14/15 in writing quality, so really well done there.

[James]

NotAlice

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Ease of Read - 5/5
Use of Topic - 8/10
Entertainment - 11/15
Quality - 12/15

Total: 40/50

Great stuff, Alice. I thoroughly enjoyed that and it's the best writing of yours that I have seen so far.

There were a few mistakes throughout but nothing that actually knocked me out of my stride. In fact the flow and pacing of the story (until the end) meant that I almost glided through the narrative.

It was a nice use of topic, definitely creative and an original feel to it. Unlike Pete, I liked the supernatural touch and thought the idea of them being Sirens was excellent. I think though you could have executed it better though. Towards the end, everything just seem squeezed together. Although I'm guessing the reason for it was because you were running out of words. However though, that did cost you entertainment wise, because the flow just went and I couldn't enjoy the ending.

Personally, it was a great piece and I would love to see you come back to it after the competition and maybe rewrite it without the word restriction.

Oh, one correction that irked me (because I'm me). Odysseus was the character of the story, Homer was the person who wrote about the Sirens.

Ali

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Ease of Read - 3/5
Use of Topic - 9/10
Entertainment - 10/15
Quality - 14/15

Total: 39/50

Kaez already covered the mistakes that sort of niggled away at this piece. Besides those, it was slightly confusing at first with the flashbacks and there was one time where I wasn't quite sure who was talking to who but other than that, the flow and pacing was good.

Excellent use of the topic, as Zovo mentioned, even the names oozed the topic. However I felt a little bit of depth was lacking throughout and I didn't overly care how the story turned out. I wasn't yelling at the boat to roar faster down the River Thames so I could strangle the annoying little islander.

... I had to get a Holmes reference somewhere into my judging.

What you lacked in depth and entertainment though was made up with the quality of the writing. Everything seemed as it should be, perfect balance of descriptions and dialogue. Well done.

...

Now, I'm painstakingly aware of what my scores causes. And I went back over both pieces and my final scores to see if a single point could be rewarded or docked to achieve a clear cut winner. However I can't bring myself to do it because I believe that the scores I have given are the scores that are deserved.

So...

[James]

Final Score

Ali (120) ties with NotAlice (120)

Now, we do have a tiebreaker rule in place. Where we see who 'wins' 2 out of the 3 judges... however Zovo gave a tie.

Which means that you both draw even through the tiebreaker rule. So I ask the judges to the Privy Council for a ruling.

[James]

Jan 11, 2010 14:42:20 GMT -5 ASGetty ((Zovo)) said:

I definitely don't think either of them should be penalized for performing at the same level, so short of mud-wriestling I see no other way to decide this than allow them both to progress.

Unless both writers wish to compete in the above mentioned mud wrestling, the judges have decided that both girls will progress to the second round.

*bangs squeaky toy hammer against the desk*

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

*fingers crossed*