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Post by James on Jan 3, 2010 22:42:13 GMT -5
Topic: Contemporary Fantasy
Deadline: 9th January
Good luck!
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Post by theredbaron on Jan 9, 2010 7:20:52 GMT -5
Mikhail was damn near certain they’d left him left him there to die. Out here, alone, in the middle of Siberia, during a blizzard. Why he surprised, though? No, he saw this coming a mile away. Jerry had been acting weird around him for a good three weeks now; that lowlife had to have realized what his wife went out of the house every Sunday for. George had been complaining much more than he usually did about Mikhail’s unpaid gambling debts, even the ones from the first day they got here. And Robert, that paunchy old bastard, defiantly didn’t seem uncoordinated enough to “accidentally” detour into a forest full of goddamn tigers. It didn’t matter now, though. The gang would give what’s coming to them back in Moscow. Fucking American scum. He thought.
He was suffering from hypothermia now. His lips were blue, his body a pale white and dark purple, his beard almost made of ice and snow, his fingers and toes knobby and disfigured; the poor man couldn’t move. It was not long before a sudden feeling of warmth overcame him. It was a comforting feeling, considering he had been freezing to death for several hours.
He laid motionless, paralyzed for a moment. It seemed to be end, then and there. Suddenly, though, a shape formed in the distance. Bears, were his initial thought. And it was true, they looked like bears, but something was wrong. It took a while for his barely cognoscente mind to comprehend it, but they were standing upright. Last time he checked, bears didn’t stand upright.
They seemed closer and closer to him each passing second. Walking towards him slowly but surely, with determination through the cold blizzard, they stopped close enough for Mikhail to hear their breathes. One of the two pulled a club out from under a large fur pouch and lifted it high in the air before lowering it down onto his head. The last thing he remembered before going unconscious was the mention of a base.
Pain woke him up initially. Sheer pain, coming from his hands. He attempted to move them, but they seemed stuck. It took him a while to realize they were tied behind a chair. It was the same deal for his legs and arms. The room he was sitting in was a small eight by eight foot room, colored in a dull gray. It’s only outstanding features were a long opaque window, and a wooden door.
For a while, it was just quiet. Mikhail, the air, the pain vibrating from his thawing limbs, it seemed to be all that was there for a good, long while. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, though, two polar bear, walking upright and carrying MP5Ks marched into the room. They stood by the door, put their paws up to their chest, and stuck their outstretched arms.
“Sieg heil!” they cried.
From just under these two massive polar bears, though, came a little girl through the door. She had curly blonde hair, bright light blue eyes, pale skin, and a typical nazi army uniform, aside from the skin-tight spandex shorts, of course. The little girl snapped her fingers, and one of the bear produced a whip from the large leather pouch on his back, the same one from which he pulled out the club from earlier. The bear handed her the whip, and she began to stare Mikhail down.
“Leave us.” She said, in the loveliest, sweetest, softest voice you’d ever heard. The two bears saluted once more and marched out of the room. The little girl slowly closed began to close the door.
“Mikhail, is it? Are you ready for the night of your life?” she spoke with a grin. From a shirt pocket, she pulled out a plastic square packet with the words “Fromm Act” printed on it. With a giggle, a flip of the switch, and a tight bolting of the door, Mikhail truly did have the night of his life.
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Post by Kaez on Jan 10, 2010 15:55:59 GMT -5
Walder
Spelling & Grammar - 2/5
Ease of Read - 3/5
Use of Topic - 4/10
Entertainment - 8/15
Quality - 10/15
27/50
If the genre is 'nonsensical', you win first prize. If the genre is 'contemporary fantasy', I wish that you had competition, because this piece hasn't won anything.
Tons of simple errors in spelling and grammar and typos that could have been caught with a single read through, this all working to make the read rather choppy. The use of the topic was... well, it was fantasy, and mildly contemporary, but that's no excuse for the sheer insanity that it was. It just... walking polar bears in Siberia go after a man with a love affair who is raped by a little nazi girl? I mean, my mind just go fucked in its metaphorical ass.
And then I calmed down a little bit and thought, "Maybe that was exactly the point. Maybe it was intentionally mindbogglingly insane and that I should be laughing at it sincerely, not just laughing at it with complete disgust.
And so, for the sake of the possibility that you are aware how absolutely terrible the entire plot concept is, I actually gave a more-decent-than-I-could-have score in entertainment, because I think I might have been entertained exactly how you wanted me to be. ( And the writing quality? Absolutely 10 of 15 average, so nothing to really be said. )
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jan 10, 2010 16:30:24 GMT -5
Walder
Spelling & Grammar - 2/5
Ease of Read - 3/5
Use of Topic - 4/10
Entertainment - 8/15
Quality - 10/15
27/50
Thats right, I copy/pated Kaez scores because they are right about where I think it is.
I think the best review I can give for this is a good-natured, "Lolwut?"
You're going on to the second round, spend a little more time on that.
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Post by James on Jan 10, 2010 19:50:58 GMT -5
Walder
Spelling & Grammar - 2/5
Ease of Read - 2/5
Use of Topic - 2/10
Entertainment - 5/15
Quality - 8/15
Total: 19/50
No comment.
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Post by James on Jan 10, 2010 19:52:19 GMT -5
Final Score
Walder (73) beats Radin (0) |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Jan 10, 2010 20:06:23 GMT -5
That was ...... inexplicable ..... It wasn't so great as an entry but does anyone else think it would be good as a cartoon? Like, an episode of Venture Bros. or something? Nazi bears with guns? Sounds about right.
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Post by Kaez on Jan 10, 2010 20:09:41 GMT -5
That was ...... inexplicable ..... Technically, Walder beat Radin. It's just... hard t-- OH. Uhm. Oh, yeah, no, I agree. That's why I didn't give it a -terrible- grade. Because, if you look at it from an unserious perspective, it's cool. But I'm not sure if Walder meant it that way or not. |
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Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
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Post by Sensar on Jan 10, 2010 20:45:31 GMT -5
I think this was based on some hentai porn Walder was talking about . . . But with polar bears.
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Post by theredbaron on Jan 10, 2010 20:46:42 GMT -5
I said somewhere in the disscussion thread that I intentionally knew how terribad it was.
I drew it up at six AM in a rush without so much a proofread. At that moment, I was thinking "... If someone grades this anything above a twenty five, logic as we know it will abandon the universe."
... 0.0
Um... if I did, would you count that against me?
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Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
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Post by Sensar on Jan 10, 2010 21:03:50 GMT -5
I said somewhere in the disscussion thread that I intentionally knew how terribad it was. I drew it up at six AM in a rush without so much a proofread. At that moment, I was thinking "... If someone grades this anything above a twenty five, logic as we know it will abandon the universe." ... 0.0 Um... if I did, would you count that against me? I knew it! Am I observant or what? Really, what other than hentai would have a Nazi child rapist . . . |
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Post by theredbaron on Jan 10, 2010 21:30:30 GMT -5
I said somewhere in the disscussion thread that I intentionally knew how terribad it was. I drew it up at six AM in a rush without so much a proofread. At that moment, I was thinking "... If someone grades this anything above a twenty five, logic as we know it will abandon the universe." ... 0.0 Um... if I did, would you count that against me? I knew it! Am I observant or what? Really, what other than hentai would have a Nazi child rapist . . . Plenty of it, actually. I could probably look that up on google and find plenty of good results. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jan 10, 2010 22:11:09 GMT -5
I knew it! Am I observant or what? Really, what other than hentai would have a Nazi child rapist . . . Plenty of it, actually. I could probably look that up on google and find plenty of good results. There are no "good results" for such a topic. |
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Radin
Scribe
The Beacon of Light
Posts: 685
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Post by Radin on Jan 13, 2010 11:22:49 GMT -5
Well, my internet picked a great time to die on me.  Oh well. |
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Oh well.
