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Post by James on Jul 20, 2008 6:29:54 GMT -5
The Rise of the Pendragon is the first book in the Matter of Britain series. It sets the scene for the series introducing key characters such as Morgan le Fay, Merlin and the man of the title Uther Pendragon. Here are some excerpts of the book. Warning: These excerpts are HEAVILY unedited and therefore will have a few grammar mistakes in and are liable to change hugely. Prologue: www.scribd.com/doc/953997?secret_password=24atqxguwmze6lpdp6ywChapter Two: www.scribd.com/doc/2229484/Chapter-2Please feel free to comment on these excerpts, in fact I would love it if you did, in this thread. |
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Post by o ding on Jul 25, 2008 17:03:33 GMT -5
You guys made a whole section of the forums for this? Its decent. I'm not a huge fan of the setting, and female protagonists have never done it for me. It seemed pretty devoid of actual "action" which was disappointing.  On the other hand, it was well-written. Good execution, but a bad idea. Nevermind, I'm an idiot. That was the first 5 pages  I may as well delete this entire post, teaches me to comment without looking through everything first. Very well done story! I'm lovin' it, as they say at McDonald's before they try the food. Also - I have a feeling Merlin will die. And no, I'm not taking this from his wife. He just seems like the type of character who dies near the end. |
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Post by James on Jul 25, 2008 17:19:12 GMT -5
You guys made a whole section of the forums for this? Its decent. I'm not a huge fan of the setting, and female protagonists have never done it for me. It seemed pretty devoid of actual "action" which was disappointing. On the other hand, it was well-written. Good execution, but a bad idea. Nevermind, I'm an idiot. That was the first 5 pages I may as well delete this entire post, teaches me to comment without looking through everything first. Very well done story! I'm lovin' it, as they say at McDonald's before they try the food. Also - I have a feeling Merlin will die. And no, I'm not taking this from his wife. He just seems like the type of character who dies near the end. Any feedback is good feedback ;D Also Morgan le Fay isn't a protagonist, she's an antagonist. There was a series around the Matter of Britain, in the 80s I think, which ruined the whole thing to just make the women seem more powerful. That's one of the last series written on the MoB, so I'm going back to how the legend has always been and not to gain some sort of political/social gain. |
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Post by o ding on Jul 25, 2008 18:27:45 GMT -5
Well, toss in a fight scene! Fightz, fightz, fightz, fightz...
Also! I think you should totally put a twist on it and make the world much darker. But then, I've always been a huge fan of dark stuff.
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Post by James on Jul 25, 2008 18:33:10 GMT -5
Well I don't want to give too much away.
However Chapter One has a small small fight scene in. You see the very end of one of the first battle between the Britons and the Saxons.
Chapter Three if I was to name chapters (which I don't because I suck at names) would be called Anarchy. Bigass fire, murders, trickery and at the end of it, seduction.
And then the battles start to become more numerous.
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Post by o ding on Jul 25, 2008 18:34:30 GMT -5
Awesome, I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled for those ;D
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Post by o ding on Jul 26, 2008 9:19:30 GMT -5
I just realized that you're the one writing this.
I do say, it is quite excellent. I thought some paid professional was doing it.
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Post by James on Jul 26, 2008 15:18:13 GMT -5
I just realized that you're the one writing this. I do say, it is quite excellent. I thought some paid professional was doing it. Cheers. Yep it's just me and my laptop at the moment. And then my gf as my beta/editor/general impression reader. Although I have sent off the first three chapters to an actual professional editor to get his opnions. |
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Post by James on Jul 28, 2008 4:55:20 GMT -5
One is the loneliest numbers that I ever knew...
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Post by Blu on Jul 28, 2008 5:01:18 GMT -5
Agro, was that part I reviewed for you (Mostly Spell checked, and stopped you from using the same word five times in a row in each sentence. Yes, we get it, sky. ) the prologue or first chapter?
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Post by Kabaret on Jul 28, 2008 5:02:32 GMT -5
Two's not too much better, but it's an improvement!
Oh hai, I'm new. I've followed and participated in a lot of WoW RP Forum threads, but usually under different names - I'm an altaholic. I never really did anything significant, but I'm hoping to do so here.
Oh, and about the Prologue and its unedited-ness: You may have noticed this already and are unable to change it for some reason, but 'Prologue' is spelled wrong - not in the actual text, but on the site.
Trying to help! ;D
EDIT: Nevermind, three's a crowd!
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Post by James on Jul 28, 2008 5:06:40 GMT -5
Yeah I realised the prologue thing as soon as the page loaded for the first time. I have no idea if I can actually change that.
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Post by James on Jul 28, 2008 5:11:05 GMT -5
Two's not too much better, but it's an improvement! Where do you think the problems are then? I want to take on as much feedback as possible ;D |
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Post by Kabaret on Jul 28, 2008 5:16:16 GMT -5
Wacky misunderstanding yay!
I was replying to your 'one is the loneliest number' comment, hence my edit of 'three's a crowd!' when RobertDroll appeared.
As to your texts, I am in the process of reading them. So far so good, apart from certain grammatical mistakes that I'm sure will be rooted out in the editing process.
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Post by James on Jul 28, 2008 5:28:10 GMT -5
Wacky misunderstanding yay! I was replying to your 'one is the loneliest number' comment, hence my edit of 'three's a crowd!' when RobertDroll appeared. As to your texts, I am in the process of reading them. So far so good, apart from certain grammatical mistakes that I'm sure will be rooted out in the editing process. Welcome to the internet! Where anything and EVERYTHING will be misunderstood. That's my saying  And Blu, it was the Prologue you helped edit. Because the sky is nice. Chapter One, well that's been rewritten so many times it's not funny. |
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On the other hand, it was well-written. Good execution, but a bad idea.
