AvP: Genocide

[Deleted]

As of making this post, I know where I want to go in the story but not exactly sure of how to do that.

Fortunately, right now, it can be spoiler-free. Toss some ideas in as to how I should go from point A to point B, as well as the usual offering of grammar, word choice, flow, and other such things.

4/5/10 - First edit, no review, slight expansion

[Deleted]

A tropic wetland covered the eastern part of the Homeworld, and it was in this drizzled hovel that the Circle of Elders met for the season. It was part of the cycle, from the deserts of the west to the cliffs in the south and the forests of the far north. Different temples they convened at, though all meetings carried the same purpose – a thousand clans from far and wide came to beseech for exclusive Hunting Rights to worlds and among the larger clans, entire sectors and star systems.

It was early in 231, the year of the Scorpion that Gargisao came on behalf of his Clan elders to this particular holy site. The Junsarak Clan tasted the world of Lerix, and it was a flavour they liked. Gargisao kneeled on the dais in the heart of the shrine, the Circle arrayed above him like witnesses to gladiator combat.

“The Circle of Elders now sees the Junsarak Clan, who humble themselves in the appeal for rights to the Planet Lerix.” announced the custodian. Gargisao felt a shock of pity for the custodian; though a Yautja clearly had no control over his stature, it was no question that he was dictated his mediocre position due to his stocky stature. It is somewhat of a punishment to the mothers for bearing a small child, though the tradition is so heavily disliked by Elder and clansman alike. Of all rituals that were honoured, this was one from the olden days that could be done without.

Elders Caator, Sharrag, Narak, Mnareth, and Ancient Ruatar the Firstborn stood in full ceremonial display – spikes arrayed from their shoulders, flowing red capes, tabards bearing the hieroglyph of the Serpents , decorated skull-masks, all polished and finished in savage royalty. It was nothing short of inspiring.

As a renowned veteran, Gargisao knew the politics rather intimately; Ruatar held the most power, but his position was sworn in under the last council, which was corrupt, unholy, and hung in the capital by their entrails. Sharrag held the true influence. His clan, the Balkeraks, took pride in their ability to utilize plasma casters silently and to almost perfect effect. One of their veterans had ventured to Earth centuries ago to confront an Abomination, and had gone so far as to utilize two of them artistically. Suffice to say, Ruatar rightfully feared for his life should he mistreat a friend of Sharrag.

“The Junsarak Clan is recognized in past centuries – the taming of the Diomedes sector, the hunts of Andromeda and Alpha Centauri, all great victories. The Circle recognizes these ere the business at hand.” Mnareth was Yautja to the bone. His love of ceremony and hunting rites were almost unparalleled, and his rich tenor resounded in the shrine with the weight of aeons and folklore.

“Quite so!” said Caator. “As well, we recognize the individual before us. I greet Gargisao the hundred-slayer, a veteran of many hunts and the saviour of Tarmini, from which he has earned his title.” Caator was from the Zhakerux clan, which was the same ethnicity as the Junsarak. Race within the Yautja was less important than clan, but it still existed. One always sought aid from a clan with like blood before another.

“Now to the matter at hand,” asserted Narak.

“Lerix is in a middle-sphere system, with a red sun and six moons.” muttered Caator. “It looks to be largely covered in a ruthless jungle as well, with creeping drought pockets.”

“The rains are curiously patterned on this one… Ah! An oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere, very good…”

“Is this a human renegade settlement at the equator? Of all things! And a Serpent hive in the polar region?”

Gargisao smiled as the Elders read the information on their holographic displays. The Hunt might as well have begun already. “If it be the will of the Circle, the Junsarak requests rights to both the Serpents and the humans.

Sharrag shifted in the manner one does when largely indifferent but curiousity gnawing at ones very bones. He made an almost invisible head shake to Narak. The decision had passed.

Narak clicked his mandibles behind his ceremonial mask. “It is recognized that the human warriors make for worthwhile prey. The Second Chair votes to grant the Right to Hunt the humans and the Serpents on the world of Lerix to the Junsarak Clan.”

“So too does the First Chair.”

“So too does the Third Chair.”

“So too does the Fourth Chair.”

“So too does the Fifth Chair.”

Gargisao rose from his knee with pride. “I return with great news to my people.”

“So the Circle has decreed.” declared the Custodian. “The Circle will now hear the Malzekor Clan for-”

Gargisao had since left the shrine, not hearing the rest of the next Clans troubles. He boarded his Spectre Jetbike and sped over the rainforest to his territory. On his way, he shot down a myriad of darting bats that clogged his path. The Migrant Watch could stand a bit of Junsarak discipline, he thought.



Landing a Spectre was always much more difficult than taking off, given that they were designed for high-orbit landing and not slow descents. The ultra-tense shock absorbers, two metre thick depleted uranium armour, and weighty pilot were difficult to dock softly. After two or sixteen attempts, however, the grizzled huntsman showed it was quite possible.

Such was one skill that was curiously undervalued.

Nákkrya met him beside the Ruby Fountain. She was something of a mentor to Gargisao, and filled what we may associate as a motherly figure. Indeed, they often referred to each other as such, though her mate was excluded by the student. She bowed as he approached. “What’s the news, son?”

“Lerix is ours, Mama.” He embraced her, and she held him affectionately. Such public displays were frowned on by Yautja society, but much of the Junsarak Clan knew of their relationship, and cared not.

“That’s beautiful, kiddo. What’d you do to get their attention? Shoot one?” She rolled her eye sardonically. The Circle had been notoriously stingy lately since the incidents on Ryushi. They walked slowly from the decorative fountain, casting a glance occasionally up at the grisly chandeliers of skulls and skinned corpses, from a hundred species across billions of light-years and centuries.

“Someone put a good word in, I guess.” He flicked his top two tusks, the equivalent of a shrug. “I need to go tell Dachande, if you want to come with.”

“No, thank you… Politics largely consists of the incompetent leading the sane.” She smiled at him. “How’s that combispear I lent you?”

“Few better works, Mama. It pierced right through an armour plate of the same metal.”

[Kaez]

Interesting stuff, if a bit confusing. At the beginning, a -lot- of names are thrown out there, and I'm still not entirely sure who everyone is and precisely how they relate to one another: but I got the gist enough. It's got a handful of things that could be smoothed out with a good edit (mainly grammatical; also, if a quote doesn't end a sentence, it ends with a comma. Like: "That's what she said," Michael exclaimed).

Other than that, it's interesting, and very quickly paced, but I think I'd need to have more background to really appreciate exactly what's happening.