Hopeless

[ARSmith ((Wolfeh))]

Lead on the dying horse whose legs gave from exhaustion,
Hold close the frozen dog whose whimpers gave out.
Kiss the lips of a dead man, whose breaths have left him,
Then look into my eyes and tell me I'll be fine, for I have lost hope long, long ago.

[ASGetty ((Zovo))]

Hmmm, well it's certainly bleak; though I don't know if I would call it particularly poetic.

I don't really know what to say about this. Might want to look at word choice, grab a thesaurus and peruse adjectives; you've chosen to run with mundane as opposed to expressive and poetry is about expression.

A personal bias of mine prevents me from being wholly objective about your choice of subject matter so I'm not really going to touch on that. But certainly look at your word choice. Also, though it doesn't flow quite as well, the proper phrasing for lines one and two is "have given" rather than "gave."

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Agreed with Zovo. It is very, very bleak.

I didn't get a very "hopeless" feel from it. I got "stagnant" or "dying" but not hopeless. Not sure if that was what you were aiming for. I think the images were rather profound and strong, but without the main "thing" shining through it doesn't have the impact it should do. The last line was very strong but maybe adding some more information to it would get us more connected so we can feel it more.

I, however, disagree with what Zovo said. I think it is musing-poetical, not story or otherwise. I think with a little spit-shine it would definitely be better.

[Meleta/Isoldaa]

Hmm... not going to touch on what Zovo and Ref already said, Wolfeh. I'll only just add that it really, really felt unfinished. Like you had a certain imagery - maybe even a rant, for all I know - in your head, and got it down quickly. But then you kinda just... left off.

I don't mind bleak, tragic or sad - my personal bias is actually FOR that kind of subject, so... *big thumbs up* from me at least in that department ;D Just... I think it could have been expanded on, pulled out and given a lot more.

Also, just a thought - for a poem, it doesn't have much structure, or even rhythm. If you relook at it again, as both Zovo and Ref have suggested, you might consider that as well.