Reffy's Imagination! :P

[Sensar]

I take far too long to write for theatre. I'm in the middle of revising one monologue, and I've been working on it for more then a month now. I probably would not do well for that. At all. :/

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Well, if you change your mind you know I'll be here plodding along. Always happy to be writing buddies. You'll probably see snippets posted here ... now that this is a general Reffy thread :]

Tis always good to challenge yourself and break the routine. I like the quick rush of getting it all written and having characters do unexpected things. Probably why I loved NaNo so much, and doing new novel next month!

[Jenny (Reffy)]

((2nd rewrite for "Taed & Reffy" Semi-final match. I liked this but it felt too spoon-fed, with nothing really interesting happening. I did like the small backstory-fromthenovel-bits I had. I dunno. Go ahead and critique this if you want, anybody reading :] It is finished and fully edited.))

SPOILER: Click to show

Slowly the World fell in to disrepair. Piece by piece every city, town, and village crumbled. Things that humanity relied on broke easily and were never fixed. Plumbing and sewage works backed up and spilled over into drinking water. Gas plants went bankrupt and collapsed in flames. Buildings toppled as fires and riots weakened their stability. Renewable sources were not researched or used. People fought over limited resources like coal. Communications were dropped like hot rocks. Some had said it was too expensive to keep live. Others had salvaged the metal from any cables and computers. Religion was forgotten or wiped out by zealots, people who would not believe that a God could let them suffer.

Rioting became a way of life; the only way. If you didn't steal your neighbor’s food, clothes or shelter you were not going to survive longer than a few days. Not since the storm had rolled in, and the Visitors. They called themselves the Visitors, and humanity welcomed them with open arms; foolishly so. The Visitors said they were here to make the World better and began changing the way we lived. After a while they took over and did what they wanted, sucking up anything they could get. Humans had been overthrown.

The World population had dipped quickly after they took over. Humanity saw it coming but couldn’t do anything about it. People starved or they were killed in droves as the Visitors took what they wanted. Humanity had no choice. There was nothing that could stand against the ships of the Visitors. The ships could shoot in to a crowd, and that crowd of people, woman, children, men, anything living, would be turned into piles of blood and bone. It was as if their weapons undid the stitches to every living thing and pulled it apart.

Only the strongest survived, or the most clever. The people who could live on very little and hide. Small groups worked together with no real leader as they tried to stay alive. They would move from place to place, hauling as much as possible whenever they moved. It was all they could do to avoid other gangs and the Visitors.

Adam Shale never found his wife Sharon at the Greaw base. It was reported that a group of women had been captured, and were never seen again. Some of the rebels guessed that the Visitors took them; others reckon they probably just died. Not knowing what happened to Sharon broke Adam's heart. He spent weeks wandering Greaw base trying to find meaning in his life, something to devote his time to, but nothing helped. He cried himself to sleep every night, sometimes waking still crying. Those that still cared in the community tried to help him but it was like talking to a ghost. He would only reply with short sentences about how he never got to say goodbye, or tell her he really loved her. He became a shell and passed away in his sleep a few months later. Some of the rebels said it was of a broken heart.

Lucy Herfel made it to the rebel base with Adam Shale. She became a strong ally for the rebels. They made use of her medical skills to stop a lot of the disease that was rife within the unit and fix any cuts gained during salvaging. She never met another man there and still never fully recovered from losing her family. There is determination in her eyes but the guilt she carries of abandoning her family is still very visible to any outsider. Lucy tried to comfort Adam but he always rejected her words, pushing her away whenever she tried to get close. She takes everything day by day now to do what she can to help.

David Camboon, the first to meet the Visitors, was killed by the Visitors a month later. He had been their puppet to play with and tug when they needed anything. They had strung him along with jewels and advanced technology, seemingly helping Humanity, but it had all just been a ploy to use his connections. He was used and abused, and finally they had torn him limb from limb. None of his friends knew what happened to him, and neither did the World because of the lack of information.

Hopefully the next time an alien race visits Earth Humanity will be a little more careful and less trusting … If there is a next time.

[Jenny (Reffy)]

((1st write for "Taed & Reffy" semi-final match. I knew I had to get writing something, so I just sat down and went for it. This is both unfinished and unedited - so if you want to review please only comments on the story, not all the mistakes! Heh
There were bits I liked from this story - see ** - but on the whole it just felt bleh. It wasn't working. It felt too wandering. I dunno.))

SPOILER: Click to show

Lord Veeto watched as his once great city of Burlida fell to the looting and destruction. The skies across Lascoha burned a vile bright red against the coming darkness of night and death. Winged creatures in their hundreds soared above the city in black swaths, like crude oil on water. Huge monsters tore at the defenses and buildings, towering over the small buildings like skyscrapers of doom. The screams of dismay and horror could be heard echoing throughout the still standing buildings of his city.

Burlida would be the last place in all of Lascoha to fall.

“How did this happen?” Lord Veeto mumbled. He stood on the hill watching the destruction but hardly believing it was happening. Silently he turned away from the scene, walking to get away but not knowing where he was going. He moved South slowly, keeping to the quick tracks, in and out of tree lines. He was just a mere shadow of the great monarch he had been. His once golden locks now hung down in to his sunken eyes, his shoulders drooped downwards, the clothes which used to be bright red were now stained with mud and sweat.

He did not encounter much as he walked. Mostly creatures of the World, dying as the magic was sucked out of his kingdom. He wished he could have helped them, but really what could he do. He could not wield the magic that was born of Lascoha, and without his court magician and aids he was nothing. They had all been killed, because of him. Slowly tears started to trickle down his face, leaving clean lines through the dirt that covered his face. If only he had listened to the about the spy. If only he had not been so trusting and let them in. If only he had not listened to their whispers and ordered the changes. His friends had been right and he had let them down.

“Hey!”

“Hey you! I know you!”

Lord Veeto was pulled from his thoughts abruptly. There was a man in the ditch he had been walking alongside. It looked like he was scavenging what he could from a dead animals carcass a few feet away. The man was coming up the hill towards Lord Veeto with the knife still covered in blood and rotting pieces of flesh.

“I know you. You are that snotty, crying, sniveling Lord. You are the reason for all of this destruction.” The man threw open his arms violently showing the surrounding area. Even the green was fading from the grass and trees, and the ground turning to a ugly dark purple that pulsed faintly with fresh blood. “I lost my entire family.” The man shouted everything with no regards for safety. The kind of careless attitude that only happens when you truly have lost everything.

*“I'm sorry, I don't know what you are talking about.” Lord Veeto moved away holding his hands up to protect himself. The man stopped a few feet away. There was a maddened look in his eyes. Images played in his eyes on a non-stop merry-go-round of horror. His face moved with the images, crunching, smiling, upset, torn. It shock made Lord Veeto look away, feeling his stomach lurch. He never asked for any of this to happen.

“You'd better be sorry! I had a wife, a daughter, a home,” the shouting trailed away to whispers of lost love and hope, “... she was the most beautiful woman in all of Lascoha. Her eyes were like diamonds. She would stroke my face as I fell asleep after a hard days work ...” his face became serene as his eyes drifted off towards the horizon.*

Lord Veeto took the chance to get away before the stranger came back from his dream. As he did he couldn't help but feel that he shouldn't be allowed to get away from the madman. It was all of his fault, and he should be dead for it, killed mercilessly, but he was a wimp. He always had been a wimp and not willing to stand up to anybody. It was why he let the spy in and didn't question when strange things started to happen. His court adviser had questioned the spy, the next morning he was found dead.

But it really wasn't the spy's fault. It was his. He had changed the rules on magic, allowing people to learn it. He had raised the taxes stupidly high, forcing rioting. He had taken away resources that the poor people needed so badly. Unwisely, and against all advice, he had removed the lock on the ... [unfinished - and probably will never be finished.]

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Written today. Poetic-rant mostly. Comments welcome but not needed because it is a rant.

SPOILER: Click to show

Infernal Clock

Tick, tock
My Child

I run without care
The hall is long

Tick, tock
My Child

The incessant ticking
mocking me

Tick, tock
My Child

The dark it engulfs
pulling at my wits

Tick, tock
My Child

Behind my every step
Feet falling to its rhythm

Tick, tock
My Child

The windowless walls
The doors to nowhere

Tick, tock
My Child

I stop to breathe
It is behind me

Tick, tock
My Child

The pull
sensation deep within me
I want but I do not
I need
need for it
The want
consumes me
It lulls me

Tick, tock
My Child

It echoes in my mind
My body
down to every single cell
Want
Need
Have
Go ahead ...
it teases

Tick, tock
My Child

The hollow voice
it coos out in my mind
I cannot ignore it
clawing at my thoughts

Tick, tock
Why do you run?
Are you scared?
My Child

Yes, I scream
Yes, scared
Tears flow
and heart sinks

Tick, tock
But why?
Some have succumb to my ticking
My Child

I do not want!
I will not want!
I shall not have!
No-no-no!

Tick, tock
But why? They like it, they do
It made their lives whole
My Child

I do not care
I am happy
Just leave me be!
We do not want
It shall not be
Never

But you want this ...
it whispers inside me

I turn
running again

Tick, tock
My Child

[Jenny (Reffy)]

18+ read at your own risk! (Bleh - forget commenting ... its fine)




Flash Fiction: Ecstasy[/u]

Her lips tasted like cherry blossom. He kissed them passionately, exploring her hot mouth with his tongue. Hands stretched to rub whatever they can reach: her smooth thigh, his toned leg, her warm breasts and pert nipples, his broad chest. Fingers ran through hair, tugging and stroking, as their body's writhed and arched with pleasure. Both gave themselves to the other, lovingly. Her hands grasped at the bed-sheet and eyes closed. His mouth hung open, pulling in cool air. Heartbeats quickened. The thrusting slow to feel every throb but fast enough to make each other wild. Breathing was short and fast as the ecstasy of the moment climbed. He pushed longer and harder as she moaned louder. They climbed to the climax and for a moment the World stopped. Body's were clasped paralyzed together with tension and breath was held as the tingle started. Seconds passed locked together until the throbbing released the tensed muscles. Breathing came fast and interspersed with giggles. They held each other after wards until sleep took them.

[Jenny (Reffy)]

My-55-words!


The Morning Coffee
The World zooms past in a blur; the merry-go round continues; day in, day out, relapses. But life is at a stand-still for the coffee drinker and the first sip of the blended roast. The sweet taste that lifts the morning haze. Today will be a good day; it was yesterday; it will be tomorrow.



The Wish
You only get one wish in life and I used my wish at age ten. I wished I would get older quicker so I could eat ice-cream and stay up late. Now the days go by so quickly; I don't have time for ice-cream - only bills. I wish I had never made that wish!

SPOILER: Click to show

Both are exactly 55-words - HUZZAH! ;D (not including titles!)

These aren't as good as "Bus-Route Rain" ... I don't think? They are along the same thought-provoking lines but the impact isn't as huge. Well, either way, they were fun to write. Good practice! There were two others, that were attempts at an actual short-story, but they just didn't work out how I wanted them too. Doubt I will do anything else with these, although I probably will write more! So much fun to be had.

Writing a Flashy is akin to drawing a day-dream-doodle with a meaning. In the same way that writing a Novel is like painting a masterpiece.

Reffy <3

May have found something new to play with! www.flashfictiononline.com/c20081202-counting-and-multiplying-three-six-nine-369-bruce-holland-rogers.html

[ARSmith ((Wolfeh))]

I enjoyed the 55-word poems given. They were very intriguing and what I most liked about them was that they were short and simple, but! very true and funny. :] Kuudos, Reffy!

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Mar 17, 2010 17:46:00 GMT -5 ARSmith ((Wolfeh)) said:

I enjoyed the 55-word poems given. They were very intriguing and what I most liked about them was that they were short and simple, but! very true and funny. :] Kudos, Reffy!

Thankies Wolfeh I've been having a lot of fun writing these! Short and simple. They almost feel dirty to write because they are so quick and not "flowery-descriptions" like most stories are!

[Meleta/Isoldaa]

Of all these, Ref, the two that stand out to me the most - where you used an economy of words to best encapsulate a specific notion, time and place and/or emotion - was the flash fiction "Bus-route Rain" and the 55-word "The Wish."

The play on words at the very end of the first, needing a "torrential brain storm" - very clever! And I liked how you led up to it as well, and the reference to cleaning windows and, eventually, to the proverbial cleaning out of the box of "brain garbage" inside as well.

The latter - I almost think you have to be at least in your late-twenties to appreciate it, simply because of the truisms there that don't arise until that time. Sometimes I even look at my own children (and I'm far beyond my late twenties) and remember what it was like, not to have to worry about the "grown-up" world - though I dearly wanted to be a part of it, for all the *ahem* "freedoms." Just, nicely done there, Ref ;D

[Jenny (Reffy)]

<3 Thankies Mel ;D

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Tears

Your throat starts to constrict and breathing slows to barely a gasp every few seconds. Your mind travels over all the failed accomplishments you've seen in life, even though you do not wish to think about it. The emotion is like a ball of pain caught in your gullet that you're desperately trying to gulp down to avoid crying. Your body shakes with the frustration and depression. Your fists clench and release wanting to grasp onto something or punch and push it away. There is a list of things that you had failed in: relationships, college, family life, money, your job. The list is endless as it scrolls through the back of your mind taunting you. Your eyes start gathering the tears like a thunder cloud that storms the horizon. You really don't want to cry but now it seems inevitable. Even breathing seems impossible and the only last defense against the tsunami of salty tears. Your cheeks flush red as the first tear falls, then curls down towards your chin and neck. You want to scream but, really, what's the point?

[James]

As you know, my reviews never deal with grammar and spelling but I caught this while reading so I'll mention it. Missing an 'a' at 'the emotion is like ball of pain'.

Now, onto the review proper. Second person is always tricky, because if the reader can't relate it becomes so much more obvious. And in this piece, for the topic, it just felt too rigid. There was no room for any freedom on behalf of the reader. But since you went with it, the repetition and listing definitely helped. It wasn't a bad piece.

[Lilam]

I think I would have liked this piece a little better if it was written in first person, rather than second... which is weird, because I'm not a big fan of first person. It felt a little "listy" to me, though I think the repetition with starting most of the sentences with "you" works, in this case. I could connect more with the tone of the piece rather than the actual words, if that makes any sense. Despite not liking that it was written in second person, I think it was an okay read.

[Jenny (Reffy)]

Thankies Lilam and Agro :] It was a devotion saved. A bit of an experiment which received mixed reactions.