Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2009 15:05:14 GMT -5
((One of my first and probably few attempts at poetry, depending on reception.))
Miles away See thine own decay Miles to the South Words halt 'fore my mouth
Warping winds of every second Merciless and unrepentant Fate hugs not her child Twist Chaos, design, no powers insist
In the center yet out of balance Profound truth of lack of talents Daybreak comes when cell phone rings Paradise, fear, one of those things
The Celt saw evil in the north Vikings pillaged, sailing forth To I, mayhap same, joy shines in the South Alas, words unsuited, die in my mouth
If patience be shining virtue Then my soul be dark as gloom But for first romance, who can be calm? My head, how it burns, as it rests in my palm
Affection may quite carry distance But what of this instance? Illusioned myself, or her to I? A pain it is, it leaves me dry
My soul yearns so dear for joy But my sorrow not release it's favourite toy Spiting myself whilst desiring yon Misery, it is weighed in tons
'Tis a cruel annual wait I pray she keep her charm and trait I pray the flame burns time short And see, it blazes slow and hot
Much occurs in three sixty five days May little transpire this set and race Speed through weeks and months as equine And thus, I'll partake of sweetest wine
|
|
|
Post by Kaez on Nov 19, 2009 21:51:14 GMT -5
Not bad, in fact. I think you could have given yourself a bit more freedom if you didn't have it rhyme, but otherwise, good.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 14:45:58 GMT -5
To me, a poem without rhyming is lazy unless it's an epic.
Then you have an excuse. Otherwise, it should rhyme.
|
|
|
Post by ARSmith ((Wolfeh)) on Nov 23, 2009 23:20:29 GMT -5
Yours is a great one. :] I love it a lot. Keep up the good work!!! :]
And would you take a look at my more patriotic one? 'Damn Proud'?
|
|