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Post by Air on Sept 4, 2009 10:55:54 GMT -5
I am both facinated and horrified at what you have created here.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Sept 4, 2009 19:23:02 GMT -5
Holy crap. . . what have I gotten myself into.
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Post by Air on Sept 4, 2009 19:30:44 GMT -5
1000th post in the projects thread!
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Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
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Post by Sensar on Sept 4, 2009 19:32:58 GMT -5
Oh my. This is quite the bucketload...
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Sensar
Author
Homonecropedopheliac and Legal Property of AWR
Posts: 6,898
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Post by Sensar on Sept 4, 2009 22:30:17 GMT -5
I will try and get feedback. I've written more then half a page in print for my prologue, in my really small writing. >.>
So, I have a ways to go. What am I doing here?
*Runs off with a flourish*
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Sepheron
Junior Author
Legal Property of AWR
Secondo Triumvirato
Posts: 3,123
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Post by Sepheron on Sept 5, 2009 0:13:36 GMT -5
I'm scared. Mommy, hold me  |
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Post by Air on Sept 5, 2009 7:13:03 GMT -5
I know it's alot, but if you could just choose snipits of it and write a little critique on them I would really appreciate it.  While I'm very proud that my thread obtained this acheivement, I must ask how you kept track of such a thing. I am the god of Chaos. Of course I can keep track. KITTENS! *Runs off to kill cats* |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Sept 9, 2009 15:29:02 GMT -5
Walder,
I know I said I would take a look at this, and I have. It's very. . . thorough (sp?)
I'm having difficulty detatching your ideas from what I already know about these various games and characters which I think is creating a conflict in my brain. I'm still working my way through it and will provide an opinion more worthy of the effort you've obviously put into this ASAP.
That said, I'm curious how much of this was fleshed out when you were 6, and how much is newer material built on an idea you had when you were 6.
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Post by o ding on Sept 9, 2009 15:31:04 GMT -5
None of it, all of it was from when he was 6.
His mom typed it for him, too.
Yep.
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Post by Meleta/Isoldaa on Oct 3, 2009 10:52:32 GMT -5
o.O
Dear sweet holy heavens...
All righty, let me preface this to say, that I am in no way "qualified" to critique someone's world building project. First, I have to admit it's a subject that nigh bores me to death - I haven't even read a good portion of the Tolkien Middle Earth histories, that I did not first get curious about by reference in one of his stories.
Second, I know exactly squat about Nintendo or Sega games. I play one game - WoW - and that's it. But I suppose that's a plus in a way, since I definitely don't have Zovo's problem.
That said, I'm just going to focus on your short histories of the "global wars," since there is no real "story" here for me to sink my teeth into. My biggest suggestion for you, Walder, is that you pick up some history books, sit down and take a serious read. If the subject of WW I and II interest you, there are any number of fantastic books on the subject (though I would suggest some a bit "older," the "metahistories" of many postmodern-ascribing historians are confusing, and seriously light on facts.)
The global conflicts were fought, in the end, for (1) economic/expansionist reasons on one or the other side, and (2) for existential reasons (self-interest, and/or the very survival of a people or nation was in question.)
That the second war was started simply for the purposes of "revenge?" Mmmm... I wasn't buying it so much. And I had absolutely no idea why the first global war was started - nor even why the two instigating nations, having all but crushed their opponent, would retreat so easily for the promise of a few islands?
War is an expensive, time- and resource-consuming business. If it's going to be fought, the nations doing it have their own (aggrandized) best interests fully at heart - and do it to win. And neither of those nations that started the first war seem to have stepped in at the end like the United States, altruistically returning nations to their rightful peoples once the were either liberated or defeated... ?
I wasn't going to go through any of these for grammar/punctuation or the like - it wasn't a story, or really even a history, it seemed. Might I suggest that if you ever undertake major revisions on this, that you consider turning this into a narrative, rather than a listing of facts and figures? Written in the voice, perhaps, of some great or budding historian, archaeologist and/or social commentator of the day? Just an idea, for people like me, who have a hard time enjoying a read set in an encyclopedic type format.
But for sure, let me add that it is VERY VERY IMPRESSIVE that someone your age would take an idea they had as a little child, and expand and put so much thought into it. Even if it is not a kind of writing I personally enjoy, I'm still amazed at the thoroughness and thoughtfulness of your vision.
*standing ovation*
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Post by James on Oct 3, 2009 18:21:34 GMT -5
((
Alrighty.
Like Mel said this is quite hard to review because its just world building and secondly this just isn't my cup of tea. It's nothing wrong with you, it's just a personal preference.
Really though all I can advise is what Mel has already said. An important aspect of successful world being is a knowledge of history, politics, economics and all that jazz. If you take these things into account and factor them into your created world, then things should start to look better. E.g. The Global Wars will gain some real flavour if there's in-depth reasons for it.
Other than that though, it was good. And I am impressed that you carried on and stuck with the idea.
))
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Post by marklynn1827 on Mar 31, 2012 1:09:50 GMT -5
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Apr 8, 2012 15:01:28 GMT -5
^^ Well, that's wierd. ^^
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Post by Kaez on Apr 8, 2012 15:19:22 GMT -5
I am new to these forums/discussion boards and posting a question by first time, I am looking for a skin cover for my newly Nintendo DSI Xl devices. I can’t pay more than 10$ for a good and elegant skin cover. If there is any brand which sale skin cover in this prices please pm me. Nintendo DSI Xl Skin Cover--------------------------- HAHAHAHAHA. Ohmygod. I'm so happy right now. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Apr 10, 2012 18:44:45 GMT -5
Why does ProBoards keep telling me there's new stuff to read here?
LIAR!
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