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Post by Rebecca Flynn on Jan 28, 2009 9:55:06 GMT -5
Under the boughs of a mighty oak we sat like stretching cats, our hearts spilling proud silence to nourish roots tangled in the moist earth
Your eyes were transfixed on the horizon when I looked up to you, and cried for want of touching the still air as it left your parted lips
How could you have known that the Moon, in waiting for her beloved Sun, finds naught but emptiness in an ocean of stars?
That her vigil is spent attending those few precious moments where they can exist together, when she is content with her fading grasp on the world?
I closed my eyes and felt you near, knowing the hearts of star-crossed planets; for i would never lament a sunrise if in it, I saw you reflected
How could you have known that in these fading hours, I want nothing more than to watch the day break and feel your hand wrapped in mine?
I would hold you to this mortal form if you would not rise again; for although the miles stretch long between us, it is with you, that I know myself
My love, do not forget the song in my voice! look at me once before you go, and know what it is to see yourself reflected in the eyes of another
I know the Dawn is beckoning, but were you to stay here, Could you not be my Lancelot, and I, your Guinevere?
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Slayer
Senior Scribe
Who the hell is my avatar?!?!
Posts: 1,772
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Post by Slayer on Jan 31, 2009 1:17:32 GMT -5
I don't see anything to criticize / help you with, but then again I'm not a professional reviewist or what ever they're called lol.
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Post by theredbaron on Feb 1, 2009 16:28:38 GMT -5
Bravo! Great poem, Lynne!
The last two verses were very well done! I'd love to see more work from you, if you've got anything.
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