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Post by Injin on Jul 28, 2013 20:47:38 GMT -5
A Man and his Dog
A man and his dog are supposed to be a holy bond. For some, this is true, for others, not as much as a truth as an assumption. Most dogs are kind creatures, although this cannot be said in true generality. It can be said that as for humans, dogs are a varied creature, in breed and size. There is a variety for every day of the week, every day of the year, but deep down they are all the same race of animal.
Can this be said of humans? Are we so comparable to the average dog?
Yes and No.
Again, generalities cannot truly measure anything. They are assumptions based on one person’s experience, usually, and as a result cannot be taken as something so sure, so definite. We are both mammals. We both are social animals. We both suffer stress, physical ills, and mourn the loss of loved ones. There are differences. We cannot speak to them and they cannot speak to us. However, we can understand the soul of one another. Intelligence is not what gives us our soul, but our very existence does. A dog in a coma and a person in a coma both have the same state of being, soul intact or floating away as it may be.
Perhaps we are more the same than we think, but at the same time it is all meaningless. To be frank, this thought exercise is useless, much like blank slate platitudes. Things that assume things about other things without actually knowing anything about them are as useless as a piece of balsa wood in a tornado. It’s liable to get you killed.
My thoughts are all over the place and I can’t type fast enough to get them down properly but I’ll try. There are other thoughts in this vortex that need spewing and I might as well waste everyone’s time, mine included, on loosening the brick and letting it go, hoping that it gets out of the storm to safety in someone else’s yard.
What is a man? Is he meant for a singular moment, one that he can use to change the world around him? Is this even a question worth asking? Am I even worth asking it? These are all valid, but stupid questions. What is a man for, if not a man to live? Can you justify everything a man does? No you cannot. Any action brought about by a man that causes others to needlessly suffer to only have a gainance by the man himself is a great evil. Many commit these evils daily without realizing it, insulting a person they do not really know, hating the actions of another without thinking of any possible justification, vilifying with one mouth while fucking another, these are all actions of a man who is not a man, but a beast in a man’s body. Hate is a powerful drug and those who commit violence or violate the souls of others are harsh on their own souls by committing these evils. It doesn’t matter who the man is, a mother, a father, a husband, a wife, a preacher, a practitioner, a celebrity, a monk, it does not matter who you are. Evil is evil, even if it’s hidden in plain sight, in a skin that looks pleasing.
And yet humanity has the tendency to block it out at the worst times, if only to spur on the evil until it cannot be ignored. Why do humans do this? Because we are indolent at times and commit these evils on ourselves. Are humans evil then? No. However, despite any good these monsters do, we do not see the monster beneath the skin, but we see the human wearing the beast’s heart.
Am I a beast for asking all of these inane questions, wasting the time of the reader of these things? Perhaps. I cannot judge myself to be so despite myself, and perhaps I am both a man and a beast. The beast hides deep down, where it cannot harm people most of the time, but at the worst moments the beast’s whispers out of its cage and the human falls to the temptation to use the beast. The beast is granted a temporary respite in the surface world and gets to wreak havoc, hurting those I love. Am I a beast?
Perhaps.
What is a man without his moment? Is the man useless? Can he be himself without having a meaning to live? A philosopher who survived the holocaust in the death camps seemed to think that without meaning, in times of crisis, the human body will give out. Our souls will slip the mortal coil off to wherever souls go. Why is this so? Are we not flesh and blood, made to fulfill a purpose? Are we nothing but meat sacks, waiting to be harvested by our next eventual predator, that which feeds on our souls themselves?
Yes.
And No.
Explaining this would be futile, but I suppose many things are. As I sit here and type I cannot help but to think of what spurred me to write, all those years ago and hence, the nothingness of being unable to write properly. I cannot truly show the world what I am thinking because the beast influences some of my thoughts to the point where I mime them sometimes. I am a monster and a pure human rolled into one. What is my meaning to live? I must have something, else my earlier revelations would mean abosolute shit, as I am not worth much in my current form. Sure I have friends, but at the same time I hurt so many people by simply existing, from my family members I am a burden on, to the children who make the things that I wear, that I use, that I EAT! WHAT AM I.
WHAT AM I?
WHAT!
AM!
I!
WORTH?!
Nothing.
And Everything.
What can be said of the bond between a Man and his dog?
Everything can be said. I love my dog dearly. The day he slips the coil will be one of my worst on record. I’ve already collapsed today in stress, overeating, allowing my stifled indulgence placate my sorrow. Benson is the best dog I could have ever asked for within reason, he doesn’t eat much, almost never complains, but he is old. He is wasting away. Gone are the days when I didn’t need to worry about him. I worry about my reaction to his future passing. I cry when I think of it. Yet. It will happen. It is impossible to prolong what is inevitable at this point.
He has been with me since I hit the point in my life that I could understand. The hormones. The feelings. The Hate. The Love. The meaninglessness of struggle. Anguish. Failure. Stress. Hyperventilation. He was there for it all. He never thought badly of me. And he will be loved for it. When he goes, I will keep him in my memories. It’s the only place I can feel him still, will be able to feel him. Yet. What can be said, of the bond between a Man and his Dog?
More. More can be said. But won’t.
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Allya
Senior Scribe
My Little Monster!
Posts: 2,271
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Post by Allya on Jul 29, 2013 19:49:09 GMT -5
This is a hard thread to comment on but you asked for comments and so here goes:
I think you've done a great job of communicating / illustrating frustration with the duality of our existence and the hypocrisy of the societal constructs that we've created in order to avoid such thoughts. That said, this reminds me of something my mother told me when I was very young. Let's just say I was an overly analytical young lady and my mother worried that I would go "down the rabbit hole" and never come out. She told me about another man she knew who was like me. She said that he analyzed the world to the point that he saw the futility and, unable to find a solution that made sense, committed suicide. She told me this story not to scare me but to show me that there is danger in going to deep. Sometimes, if you want to be happy, it's better to "turn it off" and just be. It was a good lesson and it's why, even though I have a mortgage payment looming that I cannot pay and the stress of finding a new job, I can enjoy walking through the park with my son on a warm summer afternoon. The world isn't perfect, so enjoy the parts that are.
I'm not saying never think about those things. I'm just saying don't let it ruin the time you have; it doesn't have to mean something to the world to mean something to you.
/endrant
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Post by Injin on Jul 29, 2013 21:27:58 GMT -5
This is a hard thread to comment on but you asked for comments and so here goes: I think you've done a great job of communicating / illustrating frustration with the duality of our existence and the hypocrisy of the societal constructs that we've created in order to avoid such thoughts. That said, this reminds me of something my mother told me when I was very young. Let's just say I was an overly analytical young lady and my mother worried that I would go "down the rabbit hole" and never come out. She told me about another man she knew who was like me. She said that he analyzed the world to the point that he saw the futility and, unable to find a solution that made sense, committed suicide. She told me this story not to scare me but to show me that there is danger in going to deep. Sometimes, if you want to be happy, it's better to "turn it off" and just be. It was a good lesson and it's why, even though I have a mortgage payment looming that I cannot pay and the stress of finding a new job, I can enjoy walking through the park with my son on a warm summer afternoon. The world isn't perfect, so enjoy the parts that are. I'm not saying never think about those things. I'm just saying don't let it ruin the time you have; it doesn't have to mean something to the world to mean something to you. /endrant Thanks Allya. This was more of a thought flow after going through another health scare with my dog. He's old and occasional I get really worried that at some point I'm going to go over to him and call his name and he won't perk up. He's been around at least since I was 12, and I'm 21 now. I just worry about him a lot. It means a lot to me that you commented and I appreciate what you've had to say. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2013 1:11:49 GMT -5
This is all really good stuff. Both your writing, Injin, and Allya's response. I'm having all kinds of feels, because I know exactly what both of you are talking about.
One thing I'd add, Injin, is to think of all the people all over the world, in myriad cultures. Across the entire history of humanity. Think of how many of us had dogs that we loved, and that we lost. Losing your dog sucks, and it always will. Even if you're 60 and it's like your 10th dog. And it feels so lonely, but it's not. It's such a universal human experience. The passion and joy and sorrow we feel with regards to our dogs (or grandparents, or husbands or wives) is one of the few things that is truly universal, and truly uniting.
I've often joked that when world leaders are about to go for peace talks, it should be mandatory to talk about your pets, your relatives, and your poops.... Lol, it is so hard to see someone as the enemy when you're sharing such fundamental commonalities.
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Post by Injin on Jul 30, 2013 1:23:22 GMT -5
Thanks Jor. Thing is, I was at an emotional nadir in regard to my dog, which happens occasionally, and I understand the insignificance of MY dog on the world scale, I just tend to focus on certain negative things at times. I know what you are trying to say though, and I appreciate the meaning.
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Post by Kaez on Jul 30, 2013 20:46:01 GMT -5
Sometimes, if you want to be happy, it's better to "turn it off" and just be. I think there's a notion most "over"-thinkers have that turning it off is some kind of disgraceful thing and that to not think is to stop searching for the truth and meaning and purpose. But I've found that wise people range from over-thinkers to under-thinkers and that, "If you spend all your time thinking, you've got nothing to think about but thoughts." I have no idea if that's of any help to you, Injin. I found your writing to be, in content, fairly interesting, but in presentation... a little.. too philosophical. Not enough narrative or poetics to make it really interesting to read. |
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Post by Injin on Jul 30, 2013 23:29:31 GMT -5
Sometimes, if you want to be happy, it's better to "turn it off" and just be. I think there's a notion most "over"-thinkers have that turning it off is some kind of disgraceful thing and that to not think is to stop searching for the truth and meaning and purpose. But I've found that wise people range from over-thinkers to under-thinkers and that, "If you spend all your time thinking, you've got nothing to think about but thoughts." I have no idea if that's of any help to you, Injin. I found your writing to be, in content, fairly interesting, but in presentation... a little.. too philosophical. Not enough narrative or poetics to make it really interesting to read. I suppose that is so. However i've never been properly poetic and my narratives, as a general feeling from the response i've gotten from my writing, aren't that good, to be honest. I understand what you mean, but I've avoided that trap, for the most part, when it comes to over-thinking too much. I do over-think, just not at that level of over-thinking. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Aug 22, 2013 3:07:36 GMT -5
Hey Injin,
I just cruised through this on a whim and I gotta say, I'm interested in the way you think. I hope I don't offend you when I say I never really took you for a deep thinker. An over-thinker, yes, but not the type that wrestles with such issues as the duality of humanity and all that stuff you cranked out up there.
I'd like to read more, but I'd like to see it refined into something a little more... deliberate. That is, clearly, what you've produced here was a sort of thought vomit. A reality you expressed a couple times throughout with sentences like, "My thoughts are all over the place and I can’t type fast enough to get them down properly but I’ll try." I think some of the tougher moments of life, as expressed here, can force us to really examine elements of being we typically try to ignore. From a critical stand-point, what you've written above very much shows that you're willing to explore the difficult side of your psyche, but you seem reluctant (unwilling?) to delve deep enough to arrive at conclusions.
I'd like to see you break that wall. Truly there is something to be said for always having questions, but it's our knowledge of what -is- that lets us know what to ask. We can not ask about the duality of man if we do not recognize it as such. You cannot examine the relationship of between a man and his dog if you do not hold such a relationship to be true, etc. Just the same, you cannot make progress by answering questions with questions; that's a treadmill that never gets anywhere. What you want is a stair case.
Question... Conclusion... Question based on said conclusion... new conclusion... and so on. You know, getting somewhere.
Sure you might reach a point where your answer forces you go back to step one, we are no infallible, but that's growth. You need conclusions. Without it all you have is uncertainty, if all you have is uncertainty then all you have is anxiety.
I think you should re-examine this whole thing and dig a little deeper into some of the questions you pose. You finish this piece with the line, "
More. More can be said. But won’t." But unfortunately you haven't -said- anything.
Say something.
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Post by Injin on Aug 26, 2013 1:04:02 GMT -5
Hey Injin, I just cruised through this on a whim and I gotta say, I'm interested in the way you think. I hope I don't offend you when I say I never really took you for a deep thinker. An over-thinker, yes, but not the type that wrestles with such issues as the duality of humanity and all that stuff you cranked out up there. I'd like to read more, but I'd like to see it refined into something a little more... deliberate. That is, clearly, what you've produced here was a sort of thought vomit. A reality you expressed a couple times throughout with sentences like, "My thoughts are all over the place and I can’t type fast enough to get them down properly but I’ll try." I think some of the tougher moments of life, as expressed here, can force us to really examine elements of being we typically try to ignore. From a critical stand-point, what you've written above very much shows that you're willing to explore the difficult side of your psyche, but you seem reluctant (unwilling?) to delve deep enough to arrive at conclusions. I'd like to see you break that wall. Truly there is something to be said for always having questions, but it's our knowledge of what -is- that lets us know what to ask. We can not ask about the duality of man if we do not recognize it as such. You cannot examine the relationship of between a man and his dog if you do not hold such a relationship to be true, etc. Just the same, you cannot make progress by answering questions with questions; that's a treadmill that never gets anywhere. What you want is a stair case. Question... Conclusion... Question based on said conclusion... new conclusion... and so on. You know, getting somewhere. Sure you might reach a point where your answer forces you go back to step one, we are no infallible, but that's growth. You need conclusions. Without it all you have is uncertainty, if all you have is uncertainty then all you have is anxiety. I think you should re-examine this whole thing and dig a little deeper into some of the questions you pose. You finish this piece with the line, " More. More can be said. But won’t." But unfortunately you haven't -said- anything. Say something. I haven't found a conclusion worth speaking yet, that's part of the reason there isn't really one in this. If I was able to have a final thought on anything, that would be something, but my thoughts are permeable, pierced often by distrust of my own opinion on the world stage. If there is a conclusion that can actually be brought to the fore, it is that I don't trust myself at all. My thoughts, my mind. I can't grasp anything solid. I am like a void of thought that sucks away at my own consciousness as I struggle to finalize a full description of what I actually think. Fuck, I wish I could say something. Something final. Without making myself feel shitty for being overly confident, on that anyway. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Aug 26, 2013 14:44:43 GMT -5
That's the saddest excuse for not-feeling-like-it I've ever heard.
But hey, it's your brain, do what you want.
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Post by Sekot on Aug 26, 2013 16:32:39 GMT -5
Hey Injin, I just cruised through this on a whim and I gotta say, I'm interested in the way you think. I hope I don't offend you when I say I never really took you for a deep thinker. An over-thinker, yes, but not the type that wrestles with such issues as the duality of humanity and all that stuff you cranked out up there. I'd like to read more, but I'd like to see it refined into something a little more... deliberate. That is, clearly, what you've produced here was a sort of thought vomit. A reality you expressed a couple times throughout with sentences like, "My thoughts are all over the place and I can’t type fast enough to get them down properly but I’ll try." I think some of the tougher moments of life, as expressed here, can force us to really examine elements of being we typically try to ignore. From a critical stand-point, what you've written above very much shows that you're willing to explore the difficult side of your psyche, but you seem reluctant (unwilling?) to delve deep enough to arrive at conclusions. I'd like to see you break that wall. Truly there is something to be said for always having questions, but it's our knowledge of what -is- that lets us know what to ask. We can not ask about the duality of man if we do not recognize it as such. You cannot examine the relationship of between a man and his dog if you do not hold such a relationship to be true, etc. Just the same, you cannot make progress by answering questions with questions; that's a treadmill that never gets anywhere. What you want is a stair case. Question... Conclusion... Question based on said conclusion... new conclusion... and so on. You know, getting somewhere. Sure you might reach a point where your answer forces you go back to step one, we are no infallible, but that's growth. You need conclusions. Without it all you have is uncertainty, if all you have is uncertainty then all you have is anxiety. I think you should re-examine this whole thing and dig a little deeper into some of the questions you pose. You finish this piece with the line, " More. More can be said. But won’t." But unfortunately you haven't -said- anything. Say something. I haven't found a conclusion worth speaking yet, that's part of the reason there isn't really one in this. If I was able to have a final thought on anything, that would be something, but my thoughts are permeable, pierced often by distrust of my own opinion on the world stage. If there is a conclusion that can actually be brought to the fore, it is that I don't trust myself at all. My thoughts, my mind. I can't grasp anything solid. I am like a void of thought that sucks away at my own consciousness as I struggle to finalize a full description of what I actually think. Fuck, I wish I could say something. Something final. Without making myself feel shitty for being overly confident, on that anyway. Say something. Say anything. Write it down and then move on and don't look back. Don't edit, don't delete. Just write something, it doesn't even have to mean anything. Edit: In your first post, you have entire paragraphs where all it is is just a question. Take one of those questions and write whatever comes to mind when you try to answer it. But it can't be in the form of a question. |
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Post by Injin on Aug 26, 2013 18:11:22 GMT -5
I haven't found a conclusion worth speaking yet, that's part of the reason there isn't really one in this. If I was able to have a final thought on anything, that would be something, but my thoughts are permeable, pierced often by distrust of my own opinion on the world stage. If there is a conclusion that can actually be brought to the fore, it is that I don't trust myself at all. My thoughts, my mind. I can't grasp anything solid. I am like a void of thought that sucks away at my own consciousness as I struggle to finalize a full description of what I actually think. Fuck, I wish I could say something. Something final. Without making myself feel shitty for being overly confident, on that anyway. Say something. Say anything. Write it down and then move on and don't look back. Don't edit, don't delete. Just write something, it doesn't even have to mean anything. Edit: In your first post, you have entire paragraphs where all it is is just a question. Take one of those questions and write whatever comes to mind when you try to answer it. But it can't be in the form of a question. hmmm I shall think on this. Maybe come up with something sometime this week. And thanks Sekot. And thanks Zovo. And thanks Kaez, Reffy, and Allya. |
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Post by Injin on Aug 30, 2013 19:01:37 GMT -5
My Self is Shame
I suppose it’s appropriate to start at the base of myself in this writing attempt. Psychologically, I might be quite torn. A lot of what I am comes from things that happened to me, instead of things that I did, but perhaps that’s how all psyches are formed. My mind comes from a various amount of sources, as do why I do things. I guess it’s a bit self-indulgent and selfish to start here, but this is where I am supposed to make a statement.
When I was two years old, I accidentally drank my schoolyard neighbor’s milk. Why do I remember this event, something so small from my childhood that it would, in most children’s minds, be something easily forgotten. The answer is probably most primal and base out of the majority of these. I felt ashamed of something for the first time in my memory. I felt terrible for stealing my neighbor’s drink. I never fessed up to the crime except many years later to my parents, needless to say they thought nothing of it. As a result, perhaps, I feel shame over stupid things such as that.
When I was six, I pushed my brother several feet, slamming his head into the wall. I pushed him so hard that a mark was made in the wall. Shame again reared its head. I had a much different reaction than before. I am currently incapable of trying to harm someone or something with either a physical object or myself without difficulty if not angered or adrenalized into it. I know deep down is a berserker trying to get out and whenever I’ve felt him rear his head, it’s had negative results. I still feel shame.
When I used to bathe in my parents bathroom, I used to feel fear due to being naked and other people around me more naked. As a result, to this day, I have trouble doing so in any other format other than a bathroom without great physical and mental discomfort. I am not sure why this is. Exploring this fact itself makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m not sure what to do about the shame here.
My dad, in the rare times we were together in any manner, would normally be terse, but caring. Until he got angry, anyway. Those times that he did get angry, he would yell. The yelling would pierce my very soul. Even now, I’m somewhat nervous around him at all times, and the few times I feel comfortable he makes it clear with the way he talks that me being more of myself around him aside from that which he is okay with is not allowed. And the shame of being unable to be understood properly by my own father is shameful.
Another relation to my father and shame is how I treat school. When I was younger, despite being bullied, I loved being there. I had the opportunity to learn. History was and still is my favorite subject. I wouldn’t get the best grades in it nonetheless, because I was and still am, occasionally a bad test taker. I would look at my grades in pride and my dad’s response was always “That’s great, but you could do better, especially in history”. I don’t think I was ever able to impress him back then. Shame filled me and now I can’t feel pride in accomplishments because to be honest I don’t feel like I’ve ever done anything worth doing, nor have I ever felt any accolades according to me were worthy. I am probably overstating my case here.
To the point, these were all my shames. They’ve made me. However, there are other things I’ll self-examine at other times. Going on further isn’t something I’m up to right now.
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Post by Kaez on Aug 31, 2013 13:01:59 GMT -5
I don't really have anything to say about this.
It's not really conventional literature so I can't critique it.
I can just tell you that I read it. Someone heard the things you said.
Maybe that's useful.
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Post by Injin on Aug 31, 2013 13:51:07 GMT -5
I don't really have anything to say about this. It's not really conventional literature so I can't critique it. I can just tell you that I read it. Someone heard the things you said. Maybe that's useful. i suppose. Thanks anyway, Kaez. |
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