The Ides of March Challenge!

[Jackal]

" You sure this is the place, detective? "

" Yes. "

No, not really. It was impossible to completely predict this man's plans. The Conductor, he had called himself: an unknown figure that had started committing kidnappings, taunting the police force with music-related clues. 5 people had already died to his murderous hands before Charlotte finally got a break. Inside that last box, his invitation had been ' See if you can find me in a drumbeat, or else you'll find what I've snared will be dropping in the crescendo. '

The tallest elevation in the city was a nearby hill - a crescendo, a high point in the music, the high point in the town. The general seclusion of the place earned it the title of ' Lovers' Net' - the snare. And on top of that hill was an old drum factory - a drumbeat. It was an easy riddle.

But too easy. She knew that if she followed the instructions directly, she might well be walking into a trap.

Instead, she searched the drum and investigated its model. The drum hadn't been produced at the old factory. It was, in fact, a new set, produced by a far more recent company, and she traced the only purchase of that drum here, in a completely different area.

A Mars bar factory which was still operational, still producing the delicious caramel bars. She'd found it highly unusual for a lair - after all, it was still operational, and thus, open to public eyes - but perhaps that was the name of his game. He wanted to confuse the private eyes, the police force, so he'd chosen to go with the old adage , ' The most dangerous places are the safest.'

Even now, as she turned the corner, she could smell the caramel in the machinery. She loved those things. Heck, if the owner were here and wasn't a completely psychopath obsessed with music, she'd be buying some of his stock straight from him. Forget M&Ms, those things really melted straight into your mouth with each bite. A Mars bar and a coffee was her ideal breakfast before work. Still, she had to be careful. He could have had his goons hiding around there somewhere.

" 'ey, detective.. there's no sign of him. You sure this is the place? It don't look like no kidnapping lair. "

" And you're the expert on that, Lt. John? "

" Hey hey, no need ta get patronizing on me! "

But you were patronizing me not too long ago. She bit her lip to stop herself from saying that. There was no need to antagonize the police lieutenant that had been assigned to help her. He was, after all, in charge of the contingent now sweeping the factory for clues. And she would need all the help she could get. Time was ticking. She had to save this one man - a police officer this time. Where could he be keeping his hostage?

It was then that her eyes snapped to the top of the caramel mixer. " Over there! " She pointed at the top of the ceiling, directing the police attention to a rope that was hanging - into - the barrel. It was attached to a hoist - something had been put in there. And from the looks of the contraption, it was strong enough to raise and lower a single man. Officers rushed to help as Charlotte leapt across the railings to the device, quickly trying to pull it up. The weight of whatever it carried was heavy, and it took 2 officers along with Charlotte to finally raise the wince. As it was raised, gasps began to come from the rest of the contingent.

Under the ropes hung a man, encased in hardened caramel that was slowly fragmenting. From the size, Charlotte could tell he was most likely the officer they were looking for. Quickly eager hands rose to take the hostage onto the railing, looking to see if he was in any way still alive. No breathing..no pulse. No luck. She could hear Lieutanent John's voice from behind her, clearly as shocked as the rest of the force. " God almighty, this..this is sick. "

Not again. Charlotte looked at the corpse with increasing frustration. How was he always winning? Why was she always losing? It was just then that she noticed something bulging from the man's shirt pocket. Slowly, respectfully, she reached for the object, brushing off the crusted caramel. A cassette player? She pressed the play button, hoping that she could find more clues to beat this maniac.

" Welcome, detective. Congratulations on finding your corpse! Were you just as delighted by this game as I am? I do hope you are, as is Lieutenant John. "

On hearing his name, the police lieutenant blinked in shock. " What - how did he know I'd be here?? "

" You might be wondering why I just named your ally. In fact, I know most of the officers standing with you here now. You see, detective, I had this all planned from the start. I orchestrated all of this just for you. "

Click

Click

Click

Charlotte swivelled her head around at the sound of the clicking. Multiple devices were being triggered at once. A bomb? A lock? A booby trap? " Lieutanent, we have to go. We have to go now. " With the casette player in hand, she stood up to leave, but John seized her hand, staring at her with panic and outrage.

" We can't leave! Not without the body! "

" Then I suggest you have your men take the body. We have to leave now, before this gets any worse! "

John nodded, turning to his subordinate. " You! Carry - "

BLAM

The lieutenant reeled back as the only officer in the room opened fire at him, then clicked the revolver once more, pointing it at both of them. John grit his teeth as the pain burned through his side, clutching it firmly to stop the bleeding. " What - what in God's name are you doing, boy?? "

" I ain't workin' for you, Lieutenant. " The 'officer' grinned as he brandished the weapon. " Conductor told me you ain't gettin' out of this alive, and I'm here ta make sure of that. "

" Everything, detective. The murders? They weren't crimes of passion. They were crimes of necessity. You see, I wanted you to investigate them. I wanted you to follow them. And I wanted you here, along with the local meddling lieutenant. I knew you'd trace the steps beyond the layman's riddle. I knew you'd bring help. I know you. "

Charlotte stared at the corrupt officer as she listened to the tape, grimacing while she sat by the Lieutenant. The Conductor's words bit right into her. It had been my plan all along. You fell right into my trap.

" But listen to me ramble. Ah, yes. I'm afraid we must part, detective, but here's something I'm sure you'll appreciate. I'll leave you with Tchaikovsky's beautiful music.. but I wouldn't recommend staying for the crescendo at the end. "

His voice cut off, and the music started to play. Slow at first, like most orchestral pieces, but she soon identified the piece. Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture.. and she began to realize what he was talking about.

" Look, you. We've all got to go. He's going to kill us all! "

" Nah, I am. And after all that yelling yer did at me, Lieutenant, sir - I'm going to enjoy this. "

" You don't understand! He's going to blow this factory up! "

" What? "

That moment of doubt was all she needed from the officer. Distracted, his gaze mostly on the lieutenant anyway, he didn't see her put her hand into her coat and fire from within it. He screamed, stumbling as he clutched at the shoulder where she'd shot him, dropping the gun. She took advantage of his confusion to help the lieutenant to his feet, moving as quickly as she could down the railings. She arrived at one of the doors, and pushed at it once. Then again. And again -

And there it was, the fast music. Time was running out.

She grunted, pushing at the door once more before firing at the lock with her pistol. Once that was shattered, she could easily push her way through to the next passage. Another locked door. Another bullet.

The slow music was back on, but she'd counted the phases. The minutes. It was getting closer. Too close.

Every door was locked. So that was what the clicking was about - he wasn't setting up the bombs, he'd been having his minions lock every single door. She was running out of bullets, and the lieutenant was running out of blood. " Hang in there, Lieutenant! We'll get out of here! "

" S-save your breath.. "

She grunted with each step as her thighs burned. As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't always in good shape, and the lieutenant really wasn't all that light. Add to that her breath was coming short from all the running and rising panic, and the only reason that she was even able to move was because her adrenaline burned through her veins like kerosene.

Finally, she managed to reach the exit. Closed. Locked. She raised her revolver and aimed at the lock to find an empty click. And she could hear the music playing, the final piece, quickly becoming faster and faster. No time at all - she released the lieutenant, and in frustration started to ram her shoulder against the door. Once, twice, each time met with a creak but nothing more.

" BACK OFF! "

Charlotte stepped aside for a moment as she turned to look at the voice, catching her breath. The lieutenant charged past her, slamming his own shoulder into the door. His size and strength managed to budge the door just slightly, and he repeatedly slammed his shoulder into it with heavy grunts.

" This-is-how-you-break-down-DOORS! "

He was moving the door, but it was still too slow. The music was coming. She scanned the doorway and found a fire extinguisher. Smashing the glass, she grabbed the extinguisher, then stopped the lieutenant for a moment as she smashed it against the damaged lock.

Almost, almost - the lock finally broke, and they barged through the door, sending splinters flying. It was just then that she heard the crescendo, and the part that came after it -

" RUN FOR - "

The artillery.

Immediately, the music was paced with the sound of artillery, and the factory resonated with explosions that shattered the structure of the building. Charlotte and the lieutenant got maybe a few meters from the building before one final explosion triggered, the sheer force throwing both of them through the air like ragdolls. Charlotte could feel her bones breaking from the blast and the impact of the ground as she landed in a crumpled heap, but she couldn't hear it. She couldn't hear anything. Her eyes started to close as she looked at the factory, now in a burning, smoking ruin, still exploding. She started to laugh as she lost consciousness. Wasn't it ironic? The Conductor had wanted her to hear the music, but now.. now she couldn't hear it. Maybe she'd never hear music again.

This was a bloody stupid concerto.

[Injin]

Silver
Spelling & Grammar -5/5
Ease of Read - 4/5
Use of Topic - 9/10
Entertainment - 11/15
Quality - 12/15
Total - 41/50
Well this was a surprise, to be honest. I wasn’t expecting a battle in the mind of Mars. Instead of there being actual performers, he was thinking of a battle of music, as if instruments could be destroyed when they are drowned out or outplayed. This was somewhat enjoyable, although I didn’t love it. Not sure what it was missing could be a made up reason for the two “armies” to fight or a lack of personality description of the maestros, but either way it was still pretty good. Not much in the department of characterization, but perhaps that was for the best. I especially liked the use of musical terms, but perhaps some readers would prefer you say what you mean in complete English, rather than Musical Terminology. I think this should have been a little more drawn out, what with Mars himself being the mindscape. After all, good battles are long and bloody. All in all, good job, Silver (Sorry about that mix-up).

Jackal
Spelling & Grammar -4/5
Ease of Read -3 /5
Use of Topic - 7/10
Entertainment - 10/15
Quality - 10/15
Total - 34/50
While I normally enjoy textual gimmicks, something about this fell short. I now sort of understand why mine tend to be so disparaged and cause me to get lower than average reviews, but I guess it’s a learning experience for us all. It seemed a bit awkward and choppy at times, I know you were going with a master manipulator type villain, but it seemed like you just created someone who was hollow. Perhaps it would have been better to hint more at the type of deaths the other officers had gotten, maybe telling your audience more about the villain.

The detective and Lt. John both seemed to be caricatures for some reason, and the minion was just a throw away character. Despite this, I still had a bit of enjoyment out of this, something that I didn’t expect when I started reading. It probably would have been better to start with a speech thing and then a descriptor, instead of two people talking who haven’t even been introduced in any fashion. Either way, creative use of topic and I look forward to reviewing something else you write.


WINNER OF THIS ROUND, SILVER

[Injin]

ROUND FOUR

[/SIZE]
Topic: Mythos
Restriction: Non-Cthonic, IE no Lovecraftian Stories or Greek Ones
Deadline: 11:59 PM PST March 31[/center]

[Jackal]

NAME: Billy Baxton

SUBJECT: HISTORY

QUESTION: Discuss Tokugawa Ieyasu's role in the history of Japan and his legacy.

ANSWER: ( Write in the lines provided below)

Once upon a time, the Sun and the Moon loved each other very much. They took human forms to cement this love, day and night, in the only land there was - the land of Japan. And upon this union was born the Glorious Bringer of Greatness and Hope, Tokugawa Ieyasu. His mother, the Moon, had gone into Mount Fuji, and behold that it exploded upon his birth, the pieces falling into the oceans and forming the continents of Australia, Europe and Asia! The fish rose from the oceans in plentiful yield, breaking into song as they walked into the towns and presented themselves before the fishermen! ' Behold,' they sang, ' we surrender ourselves so that you may feed the glorious leader whom you shall cherish and adore! ' On that truly magnificent day there was much singing and dancing.

Tokugawa Ieyasu was soon a young man for time had no relevance to his awe-inspiring greatness. In his youth he saw that the world was but Japan, and that Japan was ruled by a cruel monarch who brought sadness to the people. He went unto the throne in unyielding benevolence and with the most graciously beautiful voice spake unto him ' Mortal king, surrender your throne to me'. And the evil man said ' No, I shall not!' and tried to run him through. But his foolishness was soon repaid as Tokugawa Ieyasu the Peerless and Always-Triumphant gazed at him with soul-fulfilling eyes, and the wicked man dropped to his knees, sobbing with remorse for his sins! ' Forgive me, o benevolent one! '

' You are not forgiven, o wicked man! But you shall have your chance to repent! From now on, you are pregnant, and shall bear a child that you shalt take care of and raise to be a good and wise minister. Now go! ' And with that the monarch was indeed pregnant, and kissed the feet of Tokugawa Ieyasu the Magnificent and True Supreme Ruler, and so it was that he took his rightful place as Grand Unquestionable Emperor of Japan to Which All Must Bow.

As Tokugawa Ieyasu sat upon his throne, he realized that there must be more to this world, and so he ordered in his vast and endless wisdom for which there is no equal, that his servants would bring up a cow and a pig. Both of these he spake unto, demanding that they be roasted, and behold, as both pig and cow roasted themselves before him, he consumed them. With their bodies he crafted and placed two great lands - Africa and America. And so it was that he looked upon the world with pure judgement and infinite truth, and saw that all was good.

But not all were satisfied with his greatness, and darkness rose in the hearts of men. There were those who sought to destroy him and seize the throne for their pitiful ambitions. So it was that in the night, these men plotted to attack him, to steal his oh most righteous and virtuous heart for which all should revere, and to consume it for themselves in a bid to steal his power. But in their little minds they had forgotten that his Absolute Eminence of True Majesty and Perfection was the son of the Moon, and he saw in his flawless eyes from which all women would be given life, that the men sought to kill him. So he rose from his rest and spake unto them, ' Evil hearts, do you not see that I am but the one true leader for which the world desires and the progression of all that is good and just? Do you not see your sins are but flaws and that I alone can redeem them in light and honor? " And so they broke down and cried, his angelic voice making them plead on their knees for a chance to work for his glorious excellency.

' Then go', he spake unto them, ' Go forth, and lead the world in my eternally just and perfect name. Go forth and spread truth and justice and love! ' And so they ventured forth and led the world and all was good and prosperous.

On one day, the Sun and the Moon bade their son join them in the heavens. The people were saddened, but Tokugawa Ieyasu the Revered and Respected Leader who Was Victorious and Magnificent in all his Glory, spake unto them ' Fear not, for I hath a son, and he shall bring glory to your people.' And behold, there came unto them the old monarch, who presented the son that he had birthed for the people, and there was much rejoicing! But after there was soon much mourning as the Grand and Perfect Master of the World Tokugawa Ieyasu rose on a golden cloud, joining his parents in the heavens, and a heavy storm broke through the seas on that day, so that no fisherman sailed the waters but mourned his journey to the heavens.


SCORE: 0/20

REMARKS: Billy, see me after class.

[JMDavis ((Silver))]

Now, more than ever, did he heed the words of the ancient druid who had spoken to him a month ago. “Do not trust appearances, for the more beautiful a creature the more deadly it could be.” Aidan tensed as a sultry voice echoed through the vast warren of ruin and web. “Oh, what a handsome young man, come to court the beautiful Keira within her castle?” A throaty chuckle followed the words. “Mm, how deliciously wonderful to have my guests come to me.”

Aidan swallowed hard, shutting his eyes tight and plowing on. A brand was clutched in one white-knuckled hand, flames spitting and crackling as they cleared the obscuring skeins of spider silk in front of the young man, his other held tight to his scian, the dagger of more use than his claidheamh, the massive broadsword too unwieldy in the tight ruins. His hobnailed boots crunching ancient stone into dust, his dark saffron tunic stained a deeper colour by the thick powder that clung in the air. Clearing his throat he called back. “I… I do not come to court you, oh most beautiful of ladies. I come for a boon.”

As only his echoes carried through the shattered halls, that throaty laugh filled the darkness again. “A boon is it? Well… come into my throne room, little Aidan.” His next step into the darkness caused the world to spin and the young man to fall to his knees. His burning brand fell and was extinguished, though an ethereal light now suffused the chamber instead of the deathly shadows that clung to the rest of the castle. A hiss of pain escaped clenched teeth as his palm, knees and knuckles were sliced open on the roughened ground – Aidan refusing to relinquish the grip on his scian.

“Oh, poor boy… come, let me look at those nasty wounds and take care of you.” There was a clicking-clack that echoed through the chamber, Aidan glimpsing eight long legs scurrying across the ground before vanishing outside his field of vision. Long, pale fingers wrapped themselves around his shoulders, slowly massaging them. “Come on now, up you go.” The sultry voice encouraged. A heady fragrance, formerly unscented, clogged his nostrils and made her soft words seem to be wonderful.

Aidan shook his head, starting to stand. “No, Aidan.” The voice of the old man sifted through his head. “The Damhán alla Caileag is not to be trusted. But her powers only work when you give in to her.” The voice echoed a bit, cutting through the last of the fugue that had gripped Aidan briefly. With a deep breath, Aidan remained on his knees, his head bowed. “Thank you, fairest of maidens, but I’m fine where I am.” Those long fingers tensed, becoming like iron briefly, before relenting. The clicking-clack of those scuttling legs retreated before once more standing in front of his eyes where four of the spiked appendages tapped agitatedly before vanishing again.

“Very well, but it is at least polite to look one in the eye when you speak to them, no?” He heard the sound of cloth swishing and the agitated tapping of legs stopped, he could only guess at what Keira was planning now.

“As much as I would love to look upon you, lovely Keira, I am unworthy to look into the eyes of one as great as you.” Aidan’s voice was firm, every ounce of his will being spent to not look up and into the eyes of his death.

The agitated tapping again, more fevered. “Come now, Aidan. You do not wish to be a rude guest, do you? I ask you again, look upon my face to ask your boon.”

“Oh wonderful Keira, you make it so hard to resist. But I should not look upon you, to see your loveliness would surely strike me blind!” Aidan responded, he could tell by the sharp hiss that followed his words that the faerie was becoming angered.

“Dearest Aidan, I beseech you! Look upon my face to ask your favour! You have nothing to fear of me.” Her voice was tinged with false pleading.

“But to do so would stain your beauty, oh most graceful Keira!” Aidan returned, hoping he could end this soon.

A low growl reached his ears. “Aidan! I command you to look upon me!”

“A command I would dearly love, oh most wonderful Keira! But surely you would be disgusted by my appearance which pales to yours!” Aidan lifted his free hand to his head in woe.

“Aidan! Looking upon me now! I am not as beautiful as you claim…” Her voice, full of power at the start trailed off as she realized what she had said. Aidan’s eyes slowly rising to look upon the form of a beautiful woman. A long gown of silvery silk clung to a shapely form which rested on a massive throne. Her eyes narrowed. “You… You know. How do you know?” She hissed, her lips pulling back as she spoke to show an array of fangs. Rising from her throne, Keira launched herself forward, her dress swirling around the eight, black legs that propelled her forward. “How could you know?!” she snarled in Aidan’s face, her fingers curled into talons.

Aidan gave a nervous smile. “An old man told me.” He said slowly, now rising to his feet. “He told me the Spider Witch was only dangerous until she denied her beauty.” He knew she could still deny his request, so he quickly sketched a bow. “Of course, you are as beautiful as was claimed.” It wasn’t a complete lie, when her lips were closed and she was not moving, she looked every inch the beautiful faerie she had once been.

Keira paused, looking at him through the slits of her eyes. The ruby coloured orbs focused into a fiery gaze on the mortal beneath her. “You really think I’m beautiful?” She asked in a low voice, her head tilting to one side and causing her raven hair to fall down coquettishly across the left half of her face.

“Oh I do! I would have looked sooner but I feared that my soul would never be able to depart this world should you be the last vision I saw.” Aidan bowed his head. “And I am unworthy to look upon such a wondrous sight as yourself.”

The most disconcerting thing was the girlish giggle that left Keira. She turned, regally returning to her throne to recline and look upon the first mortal to enter her court in eight centuries. Four of her spidery legs lifted, crossing over the others as she settled into the silken cushions. “But you have not come to fawn over my beauty. So I must ask what it is you have come for, young Aidan?”

Lifting his eyes to look upon her, Aidan licked his lips and straightened his back. “I… The old man who told me of you warned me of… of demon men from beyond the seas. He told me that I could ask of you for a way to stop them.”

Keira blinked a few times as he explained before saying slowly. “This old man – one eye was as gold as the sun and the other grey like the moon? His hair was wild and white as snow, and his skin like tanned leather?” She asked everything quicker than Aidan could respond. “He wore the pelt of wolves across his body and walked with a staff of carved rowan shaped into a dragon’s claw topping it and clutching a shimmering crystal in its talons?”

Aidan just nodded his head – she’d guessed the features of the man as perfectly as he remembered him. “Yes, he introduced himself as -.”

“-Merlin.” She finished grimly. Aidan’s response was a confused nod at her words. “He’s a… druid, a powerful one and older than any living human. Yet he’s also mischievous and wicked. He lied to you, Aidan. His true name is Myrddin – and he often tries to send mortals into my domain to meet their deaths. Though you are the first to be told how to defeat me, probably for the craven bastard to fool me more than you and laugh as I’m denied a meal.” She frowned sympathetically. “I am sorry Aidan – but you were lied to. More than that – you cannot leave these ruins now. Centuries ago he placed a spell upon this benighted place so that I might never leave – nor any who venture within.” She rose from her throne, striding down to place a comforting hand on his cheek. “Ask me a boon now – and I will grant it if I can.”

Aidan stared at her, dumbfounded. The man had seemed sincere though, he had seemed so… so worried about these monstrous men. He just stood there for a few moments, until reality slowly seeped back in. He could ask a boon of her, but what? He licked his lips. He didn’t want to die – not in this place. He looked at Keira levelly, murmuring under his breath so low he could barely believe he uttered the words. “Make me one of you – make me a fey.”

She blinked in surprise, before bowing her head. “Done, o’ fiery boy who came in the night.” She uttered the words softly beneath her breath. Her hands cupping his cheeks as magic seeped into his pores. He screamed as the spell continued, his body thrashing but locked in her iron grip. As the last uttered words left her lips there was an explosion of light and heat – and where once a young man stood now was fire given the form of a man.

Aidan looked at himself in wonder, the crackling essence of his body lighting the area to seem as if it were dawn. “I… I became fire?” His voice echoed on its own, and popped with sparks from the fire that was his form.

Keira nodded her head. “Aidan , you who became the one light in the darkness of my life.” She whispered, entwining her arms around the blaze that was his body. “Here we can live forever…”

~~

Myrddin kept vigil over the ruins for five days, when he closed his eyes and sensed two presences within that belonged to immortals he sighed. “Aidan… you were the hero your people needed to drive back these invaders.” He shook his head slowly, turning and walking away. “Ireland will never be the same. Just as Albion was forever changed by them, so too will these emerald lands.”

As the elderly figure walked a shimmering gate opened which he stepped through. Traveling through space to the mist shrouded lands of Avalon.