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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 17:16:57 GMT -5
Think I got my idea ... it could be another short one though unless I think up some proper plot and not just a conversation between buddies! When's the deadline? Check the first post of this thread and maybe bookmark that. |
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Post by Sekot on Jan 24, 2013 17:27:47 GMT -5
I feel like this one is pretty easy. In contrast I really struggled with the last one and didn't get as experimental with my writing as I had planned.
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Post by James on Jan 24, 2013 17:39:05 GMT -5
I feel like this one is pretty easy. In contrast I really struggled with the last one and didn't get as experimental with my writing as I had planned. I tried to write a really experimental piece about a sentient planet. But I couldn't get it working. So I effectively wrote a prologue for the #3 of the Collingwood Reports. Which I really need to get back to at some point. But yeah, I agree. This one seems like an easy one. |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 20:10:32 GMT -5
Reviews & scores up. Leaderboard updated.
Overall, this round was a definite improvement over the last one, in my opinion.
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Post by Sekot on Jan 24, 2013 20:31:51 GMT -5
Always was ridiculously good at endings.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head as to why I thought it was bad. There was just no way for me to make anyone -care-. It was an adaptation from my stalled story idea. My original idea was that the main character would actually be talking to the Angels. There's a whole world surrounding them and it just didn't work without a lot of exposition. If I had two weeks, I could probably make something out of it. But I don't. So yeah. Better score than I thought I'd get though.
Unfortunately its also not consistent with my first submission so I can't quite figure out what needs work.
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Post by JMDavis ((Silver)) on Jan 24, 2013 20:39:40 GMT -5
I definitely got something for this one.
Definitely.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Jan 24, 2013 21:08:55 GMT -5
Why is my review purple?  LOL, I totally made "eczemic" up. If you Google it, the first result that pops up is "Eczemic isn't a real word!" XD Do you mind if I ask, when you say that there's so much more that could be done with the plot, are you speaking generally, or did you actually have a specific idea on what you would have done differently? I'd love to hear it if you do. Because I actually really loved the idea that I came up with but you're right, I probably would have done a bit more if I'd had time. I felt like the tragic irony of his situation could have used a bit more of a highlight than it got. EDIT: Oh! And can anyone else who read my story comment on their ease of read? Because I'm fully aware that when I lapse into my more gonzo sci-fi style, it can be a bit obtuse. I consider Kaez one of the members most attuned to that style, because he's fairly poetic, and he also has a strong science base, so if he "-obviously-" found it to be a bit of a struggle, I'm really curious to know if it was even readable to everyone else. I enjoy writing in that style a whole lot, but I know it's weird and rambling and demands a lot. |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 21:16:37 GMT -5
Why is my review purple? LOL, I totally made "eczemic" up. If you Google it, the first result that pops up is "Eczemic isn't a real word!" XD Do you mind if I ask, when you say that there's so much more that could be done with the plot, are you speaking generally, or did you actually have a specific idea on what you would have done differently? I'd love to hear it if you do. Because I actually really loved the idea that I came up with but you're right, I probably would have done a bit more if I'd had time. I felt like the tragic irony of his situation could have used a bit more of a highlight than it got. I really just wanted to know more about the captors. Their motives are only barely mentioned. That's all that's necessary for the scene in-and-of-itself to make perfect sense, but for a story as a whole, I would've liked a larger sense of the captors motives. If we had that, the ending could have felt climactic or important. As it was, the story just ends -- not badly, but without really 'concluding' anything. Y'know? |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 21:24:49 GMT -5
I think it's all about the audience. I do feel like I'm sort of the perfect audience for this style of writing. Going back and reading it a second time (which I just did to give you the above response), it flowed like milk and honey from the promised land. But the first read was definitely not that smooth. Once I had an idea of what the story was all about, I was able to go back and have no trouble with it. That kind of purple prose forces the reader to extract information from the language rather than be given it simply.
It's like seeing (4+5)x(3x2)-(2x2) as opposed to 9x6-4. You have to not only be familiar with the terms (and you snuck in a word that doesn't exist -without me objecting-, so clearly I passed up a word or two without really considering its meaning), but you have to be able to put them into the context of words that come -after- them, or several sentences -before- them, in order to properly understand what's going on.
That requires a little more brainwork than usual.
And when I put up "non-chronological" it confused some folks.
So.
Y'know.
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Jan 24, 2013 21:26:41 GMT -5
Why is my review purple? LOL, I totally made "eczemic" up. If you Google it, the first result that pops up is "Eczemic isn't a real word!" XD Do you mind if I ask, when you say that there's so much more that could be done with the plot, are you speaking generally, or did you actually have a specific idea on what you would have done differently? I'd love to hear it if you do. Because I actually really loved the idea that I came up with but you're right, I probably would have done a bit more if I'd had time. I felt like the tragic irony of his situation could have used a bit more of a highlight than it got. I really just wanted to know more about the captors. Their motives are only barely mentioned. That's all that's necessary for the scene in-and-of-itself to make perfect sense, but for a story as a whole, I would've liked a larger sense of the captors motives. If we had that, the ending could have felt climactic or important. As it was, the story just ends -- not badly, but without really 'concluding' anything. Y'know? That's really interesting, because I thought of the captors as basically incidental. They were a means to an end. I head a -really- general idea on what the larger picture was, but I didn't flesh it out at all. There was probably a war fought between the solipsist minds in the inner system, and the materialist minds in the outer system, with our protagonist belonging to the former, and having been downloaded into a combat body for the occasion. His fancy new body gets hit with a cybernetic weapon or something, and they lock him up in outer space Guantanimo Bay. That's about all I had. I was really more interested in exploring his interpretation of "thirst," specifically. It's cool that you wanted more from it, though ;D I actually considered detailing his capture a little more when I was writing it, but I chose not to. |
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Post by James on Jan 24, 2013 21:28:17 GMT -5
Yeah, it really was. I just didn't have time to write a proper full length story, I'm sorry for that. I'm interested in what you think of the concept of the tatterdemalion itself. I'm considering on using the idea for a proper story later, so I'm interested in what you think of it. Oh yeah, I know. Do you remember whenever someone mentioned urban fantasy years ago, my first response was one of disdain? Younger me was a dumbass. |
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Post by Matteo ((Taed)) on Jan 24, 2013 21:31:16 GMT -5
I think it's all about the audience. I do feel like I'm sort of the perfect audience for this style of writing. Going back and reading it a second time (which I just did to give you the above response), it flowed like milk and honey from the promised land. But the first read was definitely not that smooth. Once I had an idea of what the story was all about, I was able to go back and have no trouble with it. That kind of purple prose forces the reader to extract information from the language rather than be given it simply. It's like seeing (4+5)x(3x2)-(2x2) as opposed to 9x6-4. You have to not only be familiar with the terms (and you snuck in a word that doesn't exist -without me objecting-, so clearly I passed up a word or two without really considering its meaning), but you have to be able to put them into the context of words that come -after- them, or several sentences -before- them, in order to properly understand what's going on. That requires a little more brainwork than usual. And when I put up "non-chronological" it confused some folks. So. Y'know. You should seriously read Hannu Rajaniemi's books. You'd love them. I'm reading The Fractal Prince right now, and I fully acknowledge that I was emulating him when I wrote this piece. The protagonist in my story could -easily- be one of the Sobornost characters in his books. I actually lifted the diamond brain detail directly. |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 21:32:42 GMT -5
I really just wanted to know more about the captors. Their motives are only barely mentioned. That's all that's necessary for the scene in-and-of-itself to make perfect sense, but for a story as a whole, I would've liked a larger sense of the captors motives. If we had that, the ending could have felt climactic or important. As it was, the story just ends -- not badly, but without really 'concluding' anything. Y'know? That's really interesting, because I thought of the captors as basically incidental. They were a means to an end. I head a -really- general idea on what the larger picture was, but I didn't flesh it out at all. There was probably a war fought between the solipsist minds in the inner system, and the materialist minds in the outer system, with our protagonist belonging to the former, and having been downloaded into a combat body for the occasion. His fancy new body gets hit with a cybernetic weapon or something, and they lock him up in outer space Guantanimo Bay. That's about all I had. I was really more interested in exploring his interpretation of "thirst," specifically. It's cool that you wanted more from it, though ;D I actually considered detailing his capture a little more when I was writing it, but I chose not to. Which is honestly probably for the best. If you had, you would've had to have added a lot of transition work to make it fit with the rest of the piece, and the whole thing might've suffered for it. So. My complaint is not really terribly important. But it felt necessary at the same time, if I was going to give you my honest response to it. |
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Post by James on Jan 24, 2013 21:32:55 GMT -5
EDIT: Oh! And can anyone else who read my story comment on their ease of read? Because I'm fully aware that when I lapse into my more gonzo sci-fi style, it can be a bit obtuse. I consider Kaez one of the members most attuned to that style, because he's fairly poetic, and he also has a strong science base, so if he "-obviously-" found it to be a bit of a struggle, I'm really curious to know if it was even readable to everyone else. I enjoy writing in that style a whole lot, but I know it's weird and rambling and demands a lot. Honestly, I think it's a bit too far. I think it becomes a hindrance rather than a help to the story itself. On the other hand, it wasn't impossible to read, you could follow alone just fine, you just couldn't breeze through it, which I wouldn't expect from that type of style. And I agree with Pete, it reads a lot better if you've read it twice. |
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Post by Kaez on Jan 24, 2013 21:39:08 GMT -5
Yeah, it really was. I just didn't have time to write a proper full length story, I'm sorry for that. I'm interested in what you think of the concept of the tatterdemalion itself. I'm considering on using the idea for a proper story later, so I'm interested in what you think of it. Oh, it's -definitely- a cool idea. I'd like to see what could be done in regards to the tatterdemalion having different reactions to different emotions. They can't all just be the same to him. There has to be some subjectivity. That's what peaked my curiosity. He seemed to be drawn into -any feeling at all-, because he was thirsty. But do certain feelings have different reactions? It's a thing you could explore a lot of. Emotions are an aspect of writing that are difficult to overuse unless you're French and write in nothing but dialogue. You should seriously read Hannu Rajaniemi's books. You'd love them. I'm reading The Fractal Prince right now, and I fully acknowledge that I was emulating him when I wrote this piece. The protagonist in my story could -easily- be one of the Sobornost characters in his books. I actually lifted the diamond brain detail directly. Apparently he secured a three-book deal based on solely the first chapter of the prequel to that book. And he has a PhD in Mathematical Physics. ... ...well, yeah, I need to read that, then. |
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