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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2013 21:19:07 GMT -5
Calling this is really, really difficult. They each have their own merits... but I've made my decision. Tie!
No, but really, this was hard, so... here we go.
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Post by James on Jan 31, 2013 21:25:04 GMT -5
I must have of got different stories told to me as a child than you lot.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2013 21:28:05 GMT -5
I must have of got different stories told to me as a child than you lot. Probably. Even now, I kind of want to hand the win to Reffy, but Zovo's entry was something I liked better. But is it because I'm older? But Reffy's didn't really have a "point", per se. It was just a cute story. But, but, but... Blegh. |
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Post by James on Jan 31, 2013 21:31:39 GMT -5
I must have of got different stories told to me as a child than you lot. Probably. Even now, I kind of want to hand the win to Reffy, but Zovo's entry was something I liked better. But is it because I'm older? But Reffy's didn't really have a "point", per se. It was just a cute story. But, but, but... Blegh. I don't know, I liked my way of describing the differences. Reffy's story felt like a children's story a teacher would tell to some young kids. Zovo's felt like something my parents would have read/told to me at bed when I was little. I think they were both children's stories. Just different types. Allya and you seem to think that Zovo's wasn't really a children's story at all, and I can see why, but I just don't think that's right. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2013 21:36:39 GMT -5
Probably. Even now, I kind of want to hand the win to Reffy, but Zovo's entry was something I liked better. But is it because I'm older? But Reffy's didn't really have a "point", per se. It was just a cute story. But, but, but... Blegh. I don't know, I liked my way of describing the differences. Reffy's story felt like a children's story a teacher would tell to some young kids. Zovo's felt like something my parents would have read/told to me at bed when I was little. I think they were both children's stories. Just different types. Allya and you seem to think that Zovo's wasn't really a children's story at all, and I can see why, but I just don't think that's right. Hmm. When I wrote that pony story, you offered some feedback that almost sounds the opposite of that. Yeah, I noted that as I read through the prologue. I mean obviously I can't definitely say anything without knowing you're intended target but I'd make the point that using the right vocabulary is very much a part of the style when it comes to writing for children. Has your opinion changed or was it just the ponies I wrote about that made you say that? Because I felt Zovo's story used a lot of the same language. |
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Post by James on Jan 31, 2013 21:42:54 GMT -5
Has your opinion changed or was it just the ponies I wrote about that made you say that? Because I felt Zovo's story used a lot of the same language. I don't think Zovo's use of language was actually that difficult. I can't compare it to your pony story because, truthfully, I don't remember it. I felt Zovo kept his sentences relatively simple and he may have used "too big words" for children at times, but I don't think they were so hard that a child couldn't work around them. Maybe that was my problem with yours? Also, importantly, the tone of the story is important. Zovo's was a grown-up story for children. And I don't mean that it was for older children. I just mean, it was in the vein of one of those first stories you start reading where the story really starts making you think as well. I think it's acceptable with that tone to also start making kids think about words too. Reffy's story (and your ponies story, maybe?) didn't have that tone. They were different. They were youthful innocence. I don't know. I think children's story is a very, very subjective topic that is heavily influenced on what you were read and told as a child. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2013 22:04:56 GMT -5
I don't know. I think children's story is a very, very subjective topic that is heavily influenced on what you were read and told as a child. I can agree with this. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jan 31, 2013 22:13:39 GMT -5
Alright, I try to avoid self commentary until after the judging is in so now I'll weigh in on my own thoughts.
Firstly, thank you all. Both for the reviews and kind words. Reffy, well done, your adherence to the genre was something I wasn't able to achieve and had me genuinely worried about my chances. Especially following Allya's review.
Second, please forgive any spelling or formatting weirdness here, I'm posting from my phone. Edit: Fixed.
Third, the story itself. I originally worked on something more akin to what Reffy did. Fantastical anthropomorphism and stuff but it just wasn't coming together the way I wanted. So I started thinking about the sorts of stories my mother would tell me when I was a kid, not so much the ones from when when I was a very young child when things more like what Reffy did would be read aloud from books; but instead when I was a bit older and my mother thought it was time to impart some personal wisdom. Though I learned colors and shapes and the cycles of seasons and names of dinosaurs from the former, the really valuable knowledge came from the latter. That's what I was trying to convey, that intimate knowledge that comes only from experience.
So, I scrapped my original idea because it felt disingenuous, like it was deliberately kiddish and lacked a soul. Then I dug into the old memory banks for inspiration. Once I landed on the idea everything came together pretty quickly. Though it felt a bit heavier than I'd intended, it also felt significantly more authentic Zovo. So I went with it.
I tried to keep the descriptions and sentences simple, with varying degrees of success. And anytime I used a bigger word I tried to provide context clues in the form of synonyms, because part of reading, for a child, should be learning and expanding the vocabulary. That's always been part of the adventure to me and I try really hard not to doubt the capabilities or intelligence of my audience; child or otherwise.
I like to think that a child in the nine to elevenish range would get something out of this manner of story, but I might just be blowing my own horn there
I have friends with kids, so I'm thinking to clean this up some and play test it.
Again, thanks guys. It feels good to be writing again, even just something short like this. I'll think up a new topic tonight, perhaps something more enticing this time.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jan 31, 2013 22:17:24 GMT -5
Man that took forever to write. I started when the last post in the thread was Tam's post asking about his pony story. So Agro ninjaed me with almost exactly everything I had in mind when I wrote it.
High five.
Edit: Fixed typos.
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Post by James on Jan 31, 2013 22:21:25 GMT -5
so Afro minded me me almost exactly everything I had in mind when I wrote it. High five. I would high five back but I'm too busy giggling at the mistakes. |
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Jan 31, 2013 22:25:52 GMT -5
so Afro minded me me almost exactly everything I had in mind when I wrote it. High five. I would high five back but I'm too busy giggling at the mistakes. Fucking auto correct. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2013 22:37:55 GMT -5
I would high five back but I'm too busy giggling at the mistakes. Fucking auto correct. |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Feb 1, 2013 2:57:59 GMT -5
Grats Zovo.
Agro and Tam pretty much sounded all of my criticisms on your story so I won't go into it further.
Lol, the author that's good at writing children's stories got beaten at her own game.
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Post by ASGetty ((Zovo)) on Feb 1, 2013 3:06:50 GMT -5
Grats Zovo. Agro and Tam pretty much sounded all of my criticisms on your story so I won't go into it further. Lol, the author that's good at writing children's stories got beaten at her own game. I honestly don't have any criticisms of yours other than "it felt short." But if I imagine it as a fully illustrated childrens book, that seems fine. Again, I was legitimately worried. |
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Post by James on Feb 1, 2013 4:43:17 GMT -5
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't take being beaten in a bad way, Reffy. Your story was really good, and I could honestly easily see it being in a children's book.
It's just, I think Zovo wrote a cracker. And it may have just came down to the fact that apparently we had similar stories given to us as kids.
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