There is no E.S.P in LOVE

[Mr. X]

Hi, I currently found time to continue working on a short play that I started a while ago. I realize it is mostly just bones, and would like to share it with you all.

I am really looking for help and advice on what I can do with or to it.

Thank you.

Man 1 enters the scene, moving to the centre, sitting himself down next to Man 2 who is feeding the birds

Man 1: Feeding the birds?

Man 2: Yes

Man 1: Do you ever run out of bread?

Man 2: Do the birds ever stop being hungry?

Man 1: (turns to face Man 2) I think I may be psychic.

Man 2: (throws more bread to the birds) Are you sure?

Man 1: I constantly hear other voices and thoughts.

Man 2: (turns to meet Man 1’s face) You saw the doctor
yesterday didn’t you?

Man 1: Sometimes I find it is too much. Sometimes what they think is sad...

Man 2: What did the doctor say?

Man 1: ....but sometimes it’s funny....

Man 2: What did he say?

Man 1: .....although most times it is just scary.

Man 2: What did he say?

Man 1: I’m going to go tell Marie I love her.

Man 2: (sighs and goes back to feeding the birds) Didn’t you
guys break up last month.

Man 1: It wasn’t mutual.

Man 2: You haven’t seen her since that, I think that is pretty
mutual by now.

Man 1: That’s not what you think. (looks away from Man 2)

Man 2: Reading my mind now?

Man 1: You think too loudly.

Man 2: What did you doctor say?

Man 1: (gets up and stretches) I really need to get going.

Man 2: What did your doctor say?

Man 1 exits.

Re-enters outside the back of a theatre.
Enter Marie, smoking.

Marie: (surprised) What are you doing here?

Man 1: I have something I need to tell you.

Marie: (begins to hurry off to the left) I don’t have time for this.

Man 1: (runs up to her, stands in her way) Wait, these past few
weeks, I’ve been hearing-

Marie: (interrupts) I was there for you!

Man 1: I’ve been hearing people’s thoughts, I think I may be
psychic.

Marie: Don’t do this! We are over.

Man 1: You don’t believe me?

Marie: You saw your doctor this month didn’t you? What did he
say?

Man 1: You don’t believe I am psychic?

Marie: (sighs) It’s not that I don’t believe you aren’t psychic, it is
that I don’t believe in the “psychic” itself.

Man 1: I know what you are thinking.

Marie: You pushed me away.

Man 1: You don’t really mean what you are thinking.

Marie: I tried to do nothing but help you.

Man 1: Please take that back.

Marie: What did the doctor say?

Man 1 stares at her, refusing to answer

Marie: I am leaving! (storms off stage left as man turns to stage right. She stops herself, thinking)

Man 1: (Stops as she thinks) I love you too.

(Marie looks surprised and turns)
Fade to black

[theredbaron]

Huh... I came into this thinking it wouldn't be that great, only to come here with hardly anything to say. It's a good opening to a play, imo.

Marie's dialogue felt a little contrived to me, but it fit well. And while I also felt that it was a little weird how she wasn't just a bit more averse to talking with him (or was a streotypical stuck-up ex from the get-go), I was actually a little relived to see this wasn't the case.

Funny, sets the mood, intrigued me. I like it. What else you got?

[Mr. X]

Thanks, I feel I have something good here, but I am just stumped on how to add the meat to make it alive!

I hope more come though for advice lol

[theredbaron]

Well, I wish I could help you there, but I ca hardly do that with my own stories, let alone other people's plays.

[Mr. X]

Is it THAT bad guys...

[Faerd ((B'slash))]

I like the general idea of it, and your writing style, but I think it needs more meat and potatoes, so to speak. More specific ideas/comments/critiques to come sometime in the near future, 'cause I'm wiped out.