Causa Sui

[James]

Causa Sui

[/size][/center]

I step out into the brisk spring breeze, my mind vulnerable for a second to the delicious smell of freshly cooked bread, before I steel myself once more. I had already beaten so many pleasures and lovers to reach this far; I refuse to be beaten by such a simple thing as warm bread. Even if it makes my mouth water as I pass by it, my sandals thudding upon the cobble streets.

I wave away my chariot, sending it back towards my palace behind me. If these are to be my final moments on earth, I want them to be within the clean air of the city I have helped to make great. All around people are gathering to see me, to beg for favours or to kiss my feet. I used to find such reverence weak, but now I bathe in it, shroud in the enjoyable sensations. My place within the city is unreachable, and I take comfort in knowing that my decision today will cement me as the most famous of Romans.

I have thought about my course of action for many hours over the past few days, wondering if I have made the right choice. My career, and more importantly my reputation, could reach even higher lengths if I were to live. I could soar with the gods. If further victories could be reached in Darcia, perhaps Persia and even Britannia, then my name would be spoken in whispers across the Empire as a blessing and a curse.

I know it is unlikely though, I think bitterly, my feet carrying me swiftly over a bridge and towards the Senate. My health is failing, my attacks are becoming more severe and numerous, I have even fallen during a procession in my honour. I do not want to be remembered as the Roman who succumbed slowly to a sickness, dragged down to an empty husk of myself. I want my reputation to be of my intellect, my skills, my glorious achievements, and this was the only way to ensure it would be, I reaffirm to myself as I catch sight of the Senate looming larger.

I smile as I feel rice falling around me, people throwing it from the tops of buildings, celebrating my presence. They treat me as a god and perhaps they are not wrong to do so, perhaps I am walking ever closer to being deified. Maybe death will come easily to me, painless and then as my enemies cheer in delight, the gods will pluck my body from the ground and take me to join them, like the Greek Herakles.

I savour the thought, using it to put one foot in front of another as I felt the tiny fingers of fear try and pull me to the ground. I can see my enemies now, little spots in the distance, all awaiting my arrival with murderous intent. O, how it easy it had been to trick them, to play to their ambitions and flaws. A sign of disrespect there, a demotion here, it had been too easy to turn these Senators against a man who only months ago they had been eager to please and ally themselves with. They were so fickle.

“Caesar! Caesar!” a man calls, breaking through my ring of guards and into my presence.

I see several of them step forward, swords drawn to cut down the intruder, but I order them to step down. Eyes are watching us from every direction, eager to see Caesar in action, and I dare not turn down another opportunity to cement my reputation. The man in front of me is small and beady, sweat pouring from every inch of his body, his skin pale and sickly looking.

“What is it, my dear Roman?” I ask, taking hold of the man’s hand and kissing it. If he has a disease, I need not worry. For I am to die as well.

“Caesar, I come not to trouble you with personal burdens, but I wish for you to see this petition for your own safety,” the man said quickly, thrusting a crumpled petition into my hand.

I see swiftly that the man in front of me was not sickly, but in fear of the life of his beloved leader. It is clear that he knows of the plot upon my life, and I must act quickly if my plan is to be saved. Pushing aside the thought of how he learnt of the attack, I take the petition between my fingers and begin to tear it in front of the crowd’s eyes. I cannot be seen to walk willingly into death; I think as the scraps drift in the breeze to the ground, I must be a glorious victim.

“Those petitions that concern Caesar,” I call out into the silence, “will trouble me the least, while those that do not concern me will trouble me the most.”

I smile and wave at the deafening cheer that follows my proclamation, turning back towards the Senate and leaving the small man to fall to his knees in tears. I look over my shoulder to see that two of my guards have plucked the man from the streets, carrying him into the crowd.

I let myself think about the poor citizens of Rome and the pain that they will have to endure after my death. Many will weep, many will struggle to go on, but I have taken necessary precautions to ease their pain and increase their love of me. My will leaves the public with much, and Octavius is waiting to arrive in the city and to avenge my death. The Senators that now greet me with smiles and pleasantries are like lambs for the slaughter.

“Caesar, it is good of you to come,” Cassius says, grabbing one of my arms as Casca takes the other. “We have much to discuss in today’s session.”

“We do,” I agree, allowing these murderers to lead me up the stairs of the Senate. “Guards, leave me now. I need no use of swords, I am amongst friends now.”

I can hardly stand the look of vile satisfaction that crosses Cassius’ face as we step into the building, many Senators already seated or mulling around at the entrance. I notice that a group is forming to my left, every pair of eyes set upon my body. For a moment my courage leaves me, my oldest friend seeking to run from my form, and then he returns, forcing me upright and proud as I see the group rush towards me, daggers high in the air.

“Fall Caesar!” Cassius calls through the commotion, letting go of my arm to reach for his own dagger.

“I am as constant as the northern star,” I say calmly, the line slipping easily from my mouth as I feel the first strike hit me.

I bite down upon my lips, struggling to hold in the mutinious grunts of pain, attempting to stand strong as another dagger slices through my stomach. I will show no weakness to these barbarians, I think as a third blow strikes my thigh. I will stand tall and proud like the glorious leader that I am, I scream within my head defiantly, the fourth, fifth and sixth blow cutting deep into my flesh. As the pain begins to grab me, I take comfort in the fact that with every thrust of a dagger, the legend of Caesar grows stronger.

I feel a strike pierce my chest and I look up, the sight of a remorseful but determined Brutus standing in front of me. His hands are covered in blood and his face pale as he pulls the dagger from my body, a frightful look dashing across his face as he sees my toga turning scarlet.

“Even you, Brutus?” I gasp, Brutus’ eyes widening at being caught. “Then falls Caesar,” I roar more forcefully, outstretching my arms to present even more of a target.

I watch as Brutus falls back into the shadow as the rest of the group rushes forward, metal gliding through the air in quick motions. I can no longer feel the pain, just a dull thumping as more wounds appear across my body, the blood feeling warm against my naked skin. My sight begins to darken, everything losing focus and I can’t help but wonder if I am dying or having another attack of my sickness. Then my legs give way, my body crumpling beneath its own weight and I hit the ground hard, the murderers following me to the floor, their lust for blood too strong to stop. As I feel my spirit being pulled free from my body, my legacy confirmed to be a glorious one, I rattle out three final words from my pierced lungs.

“I am Caesar.”

[James]

Just a little fun short story. I've been meaning to write something like this since watching a documentary on the theory that Caesar plotted his own death. And today, I just sat down to write it, and also decided to go experimental with a first person present tense narrative. Feedback very welcomed, as always.

[Deleted]

Cool story bro.

Nah, I really did enjoy reading this. Kind of reminds me of The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ, or Last Temptation of Christ.

[James]

Aug 23, 2010 21:55:34 GMT -5 @jordoom said:

Kind of reminds me of The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ, or Last Temptation of Christ.

Yeah... this means nothing to me.

[Deleted]

Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Phillip Pullman? Shit was all over the news. Basically, its about two boys, "Jesus" and "Christ." Christ is the scoundrel, spying on his brother, proposing the three satanic questions to him (instead of Satan), etc.

It was actually pretty bad. His Dark Materials was preachy, but it was preachy and good. Not to say your story is bad!!! Lol, but its just a similar theme; planning one's own death, etc.

Last Temptation of Christ, Nikos Kazantzakis, was a novel, later adapted into a movie (directed by Scorsese. David Bowie plays Pilate!) It's a small part of the overall story, but after a vision, Jesus plans with Judas to have himself crucified.

I actually like Last Temptation. Movie wasn't great, but the novel rocked. A lot of religious folk (read: American/evangelical protestants for the most part), were up in arms against it, but it is an interesting concept. I especially love the ending.

SPOILER: Click to show

As he is being crucified, a beautiful young girl (identifies herself as an angel) says that he, Jesus, is NOT the messiah, or God. Just a good man who God was proud of. She tells him, however, that God does not want him to be crucified. She offers to take him down from the cross and he can live a normal life.

Jesus marries Mary Magdalene. They fuck (this got a lot of criticism in Scorsese's movie. William Dafoe playing Jesus getting his freak on.) They have a happy life. Mary dies but the Girl Angel comes back and says it's cool 'cause "all women are Mary." He marries Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus. Keeps having some sex and a normal life.

He comes across Paul at one point in his life. Paul is preaching about the crucified Jesus, the ressurection, etc. The True Gospel, more or less. Jesus tries to tell him it's false, and that HE was the false "Messiah." (More rage from religious folk.) Paul, however, refuses to believe this. (More religious rage; assertion that Paul is a liar and would preach it, anyway.)

Anywho, as he's old and decrepit and on his death bed, Jesus is confronted by Judas who calls him a liar and a traitor (for not being crucified.) It is revealed that the beautiful Girl Angel was, in fact, Satan. She tempted Jesus with a normal, human life, and he failed.

Heart-broken, Old Man Jesus climbs through a burning Jerusalem to Golgotha, and begs God for a second chance.

Immediately, Jesus is back on the cross, those many decades ago. He has overcome the Last Temptation, is crucified, and saves humanity. The end.

Like I said, a solid novel. This kind of conjured images of it, though I wouldn't say they are all too similar besides the idea of an important historical figure planning to die.

[James]

Oh I knew of the Last Temptation of Christ, I've just never read it. And I don't really care for Phillip Pullman's works.

[The Drall]

That was a really well done story, Agro. To be honest, I loved it.

Sure, there were a few spelling errors, and a few grammar errors, but really I don't see the point in correcting them now. Once, near the beginning, I think you may have slipped into past tense, too, but hey, it happens. And that was the only time I think I may have had to reread a passage. So, kudos.

Caesar's thoughts, and his dialogue, were just great. I don't know why, but the line "Those petitions that trouble Caesar, will trouble me the least, while those that do not concern me will trouble me the most," just felt great to me. I think, though, you might've meant to say "Those petitions that concern Caesar" at the beginning, though I can't be sure. I loved the language, too. I guess I'm just a fan of old-styled writing, it always seems to touch me the most, and you seem to be quite adept at using that kind of writing to your advantage.

I don't think I've read anything you've written that hasn't entertained me. Sure, maybe your grammar and spelling need some working on, but obviously you don't care about that, as you've said multiple times, and while at first I didn't understand why, I see the reason for it now. Hell, you're right, it's -not- that important. If I enjoyed the story, who cares if you accidentally misspelled a word? Sometimes I may get confused at a sentence and have to reread it, and generally that's a thing to avoid, but in this story that only happened once.

I have nothing much else to say. I don't know the story of Caesar very well, so I can't make a comment on that, unfortunately. But yeah, wow. Good work here, mate.

[James]

Thanks, Drall.

Although I probably wouldn't say "I don't care about grammar and spelling," I do care about trying to cut down on as many errors as possible. It's just a low priority.

Thanks again!

[Meleta/Isoldaa]

(( Hmmmm... I read it a couple times - really enjoyed it. ))

It's an interesting concept for sure, the idea that Caesar planned his own "murder/suicide" - and I have no problem with the way you used first person here, present tense. The subject and the presentation support it easily.

The one thing I'd like to have seen though, was a good deal more of the man Caesar, versus the man god. I've no doubt Caesar bought into his own "hype" so to speak, but I realized that by the end, I wasn't entirely convinced his character had pulled me in as far as I should be, with such a riveting subject. I had a "head knowledge" of why he was doing what he did that day, but there little sense of the "imperative" there - I mean, this is his death, after all? XD

And it'd have been nice if someone he loved from his personal life (Maybe his first wife Cornelia, or his beloved daughter Julia? Just throwing ideas out there) had crossed his thoughts at some point during this as well.

The "high language" was well done, although since you said you don't prioritize so much for spelling and grammar and word use? XD If you'd like to know, just PM me and I'll share what I have.

Overall, a great story. The part where the citizen tries to warn him? Very well done there, especially using the crowd's own proclivities to help further his scheme unimpeded. That was a masterful twist, there! ))

[James]

Thanks Mel!

I think I liked keeping it impersonal to his loved one, since its a way of showing how single-minded and concerned he was to do with his legacy. I hoped it reflected a sort of tunnel vision.

[Jenny (Reffy)]

(( Doubt there is really going to be much I can say here! I don't know much about history either ... so I cannot really comment that much!

I had already beaten so many pleasures and lovers to reach this far, I refuse to be beaten by such a simple thing as warm bread. <<< This sentence bothers me for some reason. I think instead of a comma I would have used a semi-colon or perhaps made it a new sentence?

For a moment my courage leaves me, my oldest friend seeking to run from my form, and then he returns, forcing me upright and proud as I see the group rush towards me, daggers high in the air. <<< Loved this sentence!

The dialogue was awesome!

Caesar trying to become a God with his own fall and how he did everything to make his legacy stronger ... it was vile and dark but without the sickness. It was merely a man's strides towards his goal. I really appreciated this! ))

[tamwyn]

((“I had already beaten so many pleasures and lovers to reach this far, I refuse to be beaten by such a simple thing as warm bread.”

Semicolon instead of a comma, as the second part can be its own sentence.


“Even if it makes my mouth water as I pass by it, my scandals thudding upon the cobble streets.”

Sandals, not scandals, yeah?


“I used to find such severance weak, but now I bathe in it, shroud in the enjoyable sensations.”

Reverence, not severance, yeah?


“My career, and more importantly my reputation, could reach even higher lengths if I were to live, I could soar with the gods.”

Not sure “I could soar…” should be in the same sentence. Seems like a run-on. I’d separate the sentence there.


“They treat me as a god and perhaps they are not wrong to do so, perhaps I am walking ever closer to being deified, I think.”

Personally, I’d separate this into two sentences at “god”, taking out the “and”. Either way, put a semicolon after “…wrong to do so.” The “I think” part seems a little out of place, as well.


“For I am too die as well.”

Wrong “too”, I believe.


“As I feel my spirit being pulled free from my body, my legacy confirmed to be a glorious one, I rattle out three final words from my pierce lungs.”

Pierced*.


I’ll be completely honest here. At the beginning, I felt almost nothing for the character, despite knowing beforehand that he is Caesar. It started well enough, but I don’t think there was any –hook- to keep me reading. However, as I went on, things started to flow a little bit easier, your grammatical errors falling away for awhile and allowing me to read swiftly. The words of Caesar to the man and those around him were an excellent touch. I honestly can't remember if they are in the play or not, but if they are not, which I am suspicious of, then kudos to you for writing a line of dialogue that seems completely "in-universe", as one might say.

Things start to get tense as we reach the end of the story, familiar players start popping in. Then the emotion ramps up as Caesar follows Cassius, in my gut knowing exactly what was going to happen. I did not expect such an emotional response from what you wrote in those final paragraphs. Sure, I’ve read the play before, but I think this first person take on Caesar really drove home what his death meant.

All in all, I would say you need to work on the first hook at the beginning and your normal grammatical errors. Otherwise, you wrote this really well, Agro. Great job.))