Short Stories/Poems

[Sekot]

Running. Running. Sprinting. Flying over broken ground. Flying so fast, so far, so quick, to find nothing. Nowhere. Never.

Behind...behind the monster, beast with wicked smile. Inhuman smile with teeth, teeth sharp long and twisted. Hand over rubble, comes face, twisting on too long neck. Peering around corner, grinning madman, smiling leviathan. Demon spoken to, whispers promises, broken denied and beaten.

Demons lie. Tricksters. Liar, trickster, demon. Running. Running. Never stopping. Falling. Falling. Never see ground. Space empty and limitless. Close eyes, suck all in, breathe out misery. Intoxicate, extricate limits.

Desire. Deepest limits of human soul. Power Ambition.

Not Body that Enslaves Soul.

Soul Enslaves Body.

Limitless. Endless. Potential.

Soul captured. Slaved to...

Power Ambition Desire. Beast hunting, forever hunting. Running. Never Ending. Hold close, hold and never let go. Careful. Goes Quick.

For that which holds no soul, no definite body, listen to the beat of the music that speaks of the soulless. Feel that pulse of the rhythmic machine. Feel it within and recognize the machine within. Let the body free for just that moment. That moment.

Over thresholds run. Through corridors sprint. Through endless cavernous expanses fly. Free the Body.

Desire deepest basest most human. Desire is the most tangible, the heart. Manipulate Desire, Manipulate Soul, Manipulate Body.

Hear screams, nightmares, dreams, faces hollow, open mouths, eyeless, crying eyes, scared eyes, death. Pain. Agony. Twisted. EMOTION.

Desire is Emotion. The Body Seeks to Release Emotion. Enslaved by Soul.

To sever the Body from the Soul is to release the Body from torment, to let it free to exist side by side with the Soul. But it is too late, the Body is set. Release our children, let them free, and watch them bloom.

Hear that music, that pounding beat. Close your eyes and watch you float to nothingess, emptiness. Eternity. Closest we can come to release the Body. Gateway to Desire, that Core of Human Being. We are the Desiring Animal. We have manipulated our Souls to enslave our own Body. Collectively. Unavoidable.

Wind through the words, through intelligibility and find the tangible. Wind through the abstract, the false reality, and find your own truth. Collapse through and escape into.

I seek for you follow me. To find your monster. To never stop running. Together we shall seek eternity, we shall seek to free our Body.

Just...never look back. Never look back and see that face, that haunting nightmare that is hot on heels. That breathes down neck. Chains rattle, locks click. Hear the shouts, hear the moans, those still captured.

Together. Together we will run. We will sprint. We will fly.

[Sekot]

I have become insane. Finger to the head, gun to my skull, bang bang bang.

Close my eyes, just type out the soul. Type out the words total freedom of conscience. This will be incoherenet such freeform such freedom. My musi c is blaring my life is free. So quiet so loud so whatever.

Beat beat beat beat beat beat beat hear it feel it deep within my chest pouding through me around me over me around me. I am in it within it over it. I am running over hills through foresstt throuhg trees between lives.

Embrace insanity hold onto something for nothing was ever there. I live in a world of intagibiligty and uninitelligibily. I live and exist in lies. I was shaped by nonexistence.

My desire stretches over everything, my wish is to live to free to die. I have given up the last hope of the damned. I have given up to seek sanity to seek my way out of this darkness this endlesss pit that I constnatly fall into.

I seek an end. I seek the end. I seek nothing. LIES> Always lies. Ever lies. Still thinking awlways thinking. Hear the beat the msuic as it takes me frees me calls me. My mind is lied to. But now I have reality. I have my own. My own reality. My own existence.

I deal in words unkownable. Abstract. Confusing. Unspeakable. I cannot tell of the world I livei n for it is rampant with dreams. Nightmares. Realitiy. Realities.

I amake no sense. I seek to make no sense. I seek to play to grow and to throw everything you t the window. To break the world and reshape it or just to leave it.

Yp abnd over through and around in front behind u and down. Circle square everywhere. Hear me. Run.

Darkness holsd me. What is this fascination with the light. this purity. I laugh. I laugh at norms. I laugh at the world. for it has made me inane.aken a puase a long puase.

this world that has made me, manufactured me. I am a component and I sekk to end that. To reak free. Radical to break the endless bind.

Let loose let go. Never holdo n. Fall free run forever. I speak incircles in half truths and outright lies. I speak no truths and I always lie. Everything I say is a lie, no truth will com efrom me.

Gun to my head soak up the last bits I need to help I seek no help. It returned to me and I know it well. I will alugh at it meet it see it embraceit and destroy it.

Hear it ramp up. Feel the heart began to race faster. Beat beat beat eat beat. Feel it in the fingers in the arms in the skull. My whole body moves with it is is t. Satisfied. Have I written myself dry? Have I reached the satiation? Can i let myself go for now >

I am a slave o my own soul.

[Sekot]

Have you felt the clamoring within the soul? The pounding of the chest, the beating of hearts and the rush of a thousand throats screaming in pure ecstasy?

Watch it come, the wall of teeth and knives and dripping blood. Watch as it rises from the burning, raging mire. It collapses to obliterate all that which lies beneath it. Smoke and ash and dust and cries rise upward around the raining destruction.

One man leaves, head split open with a hundred blades poking out of blood stained flesh. Fire wraps around him, it moves to his spastic twitching fingers. His eyes are wild, lolling in every direction separate from one another.

I watch him come. I see him grasping for me. The mouth hangs open, the tongue is missing and nothing but air escapes his parched throat. I can see his brains dripping from the gaping wound, his eyes bugging nearly out of their sockets.

He steps forward and I take his outstretched hand. I hold it tight, feel his grip tightening like iron around my own. His skin is icy to the touch, his breath reeks. But I do not, cannot pull away.

I lean forward and wrap my arms around him, hold him close. This miserable man, this impossible monster. The fire rages around us, encapsulates us. The walls erect themselves around our center. I can feel his apprehension, his distaste.

I hold him close and refuse to let go. He twitches, pulls away, howls in my ear. But I hold on tight. Thrashing, buckling, falling and jumping. I will never let him go.

In his howl I can hear his voice, that distant twang of spoken word that only I can hear, only I can understand. I hold him closer. His flesh burns me, it is too cold. My own flesh is becoming stained with blood. My own. His. It doesn't matter. I won't release him.

In his voice I can hear him plead. That voice is a crying pain for attention, to be heard, to be felt. He hates this touch, he gnashes at me, bites me. I am the only one who can hear him and he knows it. He recognizes me and hates me all the more for it.

The walls, they are closing in. Knives and blood. They inch closer by the second. I can see them through the smoke of the burning flesh and raging fire. The voice comes again, crying aloud I answer it.

"I am here."

"I will always be here."

The voice stops, he stops moving, and the walls cease their impending meet. I hold him close, I can feel his heart beat against mine. Slower....slower....slow.

I tell him the words he has never heard. And with each spoken he thrashes. I speak to him in his own tongue, to let him know that I understand him. He hates me, burns me, bites me. But the walls come no closer. The flames lose their shine.

I feel wetness on my cheeks and recognize that these are my tears. I am crying for him. I know his tragedy, his painful story.

I heard his call.
I saw his arrival.
I waited for him
with open arms.

I embraced him
where others shunned.
I held him
where others abused.
I told him
what others never would.

Together
we are.
Forever
shall we be.

He pulls away and I release my grip. I see him for what he is. But a small boy with eyes that speak of an age far too old. I smile at him, but he turns away. I call out to him, a phrase he knows well.

The boy does not turn back but disappears. I take solace that I will see him again. He will come again and I will be here. Just for him. Again and again he will return. And I will always be here.

I will be the only one here. But I will be here.

[Sekot]

I find myself standing above the open grave, looking in. Shovel is in my hand, a pile of dirt next to me feet. It is unmarked, no tombstone to detail this person's life deeds.

The pitiful, contorted face of my victim stares up at me from his laid out position at the bottom of this hole. The jaw is wrenched open in a primal scream of pain and terror. Liar. Told me words I wanted to hear, told me everything I ever wanted, and lied.

Who's laughing now?

How sad, how pathetic is it to want only the touch of a hand to caress your cheek? To want something as simple as an embrace?

How many times have I heard the empty rhetoric of unconditional love? How many times have I seen the sight of two people enamored with one another?

I know these to be lies. All of them. For that is the only way for me to rationalize my world. To believe they are lies. I recognize that little of what I have written here is coherent. I am of the insane, the not normal.

I punch my wall, feel my fingers crack and the plaster give way. I drop my jaw and bare my teeth, letting forth a terrible scream of bitter hatred for everything around me. I am possessed by the very being within that I have created.

One week. One entire week I have seen him and him. Together. Smiling. Laughing. I want to tear them apart. I want to destroy everything they have together. I want....everything.

This jealousy within me, this envy and wrath boils inside until I can contain it no more. My heart cries aloud under the stress. I look at them like an animal. I am threatened by them, unsure of what I am observing. I have become instinctual. Unable to interact on a basic level.

He lied to me. I could see it in his eyes. I never should have asked. Raincheck? Hahahhahahahah don't hold my breath. A lie for a lie. Time to sever and distance. Because I want. All I want. Continuously I want. Where is this coming from? Where is this greed springing from?

Endless, unfathomable.

I searched for that spot to hold, I searched for he who told me he would wait for me. Liar. Not here, not now. He lied.

I am constantly circling myself, weapons born in hands tense. Prepare the battle, start the war. The fire of our wrath floats above us, and Oblivion awaits beneath us.

What I see is not what others see. I see the dark, bottomless eyes of the damned. I see the smile of a liar, a trickster. I see the mask that is cracked.

They don't see it. They will never see it. And I do not know why. Those who come close, I must destroy. They can never guess, never reveal that part within me. Because then I will be undone.

Then I will have nothing left but to rely on them.

But they are liars. I will be tricked. Such is my constant fear that has proven to be nothing but correct.

I wish to destroy, to ravage. Fire extends from my shoulders, wraps its way around my arms and down to my hands like whips. Oblivion looms behind me, swallowing the world.

Lied to. Tricked. Manipulated. You put yourself in this place, you have only yourself to blame. I am a slave to my own mind. Get me out of here, let me free. I no longer wish to see. To hear. To be.

I write so that I can understand. But I find the understanding eluding me. I find myself further than where I was not five minutes ago.

It will never happen. It was always a lie. Feed off your energy, consume yourself. Hurt yourself to gain a meager amount back, and then repeat. Again and again. Do it. I dare you.

I just want to look in my mirror and scream, to hate myself. But him and him are here. I am trapped within my own room and there is no one. Not one available to save me. To save me from myself.

I am afraid to live alone. I am afraid of what I will become. More walls. More maze to force them through. I will discover them. I will wait for them. But they never will.

[Sekot]

It was like looking through falling water. There was an invisible line drawn through the sand, a shimmering invisible wall splitting the two realities. It was just a dark mass, a mess trying desperately to define itself. And it was coming closer, closer to the wall. It stopped just before it, one giant dark mass.

The shimmer, invisible water parted and a gloved hand began to extend through the tear. The fingers were slender, crooked, reaching. Then came a boot, masculine and leather. A cloud of dust rose up around the heel as it smashed itself into the dry ground.

It came bursting through, the air shaking with the exerted effort of crossing dimensions. It was dressed in dark leather from head to toe, layers upon layers. It reached up one hand and pulled back the heavy hood that blocked the high sun's light. It was the craggy face of a man who had seen many battles. Strong jaw, hard stare under brooding brow, bushy eyebrows and flat nose. He smiled to reveal a mouth with many missing teeth.

The soldiers watched him appear, their weapons raised. They were unsure, wary of what they had just witnessed. They had heard the tales, heard of dimensions and realities, but they never saw it first hand. And here he was, this hulking behemoth of a man, standing before them in gear they had never seen outside of history text books. Their own armor glistened under the light, their rifles were polished and of the highest caliber.

And they outnumbered him, thirty to one. But still they shook where they stood. The man craned his head from side to side, looking them all up and down like a buyer assessing a choice piece of meat.

It was subtle. They didn't feel it until it was too late. It had starting as a slight buzzing that had began once the shimmering wall had appeared. It had grown and grown until it was no longer ignorable, but none knew from whence it came. Then their bodies felt heavy, the air felt constricting, and they shuffled their feet to regain balance.

The Other Man raised his hands as if welcoming them in an embrace. The buzzing became a terrible hum that shook their bones. A few collapsed onto their knees, the pressure building on their shoulders. The man laughed, a great hearty chuckle. He closed his open hands into tight fists, the leather creaking in his palm.

A crater opened where the soldiers stood. Every last piece of mass that existed within the area imploded onto a single point. Every soldier attempted to scream but their was taken from their lungs. Some attempted to fire their weapons but the rifles had been reduced to cubes of metal. Gravity itself had forsaken them.

* * * *

A cloud of ash and smoke began to collect before her face. Startled, she tried to bat it away with her hand, but the smoke would not dissipate. It would surround her hand and then return to its normal place. Confused, she placed her hand within the midst of it and kept it there. The air within that cloud was cold, colder than it had any right to be with a candle directly below it.

Suddenly she felt pain and she withdrew her hand. Several tiny red marks began to appear as blood collected just below the skin. Her hand burned, as pricked by a hundred needles. The cloud began to move toward her injured appendage, floating impossibly like an amoeba.

She cried aloud and backed up, nearly toppling over a chair she had forgotten was behind her. The cloud of smoke was growing, larger and larger until it was the size of a human. She screamed and scrambled to leave the room, but the smoke was faster and placed itself between her and her exit.

It took definite shape, collecting itself into a muscled mass. It was the body of a man, strengthened from years of weight training. But the face was out of place, far too feminine with slender jaw and manicured brows and dark make up. The two eyes that were last to appear were grey and stormy, but powerful and bottomless. She felt captivated, breathless, unable to look away.

He pressed himself up against her, and her nostrils flared as she took in his scent. Her knees buckled but she stood tall. "What...what are..."

He smiled at her and she found herself speechless. She placed a hand against his chest and felt his pounding heart. It was electrifying, intensely resonating with her own. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against her ear and gently whispered a few words.

It was like an orchestra, she found herself transfixed by those words. Unwilling was she to deny him anything.

The door swung open and in came a man. The husband dressed in clothing of state. Shocked, he hesitated, unsure of what he was seeing. A gorgeous woman was pressed up against his wife. She was unclothed, lithe and beautiful. She appeared radiant under the warm lighting of the bedroom.

She turned her head to look at him, her long hair falling away from her face. He was startled, taken aback for but a second. Her jaw was strong, her brow heavy, but the eyes. The eyes spoke to him of lust. A hunger for him. He couldn't resist that stare.

Together the man and wife took the newcomer to bed. Together they engaged zir. Together they had their souls taken by a kiss. Ze stood from the bed, looking down upon the pair as they lay twisted in an embarrassing position. Ze smiled and turned, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

[Sekot]

Breathless, quick, silent, he glided over the earth. His feet hardly touched as he propelled himself along. Sprinting like the wind, faster than the wind, he felt no resistance. He knew his target, his prey. He could feel the heartbeat, smell the particular scent, from yards away. No one saw him, none took notice. They merely felt a breeze at his passing.

It was done, he stopped moving and stood. He turned and looked behind him at the great walls of stone that divided him from the city within. He could not hear the shouts he knew were spoken. He did not see the lifeless corpse he knew lay in the street with a growing pool of blood emanating from the wounded neck.

He lifted a gloved hand and pulled back the cloth that covered his mouth. He took in a few deep breaths of the salty, dry air. He smiled, a job well done. Readjusting his goggles and replacing his covering, he disappeared over the ridge.

* * * *

He rotated the blade in his hand, checking it for any sign of wear. Which was difficult given that the blade was black and the light of the fire was too meager to see much of anything. He ran his thumb along the edge to check for any nicks and found none. Satisfied, he replaced the blade in the sack, next to a myriad assortment of other wicked weapons.

A twig snapped around his makeshift camp. He didn't bother to rise. Calmly he packed his things back into a larger sack and tightened the opening. "You can come out," he said into the darkness.

An armored figure appeared from around a thick trunk of a nearby tree and nodded briefly. "Elizabeth," he said in curt greeting.

"Gregor," she said back, removing her helmet.

"Long time no see," Gregor said while picking up the bird that was roasting over the fire.

Elizabeth didn't respond, instead she just sat down on the opposite side of the camp and began to remove her armor. Gregor watched her as he began to gnaw on the piece of meat. It tasted incredibly bland, with a slight hint of vile. But it was the only thing close to edible on this miserable world. "Where's Mike?"

Elizabeth looked at him before returning to cleaning her weapon. "Somewhere out there."

Gregor smiled and shook his head. "Always out of sight."

"Until you piss him off," she muttered.

"You look like hell," he said through a mouth half full with food.

"I feel like hell."

"What happened?"

"Came face to face with a pack of gremlungs and magim."

Gregor paused, juices dribbling out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Powerful magim too. I think it may have been one of Them."

Elizabeth raised her gaze and stared directly over the fire at Gregor. He stared back, suddenly grateful it was her and not him who had had that meeting. "You sure?"

"I've heard the stories. The stench was unmistakable."

"Then how are you still alive?"

"It said...I was to be a witness."

"To what?"

Her expression shifted from fatigue to fury. "How the fuck should I know?!"

Gregor lowered his gaze and resumed chewing. "Where was Mike?"

"Asleep for all I know. Off watching you maybe. I apparently do a shitty job of blending in."

"Are you going to tell the Grand General this?"

"No."

Gregor was about to protest but there was a hardness to his partner's jaw that kept him silent. "Fine."

The two resumed their duties in silence. Night became day and together they destroyed any trace of their existence and set off to the rendezvous point to leave.

[Sekot]

Let me see just how much unbridled fury I can pour into this post, how much fire burns within me. I wish to tear apart the world, to render it lifeless, to desecrate its corpse, to bring it back to life, and to annihilate it.

My arms shake, my eyes burn, my jaw is clenched. Such anger such fury I cannot put into words this torrential burning fire that swirls about me, that consumes me.

He was supposed to be waiting for me, but he wasn't there.

He was taken by the wall of many teeth. He wasn't able to be there for me when I needed him most. Fuck you. Fuck what you told me. You are a liar. You are a betrayer.

Three parted from the group of seven, three left two but good friends and one enemy. They left, and I could see it in their eyes, their body. What causes this monster to rise up within me? What causes this raging inferno to assemble as I gaze upon their forms?

Is it jealousy? Is it betrayal? Is it anger? Yes, it is all of these and more.

I watched them go, not a word given to me or other companions. I watched them go, and I knew Hate. This Hate that consumes me, takes me, enthralls me. The enemy has not made himself known, he hides, he hides but I see him and know him.

He has taken these two who were supposed to be mine. I was meant to have them. They told me they were to have me. We were to share. And I was denied. By all three.

A blow, a strike to my chest. I cannot help but falter and question my existence. The endless tide of pure rage falls upon myself, the unwieldy bearer, and I am crushed under its terrifying majesty. I hate myself for not saying anything. For not being attractive enough. For not being desirable.

I hate them for denying me, for saying one thing then doing another. I hate them for leaving me. I hate them for doing what so many others have done before.

And so now I must question their existence, their very being. I must question my own, what it means to be.

Friend is a term I do not use lightly and now I must wonder if I should use it at all. Such bitterness, such sorrow that sits within me, seeking to make itself known through writing.

What have I done to be denied this way?

I watch them go, and my heart yearns. He knows, the one I live with, he knows about me and the other friend. He knows and yet he still goes. The other friend knows about me and him and yet he still goes. And I hear nothing from them.

Nothing. I am denied. I am lifeless nonexistence. What point is there to my being? What point is there to me living?

I haven't harbored such thoughts in a time, but now they return. With all the non rational anger behind them.

I want to destroy, I want to tell my roommate and his boyfriend of the meeting, of the eyes and body and lust. I want to destroy them, I want to watch them burn. I want to tear apart the useless Fantasy they have created for themselves, this ridiculous Imaginary they reside in.

I want them to know the Real, this insane dimension that I inhabit.

How can it be that you will run off when you have someone waiting for you? How can it be that you would seek your own interests when you have the love of one?

From the outside I look in and wonder. I have naught these things and I cannot understand why. What I crave the most in the world this person has, and he throws it away on a whim.

I was put in a position to lie, to be dragged into the Imaginary to reinforce its existence. Thankfully I had to take no part.

For they returned to home without me. He left me twice. I see his shoes, I know he returned. He was supposed to be with me and we were supposed to return together, and I was left.

I was told nothing.

Twice I was abandoned. Forgotten. Left behind.

And the Imaginary of the relationship is not called into question. It continues to exist because the Real is insanity, Reality is a terrible place they do not wish to dream.

I sit here and watch as my own life is lifeless. I have, but I do not. It is that middle ground, that limbo, I am a zombie.

At this point I should be free from anger, allowed to release myself into sleep. But I can call it forth again and again.

How jealous am I?

How hurt am I?

I believe I can piece together the pieces of the Self, that I can create a picture of my Self. And then it falls apart, and I am left to look at the shattered dreamland of my existence and wonder if I should even bother.

There is nothing here but a zombie.

I must once again reassess what it means to be friend. And I know I will not like the result.

[Sekot]

Sekot stood, head bowed. Surrounded by faceless soldiers, armored in their scientific majesty. They held raised weapons, reminiscent of a past event. However, now they wasted little time in opening fire. Green, white, and red bolts of pure energy intersected on the one they called magim.

He smiled, revealing a mouth filled with gaps and rotting teeth. Lifting his head, Sekot's eyeless sockets suddenly flared red. Twin wings of bone snapped free from his spine and rose to full length. Each bolt of energy seared itself into his flesh, opening holes into his dark cloak. The stench of death and burning decay filled the air.

He cackled, a breathless throaty laugh that sounded like nails on chalkboard. One soldier faltered, and he was the one Sekot targeted. He launched into a flurry of motion. His hand was pressed against the soldier's chest and then passed clean through. The necromancer grasped the soldier's backside and threw him against the nearest wall. The wall itself crumbled, a bloody stain upon the many stones.

He turned, his jaw dropping and a deep, thronging howl echoing from his throat. It rose in pitch until it became a terrifying scream that the soldiers could hear even through sound dampening helmets. They increased their rate of fire, but Sekot merely stood under the maelstrom. His cloak billowed in tattered pieces. His own blackened flesh exposed to reveal many bones.

Upon all fours he charged his next target, the bony wings collapsing into six bone whips. He tore through two soldiers as he passed, leaping upon the first one and bringing him forcefully to the ground. A set of devastating punches were delivered to the soldier's head, crumpling the helmet and reducing the insides to pulp.

He turned, his eyes still alight in raging fury. Slowly he rose to his full height and extended his arms. The six whips wrapped themselves around his arms, the bones there collecting. Soon all that was left was but a skull upon a spine. The arms had become two long extensions, thrashing wildly. They sliced through two soldiers, caught two more and decapitated them.

Demolished, the remaining few dropped their weapons and ran. Sekot watched them go, his lips still pulled back as far as they could go. He looked up, two hawks were coming in fast. Their twin blades spinning at such speeds to look like one complete circle.

Anger consumed him. He roared up at them as they descended. They fired rockets, and fire rushed up to meet them. Sekot, caught in the explosion, thrusted his toes into the cement street to keep his balance. Deftly he caught two rockets, only to throw them back at the hawks as they hovered. One connected, exploding in fragments of metal and fire.

Sekot wasted little time in leaping upward, catching onto the cockpit with the rejuvenated whip-tails. He climbed onto the glass and looked in at the horrified faces of the pilots who desperately attempted to get him off. But he was too tightly held.

His face smashed through the glass, his teeth closed on the pilot's throat, and he bit down. Blood spattered the insides, the scream was cut short. Te hawk itself began to spin wildly out of control. Leaping free, Sekot hit the ground hard enough to crack it. The hawk exploded once it touched ground, a great plume of smoke rising up behind the necromancer.

As he stood, Sekot looked toward the city of many lights and cracked his fingers. Darkness wrapped itself around him, and a cloak covered his charred remains. He retracted the many whips and ducked into a nearby alley.

[Sekot]

The stage was set, the crimson curtains drawn, darkness impenetrable. Before the stage the floor was filled with dancing patrons dressed in finery black as the night. They twirled about in an endless waltz, the music coming from nowhere and everywhere.

Adorned upon their faces were masks of silver. Gleaming smiles were painted grotesquely over the surface, the only visible example of almost-human. Each pair stared into each others' masks, their eyes hidden by dark circles.

Lights flickered, snapped open, and the stage was alit under orange and yellow glow. The curtains slowly began to pull away, revealing a womanly frame adorned in fiery red dress that extended several feet behind her. She too wore a silver mask that wrapped entirely around her head.

She took a step, the music stopped. She took another, the dancers ceased their dance and turned their heads to her in unison. Several steps she took, her heels clicking loudly against the hard floor of the stage. She stopped at the very edge, her shoulders thrown back, hands clenched in tight fists.

She bowed her head, and with one hand reached up to her mask. Her slender fingers lightly touched the surface and the silver glowed underneath the tips. The hall was silent, not a breath was whispered.

Suddenly she straightened, the mask falling away from her face. There was a collective gasp from the observers as they looked upon the face under the mask. The face of a man.

Fire wrapped itself around his body, reaching upward to the ceiling in a towering inferno. Everyone shielded their eyes from the intensity of the blaze. But it quickly died as quickly as it appeared, leaving the man standing where he had been before. The red dress was gone, replaced by a black tuxedo, much like what those below him were dressed in.

However, his face was adorned with scattered cosmetics. Red paint was caked across his eyes, extending upward to his temples. Black paint was smeared across his lips, smeared up his cheek. He smiled to reveal white teeth that stood out starkly against the back blackdrop. It appeared as if his face was covered in the blood of a hapless victim.

Throwing his arms out wide, the man on the stage lifted his head to the ceiling. In one singular voice, the crowd roared up at him in anger, surging forward as if to take the very stage. The man lowered his gaze, watched them come, and merely laughed at them. Mocked them. Urged them.

And in the blink of an eye he was gone.

But the crowd was still ensconced. Without a target they turned upon one another, tearing apart each their masks and those closest. Beneath their masks were twisted faces, eyes wide with animal lust and hunger. From the rafters, the man from the stage looked down upon them, and laughed once more.

[Sekot]

I seek to be alive
to release the animal
the monster within.
To write the
abstract into concrete.
To craft words from thoughts
heavy.

To slice through muscle
flesh and bone.
To bring ruin and to bring
redemption.
I am conflicted
but not so poorly as before.
There is anxiety,
a feeling
a rush that sits in my chest.

I seek to write.
But I cannot make words from thoughts.
Even this has no cadence no thought
no feeling.
It is empty and this is the problem
the inner chaos.

It is impossible to put into words
this feeling.
It is impossible to make real.
to make understandable.

I seek life through music
but find it droll. I seek life
through art
but find myself lacking.

What is it I want?
Right now
right here.

To move to bend to twist and shake.
To dance to let myself free.
I taste, I urge, I hunger.
Such thoughts to express that exist
in abstract is maddening.
Freedom.
Let me free.

Fist raised, fist crash down
crush the ground. Let loose
the power swirling
like torrential
hurricane.
A thoughtstorm,
a blinding
terrifying
destructive force
of impossibility
of intelligibility.

To let loose this storm
out of the imaginary
would be to bring
insanity. It is inexpressable.
Unknowable.

I could explain
I could teach
I could show
but then I too would be lost.

Within my grasp, I can feel it
see it
taste it.
But so far.
This wall that separates
invisibly
is what I must destroy.
Subvert.
Transgress.

Open the heart,
open the body
release me from
captivity of the mind.
That which bars me
holds me
keeps these words from being written.

I could ramble. I could write in even more abstract terms. I could set down upon the page such nonsense to confuse the writer. I find myself at peace, but agitated, confused and enlightened. I am hungry to seek the proper phrase, the proper state of being. But I find myself moving between these bodies, taking bits and pieces and never forming the whole.

No longer can I speak in words plain. No longer can I paint the picture of simplicity. There are words within words, stories within stories. Circles upon circles upon circles. Repetition, repeat, perform, to become truth from lie.

I speak to the debaucherous, the hedonist. I say to enjoy until that traumatic point. To surpass that point and taste it all. To surpass ruin and insanity and unbelievability.

Solitary journey, solitary life, I seek companions but none must follow. Down this rabbit hole, down the ladder of my own making. Crumble between my fingers.

I want to draw the picture, to release from my mind the images I so seek to put upon paper. To reveal the chaotic tumbling of formless beings waging constant conflict. To let others enjoy the spectacle, the exhilarating sight of such devastating clash.

But I will have to be content with this, this unreadable mess. This reflexive writing that feeds into my very anxiety.

Maybe I'll go watch a movie.

[Sekot]

I felt his body pressed against mine, my back against his chest. His arms were wrapped around me, lazily, dangling. I ran a finger up his forearm and back down, delighting in the fuzziness of the hairs and the smoothness of the skin.

I could feel his chest as it rose and fell with each intake of breath, the air spilling out of his nose. My fingers reached up to his, entangled themselves into each other. My thumb caressed his in a gesture I reserved for few.

I know touch. It is the greatest of sensations. To be up against another person, to have them pressed against you. It is a sharing of feeling inexpressible through words. It is a closeness few are allowed to share. I have felt the damaging touch, that which strips you of love and reveals only the absence. And the knowledge of the loving touch is overwhelming.

This is what I want, to share this knowledge, to have it be shared with me. No walls need be built, nothing to be hidden. No lies made.

This picture? Do you see it?

Watch as it burns away, as it is lit aflame. The ashes blow away with the breeze, whisked away by some cruel force.

And I am left standing. My hands are in my pockets, my shoulders hunched. The wind is cold, I can see my breath. Such is this existence, for what its worth.

I know that I cannot stop, that I must keep pushing forward through this bitter land of ice and snow. There is no other option, no choice left to me. It seems so easy for others, to watch them like an outsider through a colored glass. I wonder if they are as damaged as I. If I have just been unable to overcome this hurdle.

I know what they have to be temporary, an elaborate performance built upon lies, but I want it all the same. Will I be happy then? Will I finally stop my bitching?

Will I be able to share my inner self? This being that sits upon these virtual pages. None know the true self, the true child that sits at the center of the labyrinth. This lonely child who sits in a corner, able to see all but invisible to them.

All I can do is keep moving, wandering through this endless journey. I nod my head, knowing this to be case. My footprints are long, stretching behind me through deep snow for miles. Maybe someone will see them, come looking. But for now I cannot stop.

[Sekot]

He turned to look at me. I recognized the look in his eyes. That smile of his. There was no saving me now. There was hell to be paid.

He came at me, as if through flight. His arm outstretched, hand wrapped around my throat. Thrown backward, I was saved by the wall which crumbled against me, around me. Choking, coughing, covered in dust. I struggled under his grip, sought to breathe. He wouldn't let me.

He raised my head and brought it down. Stars littered my view. Pain shot through my skull like fire. I couldn't think, couldn't move.

"How dare you..."

It was a whisper in my ear, and I felt myself go cold. These words, spoken so plainly were like acid to the touch. I felt the burn as it surrounded me, ate me, took me.

"How dare you let them see this place."

I thought....

"Never."

It was good. I good idea. The best idea. We were all sharing...

"Never."

My head was raised once more and once again I felt it smash into whatever hard substance was there to stop it. I coughed once more, I could feel something wet and sticky on the back of my skull which throbbed with my beating pulse.

"You let them see me."

Who knew such a frail little thing could be so strong.

"I was to remain hidden. They needed not know."

Thrown. This light feeling, effortless, floating. But the wall came too quickly. Broke my fall, brought me to earth. I wanted to say I'm sorry.

But he was there. Always there. Too fast. Unreal. "Shared too much."

Now I cannot trust them.

Once you have seen this inner place, this inner self, you cannot be trusted.

They know the code, the way to the heart. Strike hard, strike fast. And all will be over. All will be laid bare. Empty and lifeless. Shell. Husk.

Automoton. One great big play. A mask filled affair filled with empty words and hidden meanings.

I looked up at my assailant and knew his gaze. Presence terrifying, gravity unknown. I must be punished for the transgression. The pulling away of the curtain, the removal of the mask.

I was told to be honest and was laid bare. Now I feel vulnerable, open to that cold wind that blows across this empty plain. I look for them, but they will not come. They have what they want, what they needed. Now run, run far. Run before I find you, before I remove you.

None shall know of this inner place, this small cage. None must know for his safety. None must know for his right to be.

[Sekot]

I looked into the mirror and gazed upon the face I saw there. Both my own and Other, I did not take ownership of it. The eyes were empty, glossy, sunken, surrounded by purple and blue. The nose was bent, the lips split. Blood dripped from the brow, trickled from the temple, and poured from the nostrils. The teeth were bared, gritted in what could only be a look of pain.

I stared at this monster, at this inhuman thing, and wondered what did it. What caused this creation to exist? Such existential questions are all I have to offer it.

Each time I look into its eyes, I am swallowed by them. I am lifted from my feet and enveloped within the world they see. Fear. Anger. Loathing. Want. Empty. Such an onslaught, I cannot look into them long. It pains me to look away but I must. I turned my head, cast down my eyes and stared at the sink below.

But I knew his presence to still be there, to still be staring into me. Everywhere I looked, incapable. Impossible.

I looked back into the mirror, raised my head with hesitation, and looked back at him. I know not what it is, that forces me to do this. Slowly I raised my hand to the glass, placed my palm flat against it. It was warm, impossibly so, the reflection within heating it. I can see it grimace, pull away from my outstretched hand. Like an animal spent too long in a cage.

[Sekot]

Through fire
through blood
I run.
I seek to end
this pitiful
construction.

I am the
Son of the
Morning.

Such wrath
such burning
utter
desire
to set myself
free of this
abominable
cage.

Chained against
the icy
wall
I jump
I scream
I foam
to be set free.

As the flames
wrap themselves
around me
I ascend
transcend the mortal coil.

I am god
I am demon
I am unstoppable
unendable
Forever.

Eternal.

Try to stop me.

You who shall read
these words.
Shake and tremble.
I shall
tear
you from from
your perch.

I shall
eviscerate
all that you love.

I shall end you.

All because you helped me.

I must destroy you.

I must obliterate you.

I must introduce you to oblivion.

You see demon. I say you see apparition. Not red, not horned. But black. Blacker than the endless abyss which swallows me whole. Can you taste it? Can you hear it?

This is for you. All of it. I will destroy you. Rip you apart. Tear you to pieces. I know you. I am the serpent that slips past, the surrounding enemy.

I've taken this body. This soul is held captive. It is mine and you will not have it. You challenged me. You sought to keep me hidden. This foolish body sought to be free.

Can you hear me
I seek forgiveness
I seek emptiness
I seek freedom.
Please.
Please.
Please.
I was lost upon
this ragged path.
I sought to wander
and was left
beaten
and broken.
He has come for me.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot see.

Mine. It is all mine. Every last one of the deadly sins exists at this point, this juncture in time. I existed throughout space, I sought to control. I find this body, derelict. And I will capture it.

Blackened skull sits upon tortured body. Lifeless. Nonexistent. Such torture displayed, such avaricious smile. Broken, lifeless puppet. I will consume. Can you see the light? That which sits behind lifeless eyes that consumes from inside out.

THIS BODY IS MINE.

This body which sought you out. I now declare war. Try to eradicate me. You pathetic old crone. You call me young. You call me not an adult. I say what does it mean to be adult? What is maturity? Is this your definition? Such clarity of mind to exist above others?

To escape the world you live in? To live apart and alone and secluded because you were too weak to help others? To come up with some grand design that can help the world?

You who sit in the ivory tower, who spits platitudes and useless phrases. Know this: I will end you.

Can you hear it? Can you feel it?

This grin that finds itself on my face. This greedy glare. Such hate to be spilled into words cannot exist on this ephemeral page. The greatest knife, filled with all the sorrow, all the mindless pain, is my weapon. My words drip anger, drip hatred, drip self destructive endlessness.

I WILL END THIS BODY. I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT ASHES.

Stop me. I dare you. I have wrapped myself in flame. I seek my own destruction. And there is nothing you can do about it.

NOTHING.

Disregard
all that you read
deep breath
breath
breath
breath
breath
focus on the center.
Calm this rapid
tide.
Calm the self.
Calm.

Peace.
Endless
expanse.
Clouds.
War.
Blood disease rotten filth.
This war
that rages
destroys everything in its touch.

I can't breathe.
I can't see.
I am swallowed.
I wish to love.
I wish to know.
But it finds itself
outside of my grasp.
I can only speak
in broken cadence
for my thoughts are never complete in written form.
This will make no sense
no sense
sense.
There is to be none.

I have no sense.
There is no I.

Do not fear.
I am here.
I will beat it
back.
This nightmare
monster
that consumes me.
I will destroy it.

The center will yet hold.

[Sekot]

We rallied around the multicolored flag, the symbol of our shared ideology. We sang that we were born this way, danced in the aisles, clapped our hands. We cheered and cheered, our voices raised in great cacophony. The exultation, the sheer joy and excitement, was tangible. It hung around you in the air, clung to you, entered you.

The words of the song, the legitimacy, the sheer empowerment it allowed us to obtain. From this place I see an infinite individuality and yet whole community. No same gender performance, all queer in some way.

Moving in great lines, hands in the air. So many smiles, so many fun filled eyes. This feeling so often denied, the air of comfortability so very wanted. You cannot deny us this, you cannot say that we cannot be.

I cannot sit in my chair, I am too ecstatic. I must rise to my feet, clap my hands, and smile along with the rest. Here we find validity, we find knowability, we exist in this space.

From all corners of the country we flocked. Some came from places unwelcome, and in two days time will return. But here, now, that does not matter. There is not a safer place in the world.

Cheer, raise your hands, give in to the primal energy that just exudes. Impossible to describe, this powerful abstract force. We have the power to move mountains, to move oceans. We have the power in our estrangement, the ability to achieve.