Cabawaba
Scribe
I'm like a bird, I wanna fly away...
Posts: 100
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Post by Cabawaba on Nov 2, 2009 21:10:46 GMT -5
LAWL!
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 3, 2009 11:34:20 GMT -5
So glad that got a laugh! I was chuckling as I was writing it  |
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Post by Kaez on Nov 3, 2009 12:12:53 GMT -5
Though it doesn't hold up with Earthly laws of physics that liquid would fall any faster and, of course, the creatures of your world would have to be essentially pure bulks of muscle to handle that...
... I'll chalk it up to, "It's fantasy," and enjoy the idea of slowly falling cows for what it's worth :]
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 3, 2009 12:22:12 GMT -5
Pretty much "It's fantasy" rules here Besides - wouldn't liquid fall quicker than solid? Or am I wrong there? The cows won't splat at the bottom. They'll land pretty undamaged. There is a very funny reason and very clever reason for the different physics, weird weather changes and the moon landing on the World. The reader doesn't find out what it is until the end. |
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Post by Kaez on Nov 3, 2009 12:35:54 GMT -5
Pretty much "It's fantasy" rules here Besides - wouldn't liquid fall quicker than solid? Or am I wrong there? The cows won't splat at the bottom. They'll land pretty undamaged. There is a very funny reason and very clever reason for the different physics, weird weather changes and the moon landing on the World. The reader doesn't find out what it is until the end. Liquid doesn't naturally fall faster than a solid, no, but it all comes down to the resistance and drag -- which would have the liquid fall faster, only because the liquid is much smaller than the cow. |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 3, 2009 12:43:39 GMT -5
Ah! Phew So the shit landing before the cows is plausible. Good. I didn't want to change that because the image of shit falling from the sky in my mind is hilarious |
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Post by Kaez on Nov 3, 2009 12:44:13 GMT -5
Oh, yeah, it would. Just not because it's liquid.
Lulz = intact.
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 3, 2009 12:51:48 GMT -5
Edited (damned inner-editor) Figured I'd fix it now before I forget later |
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Post by WJChesek ((Evern)) on Nov 3, 2009 13:53:46 GMT -5
Pretty much "It's fantasy" rules here Besides - wouldn't liquid fall quicker than solid? Or am I wrong there? The cows won't splat at the bottom. They'll land pretty undamaged. There is a very funny reason and very clever reason for the different physics, weird weather changes and the moon landing on the World. The reader doesn't find out what it is until the end.  |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 3, 2009 14:11:27 GMT -5
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 8, 2009 19:48:52 GMT -5
Chapter 4: The inn at the major city.
~~~
He bounced down the stairs to the bar, which was almost directly below the room he had paid for. It was loud, for a morning. People were chatting noisily over cups of brown steaming liquid, made by steeping some rotten leaves as far as he could tell. They munched on small sandwiches, cooked breakfasts and flaky looking pastries covered in white powder.
Everything seemed so – fake. The smiles, the chat, the way people acted. That was the way of the city. It was the “done” thing or else you'd stick out like a sore thumb, which was pretty much what Joneigh was doing now. He sauntered up to the bar, his hands in his pockets trying to act along with that way of life, and failing miserably. Several people had turned to stare, altogether impolitely.
“Excuse me, Sir. Please can I have a glass of water and a sandwich with, ummm, cold pork and lettuce, please?” He leaned forwards resting his elbow on the bar, and placing one foot on to the foot-rail. He had tried to sound suave, saying please twice to sound gentlemanly but the barkeeper didn't really pay attention to this. He saw all sorts in here every day, this scruffy looking man with awkward stance was not the worst of it.
“Certainly, that shall be one silver piece, Sir.” He waited, his hand stretched out. Joniegh flicked the silver coin into his hand with a cheesy smile. The smile was intended to be dashing but failed on account of his broad mouth and yellow teeth.
“Thank you. It will be just two minutes.” The barkeep ducked away, placing the coin in a metal box at the back of the bar.
Joneigh took up a chair next to the bar. There weren't many chairs available the place was so packed. The only other spare ones were on a table already occupied by women who held their noses rather too high in the air for his tastes. He could just imagine what the conversation would be like. Fancy a crumpet? Oh, no ta, I'm watching my figure. Funny weather we've been having. I'll say, the back has been feeling it down on the farm. You own a farm? Yes ma'am, cows, chickens, and crops mostly. That's revolting. Don't tell me you actually touch the cows’ teets to get milk out? ... Yeah, it just wasn't something he wished to sample this time around.
The sandwich arrived quicker than expected bringing Joneigh back from his daydream about the dreadful conversation with ladies who held their noses too high. He nodded to the waiter, who was already turned away and heading back to the kitchens. It looked good. Large slices of pork, covered in apple sauce, crisp lettuce, tomatoes, white hearty bread with oats on the crust, and a sprig of mint for a garnish. He sank his teeth into heaven, tasting the sweet tomatoes and juicy pork, forgetting to close his mouth as he chewed, making humming sounds to show his appreciation. The people staring went from being plainly disgusted to being outright offended but they stayed and watched, pretending to be occupied in conversation.
Joneigh made little work of the sandwich, polishing it off and even licking his fingers, then gulped down half the glass of water. He sat for a while waiting for the barkeep to come back. It was the way things worked. Barkeep charms you, you order, you eat or drink (or eat and drink) then the barkeep comes back and the whole process repeats again. It's a bit like a snake charmer, he starts the tune and gets you going, you continue wiggling for a while, when you seem to be getting ready to leave he keeps you there with more food.
“Anything else, Sir?” He chimed in like an expert at this game, but Joneigh wasn't fooled.
“No, ta, but could you tell me where Mr. Ian Woon's shop is, please?” He grinned.
The barkeep leaned a little back and away from the grin. “Yes. It's two lanes down and a turn to the left.”
“Thank you,” Joneigh dropped off a small tip, one copper coin and marched out of the door. The barkeep pocketed the tip and went back to shining glasses, waiting to charm the next customer in to staying and buying more than they should.
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Post by Kaez on Nov 8, 2009 20:00:33 GMT -5
I'd only bring up two issues:
1) The dialogue seems -awfully- formal. That's generally a sign of an author not being very good with dialogue. Normally I would attribute that to the fact that the place is really high-class and people would speak that way, but I have no basis of comparison -- this is but an excerpt. So I'm -hoping- that's the case.
2) Similar to the first, this could be chalked up to the fact that it's such a high-end place, but drinking -glasses- weren't very common in medieval times by any means, something only royalty would have had, and so seeing those in fantasy is often a bit out-of-place. But like I said, this could all just tie back to the place he's at.
Otherwise, good as per usual :]
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 8, 2009 20:04:01 GMT -5
This was Joneigh attempting to be formal because it was full of snobs  The dialogue is a lot smoother when he is relaxed The glass thing is a good point ... might change that to mug. Managed to leave glass out so far should keep it consistent. Thankies Loved writing the bit about the snake charmer being compared to the barkeeper. Gave me a few giggles. |
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Post by Jenny (Reffy) on Nov 11, 2009 15:24:34 GMT -5
Just after the chapter with the Dwarfs. They're sat at the bottom of the mountain tired after climbing down trying to decide on their next move.
~~~
“Dragons,” He paused letting the silence sink into his soul. “I don't even know if they exist. Nobody has explored that Island and come back alive.” He glanced over his shoulder to the East, from where he was sat he could just see the peaks of the twin mountains that rested on the small Island. “We could hire a small boat and make a crossing at Lufell, which is only another half a day away. It's only a quick row across the sea.”
Terina sat up a little. “Sounds like a good plan to me but what about tonight?”
“Guess this place is as good as any. Gather up some wood and huddle together, for just one night.” He smiled playfully, getting up to pick up some dry sticks. Terina stayed sat down, too tired to get up and still not sure about staying outside for the night.
“Think we'll find any Dragons?” She mused staring at the stars.
“Dunno.” Joneigh paused looking over at her.
He stared for a moment just taking in how beautiful she looked, even though she looked scruffy, tired and sweaty, there was a certain thing about her. Something that he could not understand. It was like magnets that pulled each other but whenever he wanted to talk to her about it the polarities changed. He even liked the way she frowned and pulled an ugly face. He pulled himself back from the stare, realizing it was rude to do so.
*
“Here we go,” he returned back to Terina with an arm full of wood. A silly smile graced his face, one of a boy up to no good and enjoying life. He hunkered down opposite Terina and started rubbing sticks together.
Terina giggled. “Does that really work?” She pointed towards the sticks which were hardly smoking let alone showing any signs of fire.
“Worked. The. Other. Night.” Joneigh panted as her furiously continued rubbing the sticks, his hands and face turning red from the effort.
“You sure?” She jibbed at him, her face gaining a silly smile too.
“Yes, doesn't help that this wood is damp though,” He threw down the sticks for a moment, holding his hands closed at the stinging hurt from the friction.
“Here. Let me try,” Terina leaned forwards and picked up the sticks and started rubbing them together over the dry grass Joneigh had placed down. After a good few minutes she also gave up frustrated throwing the sticks down.Both giggled at the failed attempts not sure how to continue.
“Guess this means no fire tonight,” Joneigh said eventually, shrugging and moving closer to Terina.
“I could use some magic?” Terina offered.
“But what about your marbles?” Joneigh showed a little worry.
“Think warmth is more important than one small marble,” Terina smiled, leaning forwards and whispered to the wood. “Amun shartah!” Slowly a small flame appeared on the edge of the rubbing stick. It gradually grew into a nice sized flame as Terina moved more sticks and dried grass on top of it to give it more food.
“That is pretty impressive,” Joneigh commented passing more twigs to Terina to build up the fire. “Much easier than rubbing sticks together.”
Terina paused and glanced over to Joneigh playfully, “I still don't believe rubbing sticks works,” then stuck out her tongue.
Once the fire was stable and kicking out enough heat and light Terina moved next to Joneigh to share the warmth. They sat and watched the sun completely disappear over the horizon and watched the stars become brighter, no longer talking, just observing. Terina considered pointing out the constellations Bellony had taught her but that would only shatter the comfortable silence the were in. *Eventually they drifted off to sleep.
(Between the *'s is where I just had one paragraph before - for those interested)
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Post by Kaez on Nov 11, 2009 22:44:57 GMT -5
That excerpt right there was a pure, classical fantasy environment. I like the variety. You've got some of the very tried-and-true fantasy settings with some less familiar ones (see: slowly falling cows).
/approval
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The dialogue is a lot smoother when he is relaxed 