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Post by WJChesek ((Evern)) on Jul 17, 2009 21:29:49 GMT -5
Actually... hot air balloon bladders don't "explode". The engineering is basically to have the air within it be less dense than the surrounding atmosphere. Blimps, however, are large bladders filled with helium, which has a much smaller density than that of the surrounding air. However, it is basically the same temperature. Helium, unlike hot air, is flammable and would create an explosion should it catch fire. Boom. Hydrogen gas, not He. And I'm pretty sure that lightning striking anything can be considered an explosion. |
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Post by WJChesek ((Evern)) on Sept 10, 2009 17:22:44 GMT -5
I'm putting this book on hold, seeing as how it's most likely going to boil down to a trilogy, and I feel that that would be hard to sell to a publisher and what not. So... Keep an eye out for the first parts of another book that might, might not, use the same universe.
<Shrugs>
Anywho...
<Sticks hands in pockets and wanders out>
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Post by James on Oct 3, 2009 4:04:35 GMT -5
((
Firstly Evern I want to say that the quality of the writing is very high indeed. Especially the start, it felt like something right out of a proper book.
But...
Oh yes, there's a but.
After that early conversation everything started feeling a bit fragmented to me. Maybe it's because I'm reading this late, and if I have time I'll run a set of fresh eyes across it, but I was kinda left with a "Wait...what?" feeling. It might be because I felt at least, that it moved a bit quickly.
Other than that, good stuff.
))
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Post by Meleta/Isoldaa on Oct 3, 2009 11:20:59 GMT -5
Mmmm... I'm not really sure how fair it is for me to review this all over again, since I actually read these and a few chapters afterward... and did some edits... >< But anyhoooo... Given the chance to do it all over again, I'd definitely re-slash some of those commas, throw in a couple periods, and cut up not a few run-on sentences. That, and beyond dialogue, I would take out any contractions in the body of the writing itself. Formal writing and contractions no-mix, unless the characters involved are speaking. (Yup, said it again, Kaez - we'll have to agree to disagree on that.  ) The characters are fine, though some of their actions leave me puzzled. That Blink - who apparently assumes some type of relationship with the Captain - would wait so long before confronting him seems a bit farfetched. These are pirates of a sort, and she doesn't exactly seem the "wilting flower" type, even if she is enamored with him. Some of the wording seemed a bit stilted too, as when Cale first refers to Chewen as "... old one..." Also, though I know there is a good reason to use "accents" in writing, some of them became a bit more confusing to follow, than entertaining (ie. Blink's accent change, from on deck to talking with the Captain in his office/quarters; and Chewen's accent "thickening" artificially during combat.) And this will probably seem a bit short compared to the other reviews, but hey - I actually did go through all 26 double-spaced pages or so you sent me a couple months ago, and gave a good deal of feed back then, as I recall. |
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